Negative reactions to your announcement

[Mrs B.]

Sorry you had a bad experience ME. Not excusing her behaviour, because it was out of order, but I do know the punch to the gut feeling I get every time I see a pregnancy announcement, even just a picture. I also know it's not their fault that their positive news makes me feel miserable, nor would I ever take it out on them. Sometimes I'm in a better place and I'm able to offer congrats. Other times I just hide their posts so I don't have to see them on my feed until I'm in a better place to acknowledge them. I've always done my best to avoid anything that might involve pregnancy announcements, and it is hard to be suddenly faced with something you've been making an effort to avoid. I'm not at all suggesting anyone shouldn't go ahead with any announcements, and no one should have to deal with rude behaviour, but I just wanted to explain from an infertility POV how a simple announcement can sometimes cause another person to react badly. It's hard to deal with, and very hard to avoid completely. The best advice I can give is don't take it personally, and know you did nothing wrong.

 

[Hopfl4bbynbr4]

When we told my parents 16 months ago that we were having another baby he literally said "oh God" and made a hand gesture of a gun and pointed his hand to my belly and "pulled the trigger "
I was so shocked that he would do anything like that it just upset me so much! After all this is MY DAD! Then when I miscarried, I called him from the hospital just hysterically crying and told him he got his wish and the baby was gone. He just kept trying to say he was just kidding and never wanted anything bad to happen to me or the baby. But I just couldn't believe him. I didn't talk to him at all after the day he did that and especially after I lost the baby. He text me a few weeks ago asking why I don't ever talk to him anymore or go over to see him. I didn't reply to the message. My house is the same distance from his house as his is to mine so if he truly wanted to apologize he can come over and do it. I do still let my kids go visit them for my mom's sake but if it weren't for her then my kids wouldn't go back over there.

 

[Mrs B.]

Oh wow, Hop, that's just disgusting. I'm so sorry, that's awful. Some people really just don't think before they speak/act. I'm sure he never meant it literally, but I'm not sure how you move on from that

 

[3boys]

When we told my parents 16 months ago that we were having another baby he literally said "oh God" and made a hand gesture of a gun and pointed his hand to my belly and "pulled the trigger "
I was so shocked that he would do anything like that it just upset me so much! After all this is MY DAD! Then when I miscarried, I called him from the hospital just hysterically crying and told him he got his wish and the baby was gone. He just kept trying to say he was just kidding and never wanted anything bad to happen to me or the baby. But I just couldn't believe him. I didn't talk to him at all after the day he did that and especially after I lost the baby. He text me a few weeks ago asking why I don't ever talk to him anymore or go over to see him. I didn't reply to the message. My house is the same distance from his house as his is to mine so if he truly wanted to apologize he can come over and do it. I do still let my kids go visit them for my mom's sake but if it weren't for her then my kids wouldn't go back over there.

Im sure he didnt mean it but still what a foolish thing to say x

 

[Hopfl4bbynbr4]

Yeah I know. I haven't figured out how to forgive him yet. I know I should because he is my dad and he is getting older and won't be around forever but when I lost that baby I just felt like he somehow cursed the baby by doing that. Even though I know that's not possible and it's no one's fault the baby didn't survive but it's just hard for me to forgive him for doing that. He is my dad and I do love him and still have respect for him. That's why I didn't cuss him out and tell him how I felt when he did that. But I know at the end of the day he is still my dad and I do still love him. He's really good with my three kids and they love both of my parents dearly so I would never stop the kids from going over there. I just can't bring myself to going over there yet. I'm sure I will eventually. But not today. I don't know if he really meant anything by it because sometimes it's hard to tell with him. So for now, I'll stay on my side of town until he decides he wants to apologize. Sorry the long posts. I literally never told anyone about this until just now. Dh knew and wasn't very happy but with it being my dad I wouldn't let dh say anything to him about it.

 

[MEPride]

Sorry you had a bad experience ME. Not excusing her behaviour, because it was out of order, but I do know the punch to the gut feeling I get every time I see a pregnancy announcement, even just a picture. I also know it's not their fault that their positive news makes me feel miserable, nor would I ever take it out on them. Sometimes I'm in a better place and I'm able to offer congrats. Other times I just hide their posts so I don't have to see them on my feed until I'm in a better place to acknowledge them. I've always done my best to avoid anything that might involve pregnancy announcements, and it is hard to be suddenly faced with something you've been making an effort to avoid. I'm not at all suggesting anyone shouldn't go ahead with any announcements, and no one should have to deal with rude behaviour, but I just wanted to explain from an infertility POV how a simple announcement can sometimes cause another person to react badly. It's hard to deal with, and very hard to avoid completely. The best advice I can give is don't take it personally, and know you did nothing wrong.

Oh I totally understand her perspective. My baby is a clomid success baby after a year of trying and a MC. I have friends who've tried for years and with unsuccessful IVF or in one friend's case, 3 stillbirths... one of which just happened to one of her twins at 8 months pregnant. She's now under 24/7 surveillance until she delivers.

I don't feel comfortable going into many details with the exception of saying this friend of mine suffers from a couple mental illnesses, one of which makes her prone to rash and often hurtful decisions that from an outsiders perspective appear very rude, insensitive, and immature. Any slight provocation or perceived slight is taken very personally. I'm not making excuses on her behalf for her behaviors but there are more factors involved than just her difficulty conceiving despite infertility treatments. Regardless, I am very sensitive to the topic myself after my short (comparatively) 14 months TTC unsuccessfully and having multiple friends go through worse. I do understand and explained it to her.

Since I sent her the private message she has disabled her Facebook account (but did not delete me). My announcement has placed her in a very dark place, I'm afraid. I do hope she is okay but also don't feel any further contact from me is welcome at the moment so I won't contact her to find out.

 

[DobbyForever]

My parents flew off the handle at first but that was because they don't like the dad. They got over it after my 18 year old brother lectured them.

I did worry about how to announce to my friend who was LTTTC and finally decided to give up But she was very polite and enthusiastic, even offered to be my doula. I know that some people were hurt when I got pregnant, but most people know what I've gone through so despite being sad they weren't pregnant they were also happy to see that I was finally going to have my baby.

I know I sometimes got hurt by pregnancy announcements, especially when women came into my thread and left. And people kept coming and leaving and I was still there, but I would never want to diminish their happiness or take away from their announcement. I'm sorry she reacted that way. It was very mature of you to reach out to her and be so polite.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[ricschick]

well ive not had any bad comments yet although when I told my mum her 1st thought was to say that she thought I was getting bigger around the belly! and my younger brother said are you joking? but to be fair I couldn't careless what they think anyway!
once I announce it on fb im sure il get the comments of don't you have a tv or you are mad
but I don't care anymore what people say