New member here!

[vickyd]

Hey everyone,
ive been lurking here for a year and finally decided to join your community. During 2009 i got pregnant twice, the first time all was well until week 22 when we found out my baby girl had sacrococcygeal teratoma type 1. I live in greece and pediatric surgery is not as advanced as in the states so all 5 docters i went to told me to terminate. Sadly i followed their advice and in June i delivered baby Electra. I never got a chance to see her or hold her as here in Greece they consider that it is easier to recover emotionally if you do not see the baby. To this day i regret not demanding to hold her....I was very emotional and kinda crazy after that and my husband thought it would help if i got pregnant right away. Sept. 09 i was pregnant again only to suffer a missed miscarriage. The testing on my baby (boy this time) stated that he had trisomy 22 and they also diagnosed me with possible thrombophilia. My doc does not believe the latter and claims they come up with this diagnosis very often so that they make money off the testing. Anyway, decided to stop trying for a baby until this month. I am ovulating at the moment so im back on the saddle!!! I AM PETRIFIED.... i dont know how ill get through another pregnancy....I have nightmares that i give birth to dead babies and i just cant see myself ever holding a live child....
So thats my story, and my first question to you lovely ladies is do you also feel like its never gonna happen for you? Do you loose yourself in dispair and if yes how do you pull yourself out of it?
sorry for the long post!

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi Vicky, im so sorry to hear about your losses and what happened, youve had a horrible time, i completely understand why you are so anxious and apprehensive

I also cant picture myself actually holding my own baby, its not because thats whats going to happen, its because you are traumatised by your experiences, it doesnt mean this wont happen for you. You ask if i can imagine it for myself, and no, I cant. I really cant.

that doesnt mean that this has to get the better of you and for fear to become who you are. Its part of who you are now, and whats happened will never leave you, it shapes you, but it doesnt define you.*

Im sorry i dont know much about the conditions you mentioned so i best i can do is offer a welcome and a hello

 

[debgreasby]

So sorry for your losses hunni

 

[Smudgelicious]

Hi Vicki

I'm sorry about your babies.

I used to think it was just impossible that I would get to have a live baby all of my own. I just could not imagine it ! Healthy normal babies felt like something foreign that happened to other people, not me.

But it did happen and hopefully it will happen again. Fingers crossed for all of us !

 

[vickyd]

Thanks ladies for the warm welcome! Im so glad i finally joined this forum!
Today i went and tested for the thrombophilia- that set me back another 700 euros but i dont even care anymore that by the time i have a baby ill be completely broke!!!
Today im ovulating, did the deed last night and hopefully after work will be able to try again...fingers crossed it will work!

 

[goddess25]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you did the right thing getting tested for the thrombophilia... if you have it that can cause lots of problems in pregnancy so it will be good to get it under control. I hope it all happens for you fast, you have had a terrible time.

 

[vickyd]

Hey everyone,
Just got back the thromophilia test results (yes here if you pay enough they give you the results the next day!) and all looks good as my doc had predicted. Ive pretty much had all the tests now so ill have to take my docs word for it that im just very unlucky! Well i did my best to conceive this month although my and hubby were soooo tired from work every night...Let the waiting game begin!

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Hi hun

Welcome, and i'm so sorry for your losses x

 

[cla]

im so sorry about your losses hun

 

[MissMaternal]

Hi Vicky, welcome to B&B Everyone here is really friendly and supportive

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses hun. I can't believe you didn't get to see or hold your baby - how dare they tell you what is and isn't right for you emotionally?!

Really hope this month gives you a healthy, sticky bean! Fingers crossed! x

 

[vickyd]

MissMaternal thanks so much for your very warm welcome! Ever since i started posting here im consumed with positive energy and dare i say optimism?!!
Im hoping for sticky beans for all of you wonderful women!

 

[MissMaternal]

No problem! I feel full of positivity at the moment - it's still early days for me at the moment but i find looking forward to the future is a good way of coping. And i'm making the most of the happy days

Sticky beans for all of us! xx

 

[Ten]

Oh, hon, I'm so sorry for all your loss and heartbreak.

Your dreams sound horrific; I wish I was closer so I could come over and give you a hug when you wake from them.

I have times when I'm hopeful and certain things will be okay... and times when I can't believe I'll ever have children. Night seems to be a bad time for me; during the day I can keep busier and distract myself.

I agree with others, though - this board is full of wonderful, strong, sympathetic women. Everyone here's been so supportive! I hope they can help you through the worst of your fears...

 

[Robin in WV]

Hello ladies my name is Robin I am 31 years old and have been trying to get that BFP ending in a beautiful healthy baby. My history is as follows I have been married for 5 years June 16th, I have had two miscarriages the first I was pregnant with identical twin girls, I was two weeks from having to bury them that was Dec 29, 2005. On October 30, 2009 I lost tripletts at 14 weeks. Hubby and I have decided to keep pushing ahead with hopes that one of these pregnancies with stick. Just wanted to introduce myself.

 

[vickyd]

Welcome Robin! Im a new member myself but have found this forum very helpful as its full of very supportive women and its a great place to vent and go crazy without fearing you will be judged!

 

[debgreasby]

Welcome Robin, sorry you have to be here

 

[MissMaternal]

Hello ladies my name is Robin I am 31 years old and have been trying to get that BFP ending in a beautiful healthy baby. My history is as follows I have been married for 5 years June 16th, I have had two miscarriages the first I was pregnant with identical twin girls, I was two weeks from having to bury them that was Dec 29, 2005. On October 30, 2009 I lost tripletts at 14 weeks. Hubby and I have decided to keep pushing ahead with hopes that one of these pregnancies with stick. Just wanted to introduce myself.

Welcome to the forum Robin! Im so sorry for your multiple losses I've onmly lost one baby, but to lose twins and then triplets must be soul destroying. How have you been coping since October hun? Hope you are doing ok.

There is lots of support on this forum, i hope you will find it useful xx

 

[NatoPMT]

Im so sorry Robin - welcome to TTCAL. This is where we all hang out, being neurotic and encouraging each other to be neurotic. And being supportive of course, ahem.

 

[Robin in WV]

Thank you ladies, a for how I am coping? I have a wonderful husband and when I have my bad days and can do nothing but cry and scream everytime I find out that a friend or relative is pregnant I can count on my man to be right there and go through it with me. I just through watching my 17 year old sister in law have a baby and is struggling to take care of her. She has no job, bounces from house to house with the baby, and her boyfriend is in and out of jail. Just makes me so mad

 

[zoefromsussex]

Hi Vicky, I'm so sorry to hear what an awful time you've had. It must have been especially heartbreaking not being able to hold or see your baby. I think you're so brave and I can understand your fears but am keeping everything crossed you'll soon be expecting again and this time you'll get a healthy baby. You certainly deserve some good luck xx