My little rant.....

[Samantha675]

I am having such a hard time right now. I just don't know what to do. Bren is not a good sleeper. he will sleep for a few hours and then start thrashing around in and wake himself up. It is so frustrating. I have tried to swaddle him, and that pisses him off and he still wakes up fighting the swaddle. I have tried just holding him in his sleep, and that works for a bit, but he still keeps thrashing. It is like he is fighting something, and I just can't figure it out and I don't know what to do. I wonder if it is the reflux, but we have him on medicine and he sleeps on an incline. I really wonder if something is wrong. Is this normal baby behavior while sleeping?

He is just a demanding baby. I have been attachment parenting my ass off. When he cries, I always respond as quickly as I can. I feed on demand. I let him comfort suck. I rock I bounce I swing...I do everything I can think of to comfort my child. Last night after he woke up, I nursed him back to sleep, twice and the third time he woke, I laid there shhhhing and patting and talking to him, trying to calm and settle him. Well he cried and cried and cried. It took over an hour to calm him after that, so the whole crying it out method, so won't work for me. He only escalates his crying. Laying him down when he is still wake but sleepy won't work because he immediatly starts crying.

My mother is blaming me for his behavior, saying that is what I get for holding him all the time and catering to him. Well fuck, he is still little. She just don't get it as evidently I was the perfect easy baby who slept all night from 10 days old, she could lay me down with a few toys and I was happy. Well my son is just not like that. He likes to be held and entertained and gets bored and frustrated easily. Is it because he is a boy?

I just don't know right now. I feel like there is no right way to parent, but there are a million wrong ways. I feel like I must be doing something wrong here. I do all I can to make sure I have a happy baby and he still cries. I know I am not the only one going throught this. I know he could be a much worse baby. I am just tired.

I now dread any car journey as he HATES the car and just cries and cries in it. I have bought a car seat cover to make it softer and more comfy. I bought a mirror that has lights and plays music to entertain him. I bought a toy bar to play with. I bought a little roller blind for the window to help keep the sun off him. I have talked to him, I have ignored him. I have played every type of music from rock to rap to classical, I have even played an off station for the white noise. I have sang to him, made animal noises. Nothing works once he starts crying. Surely he will outgrow this. I told my Dh and my parents we won't be visiting them anytime soon as they live a 4 hour car journey from us,and I just can't take being in the car with him that long.


If you have made it this far through my ramblings, bless you!

 

[princess_bump]

Oh Samantha, firstly poor you what your going through must be so tough. certainly don't blame yourself, your a WONDERFUL caring mum who obviously loves her child so much. it can be so difficult at times, i always wonder if i'm doing my best by maddi, and i agree, when she cries, i go to her, i'm sure people disagree but i can't let her cry, saying that, if she has to cry for a minute or two and i no she's ok then i do. anyway i rambling now i so hope it get's better for you, especially at night, maddi thrashes her arms around ALL the time, my granddad always says she having a fight i think its what babies do.
from reading your thread the only thing i could think was have you thought about baby sleeping bags at night to help?
so pathetic advice i no i just wanted to say hope it gets better soon

 

[Nat]

Gabe has reflux too and never sleeps for more than 3 hours at a time. I'm told by other mums of reflux babies that it's very common for them to sleep like this. It's so hard and I can really sympathise.

I don't lay him down until he is asleep as he gets upset and vomits. I pick him up when he cries as otherwise he vomits. We've also taken to putting him in bed with us after 4am as that's the only place he'll sleep by that time.

It's certainly not your fault that he needs comforting. Reflux causes pain/discomfort and any baby in pain wants comforting. You do want you need to to get past this and shouldn't be criticised for it.

I just bear in mind that it is not forever and it will eventually get better. Apparently 4 months is when reflux is at its peak, so hopefully it will get better for you soon.

 

[KarenLV]

Your not alone.Skyler is also a high need baby and I also follow attachment parenting,so I'm totally exhausted.
Let's hope it pays of in the long run.My mom did say that she thinks boys are harder to raise than girls but I dont know....

