*NEED TO VENT* Ignorance of family members!

[lpjkp]

Grrrrr...If I get one more piece of "You must..." advice, I'm going to scream!

First off, none of either mine or DH's family have ever breastfed, so they don't know how it all works , and have always made it clear that they'd have preferred me to FF...I didn't find breastfeeding easy for a good 8 weeks, so its been such an achievement for me to get to grips with it with only the support of my DH!

I'm so tired of MIL CONSTANTLY saying "Have you made him any water up?" to which I politely say no and try and explain that my milk changes when it's hot. Then today, with this scorching UK weather she asks again and says "You really must be giving him water in this weather, he'll get dehydrated"...followed by "You should really be giving him something more than just milk too, like some rusks" !!!! WTH? He's not even 3 months old!

There's only so many times I can be polite before I'll end up losing my temper with her. Baring in mind this is the woman who decided to feed my child formula instead of the expressed breastmilk i provided when she insisted she looked after him for an hour, and who admitted to me that she takes my child off me when he's crying so that she can show that "she's the only one that can calm him down, not Mommy".

She's a nightmare!

 

[Salt Air]

First of all well done for sticking with breast feeding! You are doing fantastically

Your DH sounds like he's been really supportive, can he have a quiet word with her? I've always got on great with my MIL but recently got fed up with her saying things like 'you don't need feeding do you?' to LO when I knew he did & wanted to take him. I was getting close to losing my temper each time & really didn't want to, so my DH had a word. Things are much better now, she didn't realise she was being so annoying & realises she needs to respect my choices as mum.

I get your frustration though, there's nothing worse than someone thinking they know better than you do about your child. And not knowing all the facts, your milk has everything your LO needs. Plus trying to prove she can pacify your LO better than you is just rude! Xx

 

[AC1987]

Oh how frustrating!! My MIL was like that with my pumped milk, she much rather give her formula.
But keep up the good work!!

 

[waddles]

I feel for you, I've always got on brilliantly with my MIL it's funny how families change when babies arrive! Luckily I had the support of my mum who breast fed me and my brothers exclusively. MIL formula fed and has given me the distinct impression that I should have done/ be doing the same. When they visited when baby was 3 weeks old she kept saying things like 'is she due a feed' and 'where's her bottle' I just tried to ignore it rather than explaining that she doesn't get due a feed as breast feeding is on demand! Don't even get me started on her suggesting my daughter sleep in with her to 'give me a break' ... How she thought she would feed her is beyond ridiculous. X

 

[babyface15]

wth why would she give formula when you had breast milk ready? wouldn't it be more work to mix up the formula? I'd be really pissed too and insisting dh have a word with her about boundaries. medical advice has changed a lot since she reared her children and you are going by advice of medical professionals not some hippy advice you read somewhere

 

[Larkspur]

I can never get over how some people think they're entitled to take a position on how a mother feeds her baby!

Well done to you for your hard work breastfeeding and for being so generous to your inlaws.

This might be just me but I would go with a strategy of letting your OH know that you've had enough and you're going to politely tell your MIL to back off next time she interferes. In a disagreement between adults I don't really believe in using 'go-betweens' but I think your OH should know you're going to establish a boundary in advance so he can have your back if she comes moaning to him after.

How about next time she starts in with a "You should...", try saying something along the lines of, "MIL, thanks for your interest in LO's diet but I'm right up to date on the latest feeding recommendations. I've chosen my approach to feeding and weaning, so I'd appreciate it if you'd support my choices." If she starts in again later, you can remind her of the conversation: "Thanks MIL, but as I said, I am confident I know what I'm doing so I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave me to get on with it."

If she huffs that she was just trying to help, you could say, "I know, but when you've expressed disapproval of my choices in the past, like with breastfeeding, it doesn't always feel like support to tell me what I should be doing. So I'd rather that you just trust me to do what I feel is best for my own baby, thanks."

 

[justkitty]

If my mil or mum or anyone fed my child something I'd said not to and ignored what I'd supplied eg formula instead of bm then it would be the one and only time they would have them. I'm a tough lady when it comes to my son.

 

[twobecome3]

I just steamroll MIL when she gets bossy. no point in talking rationally to ppl like this if she hasn't listened to you by now she wont. if the baby is upset with my MIL and she says something like 'oh youll be fine LO in a minute' I just walk right up to her and take the baby back. if you don't like how she cares for LO just don't leave him with her for now its reallying annoying for sure unfortunately some ppl just aren't capable of being supportive, or they really think they know best. just ignore her comments. trust me it gets easier, as a brand new mom it really gets your back up ppls comments but then after a bit you become confident in your abilities and the comments just roll off. just ignore and then when she leaves you and OH have a little laugh about how ridiculous she was being that visit and then it just becomes something funny.

 

[Janers]

I'd lose my mind, your the Mum, what you say goes! Even if MIL doesn't agree you trump.

Your definitely doing well, its hard to breastfed without support from all your family, well done lady!

 

[MrsSmartie]

If someone gave DS formula I would go bat sh*t crazy! There would be hell to pay! Fortunately my mum and MIL both breastfed so that is great and they would never tell me what to do with DS. My mum thought I was weird to cloth nappy and baby-wear initially but now she has seen it in practice she has realised that I am capable!

 

[lily28]

Good job with your breastfeeding and good luck with your MIL, she sounds so obnoxious. I would tell her to either get educated on BF and try to be supportive or back off.
I know that many women can't talk to their MILs or own mothers like this, but this is your child and the no1 responsibility in your life, don't let anyone bring you down.

My mom knew nothing about BF so I took her to classes with me to be educated. Best thing ever.