My husband doesn't want a baby

[Vesta]

My husband has always known of my desire for a family. Even from early on in our relationship. He always said he wanted children too.

Well we've been together for almost 7 years now, and for the last 12 months have felt that I was at stage of my life where I was ready to start my family. I discussed this with my husband and he said he wanted to wait until December (09), as he didn't feel quite ready but would by then.

"You're sure?" I asked. "You're not just naming a date to shut me up?"
"No!" was the reply. "I want to start trying for a baby in December this year."

I came off the pill in April, and my husband was fine with this. And we're been using a combination of withdrawal and condoms sinse then.

Well I turned to my husband on Friday and mentioned trying to concieve in December. He now claims that the entire conversation about agreeing a date never happened. WTF?

He now says he wants to wait until he has a new job. He's not unemployed. He just wants a new job. I think it's another excuse. I'm beginning to think he doesn't want children at all.

If it came down to a choice between him and having a baby. He wouldn't win. I don't want to tell him this because I don't want to push him into agreeing to have a baby he doesn't want.

I don't know what to do.

 

[fairygirl]

Silly man, he knew you were coming off the pill in April and knows why you've been choosing those other methods of contraception. Will he agree to ntnp? That way you can make sure you bd at the rightish times and he can still carry on under no pressure?

 

[Naya69]

i would sit down and tell him how you feel. at the moment he is being so selfish when it comes to your feelings and what you want. i dont see how waiting for him to get another job will interfer with your plans on starting a family and i think the fact you've been together for 7 years is a perfect time to start

good luck hunnie xx

 

[plutosblue]

I would sit down and tell him everything you just told us (just not the last part) just be open with him and explain everything, why don't you try just going along the route of ntnp (some men just feel more comfortable going along the if it just happens it happens route). If my OH had said anything like that I'm afraid I would have blown my lid lol. You can't force him, but certaintly you can say how you feel, he can't keep putting it off forever.

 

[happynbubbly]

I agree with what everyone has said so far. I've come across someone who pushed her husband into having a baby. It doesn't sound like that is what you want to do, but I know of what happens. It was a friend of my mother's friend. I was babysitting for my mother's friend's children, and she recommended me to a friend of hers. She was all about the baby, but she even told me the husband didn't want the baby. She said she pushed him into it because when they had first got married they had both said they wanted children, but when she asked him again when she really did want to ttc, he said he didn't anymore. I only met him a few times, but he didn't seem very excited to hold his baby when he came home from work. Perhaps all men are different, but that is a tough situation. I hope the best for you.

 

[parkgirl]

You really need to sit down with him and let him know how you feel...in a calm way. Let him know that having children is very important to you. Also, ask him how he really feels about it. If he says he needs to wait, ask him why. Why does he feel a new job would be better and so on.

It's possible he is scared to have children. He may fear that he will not be able to provide or be a good dad. Talking these things out can sometime help.

 

[goddess25]

I agree you need to be open and honest with your husband, and I am sure he will be fine.
You should probably have a frank discussion soon, it will all get harder if you keep it inside.

 

[embojet]

I agree. You need to tell him how you fell or this could go on forever

 

[Vesta]

Thanks guys.

I've tried talking to him but it's like getting blood from a stone. All I get is "dunno." It's so fustrating.

 

[happynbubbly]

Do you have anyone close to you who's kids you could "borrow" even for a few hours? Right now might not be a good time, but it might be a good way to see if he likes being around children.