Newly single and pregnant

[charmed by3]

Hi all,

Just a little bit about me. I'm a mom of two, and I'm almost 13 weeks pregnant with number 3. My husband and I separated when I was 9 weeks pregnant, and I'm finding it difficult to cope. I was the one who asked him to leave, but I thought that a little break might make him realize how much we mean to him, and that he would come back and be willing to be partner in our marriage, instead of acting like a 29 year old child. I was sick of being his mother, and his slave, and I know I did the right thing by asking him to leave. But instead of realizing how much he loves us, he seems to be realizing how much he loves being alone. He has now moved 1200km away from us, and is saying that he's not going to come back for the birth of this child. At times I am okay, but at other times I am just so sad and depressed. I love my children. I will love the baby I am carrying just as much, but I don't know if I can do this alone. I'm not making ends meet right now, and I'm not receiving any child support, as my husband is currently unemployed in his new city. I have no one that I can talk to, every time I try to talk to my friends they just go on about how much I'm better off without him. I just want someone to acknowledge the fact that I am lonely, and scared. How am I going to take care of a rebellious 11 year old, a toddler who won't sleep, and a newborn on my own with no help? How am I going to pay my bills? I need some support, I need a hug, and I need someone to help me. I know it will all be okay in the end, I know I can do it, but I just feel so alone.

 

[Scarletvixen]

HUgs must be really difficult, dont knwo what the law is like where you are but if you are leaglly married i would imagine your ex husband will be held to account to pay for the children xx

 

[moomin_troll]

hi
im also a single mum of a toddler and im very pregnant. my oh passed away so its very different reasons to why we are single mothers but im here for if u need a rant or chat.

its been hard going thru pregnancy and looking after a toddler and i often have times where i think to myself how the f am i going to do this. but i guess we just have to because we are mummies

ur ex has to pay u child support so if ur in the UK i would call csa soon as u can. also do u work? if not get hold of the jobcentre too and u should be able to get benifits to help u along. cant give advise on benifits as im not entitled to any(long story)

u dont need a man to be a good mum to ur children x

 

[charmed by3]

Thank you ladies I am in Canada, and legally my husband does have to pay child support, but he's currently "between jobs" which has been known to last a very long time for him. So who knows when I will ever get money. I do work, full time too, but it's just not enough to pay the bills on my own. I am trying to figure it out, have applied for a subsidy to help pay for daycare, but I'm still waiting to hear back. I will figure it out though! Moomin_troll, I am sorry for your loss

 

[swanxxsong]

I cannot speak from personal experience, but I wanted to just give you hugs and support. You're right, you did the right thing and it's a shame that he's chosen the path he's taking. He's missing out on a wonderful strong woman and a wonderful family. Although he's between jobs, he's going to need to support you, so maybe pursuing that legally will put a fire under his butt to find a new job? Because you're going to need help covering bills, since he's just decided, "I'm not returning." I'd contact someone about that, and hopefully that'll get him moving with getting a new job - or else he'll be in a world of trouble.

Thoughts and prayers with you at this difficult time, and I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. You are an amazing and strong woman though, I have no doubt you'll make things work out while taking great care of your kids.

 

[moomin_troll]

so many men seem to be between jobs instead of paying for their children which i will never understand.
i hope u can get help with daycare

 

[charmed by3]

To be fair, he is looking for a job, he's had several interviews, but he also has several big gaps in his resume, which doesn't look very good. One was because he had cancer and had to stop working to be treated, and another was because he was in College for a year, but there are several other gaps to, so he doesn't make for a very appealing hire. I remember when he was trying to find a job after he finished chemotherapy, and it was a very long, grueling process. Everyone wanted to know why he had a year's gap with no work, and when he said "medical reasons" no one wanted to hire him, in case those "medical reasons" cropped up again. It took him nearly 6 months to find a job that time.