My OH Lifted My Spirits Today :-)...Update page 3!!!

[sunkiss]

i have been so down lately missing my baby especially with the holidays and all..i was suppose to be very pregnant right now and was looking forward to my baby growing inside me. i was doing good but these past few weeks have been the worst. i try not to bother anyone with my sadness and go on business as usual, even around OH. behind close doors when i am alone, all i do is cry n think of my baby...i just wish this pain would go away, i'm sick of being down n feeling sorry for myself !! i love the holidays but i cant even bring myself to shop this yr, i dont want to celebrate at all!! i have to say my biggest fears are not being able to conceive again and never having a chance to be a mommy. i am 40 and my last pregnancy was my first...i didnt plan her n didnt know i could get preggo until it happened. i lost alot of weight n that must have been the issue for me, cause that was the first time ever in my 39 yrs to ever get pregnant. i just dont know at my age if i will have another chance, i am praying that God will bless me again !!

Well my OH must know how i am feeling cause today he told me, out of all the christmas gifts he will give me this yr, a baby will be the biggest and best one of all, i just started balling lol, i thought it was so sweet of him to say. it helped lift my spirits a bit and gave me hope for this cycle, i am having a good feeling. last cycle was my 1st one after my loss and it was all over the place. my AF was so light and lasted for 2-3 days then i had mid cycle brown spotting all the way from 2dpo til AF showed again. this time i am flowing the way i normally do and i am hoping my hormones are back to normal now. my doc said this is totally normal after a loss and it should be ok this cycle.

well ladies i just wanted to share my thoughts with u, i know so many of u are going through the same and can relate to my feelings, we just have to find ways to focus on the positive and keep ourselves uplifted, especially with the holidays coming

 

[mhazzab]

so sorry for your loss

I think there's a lot of us feeling the same way at the moment, missing our angels so much. I can't believe I have to suffer christmas without my girls...this year was supposed to be so special and it just makes me sad when I think about it right now.

what your OH said is so lovely, I can see why it lifted your heart, and I wish you all the luck in the world getting your special christmas present. keep us updated? maybe you could join us in the life after loss thread (if you haven't already), there are a few ladies TTC and we will be there for you, for the ups and the downs

xxx

 

[sunkiss]

thank u so much mhazzab and i am so sorry for ur lost too

i did see the thread but didnt take a look, thank u i will check it out now, and congrats on ur rainbow, it gives me some hope that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. can i ask u something? since u are now pregnant with ur rainbow, does it help to ease some of ur pain? i know no one could ever replace Olivia but i sure hope my rainbow can help ease some of the pain and empty feeling i have.

 

[Hellylou]

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think this pain will ever really go for any of us.

I see from your signature that we would have been due around the same time. I lost my little boy at 16 weeks on the 10th of September, just a few weeks before you, and to PPROM also. This Christmas is going to be a tough one - I would have been 31 weeks by then. I still can't quite believe this all happened.

I hope you get your Christmas rainbow. I am hoping to get mine in the New Year. I think we have to hold on to hope to get us through the dark days. Do come and join us in the Life after Loss thread. It's a great thread to chat about all sorts of stuff and share the up and down times. This place has become a huge support to me and I don't know what I would have done without it.

 

[sunkiss]

thank u so much hellylou and i am also so sorry for ur loss

wow we both lost our angels to pprom around the same time this pain is something i never in my life experienced...i still cry at her memorial i have set up for her everyday..i had her cremated. this site is such a huge support because we are all going through the same thing, such wonderful ppl here. did they ever give u a reason for the pprom. i had an autopsy done and still waiting for the results...hoping this will not be a problem for future pregnancies.

 

[blav]

I'm so sorry for the loss of little Olivia. Your OH sounds so sweet. I think that so many people forget to ask about the father and forget to make sure he is okay too.

I'm glad he is so thoughtful and helped make you feel better at this hard time of the year (the holidays!). Please join us in the life after loss forum...it is so very helpful!

 

[Hellylou]

They never found a cause for the pprom, it was just one of those things, apparently. I showed high infection indicators on the day, and had been running a temperature when the waters started leaking a week before the loss, so they think it was very likely there was infection somewhere but they never found it in the tests on the placenta. Whether the infection came first causing the rupture or vice versa is anyone's guess. Good news is that they say it is unlikely to happen again. Hope this is the case for you too.

