Need help and advice about adopting friends baby.

[xMissxZoiex]

Hey ladies im really in desperate need of some advice.

I live in the UK. My friend (who i dont really see anymore) wanted to get rid of her baby and she is about 21 weeks pregnant and she asked if we wanted her son if not she will get rid of him.

What is the legal side of it, would we be able to adopt the baby? I would want it to be legal it would be my worse nightmare if she turned up one day and wanted him back. Would we have to foster him first? or what? i really have no clue.

We want to have the baby my and DF have had a very big talk about it and we agreed we would love to do it.

What would we need to do to keep him legally ours? Could they just sign parental rights over to us?

 

[MissCherry15]

I know its illegal to have private adoptions in place in the uk, but i think is she chooses you to be the childs guardian then signs over the parental rights you can go about it that way x

 

[xMissxZoiex]

Thanks hun, Ive done a bit of googling and private adoption is illegal in the UK so i think we might have to do long term fostering then hopefully adopt the baby further down the line.

 

[MissCherry15]

Get hold of the local council and a lawyer and find out what options are best... xx good luck

 

[lilmissbroody]

ive just been through this over here in australia. i have had legal guardianship and parentals rights signed over to me. further down the track, we might adopt him which would mean, being able to change his last name.
my tips:
1. all of you have a meeting with a psychologist/ counseller, both together and individually and then collaborate to see where you all sit.
2. talk to the woman and see what type, if any, involvement she wants, this can get a bit cloudy.
3. all of you have a legal counsel meeting to see what type of process this is where you live.
-- but yes as posters above have said, private adoption is illegal in the uk.

hope this helps and feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[xMissxZoiex]

Thank you very much for the advice.

We have a meeting with social services, the girl whos pregnant doesnt want to do any work she just wants me to take it... which i agree with you that she needs to go to the councilling sesions. She is so Lazy!

 

[lilmissbroody]

it might come accross at lazy, but put yourself in this womans shoes.
she is going through a big change in her life, both emotionally and physically and there is a big unknown. she probably is very scared about everything, not that she doesnt want to do this, she just needs someone to explain to her, that if this is what she wants, she needs to go through this process.

that being said she could just be lazy, and then you still need to talk to her and explain that this is a process that needs to be done, and its a bigger process if she were to go through "proper" adoption route.

hope all turns out well, pm me anytime =)

 

[xMissxZoiex]

I am trying my best to have a proper conversation with her, she just acts like a stropy teen

She is like yeh what ever i dont care!....

I should have mentioned before that this is her second baby, her first child who is around 10/11 months old got taken into care when she was a few weeks old because they wernt feeding her or changing her for days. Recently she said she can no longer be botherd with her daughter and doesnt want to see her anymore... she was only seeing her once / twice a month anyway so signed over her parental rights over.

I really dont think she cares at all.. and its hard getting through to her, Have you got any ideas of what i can say to her to get her ass in gear to get the fostering sorted out?.

 

[lilmissbroody]

i had a similar situation. you really cant say much, just organise everything for her and drag her evrywhere to make sure she goes!! its a nuisance (sp?) but its the only way itll get done. if anything, and i know tjs sounds bad, but you're the judge of whether this wil push her along, is to say, if we sort this out mow as soon as you have th baby you can choose when to hand him/her over, as soon as you want.

but i cant stress the impportance of getting this sorted before babyarrives, it was hard for us coz the woman who gave her son over to me, didnt really decide until after the birth, i knkew it was coming, and he was in a really bad home for acouple months. and, god forbid, something went wrong with the birth, and you didnt have the docu,entation, bubs would go straight to social services.
are you going to try keep this LO in touch with their sister?? Its hard, but i'd reccomend it. little man has two older siblings which i try togo see with him once a month. its not a lot( i live on the other side of town to them) and its hard seeing them seperated but its good for them to keep in touch.

 

[xMissxZoiex]

I would want them to keep in touch, i think its important for them to have a brother sister relationship i would even see if she is in perminant or tempory with the foster carer she is with now if she is likely to be moved home soon i would try and get full permanent foster for her too but if she is permanent with the carers she is with now i wouldnt want to try get her living with her brother, just make sure they can have regular contact. I last sent her an message a few days ago and i havent heard a reply from her.

I feel the need to prepair for the baby who will be here before we know it! I think that she thinks i am pestering her. I dont want to come accross pushy either! Im not exactly trying to steal a baby i just want that little boy to have the best he could possible have. Maybe i should just keep at her everyday!

Do i push or slow down a little?

 

[lilmissbroody]

ooh, thats a hard one.
maybe try organising things to do with her every couple of days, some to do with getting all this legal stuff done, and some just to be social??
it really depends on what yoi think she will respond to more, will trying t push forward to far, push her away??
how far along is she? have you been to any of her antenatal appts with her? maybe ask if you could.
tell her that this is something you are really looking forward to.

 

[xMissxZoiex]

She is around 24 weeks pregnant now

She still hasent replied to my messages so i just sent her another one basically asking if she still wants to go ahead with it and if she wants to meet for coffee very soon to talk things through and to just let me know one way or the other..... If she has changed her mind or what ever i would like to know either way instead of my buying things and getting prepared for a baby that may never be coming to me.

IDK ive just got to wait for a reply.

 

[secretbaby]

Totally crashing the board (sorry) if the lady has already had one baby taken from here - are social services not already involved with her in this pregnancy? If she gets back to you and wants to go ahead I would strongly recommend getting some legal advise asap - it may save you alot of heartache in the long run. Good luck x

 

[MikaylasMummy]

I would recommend getting legal advice now even though she hasn't gotten back to u that way u know the most important things that need to be done and they can be your primary focus.I would also be worried about bothering her too much as she sounds very immature and like she would not give bub to u in spite if she was annoyed by u.maybe u could offer to buy her a nice lunch so she has an incentive to meet with u and then when uv got her there tell her what needs to be done and make it sound like it's not much work for her and that she doesn't have to worry?I really hope this poor baby goes to your loving home and is not stuck with her or in social care.x

 

[lilmissbroody]

yeah i agree with the above, good luck and pm me anytime hun

 

[xMissxZoiex]

Its all over for me now i sent her a message about going for a coffee to talk about the legal stuff, if she wanted visits, how many and all that stuff.

I got a message from her today saying she is finding somewere to live and keeping him herself.

Social services were involved with her pregnancy im not 100% sure what they said to her when i talk to her its like trying to get blood out of a stone! But she said that they said she has to find a family member or friend to foster him or he would go into care. I dont know if that is because she wanted to give him up or because she already has a child in foster care. Im not sure if she can just keep him because of the why her daughter was taken into care.

Im gutted about it but had a feeling that it was going to come to this, I just hope the baby gets taken into foster care straight away, i know that sounds awful but she was on facebook only and hour before she messaged me begging for someone to give her £10 for some food because she hasent eaten in two days.

I wished her good luck, i dont think there is much more i can do because we are not family.

 

[lilmissbroody]

havent been on bnb in a couple of days and have just read this. im sooo sorry hun, but what can you do, ya know? lets just hope that baby is safe and healthy for the rest of pregnancy and their life.
you had a great oppurtunity to do a beautiful and selfless thing and you are amazing for putting that baby in a safer situation.
always here. xx