Need support and opinions

[Trinity]

No need to apologise hun .. accidents do happen. And even though i am TTC i am not against abortion. Dont feel bad .. you need to talk about this to try and sort things out in your mind. (Obv not going to be the feelings of all TTC)

It is a big decision to make as i am sure you are aware and without somewhere to air your thoughts and feelings it would make this decision twice as hard.

Dont beat yourself up

 

[Lauz_1601]

From your posts it does seem as though deep deep down you want this baby (I cant speak for you though)

When I fell pregnant I was 19, we werent using protection so we knew it "could" happen, and deep down that was what I wanted anyway!

Yet when it happened at the back of my mind there was doubt and abortion did cross my mind only bfirefly though I think I was more concerned about what other people would think of me rather than what I wanted.

Well here I am now 21 with a 20 month old and a mortage, our house on the market becuase we are trying for number two and want a bigger house! and lets say I would not change a thing!

And like you I was very intelligent (altough some of my friends now probably dont believe it Im ditzy now haha) I probably could have done well out of university, I wanted to be a midwife.....I still do, thats just been put on hold now and family comes first, I work in a restaurant my OH is a welder and we both earn enough to pay the mortage and live comfortably and you could do that too!

Being a parent at such a young age is extremely daunting I know you will be feeling every emotion under the sun right now, but at the end of the day do what YOU want for the right reasons, not becuase your worried what other people may think or becuase you thing its the "right or wrong" way becuase picture yourself 1 year down the line with a beautiful child who makes you smile each morning when you wake up and see their beaming smile!

I am against abortion myself but I wouldnt begrudge anyone for making that descion at the end of the day its your life and you should life your life the way you want to! so whatever descision you make as long as its for the right reasons and you are happy thats what matters at the end of the day

good luck with everything hun if you want to chat drop me a PM or you can add me to MSN xxx

 

[turbo_mom]

Well I myself am not for abortion just because it's my beleifs and I have seen horrible images of what aborted fetuses look like.

But I'm just wondering even though you're against adoption, have you thought about talking with other women who 100% cannot have children? THere might be someone out there who might be the right person for you to adopt to. There are alot of horrible stories about adoption and whatnot but there's also other people out there who desperately want a child. Just try to take every option into consideration. There's always a way to make it work. Everything happens for a reason and I think children are a blessing.
Good luck with everything!

 

[J..K]

Thanks everybody. It is really amazing to talk to you all here. I think even some of the time I'm really just talking to MYSELF, sort of figuring things out, out loud. It's a hard decision. I think I know what I want, and then suddenly I flip and switch sides. Ughhhhhh.


I am not abortion probably in large part because of my best friend. Her life spiralled so out of control. She bounced from group home to group home, shelter to shelter. She's got severe health problems, she's now doing drugs and living with older men, it's terrible anyways. In that case where her mom knew she could never love her daughter....why didn't she abort? I feel that it's better to stop the life before the little innocent life has to deal with the hardships of parents who are just too young and unable to care for the child.


The main problem right now is money. We cannot support three of us right now, especially in Toronto. Social services can help substantially, we got some assistance in planning and they will cover something like $930 for food, transportation, etc. Basically for everything but shelter. And another $810 for shelter. Which ends up being a substantial amount of money. But I don't want to rely on that, ever. I want to be able to afford my baby! How did all you brave young moms manage to pay for your children while you were so young? Boyfriend is going to school and cannot support us 100% anymore, especially with an addition! Is it right to raise a child while on income suppliments? I feel like there's disabled and mentally handicapped people that truly need the money, and I am making a choice to need it or not.

Good heavens, I don't know. Yesterday night after finding out about the income suppliment I was going to tell you all that we'd decided to keep the baby. Now I'm not sure, but I haven't told my boyfriend that I'm having second thoughts. We're both ALL over the place.

I wish I could do adoption but I can't. I could never live with myself knowing that my baby is somewhere in the world. I would go crazy, even more than abortion. The guilt, the thoughts. I wouldn't see my baby's 1st birthday, or her graduation. How do you explain to your baby that mommy and daddy couldn't afford it? Kids don't always understand this. I truly wish I could be okay with adoption but I just..can't. I've spoken to women who cannot conceive, I know the heartache. I have a friend who gave her baby up for adoption to a family and still sees her boy every now and then. How can she do that?? It would make me so sad. And I also have a friend who had two babies, one son at 16 and another son at 20 or 19 I believe. She now does not live with her sons, they live with their dad, which is not who she's dating currently. That would also bug me!


If I want this enough, I know I can make it work out. But the question is, what the hell DO I want?!

