Non religious persons using a church (or similar) for a wedding/christening.

[KittyVentura]

Ok. Let me set the scene(s)

A non religious/non beleiving/non church-going couple choose to have their child christened in a church, despite knowing that they will not be bringing their child up in a religious setting/background or be encouraging their child to follow a religion.

The same couple are getting married and wish to use a church for their ceremony. There is no religious reason for them choosing this setting. They know that they need to be seen to be active in the church to get married there and so attend church in the run up to a wedding knowing that they will not visit the church again once they are married.

Is this disrespectful or not? Is it abuse of a religious building?

Should non believers have a "right" to use such buildings - I.E a church - for events based on he view that their use for weddings and such is seen as traditional?

For those that are not religious but have done any of the above, what were your reasons for doing so?

For those that are religious, how does this make you feel? How would this be viewed under your religion?

Lets keep this clean please. No disprespecting or "bashing" another person's faith or beliefs.

xx

 

[KittyVentura]

Personally, I do see it as disrespectful.

I can only see things from my own point of view of course and I am athiest.

For me it is the knowledge that those that attend church do so because they truly have a belief and a faith that makes me feel as I do. That religious building is sacred so to speak. It's a place they go to for worship/prayer/to seek guidance in times of need and so on.

Being athiest means I am not just indifferent to religion. I strongly believe that there is no god or higher power. My beliefs are completely the opposite of those that the church was built for.

As a result to have me, a complete non-believer, use a church for non other than my own means... well I feel it would be disrespecting the faith of everyone else that does believe. I feel that my using it would almost be mocking them.

Also, because I am athiest, I have no desire to have a religious ceremony. Any ceremony performed in church would have religios connotations and it would be hypocritical of me to have my own cereomony include religion when I do not believe it. I feel it would invalidate my vows in a way if I were to marry in a religious setting (because I made my vows linked to god... and I do not believe in god... so if I am promising things to somethign I do nto believe exists then does my promise really mean anything?).

Hope that makes sense. I say this in almost every thread linked to religion but, while I do not believe myself, I do respect those that do beleive and I respect their faith. I hope that comes across. I would hate to offend anyone so I've tried to word things as carefully as I can. I guess though it is because I respect religion that I feel as I do about the use of the church lol xxx

 

[TennisGal]

Ooh, I mentioned this in the thread below. Good topic, kitty!

It is disrespectful for me - both to believers, but also to atheists. For exactly the reasons you state. 100% agree with you. I am a christian, and saying my wedding vows in the eyes of God was hugely important. Ditto welcoming our children into the Christian faith.

Saying these vows and actually not believing them...surely that's an odd wedding ceremony?!

I've more to add...but only one arm free (napping dd

 

[Lightworker]

I do think it is not right to pretend to go to church for the sake of a wedding or a christening. I got married in a Church as I was a practicing Christian at the time.

However, from a Church's point of view, perhaps it is acceptable due to the principle of welcoming all. Even if they know people are doing it for the sole purpose of getting married, it just means people are being exposed to the Word of God, for however long, so that can only be a good thing.

From the point of view of the prospective couple, I wouldn't do it as it is false. Some people think getting married in a Church is part of the glamour of getting married. People who would otherwise not do anything in line with Christianity will still fight tooth and nail to get married in a Church and I find that mind-boggling.

In my whole entire life I have never seen anyone who isn't a Muslim getting married in an Islamic religious building, or any other religion for that matter. I think lots of people are into the whole idea of Church weddings because they are quite beautiful and exquisite, but it seems almost a misuse and perhaps I would go as far as saying it is disrespectful.

 

[tallybee]

Yep I have to say I am with you again KittyVentura.

It would be interesting to hear from other angles.

Christenings for non-religious people just seems oxymoronic to begin with... I don't understand why anyone would do that if they don't believe in it.

Church weddings - well I suppose some people like the fairytale wedding idea. I still don't 'get' religious ceremony for non religious people though. Maybe some do it to keep family members happy

I can appreciate impressive church architecture for what it is - fine design and workmanship.

But I could never personally hold any ceremony personal to me and mine in a religious setting because it's so completely removed from what I actually believe. I would also feel incredibly hypocritical, and the vows would be empty.

