Need people to back off... am I wrong? Help!!

[hellywelly]

I know exactly how you feel. Myself and my hubby work full time plus we have another business which occupies us at least a weekend every month. On one of the weekends that we were working we were due to go out on the Saturday night with friends to celebrate my hubby's and friends hubby's birthdays. I was really up for it - but by the time I got home I was in tears I was so tired - no one minded at all and we cancelled.

But this is your hubby's friends wedding, now firstly let me say to you that you if your body is feeling tired then you should rest and I know that you know you are going to feel tired especially after a days work. This is what I would suggest.

In order to keep everyone happy I would suggest this to your hubby: Get him to drive both ways and only stay for an hour; or can you book the day off work so you have all day to rest before you go out in the evening? I am just trying to think what other options you have, I do know that my hubby would feel let down and the fact that he does so much for me as it is means that I would (like you) feel guilty for saying no so im thinking of every other scenario that would work.

Basically hun its a hard one lol, hope you get it sorted xxxx

 

[pinkleapord]

hun you do what you want to do, your the one carrying your baby not him. my hubby never home coz he says im to moody... hello he try carrying baby, vomiting and all the good stuff lol (i love it but stil) im only 29 weeks today and i already get exhausted from walking down street lol.... you do what best suits you and baby ok if you do go have a good time make the most of the situation. xoxox

 

[knitbit]

I would definitely have him drive both ways. You will be too tired to drive. He doesn't need to drink.

 

[MegGriffin]

Personally I would go and show my face at the wedding but made sure we left at like 10pm.

 

[Maman]

honest opinion?

I'd suck it up and get on with it so everyone else is happy. this summer i went france, stayed for a week on my grandparent in laws sofa, (they go to bed late and get up at crack of dawn, and we did a lot of walking) i looked after my 13 year old sister for 2-3 weeks, ive been to visit my family for a week and a half, ive had my mum stay at mine for about 2 weeks and ive had il family from france over (lettign them stay in our bed which meant no sleep for me as sharing a single with my oh dont work) and i have my in laws over for dinner 1-2 times a week, all as well as having a very active 3 year old, and spd. I dont wanna do 3/4 of the stuff i do but i do it anyways. Ive put my foot down at having more il france family stay in a weeks time (when i will be 37 weeks) as i just got out of hospital and im a little too tired now (i feel guilty, but they say they understand)

maybe ask to leave work an hour or two early, get him to drive you tehre so you can grab a nap, if you can stay in a cheap hotel or b and b near the wedding, so you can leave at the time you want and be in bed quicker, less driving, he can have a drink and then he will still be able to drive in the morning and you can wake up, have a shower, someone else make your brekkie and if you need it you can nap in the car on the way there. that way youre getting a couple of hour or so naps and a decent nights sleep.

 

[Bella1002]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone.

Ideally it would be great if I could take a half day off work or something. Unfortunately I don't have any vacation time and the little sick time I have left has to be used or doc appointments. I won't be able to handle the guilt trips so I will probably just go. I probably will ask him to drive though, which I know he won't be thrilled about because it will mean he can't drink.


It still really bothers me that he still pushed it after telling him I may not be up for it. I just would never do that to him if the situation were reversed because I would feel bad! I can't help but feel like it was a selfish response.
But everyone's opinions seem to be split so that tells me there is at least a 50% chance I am wrong.

Anyways... thanks again everyone.

 

[babybaillie]

couldnt u change the date of the course? seems a bit mean to expect him to go alone. I wouldnt go to a wedding alone, would u?

i would do both and do nothing all day sunday to recover. remember ur course u wont be over doing it.

 

[Bella1002]

There are only two other course offerings before my due date and neither of them work (one of the days doesn't work because we are attending ANOTHER one of his friend's weddings that day), and the other one doesn't work because it's not until mid November which is right around the time I'm due. We both agreed it would be too late.

To answer your question, yes, I have gone to weddings alone plenty of times when I was single. Didn't bother me. He has a ton of friends that will be there so it's not like he would be all alone with no one to socialize with. And it's not like I'd be purposely ditching him for a frivolous reason.

Anyways, I've decided I will go no matter what. If it comes down to it we will just have to skip the class altogether and wing it. Sucks cuz I was really excited about it, but I will have to forego it if I'm not doing well. Maybe it will all work out anyways. We will see.

 

[Ceejay123]

.

 

[lesleyann]

Id go and I also agree with CeeJay, some men will point blank refuse to attend a birthing class your is willing to go and happy about it espesh considering its a full day I dont think even I could handle that let alone as a man where alot of it is going to mean nothing to them. I would also guess the wedding has been a planned event to go to wayy before this class was booked up.. If my oh told me I cold not go to a wedding but expected me to go to a warehouse work all day class I would be more than annoyed that he would expect me to cancel plans that had already been made for something that really is of little help to me? Iykwim?

 

[JackiePed]

My DH isn't a super-social guy, and big events make him shudder. Weddings, parties, etc...
I tend not to push him, or I see how he's feeling and I weigh my options. If he's made it clear that he's not feeling well, or simply doesn't want to go and will be frustrated if he's made to go, then I happily go without him knowing I'll enjoy myself more if he's not dragged along and I feel responsible for him not having a good time.
So... you may want to give DH the options. Let him know... if you DO go to the wedding, you'll need him to drive and you won't be up for staying long or late. If you don't go, he can stay as long as he wishes, as long as he's ready for the class the next morning.
If he still begs you to go, then he knows what he's getting himself into (and clearly wants your company, which is nice in its own way...). If he feels like staying a shorter time would be a bummer, then he go on his own and enjoy the party.

 

[Bella1002]

I hope I didn't come off sounding mean in my original post or in my responses. I'm actually a really nice person and normally never put myself first like this. I think it's just different right now in my mind because it's not just about me not feeling well... it's about the baby and pregnancy too.

I do see all sides and appreciate all the feedback people have given. That's the reason I posted this afterall! lol I wouldn't be confused about how I was feeling and wondering about your opinions if I thought I was absolutely 100 percent right!!

He is a great guy and very sweet, and I am very thankful to have found him. He is going to be a fantastic father. I know it's great he wants me there and wants to be so involved in everything. I guess I just feel like I'm trying to do it all and am tired of feeling like crap all the damn time. It's hard putting on a smiling face and acting like everything is fine when you feel awful physically, and I've been doing it for months (as have we all)! I'm just tired of not feeling well. We are so very excited, and happy, and can't wait for the little guy to get here. There is an overwhelming amount of joy we both have right now and I do not mean to minimize that in any way. It far outweighs any discomfort I am in. And as I've said, normally in my non-pregnant state none of this would be an issue. It's only because I feel so crappy that it is questionable.

So, as I said, I've decided to go no matter what. I thought about all your comments and you all make valid points. At the end of the day I would just feel too bad if I didn't go to the wedding. So I'll go.

One thing I do disagree with, however, is the comments people have made about the birthing class with respect to the fathers. I disagree that the birthing classes have nothing to do with them or that I should feel lucky he is willing to go. I disagree with that fervently. They may not be the ones going through the labor, but they are an important part of the process and they need to know what's going on in order to provide the best support they can. Plus, it's their kid too. My fiance WANTS to be as much a part of every aspect of this as he can because it's his son too!! And yes while I agree he is GREAT for that, and am very grateful to have him, I also think that's how it should be. It makes me sad to think that fathers think they have nothing to do with something as special as the birth of there child. If that's how a lot of fathers feel then I guess my guy is more special than I even thought. I still think it is very sad, though.