Need Advice!!!

[Andypanda6570]

I am SOoooooo upset right now! My best friend of 30 years and I got into a little fight yesterday I was telling her how I think I may need some counseling cause its been 7 months and I still cry every single day and maybe it is better if i talk with others that understand me. She tells me well I understand you I said Nooooo you don't, you are a great friend and I know you have been to hell and back but you don't understand me, she started screaming I DO TOO ,I DO TOO and then I screamed YOU DO NOT, YOU DO NOT!! She can't have babies she had cervical cancer so she had to get a surrogate and a donor and her husbands sperm and she had 3 beautiful triplets, they will be 4 in January and I love them to death. I know she has been through hell and could never carry a child and I know she understands the part when I could not be around pregnant women cause she could not either, but she can not ever ever understand loosing your child , am I wrong? I said ,well screamed are you fucking crazy , you think you know what i lost , you think you know how it feels to loose your baby? And I said I am hanging up and don't you dare call me back and she didn't. It was the way she was saying she understood me, she was creaming it on the phone how dare she. I am so upset and I refuse to call her. What are your thoughts...xoxoox

 

[Imalia]

I know how you feel. She more than likely doesn't understand, because you can't unless you've been through it.

I feel the same, that no one understands me, not even you wonderful women on here, because none of you are in the same situation as me. We've all lost babies, that's true, but it took so long for me to get pregnant, and with no real likelyhood of ever getting pregnant again. I lost a baby it took ten years to conceive, and the only chance I'll probably ever have to be a mother.

I doubt your friend meant to be hurtful, she's probably just as hurt as you are because she doesn't understand why she can't understand what you're going through.

 

[babesx3]

Andypanda..i'm not sure of the answer.. i've fell out with a lot of 'friends' who have either dissapointed me or let me down..over the loss of charlie..noone really understands the heart ripping of being told your baby is dead and the heart wrenching whenever u think of them...
my patience with others has definately got very thin...
i hope u and your friend can resolve your issues..i'm sure she hurts a lot not being able to concieve.... i guess its not making it a competition of who hurts more , but hugging and helping each other thru the pain

 

[babesx3]

I know how you feel. She more than likely doesn't understand, because you can't unless you've been through it.

I feel the same, that no one understands me, not even you wonderful women on here, because none of you are in the same situation as me. We've all lost babies, that's true, but it took so long for me to get pregnant, and with no real likelyhood of ever getting pregnant again. I lost a baby it took ten years to conceive, and the only chance I'll probably ever have to be a mother.

I doubt your friend meant to be hurtful, she's probably just as hurt as you are because she doesn't understand why she can't understand what you're going through.

Imalia xxxxx i am hoping very much u get blessed with a rainbow baby really soon

 

[Imalia]

Thanks Babesx3, But I'm pretty much just trying to come to terms with the fact it'll never happen. :s

 

[SarahJane]

You are so right that she doesn't understand hun

Sadly, most people in daily life don't

I guess you need to ask whether she is a good friend or not. if so, do what you can to explain that it is different and explain that she doesn't understand your situation in the same way that you don't really understand hers.

I really hope you work it out xxx

 

[SarahJane]

Imalia - I am so sorry for your loss - I hope you get your dreams made true xxxx

 

[Hellylou]

I hope you work this out with your friend soon. I think it's so hard to talk to someone else who has had their own problems but not been through the same thing as you have, and it becomes a comparison thing. There is no comparison, and all you can really do is acknowledge each others' pain without really relating it to your own. It's so hard for everyone to get right.

Imalia, I feel for you, and am sending positive thoughts and wishes your way.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I hope you work this out with your friend soon. I think it's so hard to talk to someone else who has had their own problems but not been through the same thing as you have, and it becomes a comparison thing. There is no comparison, and all you can really do is acknowledge each others' pain without really relating it to your own. It's so hard for everyone to get right.

Imalia, I feel for you, and am sending positive thoughts and wishes your way.

