Non religious persons using a church (or similar) for a wedding/christening.

[welshgem]

Ok, I'll throw it out there - I don't go to Church or feel religious (although i wouldn't describe myself as an atheist) but I would want my children to be christened and if we got married, I would want a Church wedding. I actually went to a church school when I was younger so became a bit disillusioned with the whole concept of religion after being made to pray about 10 times a day! But, my mum still works at said school and attends church at least once a month because of it. I would want my kids to go to the same primary school as I did also.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I think it's really hypocritical to be honest. Asking for God's blessing when you don't believe in him is crazy IMO. I'm not Christian so refused to get married in a church. I wanted to mean my vows, which I wouldn't have if they'd have been full of stuff about God and JC. I'm really against organised religion and won't be getting my baby christened for this reason x x

I agree. I have friends who dont believe in God, yet get kids christened. I dont understand. If you dont believe in God then you dont believe in God...why get your child christened? I dont get it

 

[cupcake]

well I guess I have a different opinion, I am a religious orthodox Jew, and would want any Jewish person to get married in a synagogue, regardless of if they believed or not and especially if they themselves chose to. Obviously as I am religious I believe my religion is true, and that anyone could come to believe this truth at any time, perhaps a memory of getting married or in our case a circumcision, will cause these people to choose to learn more about their religion, even if it doesn't at least a religious ceremony was performed and they were married according to the faith. So yes, I think it is fine even if you don't believe to get married in our case in a synagogue, and to circumcise etc. I don't think its disrespectful , as long as it is treated with respect, and not made a mock of.

 

[trgirl308]

I am an atheist, but DH is baptised catholic, but non-practicing and mostly non-believing. We had discussed if our kids would be baptised but decided against it, his mother had had him and his sister baptised because that is what you should do and then brought them to church once a year, so he really didn't think there was any point. And his sister didn't baptise her kids either. As for our wedding, we got married outside in a civil ceremony with 0 mention of anything religious or God, because I didn't think it had any place there. imo.

If a couple is believing, but non-practicing I don't think it would be offensive to get married or to christen their children, it is additional revenu to the church and many churches encourage this type of activity in the hope the ppl will come more often, or that maybe their kids will.

If the couple is non-believing then that I find weird, and I would say the christening is offensive and you are imposing something on your child that you don't believe yourself.. that I find odd. But if the said church allows it then... who knows!

 

[zzypeg]

i think it disrepectful and indeed a little pointless for people to use religious buildings for such events..infact I was only thinking this while sat in church on sunday ( a church we regularly attend BTW) and watching people sniggering at the alter bells being rung. And it makes me cringe to listen to the "godparents" repeating the words "with the help of god we will" when they have intention of helping to raise that child and support them in that particular religion. I was married in a church as it was important to me and DH as we have been raised Christian and will raise our daughter with the same faith. We will have her christened and I have chosen Godparents who actually have been raised the same and believe in God.

For weddings, there are so many beautiful venues now a days that will look stunning in photos, not just a case of having to get married in the council offices anymore.

I am tired of people having their babies christened in a church for the sake of a pretty dress and a piss up afterwards..when after that day there will probably never be talk of church again. The people who had their baby christened on sunday have never been to church and will never go again and it was very much a "keeping up with the Jones'" type of event.

sorry but these are my opinion xxx

 

[peanut56]

I think it's really hypocritical to be honest. Asking for God's blessing when you don't believe in him is crazy IMO. I'm not Christian so refused to get married in a church. I wanted to mean my vows, which I wouldn't have if they'd have been full of stuff about God and JC. I'm really against organised religion and won't be getting my baby christened for this reason x x

I agree. I have friends who dont believe in God, yet get kids christened. I dont understand. If you dont believe in God then you dont believe in God...why get your child christened? I dont get it

I don't get it either! But maybe some people do it because of family pressure? When I was pregnant, my in laws pressured us A LOT to have the baby christened. Neither of us are religious (My in laws are, but have not been in a church in decades) so we said no. They fought hard though, and it came to a point where my husband had to get really firm with them before they would drop it.