 

[lynnikins]

i find it disrespectful and was shocked that it goes on, sadly the UK law requires you marry in a church or place lisenced for weddings and outside of a regsitry office then those choices are limited and sometimes rather costly

Although Christian myself I did not get married in a church we couldnt because the church we wanted to marry in was in a different parish so we would have to have the "Bans" read in 2 churches and meet with the minsiter of the local parish church before we could wed, now since that particular church was teaching things in contrast to what i believe the Bible says then i felt it hypocritical like i was supporting that churches beliefs to be involved with it so we married at the registry office and had a blessing service at our own church.

to be christning your children when you arent of a faith is very very disrespectful and i have had long hard talks with many friends who dont have "faith" except that they get their kids christend and go to church for Christmas and have their children in schools of a "faith" background. the way i see it you cant have the best of both worlds,

I dont wish to exclude anyone from the church and our church is frequently used as a community hall and other events are held there for the community as a whole but to "pretend" religion for your own gain is decietful

 

[TennisGal]

Lightworker-I know our own church had quite strict rules as we got married...attending classes on God and marriage, Christianity and marriage etc. Also, attendance several times before the wedding is required. So not sure it's encouraged for any exposure to the word of God, more I think people will go through what it takes to get their dream 'location'. We were getting married around the same time as several other couples, and it was very strange seeing them all appear in church for a few weeks...then disappear!!

Dd waking, so back to this in the pm!

 

[Lightworker]

Lightworker-I know our own church had quite strict rules as we got married...attending classes on God and marriage, Christianity and marriage etc. Also, attendance several times before the wedding is required. So not sure it's encouraged for any exposure to the word of God, more I think people will go through what it takes to get their dream 'location'. We were getting married around the same time as several other couples, and it was very strange seeing them all appear in church for a few weeks...then disappear!!

Dd waking, so back to this in the pm!

Yeah I know what you mean, they do have these criteria, but I also think the Church must know what happens because surely they notice that after the couple are wed, they no longer come to Church. Incidentally, I lived right outside a parish where they were encouraging people to get married (as opposed to co-habiting) and were incentivising it by allowing them to have the wedding in church for free.

 

[tasha41]

No, non-believers should not have a "right" to use such buildings. They are private property and here, for my church (Catholic) you have to make an appearance at mass regularly, go to marriage prep classes, meet with the priest, etc before you are allowed to be married in the Church. I agree wholeheartedly with it. It's a sacrament in my faith. I find it offensive when people baptize their children when they themselves don't believe in God, don't act like Christians. I can kind of get over people who don't attend church regularly- I know with children, jobs, etc time gets away from you, but I think it is better if you make it a priority and make the time regardless of whatever else is going on iykwim.

I don't have a problem with non-religious groups using the church hall for their functions. Girl Guides etc often use our church hall. It's inexpensive to rent, a pretty decent facility, and it's a good way for the Church to make a bit of extra money for operating costs, or to fundraise for projects such as new bathrooms, pews, etc. As long as the message is in keeping with our values- like I wouldn't want an Anti-Semitic convention taking place in our church hall? But things that promote doing good, community, etc are fine

 

[Tasha]

I got married in a registery office for this reason, I dont believe in a god and so would of felt uncomfortable in a church (plus I dont like the smell of church's ), so I would of been saying vows that perhaps didnt mean as much to me as they should. I only really go once a year and so me marrying in a church would of felt hypocritical to me.

Christening again we didnt do it, we had a naming day but it wasnt religious etc, again it would of felt hypocritical for us.

 

[Nibblenic]

I think it is very disrespectful. I got mried in a regrsty office, had a naming ceremony and refussed to say anything about god wen i was a 'supporting adult' at my nephews christening.

I have a huge respect for anyone with religion. I do not think you should pretend for the sake of haivng a church wedding/christening.

I also refussed to swear on the bible when I was a member of a jury. It really annoyed me that people who did not believe in God swore on the bible.

I personally think anyone who declares thier love before a God they do not believe in has a empty and meaningless wedding

 

[jojo_b]

I think it's really hypocritical to be honest. Asking for God's blessing when you don't believe in him is crazy IMO. I'm not Christian so refused to get married in a church. I wanted to mean my vows, which I wouldn't have if they'd have been full of stuff about God and JC. I'm really against organised religion and won't be getting my baby christened for this reason x x

 

[KittyVentura]

Thanks guys. I'd love to hear from anyone with an opposing view... as much as I like reading lots of opinions that are similar to my own xxx

 

[nomadlife]

I was a "believer" when I got married. I was married in a JW Kingdom hall (church) they are really plain, just a building with chairs and a stage pretty much. I would have loved to have been married in a fairy tale type church (but my religion at the time didnt allow me to go in other peoples churches, let alone be married in them).

