Noah in 2006

Discussion in 'Just For Fun' started by ImTheDaddy, Sep 10, 2006.

  1. ImTheDaddy

    ImTheDaddy Well-Known Member

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    In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
    England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
    over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build
    another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good
    humans."

    He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the

    Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
    yard
    - but no Ark.

    "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

    "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed
    Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade

    about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I
    should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my
    garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it

    is a temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of
    State for a decision.

    "Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
    future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to

    clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the

    sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

    "Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree

    Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special
    Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I
    tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save

    the owls
    -
    but no go!

    "When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.

    "They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
    They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel
    and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

    "Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers
    Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
    an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

    "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
    Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.
    The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire

    only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

    "To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets,
    claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
    species.

    "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
    finish this Ark."

    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
    stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You
    mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

    "No," said the Lord, "The Government beat me to it."

     

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