My LO's separation anxiety/clingyness gives me anxiety

[socitycourty]

So my LO and I have had our share of problems since her birth, if you've read any of my previous posts.

I am a SAHM and we are together pretty much 24/7. Since she was about 4 months old I had a really bad resurgence of my panic attacks/OCD and anxiety/depression.

She has always been clingy but it worse now (typical timing) when I set her down or something she just cries, or crawls after me and cries, or stands on the gate and cries.

I feel very overwhelmed by it sometimes. Like I can't even go to the bathroom sometimes without the crying. Or take a shower without the crying. Sometimes I have to let her cry so I can accomplish something quickly.....like for instance I shower in 5 minutes now. I rarely eat because I just am holding her all the time, feeding her, settling her.

Sometimes I feel anxiety coming on when I can't just set her down for a minute without the crying.

Am I a bad mom? I feel terrible. But very overwhelmed.

 

[korndogger123]

Oh my, you poor thing!

As long as she is fed, changed, burped, then letting her be "unsettled" while you get yourself together isn't a problem. Evebtually she will learn "mommy is coming back", and not do it as much anymore. You have to take care of yourself! As long as she isn't in danger, give her a distraction toy, and go use the bathroom, or cook yourself a snack. If OH is in the picture have him take LO while you shower. ( thats how I have to do or I dont shower.
Most of all ASK FOR HELP! I had to learn asking for help isnt a bad thing.

 

[veganmama]

OH MY GOD NO. you are a great mom. actually super mom, for even dealing with this.

i know how you feel. 5 minute showers....barley eating (well, actually this is not true i eat as fast as i can and stuff my face when he's napping LOL) i actually hold my LO on my lap while i go to the bathroom... yes even for number 2 hahaha

but yeah, i know how you feel hun i have anxiety all day long...will he be good at baby group....can i shower today without screaming....is he going to scream on the bus.... etc

 

[socitycourty]

i still have to hold her/rock her for all of her sleeps, hold her all night....i have held her while going to the bathroom too.
i need to try and eat more because i have zero energy. it's so hard

 

[korndogger123]

i still have to hold her/rock her for all of her sleeps, hold her all night....i have held her while going to the bathroom too.
i need to try and eat more because i have zero energy. it's so hard

I used to not be able to eat, but I decided one day, as long as she is fed, changed, burped, and safe I am going to go in there and at least grab a yogurt, or a handful of pretzels she will just have to whine until I get back. Then the next time I would say I'm gonna make a sandwhich, shes just gonna have to wait until I get back. Then the next time I would say I am gonna put a microwave dinner in the microwave she will be fine until I get back. Slowly I started doing more (As long as she was tended to fully first.) The crying would kill me but what good am I to her if I am tired, with low blood sugar because I haven't fed myself?

I know it is super hard, I used to wait for OH to come home so I could pee and eat. He was the one that had to tell me, as long as you know she doesn't need anything just go do what you need to do because you're going to drive yourself into the ground and then you will be in the hospital somewhere not able to take care of her.

 

[Phantom]

If you ever need to vent, I'm here. I completely understand. My son is 17 months now but he is still very much my "clingy baby". I also have anxiety/depression and it's hard. My son insists on holding my hand while he falls asleep. This can take up to an hour, and then again when he wakes up at night. I feel guilty because as his mom I should love to hold his hand, but after 5 minutes I start to panic like I need my space. But I can't let go or he cries. He is super clingy. It is quite difficult.

 

[socitycourty]

i feel bad too but i get that trapped feeling too which i know is from anxiety

it's really hard

 

[babyjan]

OH MY GOD NO. you are a great mom. actually super mom, for even dealing with this.

i know how you feel. 5 minute showers....barley eating (well, actually this is not true i eat as fast as i can and stuff my face when he's napping LOL) i actually hold my LO on my lap while i go to the bathroom... yes even for number 2 hahaha

but yeah, i know how you feel hun i have anxiety all day long...will he be good at baby group....can i shower today without screaming....is he going to scream on the bus.... etc

How an earth do you do that? lol, he comes to the toilet with me and just stands there ahaha.

