New Here and Miscarrying

[Rebaby]

Hi there, i'm new to the site having just found it today.

I'm not sure where to start really- at the beginning i suppose?! My bf and i have been together over 4 years and in the new year decided to stop using contraception and see what happened. My cycles can be pretty irregular (between 28 and 40 days in length) and we figured it might take a while for me to fall pregnant.

On day 23 my breasts became tender (very unusual for me), and over the next few days i started having some other signs too- dizziness, fatigue and a heightened sense of smell. I had some twingey, tugging pains on one side of my lower abdomen. My breasts became heavy and sore, so much so i could no longer sleep on my front. I didn't truly deep down believe i was pregnant though, as we had only stopped using contraception a few weeks ago.

A situation at work (i'm a nurse) forced me to tell my manager and a couple of colleagues that i thought i could be, i felt uncomfortable letting them know before i was even sure myself but i had to tell them so that i wouldn't be put in a situation where the baby (if i was pregnant) would be at risk.

I made an appointment with my gp, she felt that it was too early to test given my irregular cycle and all but that based on my history and 'symptoms' she was almost certain i was pregnant. I went home and tested anyway! That was on day 28.

Yesterday afternoon i had some spotting, more like pink/brown discharge (sorry if that's TMI) and rather than panic, i finally became convinced i was pregnant- suddenly all my symptoms put together, and this discharge, which surely was implantation bleeding meant that this was it?! I really was pregnant! After a few hours the discharge stopped and it began to sink in that we would be having a baby. I went to bed and this morning woke up with twinges, went to the bathroom and found myself passing fresh bright red blood. Over the course of the day, the majority of which i have spent in tears, the pain has gotten worse and i am passing large amounts of blood and clots and matter i can't really describe without going into what seems like unnecessary detail. Already my breasts are beginning to feel 'normal' again.

I know miscarriages, especially so early on (this would be 4 weeks and 2 days) are common. I am just devastated, and not coping as well as i thought i would. It just seems so cruel i had finally accepted that i was pregnant last night and already i was losing it.

This was my 1st pregnancy and apart from my bf, gp and a handful of people at work, no one knew, not even my best friend. I feel isolated and vulnerable and i keep breaking down in tears even without knowing why, even when i am not particularly 'thinking' about what is happening. Each time i go to the bathroom or have a wave of cramps i am reminded.

I just felt the need to find somewhere i could write this down and share with people who might understand.

Thankyou.

 

[:D happy D:]

awww well im sorry your arrival to B and B is a sad one but i hope that the future brings you some possitive news,

im always here if you fancie a chat as are amost the girlies,

thoughts are with you

xxxx

 

[Kota]

Firstly, welcome to the site.

Hopefully you'll find what you need here. the ladies are brilliant and will be able to give you a world of information and support.

I can understand where you are, I got my first ever last Thursday, it was mine and my OH first cycle at trying, and due to me having PCOS, I never in a million years thought we would catch so quickly. I spent the next 48hrs in disbelief, and heaven. and then sunday I started bleeding. I did a digi and it still said 'pregnant' but I just knew. I lost all my symtoms in the space of a couple of hours and the bleeding continued. Monday morning I woke at 5am with severe cramping, went to the loo and spent the remainder of the day in tears.
5 days on and I'm doing okay. I'm still spotting slightly, and like you, get reminded everytime I go to the bathroom about what has happened.
My advice is to take it VERY easy over the next few days. It's taken me until now to not be sore everytime I do normal daily activities. Cry and grieve if you need to, your emotions and hormones are all over the place and don't need to be caged up. It's your right to be upset!

Lots of going out to you. So sorry for your loss.

 

[bklove]

I'm glad you've found this place it will help you to get back to a place of peace. I really do wish you the best and i'm sorry you had to experience this. Make sure and take time to be good to yourself physically, mentally and spiritually....I hope this journey is a short one for you and soon you'll be embracing a new loved one. Welcome to B&B.

 

[Rebaby]

Thank you all for your replies. It is good to be able share everything that has happened, up until now i have just been going over and over it in my head. It makes me sad though that so many of us have had this awful thing happen and i'm sorry for all of your losses too

My bf has been incredibly supportive but even he admits it is different for him as even though it is a loss to us both he is more 'removed' from the situation as a male.

Last night was horrendous, i woke up in the early hours in agony, i've never experienced anything like it. Having never miscarried before, and knowing i was so early on in my pregnancy i assumed it would be like having a heavy and painful period. I don't know what other people's experiences have been but mine has been nothing like that at all it would be impossible to mistake what is happening for anything other than what it really is. Last night it almost felt like something was trying to come away but couldn't. I am constantly curled up in tears or online looking for information, and i think have reached the stage now where i am questioning why this has happened, and what i could/should have done differently.