 

[sian]

hi'ya i've just read all of your posts replys etc and am not 100% sure what to say but will tell you my choices i was 19 when i found out i was pregnant i was less then 1 yr from completing my training to be a psychiatric nurse was using bc and knew i was not ready emotionally or financially i consider abortion but couldn't even bring it up with the doctor i was so scared and confused abortion is something i've always been against for me personally though i don't judge others. anyway i decided as i'd used bc so long with no 'mishaps' that the baby was just meant to be call it fate or whatever, so i gave up my job and my training to concentrate on being there for my baby and getting myself into a position that i could care for my baby i left home got my own place and got everything i needed using my savings. then at 26 weeks pg my waters broke and i was told my baby had less then 1% chance of surviving it wasn't till then i realized how much i wanted and loved my baby i felt so guilty it was like i was being punished for considering aborting her. anyway my baby is now nearly 4 and theres never been a day that i've regretted my choice even though i struggled and separated from her father quite soon after having her he was useless and un supportive spent more time in the pub then at home! i'm now settled in a great relationship and more secure, i am pregnant again now with my second child after 2 miscarriages and i am planning on going back to my career as soon as my kids are in full time education. i am glad i made the choice i did at the time as i would hate to be looking back regretting an abortion and looking at other peoples children wondering what mine would have been like. i may be a mum and a young mum but that doesn't mean i have to give up on my dream of being a nurse and making something of myself my children give me more determination to do well.
take time thinking about your choice try think how you will feel long term not just how you feel now and remember if you have the baby it doesn't mean you have to give up on what you want from life just re-adjust good luck with what ever you choose to do and take care sorry my post goes on a bit too!

 

[wannabmum]

Hi Huni,
Don't have much to say but sounds like deep down you want this baby, maybe I'm wrong but its certainlt the impression I get, don't rush any decision I personaly know a few people who fell preg young and had abortions for simalar reasons to u and I know they have regretted it ever since, I can understand how scary this must be but for a majorty of people it will be I think the best thing u can do is what ur heart tells u.

xx

 

[BurtonBaby]

Hey. I dont want to say I understand exactly what you are feeling, but I can relate. I am 20 and my new husband is 21. We dated for 4 years (highschool sweethearts) and got married after being engaged for a year. We recently found out that we are PG and it was a bit of a shock. I work full time and go to school, he works part time and goes to school. We are both still young, and our family is concerned, yet supportive. Anyway, I have a couple of friends who had abortions, and I always told myself that I would never know if I could do it, unless I was PG and had to make that decision. But when I took the test and it came positive, it was like suddenly I knew that I couldn't give this baby up. I already love our little baby, he or she is a part of me. I cant tell you what to do, because only you know if you can handle it right now, but I just know that there is no way I could possibly give up our baby.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Either way, it's not going to be easy, but you'll survive. And it will make you stronger. =)

 

[bek74]

I am an adobted child (33yrs old now thou, lol) and my childhood wasn't pretty. I could Never give up my child especially after my experience.

I have also been in your shoes many years ago. I was 20yrs old ( just before my 21st birthday) and I fell Pregnant. I was so scared of being mum, my partner and I weren't ready to be parents ( at least that is what I believed) we had only been together for just under a year when this happened. I had dreams and so did he, so we decided Abortion was our best option( only option).

It is one of my biggest REGRETS, I still cry over what I did, it still hurts so very much. I look back now and see how selfish we were, we could have done it.

My partner and I are still together today ( Married). We still think about the baby we didn't have ( especially me).

If your rubbing your tummy and you say you talk to your belly and are starting to love this baby already. Please I advise you not to get an abortion. Don't get one out of fear of what life will now bring you. The regret you will carry will go on for ever and it is hard.

I wish you all the very best of luck, please keep us updated.

 

[Lauz_1601]

The fact that you and your partner had decided to keep the baby the other night says it all, that you both want this baby and know you can be good parents! It sounds like you've got yourself a good bloke there who will stand by you.

Claiming benefits is nothing to be ashamed of, if it means living comfotably then why not, there's many people like you who claim benfits also, and it doesnt have to be forever it just means you can enjoy your child for a while without worrying about money.

Babies dont have to be a huge financial strain, we made cut backs, I dont buy myself clothes that often, I buy clothes for Ella instead. you have 9 months to buy the things you need, and in that 9 months you can put money aside for the larger things like a pram and a cot but you can even find these items cheaply on a budget. You can buy things second hand, things like moses baskets, babies are only in them for a few months so tis not worth buying them new anyway.

You can do it, by the sounds of it you are very mature and sensible, you have your head screwed on, thats what makes a good parent. xxxx

 

[hypnorm]

Hi there, I've just read through all this and i must say from my own opinion i could never have an abortion.

From your posts you sound like you really want this baby, but you are putting things in your path, Finances don't come in to it, if we all waitied till we were financially stable then i could probably vouch for most of the girls that we would never have had kids! I don't think there is ever a right time to start a family or for it to happen.
When i found out i was pregnant my husband had just lost his job and i was on a minimum wage but abortion never came into our heads, we said we would manage. Ewan has been clothed in 2nd hand clothes and has second hand toys, he doesn get new stuff too. Financially we are struggling but i wouldnt change it for the world.
I have my career which i can go back too once Ewan is at school, kids don't stop you doing things there are very high profile doctors with kids who still have their careers and their family lives.

Remember that when you make this decision it is something you will both have to cope with for the rest of your life, and i know a couple of my friends have never got over it and it broke their relationship.

Get some counselling and think long and hard before you do this.
Careers and babys can be done,
Good luck