My son is 4 going on 14..Warning - TMI :(

[bumblebeetle]

Hello, i'm wondering if anyone can help me...I'm after advice etc and basically feeling at the end of my tether on what to do now...

It first happened about a month ago... I was sat on the sofa watching the telly, basically minding my own business and I suddenly thought "hhmmm my DS is rather quiet" - sat down the side of the sofa, I peered over and he had his penis out with both hands around it moving it up and down rather quickly - not the kind of thing you would expect to find from a 4 year old!

The shock took over and I shouted "Put that away" and he did, I didn't really think anything more of it until a week later and i put him to bed, kissed him, went downstairs, went back to check 5 minutes later and there he was doing it again, I told him I didn't want to see him doing that again and left it.

Spotted him a couple more times after that, but today was the worst, he was in the bath and I was doing something in the mirror, I turned round and he was doing it again, he quickly stopped and I said "what we're you doing?" and he replied with "Nothing Mum" I got him out of the bath and dried him, he then asked "Can I get dressed in my bedroom on my own and shut the door please?" I gave him the benefit of the doubt but me and my OH peeked through a gap in the door and he had got into bed and was doing it again.

I know boys and girls experiment and touch their bits and play with them etc, but I am really paranoid that he is too young to be doing it as though he is *masturbating* and surely he can't be getting any pleasure as such out of it. Its really affected me and it's awful to say but it disgusts and upsets me a little.

I just would love to hear from anyone who knows what we're going through, has any similar experiences from their sons or can just say it's ok and not to worry?!
I have made sure that I have NOT shouted at him in an angry way or told him it's wrong as the last thing I want him to think is that its wrong, dirty and basically give him a complex about it.
Looking forward to hearing from anyone...Thanks x

 

[MissMandieMitz]

I'm not sure what to say as I don't really have any advice.

However, I was "masturbating" at a really young age. The earliest time I can remember was when I was in kindergarten. I did it because it felt good. I didn't really understand what I was doing though. I'm sure my parents knew but no one ever said anything about it.

I'm not weird or anything now because of it, lol. In fact, I don't even do it anymore unless it's during foreplay with my husband!

Sorry, I have no advice. I think it's normal, though.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I actually watched an Oprah on this, and apparently it is very very normal.

You are supposed to just teach him to do it in private.



I know it seems "weird" but I think thats just because its not talked about often.

 

[bunnyg82]

I can't tell you from my personal experience as my son is only 6 months, so I have all this to come! Lol! But, I remember talking to someone about this and what to expect from having a boy and she said her son (I think about the same age as yours actually) was doing this, everywhere! So, she said to him something like "I know that it feels really nice when you do that, but that's something that is private for you to do when you are by yourself/in your room" - or something like that, but basically, in a really gentle way to make sure he didn't feel any shame, but to also make sure he did it in private. Good luck xx

 

[tallybee]

I agree - it's actually not uncommon at all. Little girls do it as well but seemingly it's more so with little boys. My son had a phase of doing it and I basically told him that we don't do that in front of anyone. My daughter used to put her fingers around her bits and I told her the same thing - neither are doing it any more.

You are right not to make a big deal or shout or anything - just keep telling him that it's not appropriate to do around other people. He'll get the message eventually - in fact he'll probably abandon it completely until he gets his teenage hormones kicking in

 

[midori1999]

I am a Mum of three older boys, so have some experience of this.

It is completely and utterly normal for children (girls as well as boys) to touch themselves and to masturbate. It is nothing sexual at all, in any way, they simply do it because it feels nice.

I know you are trying hard not to make him feel bad about it, but I think you are in danger of that tbh. I would simply explain to him that some parts of our body are private and we don't touch them in front of other people, just in private. That way he will get the message that it is fine to touch himself (whch it is) but just to do it when he is alone.

 

[hellohefalump]

OMG I've got all this to come with my boy!!!

 

[TwilightAgain]

Hmmm I don't want to be harsh but your reactions sound as though you're telling him that it's wrong......"I don't want to see you doing that again", I understand that can be taken in more than one way. Eg you may have been saying it as though YOU don't want to see it again. But it could also be taken as though he's doing something wrong.

I'm no expert on this of course just giving my opinion. Maybe you could sit him and say there's nothing wrong with it, but it's something he can do only when he is alone.

 

[purplerose]

I agree it is pretty normal. Like MissMandie, I too started to "masturbate" from around four or five because it felt good. At the time I didn't know what it was, just that it felt nice and would put me to sleep.

My mum caught me and she said it was dirty and disgusting and I felt it was wrong to touch down there. So I didn't do it after that as mum installed in me that touching myself was wrong until I was a teen and reading in a teen mag that it was okay to touch there. I discovered the feeling of masturbation as a young child as I'm sure most children do and got told it was wrong.

