Need Advice Girls..

[Wobbles]

Nothing wrong with opinions, forums will always bring questions - as long as they are friendly opinions not racist, aggressive, abusive its perfectly healthy. Just can't keep eyes shut that it doesn't happen.

None of the girls so far that have commented have ever been seen to be 'nasty' just curious. One of the curious questions was breifly asked and that was the hubby comment and thats simply as easy as curious on top of some of the fact more regular members have seen the liars that can appear on BabyandBump (and other forums) - although you should stop being so paranoid hehe - Anyway what ella170 made said about the hubby comment probably makes sense.

Play nice girls x

 

[darkheaven77]

In my opinion what I think is sad -not wrong- is that it's hard for people -sometimes because of their personalities, sometimes because of their environment and sometimes because of young age- to recognize that they need not act on each and every feeling.

Mature decisions in one's life ought to be based in a lesser manner on feelings than they are on rational thought process involving a lot of mental work to envision all sides, answer all questions and prepare for all alternatives.

I think it's sad that feelings can be this strong and then vanish in an instant. We all had those when we were teens. Hate, love, wants, they were all extreme and we don't relate to any of them nowadays and I also (unconnected) think it is immensely sad if one brings a child into the world without the ability to care for it in a proper manner and without any real proper forethought, simply because the extreme feeling a year ago was that they were ready.

who are u to judge that she isnt ready i had kids at 16 i was ready i had 2 by 19 and my kids turned out brilliant why judge ppl its there choice and im sure she will be a brilliant mummy when the time arrives

 

[sao]

In my opinion what I think is sad -not wrong- is that it's hard for people -sometimes because of their personalities, sometimes because of their environment and sometimes because of young age- to recognize that they need not act on each and every feeling.

Mature decisions in one's life ought to be based in a lesser manner on feelings than they are on rational thought process involving a lot of mental work to envision all sides, answer all questions and prepare for all alternatives.

I think it's sad that feelings can be this strong and then vanish in an instant. We all had those when we were teens. Hate, love, wants, they were all extreme and we don't relate to any of them nowadays and I also (unconnected) think it is immensely sad if one brings a child into the world without the ability to care for it in a proper manner and without any real proper forethought, simply because the extreme feeling a year ago was that they were ready.

can i please just ask as nicely as i can if you know this girl personally is guess you don't or you don't know many if any young pregnant women personally i would now like to ask why you feel the need to make out that alot of us act on impulse of the "i want a cutie little baby" feeling you get when younger just upsets me that you feel you can voice that about young mothers and soon to be mothers so openly without knowing us....

 

[mynamescharly]

oh what an idiot lol, i just read berkshire. i think thats in/near essex?

I live in berkshire too.
its not near essex. its about 2 hours away maybe 3.

I dont understand the whole "hubby/wifey" culture thing. im from down south and have alot of friends from south end (closer to essex then i am) and i dont know anyone who uses those phrases.


Im the same as everyone else.

I hope i dont offend anyone by saying this because it is totally unintentional.
But i really really really dont agree with sex below the legal age limit, maybe im old fashioned but i dont think anyone at that age is 100% ready physically or emotionally to deal with the issues that come with having underage sex.

alot of you may say "i had a baby at 14/15/16 and im happy" but did you plan it? and honestly if you could go back and relive your teenage years would you? even just untill you was 18/19 before you had children? Because im sure thier are days no matter how much you love your children where you think "i wish i was a child again" because no matter what anyone says or no matter how much growing up you have to do because of situations your still a child at 16, some at 17 i know i sure as hell wasnt mature enough at 17 to have a child. im still struggling to deal with the prospect of it now and im 19.


Well anyway. im really sorry for the rant and i honestly didnt mean to offend anyone and if i have i give you my sincerest apologies.


Lots of love
Charly
xxx

 

[Alexandra]

I also (unconnected) think it is immensely sad if one brings a child into the world without the ability to care for it in a proper manner and without any real proper forethought, simply because the extreme feeling a year ago was that they were ready.

who are u to judge that she isnt ready i had kids at 16 i was ready i had 2 by 19 and my kids turned out brilliant why judge ppl its there choice and im sure she will be a brilliant mummy when the time arrives

can i please just ask as nicely as i can if you know this girl personally is guess you don't or you don't know many if any young pregnant women personally i would now like to ask why you feel the need to make out that alot of us act on impulse of the "i want a cutie little baby" feeling you get when younger just upsets me that you feel you can voice that about young mothers and soon to be mothers so openly without knowing us....

Please re-read what I wrote. All of it was intently stated as my opinion for one thing and as generalities for another. It was specifically for that purpose that I stated "unconnected" as in not connected to the case in point.