I still haven't spoken to anyone else about what is happening, except for my mum who rang this morning. We're not particularly close, but it felt right to tell her. My younger sister had an (unplanned) pregnancy at the end of last year which sadly ended in a mmc and d&c at around 8 and a half weeks and that was just a few weeks ago now. My mum was supportive (to us both) but of course, there is little that can be said or done. I think i just have to go through it all and come out the other side.

Thank you again

 

[leeanne]

I'm sorry for your loss hon.

With my first pregnancy, I had it confirmed by the doctor that I was pregnant and the very next day I had a miscarriage, everything happening the way you described.

It's tough to take and a loss at any stage can be very emotional.

I will say that I went on and had 3 successful pregnancies since and wish you luck in your journey.

 

[colsy]

So sorry you've had to go through this. I hope it's over very quickly. You should mention it to your GP, just to get it on your medical notes. The one ray of sunshine that you can take from a m/c is knowing that you CAN get pregnant. I know at the moment that's irrelevant, because you want THIS baby. I've been in your position, as have a sadly huge number of people on this website, so I sort of know what you're going through. For now, try to take things easy. I know you won't be able to relax, because you're probably bawling your eyes out right now (this is related partly to all your hormones going haywire), but try to look after yourself and know that one day you WILL get that BFP and lovely baby to call your own. xx

 

[Rumpskin]

Welcome to B&B firstly.

Very sorry to hear that you have been through so much pain so early.

If you have not done so already, please get yourself checked out by your doctor to make sure that all the pregnancy tissue has gone (sorry to be so blunt but I would not want you to get any infections).

Sending you lots of love and be strong xxxx

 

[Rebaby]

Thank you.

Just had a bad few hours, i've been unable to get in touch with my friend and in my emotional state decided it's because she 'doesn't care' Of course, this is ludicrous, she doesn't even know, it's just me being irrational and i can't control my emotions at all.

With it happening over the weekend i haven't had advice from a Dr but i'll be seeing my gp tomorrow, i realise it's unlikely she'll be able to 'do' anything but like you say, it's best to see someone just in case. And i also still feel like i have a lot of questions.

 

[Rebaby]

Well i could have had an appointment today but only if i saw a new doctor i've never met before, and i'd really rather see my own GP who saw me this time last week to tell me she was almost certain i was pregnant.

I know deep down it probably doesn't make any difference who i see, i just feel so vulnerable right now i don't think i can face going through it all from start to finish with someone i don't know. I have an appointment 1st thing tomorrow morning with my own Dr though, do you think this seems reasonable or am i leaving it too late/taking a risk?

I suppose technically i started to miscarry on friday 13th in the afternoon, but at that stage it was just discharge/spotting, it didn't really get heavy until saturday morning, and i am still losing quite a lot now so i feel it's unlikely i am going to need any intervention but then what do i know- this has never happened to me before.

Feeling a bit lost and helpless to be honest. I'm due back in work wednesday morning and not sure how i feel about that. We had planned to leave the house today to go collect our new car we just bought but i have chickened out because i feel anxious about going out and like i don't trust my body. The pain is almost bearable today but what if i set out and it becomes awful or i break down in public? I can't imagine when i am going to get back to feeling 'normal' or if i ever will...

 

[buffycat]

i am so sorry for you loss......it really is unfair....

it is devastating, and there are few words that will help you through this.....

all that i can say though, is that there are so many wonderful people on bnb with different stories to tell. I've had 2 mcs, and can honestly say that i would have gone mad without this place....

always here to talk to if you need me though....pm me if you need to chat.....

luv & hugs

 

[mrstapster]

Hi,

I too suffered a miscarriage which started on Fri 13th. I was 6 weeks pregnant. Just like you i have random periods either 29 day or 41 days. I my dh and i were over the moon and sooooo excited to be expecting a baby, we have been trying since nov last year. I too had all the symptoms extrememly sor e boobs, so much so that i had to be re-fitted for a bra. My boobs became so swollen that they increased from 36B - 38C!!!

I should have read the warning signs that something was wrong - from last tues I began to feel renewed energy, boobs became more normal. Thurs got strong cramping that lasted 30 mins. Fri got more tummy aches, and began spotting. Pain worstened in left side and doctor advised me to go to hospital.

After having my blood and urine tested I was told that i was no longer pregnant, as preg. hormones had dropped to 25.
my dh and i were so confused, and on valentines day i started to bleed very heavily. Yesterday was the same but today it has almost stopped.