I will never understand not knowing what it is to carry a child i know that but she should not say she knows what it is like to loose a child and It is not that she said it , it was the way yelling at me I DO TOO When I know she does not. It has been 2 days and still we are not talking, I will not call her, she needs to call me and apologize. .
You know what I am really scared of I think maybe she is just sick of my pain and crying all the time she thinks its been 7 months and i should be through it. You know as well as me for people who never lost a baby they just don't know. I am thinking this might be the end of our friendship. Nobody understands me, nobody

Imalia., I am so deeply sorry I can't even imagine what you go through daily, I am just so sorry . I wish I could make us all better .....xooxoxxo

 

[bek74]

Oh honey I am so sorry. I hope this doesn't end your friendship as you have both been through to much.
I agree she doesn't know what it is like to lose a child but maybe that isn't what she meant by saying I do too. Maybe she just meant she does no what it is like to be in a dark place and feel like your never going to get through it, to feel like your alone and that nobody understands you, to feel so sad, so scared and to always wonder why me, why me.
I think maybe that is what she meant.
I love you and hope u both work this out xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh honey I am so sorry. I hope this doesn't end your friendship as you have both been through to much.
I agree she doesn't know what it is like to lose a child but maybe that isn't what she meant by saying I do too. Maybe she just meant she does no what it is like to be in a dark place and feel like your never going to get through it, to feel like your alone and that nobody understands you, to feel so sad, so scared and to always wonder why me, why me.
I think maybe that is what she meant.
I love you and hope u both work this out xxx

I just don't know, Bek. I think everyone is just sick of me being like this, they just don't understand me. xoxoxo Love You xoxoxo

 

[bek74]

Of course they don't understand you gorgeous, they never lost their much loved and so wanted baby girl.
Just as I am sure your friend felt that same way when she was told she would never carry a child and had to face the biggest fight of her life against cancer.
Two very different experiences, yet you probably have both shared very similar emotions of emptiness, saddness, grief, asked the same question "why me", most likely cried a river.
I don't know babe but I hope u both sort this out xxx

 

[babesx3]

^ very well put..
andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..

 

[babesx3]

Thanks Babesx3, But I'm pretty much just trying to come to terms with the fact it'll never happen. :s

i'm so sorry Imalia..are there any otrher options u would consider? like adoption or fostering? i know there are many children out there who are desperate for loving parentsxxx

 

[kam78]

Hi Andrea

I absolutely hate this for you but completely understand where you stand ...

Yes, "others" THINK they know how you feel, but there is NO way anyone could come close to understanding THIS pain and feelings unless you have been thrown into this hell ...

I have lost a lot of friends while going thru all this ... They either don't have the patience and just want the old kelly back now, or they TRY to be helpful and end up being hurtful instead and I just start pulling away from them.. I honestly, have lost a few friends cuz they "need me more" ....

Andrea, You did nothing wrong, if she is a true friend she will think about this, learn and then just apologize

 

[Andypanda6570]

^ very well put..
andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..

Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start.

 

[babesx3]

^ very well put..
andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..

Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start.

and hopefully it will be a short TTC journey.... although pregnancy after loss is very hard it is worth it to get a rainbow..

 

[Andypanda6570]

^ very well put..
andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..

Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start.

and hopefully it will be a short TTC journey.... although pregnancy after loss is very hard it is worth it to get a rainbow..

I am praying I don't have any problems, I mean I never had a problem conceiving. I get my period regularly got my FSH and LM tested and the doc said I probably wont go through menopause till about 50. Been taking Folic Acid since April no smoking no drinking and loosing weight, so lets see if I get my little miracle XOXOO Love to you

 

[babesx3]

^ very well put..
andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..

Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start.

and hopefully it will be a short TTC journey.... although pregnancy after loss is very hard it is worth it to get a rainbow..

I am praying I don't have any problems, I mean I never had a problem conceiving. I get my period regularly got my FSH and LM tested and the doc said I probably wont go through menopause till about 50. Been taking Folic Acid since April no smoking no drinking and loosing weight, so lets see if I get my little miracle XOXOO Love to you

Have everything crossed for you XXXX

 

[Imalia]

We've looked into adoption, and surrogacy, and fostering. But I just don't think it would work out for us. My medical history, anything that involves passing a social services check is pretty much out of the window.