News!! finally heard from fob!

[surprisebaby]

Today I got an email from my fob! The first contact for three months. For people who don't know my situation. I am 17 weeks pregnant. I found out in the middle of august. I texted fob the news I am pregnant when I was 3 1/2 weeks pregnant, and he never ever responded. He basically ignored all contact I made and I emailed, texted quite a bit.

This week I wrote to his mum and send the letter recorded delivery and told her everything. I put in two scan photos as well. i think its the first time she had heard any of this.

Anyway this is the email he wrote is this(what do you think??):

First and foremost, I don’t know how you managed to gain access to my
> parent’s home address but don’t dare bring them into this. Leave them
> be. I don't live at home, you won't be able to contact me there. I don’t
> want to hear from you. I can only apologise for that but I have my
> entire future ahead of me, I don’t need you ruining that. I would like
> to think you’d do the honourable thing and have an abortion – but that’s
> your choice. If what you want is financial aid then that’s fine. But
> don’t expect me to contact you again. I’d appreciate you not
> contacting me either.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Ash_P]

What a fucking arsehole!! Sounds like u are welll shot of him hun. Have u heard anything back from his mum? At least u have made her aware of the fact she is going to be a grandmother, if she doesnt bother then thats her choice, but at least u can always say that u had the decency to let her know.

As for him, he really does sound like a complete prick. Do the "honourable" thing and have an abortion!! Who the hell does he think he is. If he feels that his whole life is being ruined then he should of kept his d*ck in her trousers!!
Sorry for the rant, but Im so shocked, these men we were all with just get worse as the days go on. Def make sure that U take him for CSA and get what LO is entitled to.
He is the one missing out, maybe one day he`ll regret it, but it`ll be too little to late at that stage.

How do u feel after reading that?

 

[broodylocket]

omg, what a utter complete pr*ck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRR, sounds like ur best without him and good luck to you xxx

 

[lillprutten]

OMG what a harsh one!
You ruining his future?
I doubt you took his sperm by some medical procedure and inserted yourself....
He sounds very unresponsible, part from the financial aid comment.
I'm sorry he's being like that.

 

[Welshcob]

What a superstar he is!!! WOW - just think of all these wonderful guys out there! Hes going to be such a catch for someone later!...... NOT. Surely its up to his parents to decide whether they want anything to do with their grand child or not????

 

[louise85]

Don't dare bring my parent's in to this??!! Erm why? They are the child's grandparents, god some men are so stupid!! Just cuz he wants to be a dick does that mean he can speak for them to?

Have you had any response off his Mom? Is there any way for her to contact you?

Funny how he gets in touch, even though apparantly you can't contact him there!!

 

[McLovin]

I would probably say something like (to his mum) "thank you for getting xxx to contact me I really appreciate it as I know where I stand now and feel I can just get on with it. I just want you to know that I'm not going to have any issues with you seeing your grandchild if you wish to, even though xxx isn't interested"


just have to say..... what an utter prick!!! (don't aay that to his mum, as tempting as it probably is)

 

[lou_w34]

The honerable thing is to have an abortion??? TOSSER
You should reply back with 'why dont you do the honerable thing and stop taking up valuble oxygen on this planet' haha

But seriously... your so much better off if that is the reply you get. Id make sure you save that email aswell, just incase.

Did his mum reply to you personally?

My fob still hasnt told his parents yet either, and im due in less then 5 weeks!! So well done you for being brave enough to tell them

Id just forget him now, he's the one missing out, while you are gaining everything, you win, he loses. End off.

 

[HannahGraceee]

wtf!!! what an arse!! if hes agreed to give you financial aid, milk it for all hes worth

 

[teal]

It sounds like you and your little one are going to better off without him. Can't believe some of these FOB's.

That must have been hard for you to contact his parents - I agere that it's up to his parents if they want to see their grand child - it's not up to him.

The honourable thing would be to step up, support and be a part of his childs life.

Sending you hugs xx

 

[woadie]

Hi surprise. You and I went through the same thing at the same time. The only difference being that I got my 'feck off' email at the time. I never did contact him again. And I feel now that I did the right thing.