 

[missjess]

Hun, I'm sorry I'm sure Bren will grow out of this. It is not your fault, babies need to be held most of the time and need lots and lots of attention to get attached to you and bong with you.

Maybe you can try a bit of lavender on his blankets/clothes ? It really works to sooth Josh when we go in the car. It makes him all relax and he falls asleep in no time.

I really hope he sleeps better soon. It can be so tiring! xxxxxxxx Hang in there xx

 

[clairebear]

hun not sure what to suggest but its not ur fault at all x x

 

[Mamafy]

have you tried tilting the mattress? It helps with reflux or you can get a sleeping wedge, it makes them abit more comfy like this

https://cgi.ebay.com/NEW-Safe-Lift-...265551353QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item170265551353

and theres this Samantha, expensive but may do the trick

https://cgi.ebay.com/Acid-Reflux-Me...092534409QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item370092534409

 

[luckyme225]

I'm sorry your having a hard time hun Lately Connor doesn't go more then 2 hours of sleep, so I know somewhat how you feel. I get really tired and can't wait for the weekend so my husband can help with night time. Connor gets bored VERY easily too. Luckily he is just starting to crawl so that has helped keep him entertained for longer periods of time. Glad I'm not the only one with this problem but I'm sorry you are going through this

 

[taughtandlost]

Don't have any advice but again, just hang in there. Jake was a little ******* for the first few months but he's gradually becoming happier the more he can move around on his own. Maybe that will help and Bren should be getting more mobile soon too. Sometimes babies are just little shits and no-one talks about it cos for some reason it's taboo but it will eventually get easier and don't feel bad for spending so much time comforting him. YOU know the difference between smothering him and having no choice but to do it. PS. Sometimes screaming into a pillow really helps!

 

[coz]

hiya, my baby has reflux and is up every hour but he has colic too which i think is a big problem in his bad sleeping as he has alot of trapped wind, i know how hard it is at 4 months charlie was at his worst i would cry all the time with him as nothing would stop he seemed in so much pain, my doctor has given him gaviscon to take now and hes alot better i think 4 months is when reflux is usually is at its worst, i also have to raise charlies cot matress and keep him upright alot. Do you have medication for him ? all i can say is it will get better just think it cant get any worse , Charlies 5 months now and is getting better slowly . Hope he gets better soon xx xx

oh and i also dont leave charlie to cry i just cant do it i feel worse if i try and i dont think theres anything wrong with comforting them all the time xx

 

[Serene123]

Firstly, ! I won't patronise you and say I know how you feel but that sounds just dreadful. I am going to make a suggestion, not on the basis that I think you haven't tried everything, but my sister-in-laws brothers baby was a nightmare in the carseat so they started sitting her in there for no reasons, sometimes even infront of the television. Once she got used to it, it became easier to take her out. I don't know if it'll work, or if you've tried it, just a suggestion. Mothers seem to remember nothing from when we were babies. Or when we were born babies were so bloody easy and perfect! That's just not the case. They can be very frustrating when we're tired. I really hope you find some salvation soon. again Sam! xx

 

[Samantha675]

Mamafy, I do have a wedge for him, but it is a real pain to be honest. It is the kind where you strap the baby in and it uses velcro. That would not be a problem if he slept all night, but he is up several times, and the sound of ripping velcro is not exactly pleasant at 2 am. So we have just ordered the Amby baby nest:

https://shop.babyworld.co.uk/images/xt_pics/wht-blue-rcweb.jpg

Hopefully it will help.

He is on medicine, and it has helped, but I sometimes wonder if it is helping enough. This has become worse has he approached 4 months, so fingers crossed it will now start getting better as he gets closer and closer to 6 months.

Toria, it is not the seat he hates. I can sit him in it at home, and he is just fine. He will play with the toy bar and chat away. But put him in the car, and I swear it is like he is being totally tortured. That is the kicker. I am starting to think maybe he hates riding backwards as all infant below the age of 1 have to ride that way. I have even bought a 2nd carseat, and tried that. I am now considering a 3rd one. :doh:

Thank you all for your thoughts. I really appreciate it, and am so thankful you all understand!

