No one is going to be happy for me

[NinaAutumn]

This sounds so selfish but I am 8weeks and I'm starting to get bigger boobs and a tum. I have to tell people in the next month as I think I'm going to start to show. Few probs though:

1) I left my ex hubby 6months ago (after ttc for 2yrs - not the reason I left btw) I then slept with a friend and bam! Pregnant. I have to tell my ex. He will FLIP.

2) My mum. Looooooves my ex, hates that I left, and is super religious. She's gonna FLIP.

3) Older brother, ex hubby's best friend...enough said. He's gonna FLIP.

4) Started a new job last week, they don't know yet. Boss is gonna FLIP.

Just feel like other than me everyone is going to be angry and disappointed. This poor little baby is going to be viewed as something other than wonderful to them and that breaks my heart. Of course I will love it and protect it as best I can from all that but I'm scared he/she will pick up on it one day.

I hate this. I just want to be happy and shout it from the rooftops.

 

[Amygdala]

That does sound a tough situation. Surely your brother and your mother love you more than your ex though? Do you have any friends or other relatives who will be happy for you? I'd maybe tell them first (or mix them in with the difficult announcements), so that you have some "guaranteed" good reactions. I'd also tell mum and brother first and tell them that you need their support because it's a tough situation but that you're overjoyed about this baby. Hopefully they'll surprise you. Your ex might flip but that's no longer your problem. Oh and you don't need to tell your boss just yet if its all a bit much at the moment. They might surprise you anyway and just be happy for you.

 

[NinaAutumn]

Thank you. I've had mixed advice, someone said they'd tell their ex first so he didn't have to hear it from someone else. I think I just need a day with my phone to call round everyone. I will probably need a box of tissues and lots of cuddles from my cat while I do it though. I figure do it all in one day and then anyone with a toxic response I will simply cut out if my life for now.

My friends (few and far between) will be sooooo shocked. I think they'll be happy for me once they've gotten over that shock though. I did tell my sister and she seems happy. I hate that she's having to keep it a secret until I have the balls to tell people though

 

[Louppey]

F*ck anyone who treats your news with contempt! This should be a happy joyous time, and if they don't want to give you it (especially your Mother!!!!) then sod the lot of them.

Are you still friends with your ex? Because if you are, I would tell him first. If you're not, sod it, who cares who he finds out from.

 

[MrsMohr]

Well honey, I'M happy for you and you have all of us here to support you. It sucks that you are going through all of this now but in the end...you will have a beautiful son/daughter and your mom/brother won't be able to resist that!

 

[Brightstarshi]

it will be alright,think of tough situations you have come through in the past.How far they are behind you now,the same will be with this.(((((hugs))).You will know what to do and what to say when the time comes,it will be alright x

 

[Linz88]

I dont understand why its any of your exs business unless you was on a break and planning on getting backtogether,

Your mom & brother should support u over your ex and hopefully wont resent your baby over a silly detail like dna because at the emd of the day your baby is as much there flesh and blood as s/he would be had your ex been the father

 

[jojo_b]

Right, if I were you, I'd bank on it being shite, but plan something lovely afterward. Have you got a friend who's supportive? Or fob? I'd tell everyone, let them do their flipping, then go pick nursery furniture, or buy babygrows. Let them all get on with it. It's not their life, their baby. This is a momentous time for you, so let them all bugger off until they've something more supportive to say xx

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Hi sweety!
We are happy for you!
This is finally your turn, regardless of who the baby is by. Have you told FOB yet? (Father of baby) what did he say?
Don't let others trump your happiness. It didn happen with your ex for a reason of it happened with someone else so quickly!

 

[HappyBump25]

Well honey, I'M happy for you and you have all of us here to support you. It sucks that you are going through all of this now but in the end...you will have a beautiful son/daughter and your mom/brother won't be able to resist that!

WSS! Even if they respond less than enthusiastically, I highly doubt it will last forever. I'm sure they love you, and wouldn't want you out of their lives.

As for the ex, well, I'd probably tell my family first and explain to them you haven't told your ex yet. But tell him immediately after. I only say this because, I can only imagine that your family would respect your wishes to tell your ex yourself whereas your ex really owes you nothing. Which means it may not keep him from going and telling your family. However, you know them and I don't so take my advice with a grain of salt.

Good luck!

 

[Bluewings]

I understand how familial and friend support is important, but in the end (for you to cope through their inability to be loving), its best to realize its not them that is pregnant and they cannot dictate the conditions your child will be raised in. Ideal situation for you? Nope. But they don't need to state the obvious. I'm so very sorry you may not be getting the positive support you want during this happy time. Perhaps befriending other new moms in a local prenatal class would help?

