my mom is getting on my nerves every five seconds, emotional, and I want to move out!

[thecurlymama]

My mom and I have always been really close- best friend status. When I first found out I was pregnant and told her a day later she was really supportive but later ended up saying a lot of really hurtful things. Granted, I said terrible things back to her, but it seems that as of now (about three months later) we seem to be getting along just fine.
Until yesterday night and then again today.
She just seems like she's trying to be supportive but every once in a while slips in a rude comment somewhere or something like that, and we just don't seem as close as we used to be. I'm extremely emotional and while trying to order pizza for the family (that i offered to pay for), I wanted her to help me choose because I was trying to make a good choice. She wouldn't look with me and declined in a voice that just set me off. I said "Fine, I'll order pizza for myself." and she was like "Im in the kitchen cleaning, how about you get in here and do it since you don't pay rent!!" which is ridiculous because how the hell am I supposed to pay rent? If I was going to pay rent I wouldn't be living in my house- I'd be moved out by now. Even though it would be impossible for me to move out, anyway because I am only 16 and that's illegal.

My parents and family are great, don't get me wrong... but I seriously do not want to live here and have my baby with them. They're great with kids and I trust them more than anything in the world, it's just that I feel like if I'm going to be the best parent I can be, I shouldn't be having that parental "you're the kid i'm the adult" hanging over my head from my mother. I want to move out. I know it seems really stupid to say that as a pregnant sixteen year old, and that's why I usually don't say that out loud (not even to my friends) because I always hear "you're crazy! you couldn't take care of yourself." Now, that's wrong. I could take care of myself, it's just that I can't legally move out without my parent's consent.

I'm considering staying more nights over at my boyfriend's per week, but that doesn't necessarily make anything much better.

I miss how my mom and I used to be and how our fights didn't used to have to involve her telling me that I need to be "humble" because I "brought this upon myself and need to accept the responsibility." Those things do make sense for the most part, but I also feel like the longer her and I are under the same roof the worse it'll get!

I'm just feeling hopeless.

 

[ClairAye]

This happened to me and my mum too, up until my LO was about 2 months old. It's hard for her as well, as really her baby is having a baby, granted, I was already living away from home when I fell pregnant, and I don't think I would have wanted to live there whilst pregnant. Some times though I miss living at home, because moving out at 16 and then becoming a mum is the hardest thing, especially with money!

How old do you have to be in America? Do you get things like council/housing association houses?

 

[thecurlymama]

This happened to me and my mum too, up until my LO was about 2 months old. It's hard for her as well, as really her baby is having a baby, granted, I was already living away from home when I fell pregnant, and I don't think I would have wanted to live there whilst pregnant. Some times though I miss living at home, because moving out at 16 and then becoming a mum is the hardest thing, especially with money!

How old do you have to be in America? Do you get things like council/housing association houses?

I know it'd be really hard- being pregnant at this age is already pretty difficult. I just get worried sometimes about what it might be like living here with her (plus my dad, little brother, best firend, my aunt and her two year old all live in our house) when the baby is born. Also because my boyfriend lives across town and he'd have to travel pretty far just to come see his baby after a long day at work. I want him and I to move in together eventually, but he's worried about us being broke. Even though both of our families have always had financial issues, he's really stressed about me feeling like he doesn't take good enough care of me and our baby.

I think him and I could really make it on our own, especially with benefits like food stamps, WIC checks (checks we get from the health department here because I'm pregnant- pays for healthy food for mothers and young children) ...

On the other hand, I really do care about my mom and I don't want to hurt her feelings. I just feel like it might be really hard on her if I decided to leave the house. This all just is getting really stressful. I feel like I'm just doing what I feel is right for me and my baby and trying to figure out what's going to be best for my family, but everywhere I turn somebody's feeling betrayed. My mom, my best friend, my eight year old brother... they all feel like I won't have any time for them once I have the baby and that feels like so much pressure on me! I love them all so much and I don't want to disappoint them but what else can I do!?

Those housing options don't sound familiar to me. What is that?

 

[mayb_baby]

I think that's a Uk thing, the housing.
I moved out and had Michael at 18, it was really stressful and hard.
I wanted my mum more than ever, saying that when I was pregnant all I wanted was to move out. As my mum taunted at me for silly things 'you don't pay rent, do this, you live here free etc.' and just made me feel like a child not a soon to be mother.


I would hold off until you have had your LO and see how it is, I mean you two could start saving now for deposits, first months rent in advance, furniture etc.
Moving out is so expensive, I would start saving before hand in the UK when we moved out our initial payments were:
Deposit £400/ $626
Rent in advance £440/$689
(our place had no furniture)
Fridge:£150/$235
Bed/wardrobe/chest of drawers/mattress £850/$1331
Sofa: £1000/1566
TV: £350/$548
etc. curtains, poles, utensils . . . .

This was just starting us out, thankfully OH had savings.
I know you may not want for fancy things but you will need a lot of money for your first home, even if its rent or deposits. If you have the savings or the financial support I'd
say go for it, if not I would start saving before you jumped in as financial worries cause a huge strain on relationships.

 

[thecurlymama]

I think that's a Uk thing, the housing.
I moved out and had Michael at 18, it was really stressful and hard.
I wanted my mum more than ever, saying that when I was pregnant all I wanted was to move out. As my mum taunted at me for silly things 'you don't pay rent, do this, you live here free etc.' and just made me feel like a child not a soon to be mother.


I would hold off until you have had your LO and see how it is, I mean you two could start saving now for deposits, first months rent in advance, furniture etc.
Moving out is so expensive, I would start saving before hand in the UK when we moved out our initial payments were:
Deposit £400/ $626
Rent in advance £440/$689
(our place had no furniture)
Fridge:£150/$235
Bed/wardrobe/chest of drawers/mattress £850/$1331
Sofa: £1000/1566
TV: £350/$548
etc. curtains, poles, utensils . . . .

This was just starting us out, thankfully OH had savings.
I know you may not want for fancy things but you will need a lot of money for your first home, even if its rent or deposits. If you have the savings or the financial support I'd
say go for it, if not I would start saving before you jumped in as financial worries cause a huge strain on relationships.

I know, all of that has been daunting to me and my boyfriend and I have been talking seriously about it. I mean mattresses, chairs, furniture etc would all be taken care of considering his mom and my parents would initially be supportive and help us out with all that stuff (my dad collects and fixes stuff like that- plus craigslist has all sorts of free stuff around here). Although that kind of thing doesn't really stress me out too much- baby expenses and rent does. Our food would be okay because we get food stamps and everything like I said, but I know it would be hard.

I'm just feeling like I want to make a place of my own feel like my own. I love my house and my family but I just want something to feel like I'm making a home for my sweet little family.

 

[mayb_baby]

If you both want to and can see it working, being possible then I would talk to your parents about it and get the ball rolling. I 100% understand your need for your own space, I could never go back to living with my mum (I live next door) and I agree with all of your reasons for wanting to leave home.
I think if your support and finances work with your plan your more than mature enough to go ahead with it, I hope your mum and his family support your decision