 

[Margerle]

Oh HUGS to you Samantha! You are an AWESOME mommy! Don't let your mom guilt you into not caring for your baby the way you want to. I know it's tough and exhaustion only makes it worse, but hang in there... every day, every month gets closer to a good night's sleep

I agree with the others, it sounds like Bren's sleep pattern is typical of reflux babies. And their tummies and digestive systems are still so new that every little bubble and strain feels so weird to them. I soak Ms. Sharlotte in a warm bath when she's cranky, then have long baby massage. I'm very lucky that doing this every night helps her go down like a log.

You didn't mention any white noise. I'm sure you play it for him, but could his waking be due to some noises he hears? Would LOUD white noise help him sleep better? I have to do this with mine, as my husband snores quite loud and would wake her all the time unless there was a constant hum in the background lol.

I can totally relate to the carseat thing. It's driving me bonkers. I was making 400 mile driving trips with my first child when she was barely 4 months old. She LOVED the car. This baby hates the car seat and will wail and wail and wail unless someone is in the backseat with her.

Having had 2 very different children, I want to tell you a couple things I've realized.

1. They'll grow out of it... eventually. Bren will not need you to hold him all the time forever. He'll learn to self soothe and he'll get curious about the world around him. You're his mama and he'll always need your hugs and kisses to remind him thing will be ok.

2. Every kid is different. You can parent 2 kids exactly the same way with very different results. I attachment parent all my children and I have very different results with both kids. I think it has more to do with the kids, than my parenting style Some kids are inherently more independent, or more chilled out or whatever. Don't let anyone guilt you for parenting how you and your husband have chosen.

3. Just when you think you have the situation solved, things will change. So keep all your options and keep trying everything. A child's body, mind and emotions are changing all the time. What works today might not work tomorrow and vice versa. Eventually you'll be able to anticipate desires and wants, and/or Bren will be able to communicate desires and needs; then things will get much better.

Hang in there mama!

 

[Samantha675]

Thanks Margerle. Yes we do use sound. I have a sound machine by the bed and we use the rain. I have a new one that I downloaded onto my ipod that is a mix of rain, ocean and white noise, so we are giving that a try today. Seems to be doing well so far, his naps have been longer then the last few days.

I do have to say that when my mother made that comment, she also stopped herself and said 'nope he is your baby, parent how you want to'.

 

[bev309]

I feel the same way sometimes, like I am doing it all wrong - I always have to rock Jack to sleep both for naps & bedtime & he fights kicks & wriggles until he goes off then when he naps it is for 45mins MAX. I have tried the crying it out method for about 30 mins going in every 5 mins, but he gets himself so upset I will not continue. When he goes to bed he wakes at least 3 times as soon as I put him down, then will sometimes wake approx 30 - 40 mins later, & I have to rock him back to sleep before I can leave him & even then he is very restless all night & the slightest noise will wake him - his white noise doesn't work anymore. I have a sling to put him in if I need to et things done & he is being fussy, or if he won't sleep properly - he has slept for 2 1/2 hrs in it before now! He was sleeping through, but has taken to waking for food again. He will play by himself, but not for very long as he gets bored & frustrated, he also rolls himself onto his tummy from his back, stays there for about 2 mins then screams as he doesn't like it
He does love going in the car so I am lucky there! I don't like to moan about him as I love him to bits, so all I can say is that it can only get better!!!

 

[Samantha675]

haha, Bev, Bren does the same thing. He rolls over on his tummy and then gets pissed at being there and fusses. Silly babys.

It can only get better is my new mantra!

 

[princess_bump]

glad your feeling more positive sam and you have things to try, i never even thought of reflux but maddi's never had so like toria i can't begin to imagine how hard its been for you and all other mummys and babies with reflux
with regards to white noise, i think its the same - maddi's really like the noise of the hoover and hair dryer! it always calms her down!