 

[NinaAutumn]

Thanks ladies.

I know I shouldn't care what my ex thinks it's just he and I tried for 2 years to get pregnant and it caused us so much stress. I think I am just upset that he'll be so hurt to find out someone else has managed it. I feel like I have put him through enough and this is just going to push him over the edge.

I think you're right though, I think I should tell my family first and I also love the idea of doing something nice for myself and the baby afterwards. That's a really sweet idea, thank you jojo_b.

The baby's daddy does know and he's very excited about it, he's not without stress too. He has a 7yr old from a previous marriage and his ex-wife suffers from mental health problems. He's worried about telling her but I have a great relationship with his son and I know his son will be thrilled to be a big brother. I guess I need to focus on the baby's dad and the baby's big brother! They'll be happy. Just feels lonely not to have my family around I guess.

Ugh! Now stupid hormones are making me cry about it all again.

Thanks again though ladies, really great to have you around to talk to xxx

 

[NinaAutumn]

I understand how familial and friend support is important, but in the end (for you to cope through their inability to be loving), its best to realize its not them that is pregnant and they cannot dictate the conditions your child will be raised in. Ideal situation for you? Nope. But they don't need to state the obvious. I'm so very sorry you may not be getting the positive support you want during this happy time. Perhaps befriending other new moms in a local prenatal class would help?

Thank you. I am meeting my midwife on Thurs so I will ask her about local prenatal clubs and classes. It would be good to meet up with some other mums-to-be.

 

[PinkDuckeh]

I'm sorry...but why is this any of ex's business?

 

[NinaAutumn]

I'm sorry...but why is this any of ex's business?

We're still technically married and I don't hate him or wish him any pain. He alway's wanted to be a daddy and after us trying for two years, for him to find out I am pg by someone I have only been with a couple of time will just break his heart.

He's best friends with my brother too and they work together. I just feel bad that the ex is going to be so distraught, that's all. I know it's not his business but I am a big softie and hurting people is not something I am very good at

 

[Breezybaby80]

I kinda understand how u feel Hun. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and I'm not close to my family and the father of the baby is not being supportive and doesn't want to know, I've told my sister and all she said was "wouldn't it be better to have a baby in a relationship?" Erm yes it would and ideally it's the way I'd always planned to have children but unfortunately things don't go to plan but I wouldn't change being pregnant now! I've had a lot of reactions like this and has made me feel like a failure but its bit my fault the dad doesn't want to know and the baby will have a lot of love from me.
Try not to worry about ur ex too much and am happy the father is being supportive and is happy. Good luck let us know how u get on x

 

[NinaAutumn]

I kinda understand how u feel Hun. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and I'm not close to my family and the father of the baby is not being supportive and doesn't want to know, I've told my sister and all she said was "wouldn't it be better to have a baby in a relationship?" Erm yes it would and ideally it's the way I'd always planned to have children but unfortunately things don't go to plan but I wouldn't change being pregnant now! I've had a lot of reactions like this and has made me feel like a failure but its bit my fault the dad doesn't want to know and the baby will have a lot of love from me.
Try not to worry about ur ex too much and am happy the father is being supportive and is happy. Good luck let us know how u get on x

I guess all that matters is me and the baby at the moment. I never thought I would have a baby in this situation either. I keep thinking two things:

a) I must be stronger than I give myself credit for dealing with all this stress
b) My little micro-me is strong for hanging on in there with such a stressed out mum!

Those two things are helping me cope. Well, that and ice cream.

I hope your baby's daddy comes round. I am sure he will, it can take guys a little while longer. Here for a chin wag if you ever want to talk.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

Your brother and mother may like your ex a lot but I'm sure they love you more and they won't choose him over your happiness. If they did though, you can cut them loose and be happy where you are in your life. I know it's hard but hunny if people aren't gonna support you then what's the sense in them being in your life? As for your job, I'd tell them asap so that way they don't get even more angry at the fact you waited so long. Tell them you just found out (It's not unheard of to find out at 2 months), and see where they stand with you. Depending on your job I'm sure you can continue to work. As for your ex, I'm sorry he'll be upset that you're pregnant by someone else but you guys had broken up and you moved on. Nothing wrong with that and no one should be trying to make you feel bad about your choices. You're carrying a baby, your baby, a human being and it's hard enough. No one especially people whom are closest to you should be making you feel like crap!

 

[d_b]

People may be shocked at first but I bet they will surprise you and be happy for you. Well your ex may not be happy but he'll get over it.

I certainly wouldn't worry about your boss, he won't flip out, you'll still be there for the next 7 months and it's lots of time for them to find a replacement for when you leave. Still, you don't need to tell work for a while if you don't want to.