 

[mhazzab]

thank u so much mhazzab and i am so sorry for ur lost too

i did see the thread but didnt take a look, thank u i will check it out now, and congrats on ur rainbow, it gives me some hope that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. can i ask u something? since u are now pregnant with ur rainbow, does it help to ease some of ur pain? i know no one could ever replace Olivia but i sure hope my rainbow can help ease some of the pain and empty feeling i have.

I was obsessed with getting pregnant again, I got my BFP two days after my due date, felt a little bit like a gift from my girls.

For me, it does help ease the pain, although, despite my claims I wouldn't get too attached to this one, I love him to bits, and I am worried what will happen if something bad happens again, I hope I could handle it. I'm still sad around pregnant ladies and babies...but this gives me some hope for my future again, and helps me deal with my sadness. I don't feel as empty and lonely as I did.

The further on the pregnancy gets, the more I see it as an actual baby, and in my mind that kind of causes some confusion, because I still wish I could have my girls back and am still sad for losing them. But I know I have to move forward.

Not sure this made any sense! I am still sad and miss my girls so much, but having a life growing inside of me, and having something to look forward to again does provide a good distraction.

hope this helps, looking forward to seeing you join the craziness in the other thread xxx

 

[sunkiss]

thank u so much blav, im so sorry for ur loss also

i will definitely be joining that group today!! its true we do forget the daddies and they feel pain also, im lucky to have someone who is understanding and empathetic to my feelings.

 

[sunkiss]

They never found a cause for the pprom, it was just one of those things, apparently. I showed high infection indicators on the day, and had been running a temperature when the waters started leaking a week before the loss, so they think it was very likely there was infection somewhere but they never found it in the tests on the placenta. Whether the infection came first causing the rupture or vice versa is anyone's guess. Good news is that they say it is unlikely to happen again. Hope this is the case for you too.

thank u hellylou...yes most ppl say the same, either was an infection or unexplained..i am hoping for the best next time also

 

[sunkiss]

thank u so much mhazzab and i am so sorry for ur lost too

i did see the thread but didnt take a look, thank u i will check it out now, and congrats on ur rainbow, it gives me some hope that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. can i ask u something? since u are now pregnant with ur rainbow, does it help to ease some of ur pain? i know no one could ever replace Olivia but i sure hope my rainbow can help ease some of the pain and empty feeling i have.

I was obsessed with getting pregnant again, I got my BFP two days after my due date, felt a little bit like a gift from my girls.

For me, it does help ease the pain, although, despite my claims I wouldn't get too attached to this one, I love him to bits, and I am worried what will happen if something bad happens again, I hope I could handle it. I'm still sad around pregnant ladies and babies...but this gives me some hope for my future again, and helps me deal with my sadness. I don't feel as empty and lonely as I did.

The further on the pregnancy gets, the more I see it as an actual baby, and in my mind that kind of causes some confusion, because I still wish I could have my girls back and am still sad for losing them. But I know I have to move forward.

Not sure this made any sense! I am still sad and miss my girls so much, but having a life growing inside of me, and having something to look forward to again does provide a good distraction.

hope this helps, looking forward to seeing you join the craziness in the other thread xxx

thank u mhazzab, it did help alot..i know i will have the same fears as well!! i am totally obsessed with getting preggo again, i think its so common to feel this way, u know u cant replace ur baby but yet u want to fill ur void n emptiness...i am keeping f'xd for u that this pregnancy will be a healthy n safe one

 

[OliveBay]

Hi sunkiss, so sorry for your loss

I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks, back in September. So much of what you said mirrors how I am feeling. I hope you'll be able to find some good support here to help you through the low times and hopefully some future happy times. What your OH said sounds lovely - and funnily enough me and my hubby are in a similar position, TTC again already. I'm worried that some of my friends might worry that it is too soon if we do get a BFP soon, but it definitely feels like the right thing for us right now. I suppose everyone has their own timescale for when they're ready to try again and no-one else can really understand that. Happy thoughts and fingers crossed for both of us!

 

[KamIAm]

Welcome Hon'

I am terribly sorry for your loss, what a beautiful name your lil one has I just wanted to say that you have one heck of a sweet OH ... The would be the perfect gift ...

Welcome to the ttc madness... I'm usually always hanging around and hope I can offer some support and definately some company during this wild rollercoaster ride called life ...