Maybe one day I would feel the 'right and honourable' thing to do would be to tell his parents. Then again, most probably not. But its my choice. Just like its your choice. Not his. They have every right to know and you have every right to tell them if you feel thats the route you wish to take.

He is a complete w*nker, like my FOB was. As for the abortion comment he made to you.... *makes hand gesture* he can go swivel on it. Complete b*stard.

I hope that you don't listen to a word he says and carry on doing what you feel is right for you x

 

[surprisebaby]

Thanks for everyones replies. I appreciate all your thoughts and opinions!!

Ash I haven't heard anything back from his mum yet. I think she received the letter yesterday morning. I really hope she gets in touch with me. I have asked her to. I asked her if she could let me know if she wanted to be involved as a grandparent. She must have some power, because fob wrote to me straight away. I would loved to have heard their conversation!

How do I feel after reading that? happy in one way because he has now got in contact and I feel like I am getting some power in the situation. To me it is very satisfying knowing that his mum knows now and has spoken to him about it. I hated the idea that he thought he cover it all up.... that really annoyed me.... i didn't want it to be a secret.

Apart from that I am upset slightly by the things he said, but I can see now that he isn't in denial any longer... he seems to be in the anger phase now... and I like it that he is now facing up to the situation, instead of denying it. Even if its to say things like have an abortion.

I think its ridiculous that he is suggesting i have an abortion. I mean I am almost half way through my pregnancy. There's no way on earth that I would do that, especially not so he can escape responsibility.... he should have spoke to me three months ago and said that. I wouldn't have had an abortion anyway at that time but at least then it would be a more normal time to suggest it. Not that i would have anyway.....

Lillprutten My thoughts exactly... I am not ruining his life... He is totally blaming me... So irresponsible.

Welshcob Yes i agree yes its up to his parents not him whether they get involved or not.

Louise Yes I agree he can't speak for his mum and dad. Not had a response yet. I have left my address and mobile number with her. Hoping she contacts me. Ha ha "Funny how he gets in touch but you can't contact him there" Thats what I thought. Seemed to work contacting him there!!!!!!

McLovin In the letter I said that I would like her to be involved as a grandparent if she wanted. Yeah I think i will say thanks to her for getting him to contact me. I do really appreciate her doing that. I'll wait till she responds first.

Lou Yes exactly... Honorable to have an abortion!!!!... hardly esp being 17 weeks... more like murder! Are you bothered that he hasn't told his parents? You're right he is the one missing out.... yet he doesn't realise it.... i hope when he matures one day, that he realises how horrible he has been and really regrets it.

Teal yes the "honorable thing would be to step up, support and be a part of his childs life". Can't believe he doesn't realise that!!!!

Woadie No don't worry, I wouldn't have an abortion for him!!! I made my decision three months ago to keep my baby. Why would I change that now? I don't think so!!!

Another thing that I think is stupid. He doesn't want me to contact him ever again yet he offers financial aid...... won't i need to contact him for financial aid? I wouldn't get anything from the csa because he is a student, so probably it would have to be a voluntary thing, so i would have to speak to him.

I find it hard to take in the message he wrote. Its like i have detached myself and his words don't hurt me for some reason.

ok I will update when I hear from fob's mum!!

 

[surprisebaby]

Any ideas on whether to write back to this message or not? Or what to write? Or what to do?

 

[minimoo90]

omg, what a nasty peice of work....

i hope you told him to get a life and grow up...

dw about him, men like that don't deserve to have children...

hope you and LO are ok x

 

[lou_w34]

Im not particularily bothered at the moment, im just trying to get on with my pregnancy at the moment with the least amout of stress possible. However i think once ive had her, i will feel terribley guilty that they dont even no about her, i think i may go and see them with bubs once we are both settled and happy. I dont no if thats the right thing to do, but its better then nothing if their own son is not even willing to tell them

Ohhhh if i was you id want to write back with a load of abuse... but i think you can say it better with silence at times. If his mother doesnt get back in touch with you though, i would probably go and see her, just to see if she actually wants contact with her grandchild or not, and her son is not influencing her opinion. If you do write back though, id keep it as mature and sensible as possible, and tell him he's basically blew it for good lol

 

[woadie]

Thanks for everyones replies. I appreciate all
Another thing that I think is stupid. He doesn't want me to contact him ever again yet he offers financial aid...... won't i need to contact him for financial aid? I wouldn't get anything from the csa because he is a student, so probably it would have to be a voluntary thing, so i would have to speak to him.

