My Pregnant Fiance I need Advice

[Classic Girl]

Not sure this will help but with one of my pregnancies I became horrible during my first trimester. Couldnt stand for my husband to touch me at didnt want to cuddle with him or interact with him at all for that matter. By second trimester my feeings went away and i was back to normal. Not sure why this happend but pregnancy hormones can be a pain.

THIS!

 

[Classic Girl]

So that end comment is her telling u that she doesn’t want a relationship with u right now,she just wants to work and take care of her kids,my advice.....let her! Stop contact,more importantly stop all money,and I mean all,she wants to take care of her kids? Then their braces are her responsibility.ive heard of treat them mean keep them keen but this is someone just taking advantage of someone with a nice heart.until she realises this then u deserve the love u give out,this is all one sided and she’s making u sound like some crazy stalker that she wants nothing to do with,honestly I think back right off and see her change if she really loves u then she will realise what she’s done but if not then ur feelings sadly weren’t shared in the first place

AND THIS!!

ETA: are you 100% sure she IS actually pregnant?

 

[Hubby_SVU]

We talked yesterday and today. We’re going to what shouldn’t be but is her first dr visit in 2 weeks From today. She will be in her 13th week. She was a very different person today. We even discussed when we would get married which she says won’t be during this pregnancy but after. She’s been very talkative which is something she hasn’t been hardly at all. Maybe I caught her on a good day? Maybe the hormones and starting to settle? Mommy2lola I appreciate your honesty but I don’t believe you were correct.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

You're an idiot. Theres no nice way to put it at this point.

 

[Hubby_SVU]

You're an idiot. Theres no nice way to put it at this point.

I really appreciate you and everything you said you’ve been so kind and nice thank you so much I hope you have a blessed holiday!

 

[Cewsbaby]

I really hope that you work out your issues and that this has a good outcome. I do know that when I was pregnant there were times I didn't want my husband to look at me or even breath the same air as me because I was so hormonal. I hope that this lets up for her if this is the issue. I think its good that she is now at least talking with you. Just be slow and careful because women can go a bit crazy when we are pregnant. Good luck!

 

[Cewsbaby]

You're an idiot. Theres no nice way to put it at this point.

Wow, that's a bit rude.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Watching this thread. Please stick to the forum rules.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this situation. I really do think she's taking advantage of you. Is she at work while you are taking her kids out for the day? You seem to do so much for her and get nothing back. Relationships shouldn't be like this but we can't always see it when we're in the middle of it.

 

[Hubby_SVU]

Watching this thread. Please stick to the forum rules.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this situation. I really do think she's taking advantage of you. Is she at work while you are taking her kids out for the day? You seem to do so much for her and get nothing back. Relationships shouldn't be like this but we can't always see it when we're in the middle of it.

The day that I took her kids out she was at home sleeping because she said she was tired about two hours later she went to work.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Wow, that's a bit rude.

A bit rude?? I'm not going to sugar coat for anyone. He asked for advice, he was given advice and then tells us we are wrong while continuing to enable her. What else would you call the spade if it's not a spade?

I believe she will magically go to the doctor and not be as far along, not pregnant or it's not his.
I believe she is stringing him along

I said all this nicely, as did others, prior.

 

[MissMarpleFan]

She’s just not that into you.

Stop paying for things. Can’t buy love.

 

[noon_child]

You may not like what I'm going to say, but I'm going to put it out there as it's a different response to what others have said.

You are not listening to her.

She has said she wants time and space to figure things out but instead you have turned up at her work place, begged her to promise not to leave you, sent her food, left a gift (pregnancy related - nothing to do with her as a person, everything to do with her now being the mother of your child). I'm not saying these things are bad - of course it's lovely that you are thinking of her, want to make sure she gets good food, that she's comfy, that you love her. But what she ASKED for was space. Yes it's heartbreaking and confusing and you have this deep need to understand what's going on - totally understandable - but right now she doesn't know what's going on other than she quite probably feels terrified that she is having her 6th child at 43. Her past relationships might have taught her that she is the only person she can rely on, and she has another 16+years of being the person the baby will rely on, the centre of its world, it will take take take and she's not sure how much she has to give before she disappears. You may feel like "But I'm giving her so much, I can give to her and this child" but already you've taken the sanctuary and escape she might have found at work, taken emotional space by demanding she meets your need for reassurance, and the pregnancy itself is removing her identity by labelling her "Mum" first and "individual" second.

I know you want to help but maybe what would be most helpful right now is to take some of the pressure off. Let her know you are there for her when she needs you but don't pressure her "Do you need me yet? How about now?". You can't force someone to love you and never leave you, no matter how much they promise and reassure, you can't buy someones affection, with money or deeds.

 

[Hubby_SVU]

Hung out with her this past weekend Saturday and Sunday. It was mostly like nothing ever happened I could tell she was still feeling a little annoyed at times but was about normal with me. Got Hugs and kisses. I still feel inside me something not right but that could just be my over sensitive self.

 

[WhisperGirl]

You're being far too needy. You're doing her head in, and she can't deal with how pushy and insecure you are. That's the truth, I'm sorry if it stings a bit. You're being good to her though, so that is commendable. But in order for her not to get annoyed at you again you need to pull back on the constant devotion. We like the thrill of the chase as much as the nice parts. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Classic Girl]

Yup absence makes the heart grow fonder. As much as it may hurt GIVE HER what she’s telling you (verbally and nonverbally) that she wants. Let her see what it’s like without you. I hate games but she’s playing them with you.


ETA: been a professional counselor for 15 years. Just sayin....