I never really thought non-believers getting married in churches would be that offensive, but that is largely because I have never heard of non-believers getting married in a church. I personally wouldn't even consider it as a non-believer, but if non-believing friends did I wouldn't care about it. I can see how some christians might be offended. Surely if it is that offensive to the church/christians the priest (who I am assuming decides) wouldn't let non-believers get married in the church in the first place?

I think non-believers getting their kids baptised is really weird. I do know of a few people that are non-believers whose babies were "threatened" with a sneaky baptism by a family member, and one who actually had her baby baptised behind her back!! People who are passionate about their faith can be very pushy sometimes. So I think people who do may be under a lot of family pressure and do it to get everyone off their backs and keep the peace or something?

 

[Pixelle]

I'm of the same opinion as everyone else. It's hypocritical.

My extended family all have their babies Christened, even though they don't ever go to church.

When Kai was born, there were questions about me getting him Christened. I said no way. There was a bit of uproar about it as it's "tradition". Sod tradition. My Son will choose his religion (or not) when he's old enough to understand. And I won't Christen him just because it's the done thing.

It's the same with weddings, in my extended family, too. I won't be getting married in church, so that'll cause another bother

 

[peanut56]

I don't think I like it either. I'm not at all religious and I agree that it's hypocritical.
Where I live, some churches will allow anyone (church members or not) to rent the church for an event. A friend of mine suggested this for my wedding because the church was really beautiful. But I didn't do it, it just seemed wrong since I'm not religious.

 

[Gen79]

There must be someone out there with a different opinion; we all know of someone IRL.

However, I agree. A couple years ago DH's family wanted to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. Neither DH nor I wanted to go but we went along with it as we felt they'd be upset if we stayed behind by ourselves. Both DH and I felt horrible and hypocritical being there, knowing most of the other people felt this was an important event.

We got married in Las Vegas and don't plan on christening LO.

 

[Feltzy]

I see what you're all saying but just because somebody doesn't go to church it doesn't mean they don't believe in god. I am one of those people who is getting married in a church but hasn't been a regular visitor to church, but it is still important to me to have a religious wedding. My OH is of the same stance, the venue we are having the reception at has the option of a civil ceremony but that wasn't something we even considered, and not because we want a fairytale wedding, but because we want a religious ceremony. We are also getting our children christened at the end of this year.

Our reverend is aware that we aren't regular church goers and was completely happy with it. I thought the church were trying to encourage people to get married in church as there has been a massive drop in church weddings over the last few years, in the UK anyway I'm not sure about anywhere else? Maybe I'm wrong but while some see it as hypocritical isn't it good for the church? Maybe it will even encourage people to start going to church? I've never really had a connection with a church since I was at school but I think having the children christened and then getting married in the same church will definitely create a connection for us.

I think its different for people who don't believe in god or athiests, but tbh I don't see why an athiest would want to marry in a church anyway?

 

[BradysMum]

I find it incredibly disrespectful.

We didn't marry in a church and our children aren't christened. I don't believe in god, so I don't really understand why I would want any of that? DH was raised mormon. He practices his religion without me and the kids which is fine by me, and respect him for that. He respects my views too. We both felt it would be disrespectful to get married in the mormon church, because I'm an atheist. I have no problem with our children experiencing the mormon religion, when they are old enough to decide.

I'm going to be slightly controversial, but in my opinion, people that christen their child and aren't religious just want an excuse for a party. Why not just have a naming day like someone else said, that way you can have everyone see the baby etc.

One of DH's colleagues just had a baby and I did end up in a slight debate with her. Neither her or her partner are religious and she told me they will be christening the baby in a few months. I asked why? And she said because thats what you do. So I said that actually its only what you do if you are religious, its considered incredibly disrespectful to christen a child when neither parent is religious. She said oh well it'll be reet. Not really a response but never mind. We apparently are invited but I won't be attending.

 

[Blah11]

I think it's in bad taste tbh. My friend at works OH wants to get married in a church for no real reason other than b/c its a wedding lol. Anyway she reckons you just need to go 6 times in a year and they'll marry you. I reckon churches should be a bit more strict.

p.s. i am not religious and will get married in a statelyhome/castle/hotel/registry office/whatever. my children arent and wont be christened either. We just had a 'meet the baby' party instead.