As someone else said tell your LO that he can touch himself when he is in his room alone and not to do it in public. Who knows it might just be a phase.

 

[Catters]

Just wait until they hit 'teenage-dom'... the showers get longer, the doors are shut more often and well... doing any laundry becomes quite the scary task... not to scare you, but in our family's case, it did happen much more as he got older. I just hope like hell he's content with that for a number of years before he ventures out otherwise, iykwim.

Your son is actually at the age where they really start to discover their bits and if it feels good, they'll keep at it. What I did with my son is what other posters have said and that is to explain there are things we do in privacy, this being one of them.... I suppose I shouldn't be gender specific, as I stated the same thing to my daughters.

 

[jenmc226]

I've caught my 5-year-old son playing with himself a couple of times. I just tell him that it needs to be done in private in his room or in the bath. I try not to make a big deal out of it.

 

[Mamof1]

I caught my 10 yr old doing this afew months ago, I told him that if he wants to do that he needs to goto his room, I didnt make a big deal out of it, as I assumed it was "normal" for little boys to do this.

 

[ouchwithNo.2]

my 6yr old has always got his hand around that area when he is doing nothing, just like a man sat on the sofa watching football with his hands down his pants.
OH tells me it is a comfort thing - although I never seen our son doing that, just stretching it in the bath... I say don't stretch it - it will fall off, he laughs and stops because he knows it isn't true but half the time he isn't even aware his hand is there.
the worst thing yet, I kept complaning about him peeing on the loo seat in the morning, or a little puddle on the floor.
he kept saying he didn't know he was doing it, then I told him off again after I said CHECK and clean up everytime and he didn't.
turns out he couldn't aim correctly because something wouldn't go down.
I felt terrible.....

 

[mommy2lilmen]

Not all boys do this. I am a mom to 6 boys and only 2 of the older 4 I have caught doing this. I have told them its not nice and to do it in private. I dont have much advice as I just know it to be common. my 5th son is afraid of his bits, so I know that wont be an issue lol. I to got angry with my sons when they done it. Worried me that somene was teaching them to do it. Sorry What does your OH say or think to this matter?

 

[mommy2lilmen]

my 6yr old has always got his hand around that area when he is doing nothing, just like a man sat on the sofa watching football with his hands down his pants.
OH tells me it is a comfort thing - although I never seen our son doing that, just stretching it in the bath... I say don't stretch it - it will fall off, he laughs and stops because he knows it isn't true but half the time he isn't even aware his hand is there.
the worst thing yet, I kept complaning about him peeing on the loo seat in the morning, or a little puddle on the floor.
he kept saying he didn't know he was doing it, then I told him off again after I said CHECK and clean up everytime and he didn't.
turns out he couldn't aim correctly because something wouldn't go down.
I felt terrible.....

Aww poor little guy. I had that with my boys. They were so confused. My 4th son wouldnt hold his penis into the toilet cus I yelled at him to not touch it when I caught him stretching it to.

 

[lizzieredrup]

I haven't yet experienced this with my 4 boys, only my 2 year old is interested in his bits but he usually just pulls it or holds it for comfort lol I dread these days but I think I will never make a big fuss about it and explain it is best to do those kind of things in private!

 

[Mummy2B21]

Oh my thinking about it i would say it is normal as i have memories of myself from when i was around 5-6 doing that because it felt good as others have said. But the thought of finding my lil boy doing that kind of makes me feel funny too it just doesnt seem right so young does it, but i am afraid i do think it is normal, so just teach him it is something to do in private!

 

[Mummyplus3]

as everyone else says it seems to be a really common thing for both boys and girls, on of my ex's had two boys and whenever I saw them they had there hands down their pants lol. 7 & 9 there dad just told them to go and do it upstairs.

E is forever playing with her bits but she makes them so sore! I've got no idea what her obsession is because it cant even be that nice, but I just tell her to go and do it upstairs and to make sure she's got clean hands.

 

[Kathleen]

I don't have kids yet but I agree with everyone, I think it's completely normal. I started young, I didn't understand why I tounched down there and when I started learning about sex, it was only filtered through information-the only sense I could make of it was that its wrong and dirty so I felt wrong and dirty! It's only in my late teens I realised that it wasn't wrong!

My OH has a little girl, he told me that when she was a baby she rocked back and forth on his arm once because it obviously felt nice, even at that age and it really freaked him out!

I can imagine its quite strange having to deal with adult subjects when you see you're LO is young and innocent!

 

[cooper2010]

My daughter has been doing this since 2 years old. Typically its on a day that we are very busy and she needs to relax. She will stuff a blanket or stuffed animal under her and just go at it. It made me uncomfortable at first, but now we are just so used to it. She knows now though that she has to be in her room because it is private.