The whole financial aid crap. I think it makes them feel better.

Have a quote from my August email:

About anything i have left at your house, please just dump it or get rid of it, i dont want any of it back, in case your wondering i havent told anybody about you being pregnant, this is my decision and mine alone, i repeat i will support the child financially through the CSA, i'm not running from that responsibility but i dont love you enough to make this work.

This will be my last communication with you as there isnt any point of more, i wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

I think the financial part is complete bullsh1t lol

Personally what I would do so this could be rubbish advice knowing me!.... now you've made contact with the FOBs mother I'd hang on and see if she replies to you.... you can see which way to play showing her his email if she does reply. If she doesn't it might be good ammo to use to show her what a total prick he is being in the future especially if you ever seek some more involvement. I'm not writing this very well, but I'm trying to say hold back until you see where the land lies with his mother

 

[kaylynn040485]

If i were u i think i would be printing off a copy of that email and posting it to his parents along with a note saying that your glad u know where u stand now! What a horrible, selfish boy!

 

[surprisebaby]

Woadie: Omg how similar is the tone of voice in your letter and mine.... a really cold hard hearted response.
The two letters are really quite similar. How nasty. "This will be my last communication with you as there isnt any point of more...." Heart of stone...

I like your idea. It makes sense to me to wait and see what fob's mum does. I so hope she writes to me.

Kaylynn: "What a horrible, selfish boy!" Ha ha thats funny. I love some of the stuff people write. It really makes me laugh! Yes I think fob's mum will need to see that email at some point. It makes him look particularly nasty!!!!

 

[EternalRose]

Hi ya hun, he is a class A piece of turd! So, he has a voice then. Looks like his mum told him to bloody well get his finger out of his ass. How old is he if you dont mind me asking? This baby will not go away, and honourable = abortion, oh what a mighty fine chap he is! LOSER. I would write back with this


Let me know what you think of it hun So sorry your going through this, you very strong. x

Thank you very much for this correspondence, I can now keep this on file for both our mutual benefit. I think we can safely say that the ship has sailed from a reconcilliation point of view, so please dont flatter yourself & let any " me " & " you " scenarios cloud any judgement or decisions you make from now on. Now this can be done the easy way or the hard way but my baby is not going to go away. Unfortunately, it is NOT your decision as to whether any further contact is made with your parents as they are MY unborn childs grandparents. Therefore, I do not NEED your permission to involve them & I really do hope this is clear. As far, as financial aid is concerned. I am glad you mentioned it, as I will be in contact with the CSA. Your student status, is irrelevant to them as you will still have income. CSA will be interested to hear that you can be contacted at your parents address. In an ideal situation, it would be very favourable if you could give me your direct address so I could forward it on to them, but in this event I suspect that this will be highly unlikely. Now, again I appreciate you making contact as your reply shows there is no need for any clarification on DNA. However, if you change your mind on this matter a DNA test can be arranged with the CSA. However, I thought Id do the honourable thing & let you know that sending someone else for the DNA testing would be a bad idea. If found out, you may be prosecuted for protesting against paternity and may even be given a prison sentence.If you decide not to go for the DNA test, they will take it as your happy with paternity. So, you can see where I am going with all of this. All the details are available on the CSA website, if you have any queries regarding this matter.

You know how to contact me, but you will be hearing from me again either directly or indirectly

Kindest Regards

 

[EternalRose]

If i were u i think i would be printing off a copy of that email and posting it to his parents along with a note saying that your glad u know where u stand now! What a horrible, selfish boy!

I was going to say, upon your next letter to the parents add his reply. Im sure that will make mum feel so proud.