I do not know this girl and yes, the "right age" when a woman is both willing and able to have a child is a very personal and variable one. It is because I do not know her and because I do not wish to chuck her into one category or another -hence judge she is or is not ready- that I have started addressing her with asking her genuinely curious questions and have stated my opinion on the matter IN GENERAL not her case IN PARTICULAR when responding to other posters.

What I stated is based on research that suggests that in general, it is statistically proven that hormonal changes can and do bring about strong emotions at an adolescent age. That is not arguable. Another unarguable fact is that strong emotions are not the breeding ground for careful rational consideration. What you ladies seem to argue is that there are exceptions to that rule and some women are prodigies ready and able to have and raise children very soon. I completely agree with that and just hope that every woman deciding to conceive NO MATTER WHAT HER AGE IS has thought this decision through as carefully as possible.

With that said, I will bow out of this thread now since it is an intensely emotional topic that can easily spring misunderstandings and wish everyone's dreams come true. Have a lovely weekend ladies.

 

[mynamescharly]

Please re-read what I wrote. All of it was intently stated as my opinion for one thing and as generalities for another. It was specifically for that purpose that I stated "unconnected" as in not connected to the case in point.

I do not know this girl and yes, the "right age" when a woman is both willing and able to have a child is a very personal and variable one. It is because I do not know her and because I do not wish to chuck her into one category or another -hence judge she is or is not ready- that I have started addressing her with asking her genuinely curious questions and have stated my opinion on the matter IN GENERAL not her case IN PARTICULAR when responding to other posters.

What I stated is based on research that suggests that in general, it is statistically proven that hormonal changes can and do bring about strong emotions at an adolescent age. That is not arguable. Another unarguable fact is that strong emotions are not the breeding ground for careful rational consideration. What you ladies seem to argue is that there are exceptions to that rule and some women are prodigies ready and able to have and raise children very soon. I completely agree with that and just hope that every woman deciding to conceive NO MATTER WHAT HER AGE IS has thought this decision through as carefully as possible.

With that said, I will bow out of this thread now since it is an intensely emotional topic that can easily spring misunderstandings and wish everyone's dreams come true. Have a lovely weekend ladies.

i agree with everything you have said chick!!
i was trying to get across a similar point in my post.

but yes it is a touchy subject and sometimes people can take it the wrong way no matter how nice you try and be about things

 

[darkheaven77]

I live in berkshire too.
its not near essex. its about 2 hours away maybe 3.

I dont understand the whole "hubby/wifey" culture thing. im from down south and have alot of friends from south end (closer to essex then i am) and i dont know anyone who uses those phrases.


Im the same as everyone else.

I hope i dont offend anyone by saying this because it is totally unintentional.
But i really really really dont agree with sex below the legal age limit, maybe im old fashioned but i dont think anyone at that age is 100% ready physically or emotionally to deal with the issues that come with having underage sex.

alot of you may say "i had a baby at 14/15/16 and im happy" but did you plan it? and honestly if you could go back and relive your teenage years would you? even just untill you was 18/19 before you had children? Because im sure thier are days no matter how much you love your children where you think "i wish i was a child again" because no matter what anyone says or no matter how much growing up you have to do because of situations your still a child at 16, some at 17 i know i sure as hell wasnt mature enough at 17 to have a child. im still struggling to deal with the prospect of it now and im 19.


Well anyway. im really sorry for the rant and i honestly didnt mean to offend anyone and if i have i give you my sincerest apologies.


Lots of love
Charly
xxx

when i had my kids at 16 i was married and i never regret having them i would do it all over again but not with the same bloke

 

[sao]

again its people thinking they know that every teen mother has regret or misses going out and wasting a weekend drunk out there faces making a fool of themselves how ever you want to fluff it up its judging a whole group of people as one...therefore stereotyping in one form or another... sad really why not let people do what they want with there life without making out its not right cuz you wouldnt do it....

 

[ella170]

I live in berkshire too.
its not near essex. its about 2 hours away maybe 3.

I dont understand the whole "hubby/wifey" culture thing. im from down south and have alot of friends from south end (closer to essex then i am) and i dont know anyone who uses those phrases.

lol well i was never a good one at geography as u can tell...
maybe she uses it then. i dont talk all that east london slang, but i still understand it and people around me use it- it doesnt mean that im going to use it too though. i think she's referin to him as her bf

 

[ella170]

even if a 12 yr old wants a baby, just let them. its not like theyre going to take any notice of what people on a forum are going to say anyway. its just that everytime a 16 yr old comes on here TTC, they unintentionally start up a whole debate on the subject and its getting quite boring. we all have opinions on teenagers TTC, but i do just think that they come on here for advice and instead they get 'abuse'.