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry for your loss What a great husband you have We are all here for one another,, I love it here it is just so special. XOXOXOXO

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Sunkiss, I'm so sorry for the loss of little Olivia, I too lost my boys to pPROM, at just 20 wks. They never found a reason for me either, I didn't do autopsy, just placental histology and strepB was found, I also swabbed positive for it on admission. My waters were broken for 6 days before my body went into labour though so no way of knowing what came first and it is thought it was a twin complication, where my cervix may have dilated a little bit due to the wieght letting infection in so they will check my cervix weekly from 10 weeks in any subsequent pregnancy.

That was lovely what your OH said to you, I really hope you get your wish soon. I know what you mean about wanting to fill the void. I'm 39 and feel time is of the essence too. Please do join us in the life after loss thread

xx

 

[Bride2b]

What your hubby said is gorgeous!!!! No wonder you cried!

I'm sorry that you lost ur little one, we all understand here what it feels like & no matter how wonderful friends & family are they can not begin to understand the roller coaster of emotions!

I know my mum was going to say something to me about waiting to try again until after our wedding (we get married in July 2012), but I shot her down & told her not to talk about it. I think people think we (as in any of us who have lost) should wait....but its down to the couples choice. If you are hubby are ready then its time to try & find some happiness and create a little rainbow. Lets hope a little bit of Christmas magic will do it for you!

I cant give my OH that Christmas gift as I am still bleeding after my loss last week (I was 19 + 2) and we need to wait for the consultants appointment to find out why my waters broke so early. His birthday is in Feb....so maybe I can give him a rainbow for his birthday

Good luck and its sooooooooo beautiful what your husband said xxx

 

[mhazzab]

What your hubby said is gorgeous!!!! No wonder you cried!

I'm sorry that you lost ur little one, we all understand here what it feels like & no matter how wonderful friends & family are they can not begin to understand the roller coaster of emotions!

I know my mum was going to say something to me about waiting to try again until after our wedding (we get married in July 2012), but I shot her down & told her not to talk about it. I think people think we (as in any of us who have lost) should wait....but its down to the couples choice. If you are hubby are ready then its time to try & find some happiness and create a little rainbow. Lets hope a little bit of Christmas magic will do it for you!

I cant give my OH that Christmas gift as I am still bleeding after my loss last week (I was 19 + 2) and we need to wait for the consultants appointment to find out why my waters broke so early. His birthday is in Feb....so maybe I can give him a rainbow for his birthday

Good luck and its sooooooooo beautiful what your husband said xxx

we didn't tell anyone we were trying again...we knew people would give their opinions and some people would say we were rushing into it but we didn't care what they thought, at the end of the day it was our life and our decision - it's nobody else's business. So, when we were both ready we went ahead and tried again and didn't tell anyone we were pregnant again until we were ready. Good luck to everyone x

 

[sunkiss]

Hi sunkiss, so sorry for your loss

I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks, back in September. So much of what you said mirrors how I am feeling. I hope you'll be able to find some good support here to help you through the low times and hopefully some future happy times. What your OH said sounds lovely - and funnily enough me and my hubby are in a similar position, TTC again already. I'm worried that some of my friends might worry that it is too soon if we do get a BFP soon, but it definitely feels like the right thing for us right now. I suppose everyone has their own timescale for when they're ready to try again and no-one else can really understand that. Happy thoughts and fingers crossed for both of us!

thank u so much olive (luv ur name) and i am so sorry for ur lost also

i so understand what u are saying about others thinking it would be too soon bc ppl said that to me also. its ok they do not know the emptiness we have inside, even more so for the mommies..if u n urs feels its the right thing, then it is!! spreading lots of to u n f'xd!!

 

[sunkiss]

Welcome Hon'

I am terribly sorry for your loss, what a beautiful name your lil one has I just wanted to say that you have one heck of a sweet OH ... The would be the perfect gift ...

Welcome to the ttc madness... I'm usually always hanging around and hope I can offer some support and definately some company during this wild rollercoaster ride called life ...

thank u so much kamiam n sorry for ur loss as well

i always luved the name olivia since i was a little girl, its my mom middle name and i always said when i had my own little girl i would name her olivia n i did

are u ttc now also? are u ladies charting or doing anything to help the conception?

 

[sunkiss]

I am so sorry for your loss What a great husband you have We are all here for one another,, I love it here it is just so special. XOXOXOXO

hey andy, thank u so much, its good to see u again, i remember u sharing some really kind words when i first posted about my loss...how r u doing hun