I know how you feel, sometimes I don't even bother with going out on my own fearing he might either cry, moan or kick up a fuss when we're out ( his done this plenty of times especially on the bus) I can't leave him with anyone his not use to like my family even to go toilet or grab a drink I have to carry him with me, his extremely clingy but fine when we go playgroups. I'm a sahm and been with him 24/7
aswell, I hope things get easier for us all x

 

[dinidani]

i suffer from extreme seperation anxioty i will not leave my son but now i cant leave him even if i try as he picked up on this now he cries when i walk out the room put him down or even leve him with my partner ds dad but nowing his routine i get things done when he is sleeping but now pregnant again he is making life slightly harder with morning sickness not getting time to eat bad back from carrying him all day xx

 

[veganmama]

OH MY GOD NO. you are a great mom. actually super mom, for even dealing with this.

i know how you feel. 5 minute showers....barley eating (well, actually this is not true i eat as fast as i can and stuff my face when he's napping LOL) i actually hold my LO on my lap while i go to the bathroom... yes even for number 2 hahaha

but yeah, i know how you feel hun i have anxiety all day long...will he be good at baby group....can i shower today without screaming....is he going to scream on the bus.... etc

How an earth do you do that? lol, he comes to the toilet with me and just stands there ahaha.

I know how you feel, sometimes I don't even bother with going out on my own fearing he might either cry, moan or kick up a fuss when we're out ( his done this plenty of times especially on the bus) I can't leave him with anyone his not use to like my family even to go toilet or grab a drink I have to carry him with me, his extremely clingy but fine when we go playgroups. I'm a sahm and been with him 24/7
aswell, I hope things get easier for us all x

hahahah well i go really fast and i usually let him play with the toilet paper xD

 

[Casey3]

I don't have anxiety problems (well I know the anxious feeling when you're in public and LO isn't happy...) so I'm not sure if this is bad advice, sorry in advance if it is but have you tried wearing her so you can get things done? My guy has days he just wants to be held and I want to get stuff done so ill just toss him on my back and go about cooking/cleaning/eating etc. Its def helped through a lot of clingy phases recently!

I bring LO to the bathroom too but he loves playing with the hairdryer while I pee

 

[lch28]

^ WSS. I wear Jonathan and its such a relief for us both sometimes!

 

[BintUmmi]

You are not alone in what you're dealing with and you're definitely not a bad mum for it!

 

[socitycourty]

i do wear her quite a bit. usually relaxes her but there are times when she kicks like a mule in the ergo.......i hold her for most naps and just don't get anything done but i'm so tired i don't care anymore

 

[CarliCareBear]

I have the same exact problem!! exactly, you described it well. having LO has really upped the anxiety. my teeth were killing me and i went in to find i have been grinding them from subconscious stress (i don't even realize it but i am REALLY anxious). I've also just recently been diagnosed with Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome which is very correlated with bad anxiety- it has been really hard and i totally feel you. anxiety effects EVERYTHING so much.

my only suggestion is possibly trying to do some yoga/stretching and breathing here and there. taking short breaks, whenever she catches a nap or whatever it is and just focusing on calming down has helped me. that and a low dose of ativan (but isn't suggested for bf i don't think).

you are a great mom, give yourself a hug and make sure to take care of you. i know how hard it is... being a mother is SO hard, but take it day by day, moment by moment and you'll be okay.

 

[socitycourty]

my dr gave me xanax since i'm no longer BF. i haven't taken it because i didn't know how it would affect me and i have LO all the time

 

[CarliCareBear]

i would try it while your husband is around to help just in case you are hit hard by it. and take it close to bed time. it builds up extremely quickly in your system so your tolerance will go up quickly- it has actually done amazing things for me! crazy how much subconscious anxiety can mess with you, i get so much more done and am much less stressed if i just take 1mg a day.

 

[socitycourty]

i do need some "help" I was just a little afraid of taking it. I know that most likely it will help me feel better but I always get nervous when taking things. Doesn't make sense as I type it out it sounds silly LOL but i've always been that way.

thanks ladies for all the replies

 

[CarliCareBear]

i do need some "help" I was just a little afraid of taking it. I know that most likely it will help me feel better but I always get nervous when taking things. Doesn't make sense as I type it out it sounds silly LOL but i've always been that way.

thanks ladies for all the replies

i think it makes a lot of sense. i don't know- caring for a child is such a massive responsibility! so yes, you have to be careful how and what you take because if it effects your judgement that would be bad. but if you set up a few guidelines i think it could do wonders.

do you get much help from your husband?

 

[greenbeans12]

NO, you are NOT a bad mom! Some babies are clingy and need more attention then others and all you can do is work through it the best you can. It's totally understandable you're breaking down from exhaustion, stress, and just simply being overwhelmed. The best you can do is take a day for yourself out of the week. Allow someone you trust very much (so you're anxiety is not so tweaked) and go out for an hour or so. Take baby steps with it so you don't overwhelm your little one and gradually build up the time you're out for. It gets better.