 

[mBLACK]

alot of you may say "i had a baby at 14/15/16 and im happy" but did you plan it? and honestly if you could go back and relive your teenage years would you? even just untill you was 18/19 before you had children? Because im sure thier are days no matter how much you love your children where you think "i wish i was a child again" because no matter what anyone says or no matter how much growing up you have to do because of situations your still a child at 16, some at 17 i know i sure as hell wasnt mature enough at 17 to have a child. im still struggling to deal with the prospect of it now and im 19.

I do agree with you on this point, many young women ARE capable of having and raising children at even the crisp young age of 13, but the big reason why they shouldn't is because everybody deserves a childhood. I'm not saying you need to regret your children or you ever wish that you hadn't had them, but I'm just saying that everybody has a right to a childhood, not necessarily just going out and getting drunk.. but being able to not have another life on your hands at all times. Please don't take this the wrong way either. I hear exactly what you are saying. I also admire teenage mothers, because being one myself (especially at 15) I know it's not an easy thing to do. Best of wishes all of you.

 

[Elli21]

I have to reply to the point brought up about wanting time again and wanting to re-live younger days...i dont and like ive said before maybe im lucky. But i think its quite funny how someone who hasnt been in that situation is able to try and put into terms how teen mums feel by a few statistics.
I agree with mBLACK...teen mums deserve a LOT more respect and admiration for the grand job they do.

 

[sao]

I have to reply to the point brought up about wanting time again and wanting to re-live younger days...i dont and like ive said before maybe im lucky. But i think its quite funny how someone who hasnt been in that situation is able to try and put into terms how teen mums feel by a few statistics.
I agree with mBLACK...teen mums deserve a LOT more respect and admiration for the grand job they do.

very well said i totally agree.

 

[foxyroxie]

my fiancee is 17 18 on t he 22nd and i tell u what hes a better dad to our son then some of my friends are to there kids and there 23/24 i was 19 when i was pregnant and id do it all over again

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

I'm 16 + pregnant an ok so it wasn't planned but i don't regret keepin him, maybe different situations but i don't regret my decision one bit. i hate the 'stereotype' teenage mums are made out to be, i don't think its fair! they go on the small amount of people they know rather than on average of what teen mums are really like, in my opinion age doesn't make a good mum, its you!
yeh people have there own opinion but when its about teens becomin pregnant i think everyone starts to get a little touchy, because it is a sore subject because of teen mums/mums to be tryin to prove were not all bad.

xx

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

i also don't think its right that we have to fight to prove us as teens can + will be good mums, age doesnt matter. you could be in your 20s or 30s an a teen could still make (not a better) but different mum, who can look after there babies with no trouble.

 

[Blob]

Tee hee i got a paper to write on teen mums at uni (part of crime n law rubbish) but going to be fun to write it from a new perspective this year. Sooooo tempted to write at the bottom p.s im a pregnant teen.

Sorry totally ruined the serious topic here

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

Tee hee i got a paper to write on teen mums at uni (part of crime n law rubbish) but going to be fun to write it from a new perspective this year. Sooooo tempted to write at the bottom p.s im a pregnant teen.

Sorry totally ruined the serious topic here

 

[Blob]

 

[nikky0907]

when i had my kids at 16 i was married and i never regret having them i would do it all over again but not with the same bloke

Than they wouldn't be your kids.

Ok,so I really don't like judging but when a teenage girl,especially below 18(not to mention 17) comes here and says that she wants to start ttc,that is completely not comprehensible to me.

I cannot give this girl advice,I cannot aprove or pretend that I don't see the circumstances of this.

I don't judge teenage moms,they can do such an amazing job with their children,they should be given credit(the good ones of course) but girls who want to be mothers at ages like 16 and create those hard circumstances on their own,I belive that they shouldn't recive approval...

I agree with Alexandra,they're teenagers and we all know that the emotions that we experience at that age are strong and often misleading...

When those girls come on here,do you think their parents know about it?Do you think that their parents know that they have the intention to bring a child into their home,that they will have to help in raising this child?

Not to mention,using the tax payers money as a way to cope.I wouldn't want my money to be used on a girl who decided that she wants this,who created this herself intentionally.
A woman has to be physically,emotionally and financially ready when she decides that she wants this commitment.

And everyone deserves a childhood,I personally belive that a person has a lot of things to see and experience,to find out about a world before deciding that she want to guide another person through theirs.

You haven't lived your life and had your freedom long enough before you gave it up.
Because whatever you say,a child takes your freedom,nothing you do from that point envolves just you.It's not just your life,it's the life of your family now.