I feel so upset, confused and a little angry?!!!!! I know its just the grieving process. The other side of me is thankful that my body recognised that there was something wrong before my pregnancy progressed to a later stage.

We just have to keep strong, and think ourselves lucky that we are able to get pregnant, and we are able to keep tyring!One day we will all hold our little bundles of joy in our arms and it will all seem worth it xx

 

[Rebaby]

Thank you both for your replies, and big hugs to you both too I'm so sorry for your losses. You don't realise just how many people have this cruel thing happen until you experience it yourself.

I can't believe how much of a help this place has been already, i keep logging on just to remind myself i'm not alone in this. Today has been odd, the physical pain and loss is easing but my emotions are more volatile than ever! Switching between anger and fear and deep deep sadness.

You're right of course mrstapster- there is a lot to be thankful for, and i do feel more positive about all this when i think that we were able to get pregnant in the 1st place, and so quickly as well.

Hugs to you both

 

[Shelby2007]

I too had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy I was 9 weeks along.. when we did an early scan..found out the babies didnt have heart beats. I had to take misoprostal to induce my miscarriage.. and was in soo much pain.. no one should ever have to go through that.

Im so glad that you found this site.. even though it is a super sad experience.. you have "us" to talk to.. and can always reach out here when you feel lonely.. and empty inside.

Feel free to send me a private message anytime. Im here to answer any questions.

 

[mrsstreet0417]

awwww I am so sorry for your loss and if you need to talk I am here for you, as we have something in common: we started to miscarry on the same day... I am so sorry that you came to this site for this reason, but this site has really helped a lot of people and I know that, for me at least, it is comforting to know that these ladies are here if I need to vent or just let someone know how I feel...Here's to hoping that you get a (a sticky one) in the near future...Best of luck and get to feeling better!

 

[Rebaby]

Thank you I'm sorry to hear of your loss shelby and mrsstreet, i know i already said this on your thread but i'm sorry again for your loss. How are you getting on today?

I have just got home from seeing my Dr and she is sending me for a scan tomorrow morning. She was very nice and sympathetic but she looked at me a bit odd when i said i hadn't been anywhere or seen anyone (medical) over the weekend when i was bleeding.

Does this make me strange? I knew how early on i was in my pg and from the pain and what i was losing i just felt like i knew that there was nothing that could be done, and i would rather be in the safety and comfort of my own home than to go to a&e and be told 'we can't do anything, go home' or to be examined...

I know it's bizarre i am a nurse with a phobia of hospitals! Actually, i am just scared of being a 'patient' and not being in control of what is happening to me.

Anyway i have the scan tomorrow...i broke down when i was telling her. Each day i think i am doing a little better and then bang all of a sudden i am back to square one. I am so anxious about what the scan might or might not show and what they'll say. Also i have the horrible task of calling my manager this morning to explain why i won't be in work tomorrow

 

[PollyP]

Hi Rebaby, I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. I've had 3 in 2008 and I know how devastating they can be. Just take each day one at a time and try not to get swamped by everything. I found that a long walk with my OH with the wind blowing swept out all the cobwebs and made us feel so much more positive! You have proved you CAN get pregnant, and without too much trying you both must be super fertile! These things happen for a reason and although it sounds harsh, better for it to happen now than further down the line. There's nothing odd about sitting at home and not seeing anyone medical, firstly you're a nurse and secondly, you knew what was happening and no-one could do anything, just have to see it through. It does get better, and next time you'll be fine.
x

 

[firstimer]

Hi Rebaby I just wanted to send you some big HUGS and hope that your scan goes ok tomorrow. It is such a difficult time and until you have experienced it nobody can tell you the pain and yo-yo ing emotions you will go through.

xxx

 

[Jessa]

Rebaby, how are you feeling today? How did your scan go? Thinking about you....

 

[mazza2003]

I to am grateful for all of the kind messages on this site and it has made things a lot easier for me.

I lost the pregnancy this morning. I am oddly ok about it. I am trying to focus on the positives which are 1) I got pregnant staright away in cycle 1 2) i have been scanned internally and externally and there doesnt seem to be any physical reason.

It could have been worse, I could have been 12 weeks down the line. In reality I had only known for an hour before the bleeding was bad.

I feel for my OH as he now knows but is on holidya with his kids. I have told him not to come back as I am physically fine (but for a terrible headache) and emotionally I think I am actually ok.

I look forward to getting back into the swing of it after my next period! I think looking fowards is more productive than back. Its not easy and i am sure there will be ups and downs but take comfort in the fact that you can get pregnant- this surely is to be celebrated?
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