 

[lynnikins]

I see what you're all saying but just because somebody doesn't go to church it doesn't mean they don't believe in god. I am one of those people who is getting married in a church but hasn't been a regular visitor to church, but it is still important to me to have a religious wedding. My OH is of the same stance, the venue we are having the reception at has the option of a civil ceremony but that wasn't something we even considered, and not because we want a fairytale wedding, but because we want a religious ceremony. We are also getting our children christened at the end of this year.

Our reverend is aware that we aren't regular church goers and was completely happy with it. I thought the church were trying to encourage people to get married in church as there has been a massive drop in church weddings over the last few years, in the UK anyway I'm not sure about anywhere else? Maybe I'm wrong but while some see it as hypocritical isn't it good for the church? Maybe it will even encourage people to start going to church? I've never really had a connection with a church since I was at school but I think having the children christened and then getting married in the same church will definitely create a connection for us.

I think its different for people who don't believe in god or athiests, but tbh I don't see why an athiest would want to marry in a church anyway?

see i dont have a problem with your wishes to marry in a church or christen your children because although you might not be regular church goers you say that you do have belief and that you think it will create a connection perhaps even a reason to return and look at what the church teaches etc...

its ppl who are utterly non-believers in God that I have issue with "using" religeon for their own purposes knowing they will never again step foot in a church for the reason the church is there to be used.

 

[Natsku]

I have to admit I'd like to get married in a church even though I don't go anymore (unless I'm visiting my parents and go with them) because I love the ceremony and the hymns and it would make both mine and my OH's families happy (my dad would love to perform the ceremony) but we'll probably end up getting married in front of the magistrate instead anyway as we're running out of time on our marriage license.

I haven't got Maria christened although I did briefly consider it because most kids are christened here and then they all go to confirmation camp when they're 15 and I wouldn't want her to feel left out but then I found out they have non-religious camps too.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

hmm thats a hard one, personally if i was not marrying a man from a very catholic family i would probably have a non-denominational ceremony at the beach or somewhere nice like a garden..both oh and i dont go to church(except at christmas and easter)but we will be getting married in a church out of respect for his family( i am christened anglican and my grandmother regularly attends church however my parents do not) to them there is no other option
we both believe to an extent and have had both of our children baptised in the catholic church as they do attend for special occasions..so is that ok or not?its a fine line really it may be out of respect for either of their families or they may have their religious beliefs but do not attend church to physically confirm themselves.
as our children are catholic and as oh and his family went to catholic school and we want that stricter education for our children we will be going to church MORE regularly in the lead up to their school entry and due to supporting their school commitments we will continue to do so throughout their schooling years on occasion and as needed.
if someone wants to get married in the eyes of god i think it is their right even if they are not practising(attending mass every week) members of the religion..the only prerequisite here i think is to be baptised within the church you wish to get married

 

[LeeBee]

My husband and I both have very different beliefs. Well, basically, he's a believer and I'm not. We were not married in a church, but we did hire a pastor to come to a location and marry us.

And even though I don't believe, I still attend church with my husband and children. I do it partially for my husband, and partially because it's a good environment for my kids. Because while I may not necessarily buy everything they're saying, there are some really great lessons to be learned- about giving, being good to others, ect. So I don't know, I guess some might consider me a hypocrite. But my personal opinion is that if there is a god, I should hope he won't be offended that I'm taking these steps to provide a better life for my kids. Maybe the "a little is better than none" theory would apply?

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I definitely wouldn't have a church wedding (I'm an atheist.) I just find it pointless really. I don't think it's disrespectful particularly though, OK so the couple don't believe but they obviously value religion / admire the church building / sense of tradition so that's a compliment really. If you're really against religion you won't want to be in a religious building...
I haven't really thought loads about it, just a first thought really...

 

[kcbmama]

My DH and I are non-religious and married in a registry office as we felt it would be hypo-critical. It went against both of our mothers wishes who were both denied the chance to marry in a church due to varying circumstances. Our DD was born before we married also. We were and are still asked if we are going to have her christened which once again goes against our lifestyle if you will. With us expecting another LO in December, I suspect the questions will start again. I am considering having a baby shower when this one is here, so that family and friends can meet the baby, as not many bothered last time

 

[Laura2919]

In our church we cant get married unless we have attended at least 3 times and have had our Christening, Communion and have been Confirmed, just how it should be.

I think it is disrespectful to get married in a church that you have no faith in just for the scenery.
If your not religious there are hotels, registry offices and other places to be married.

My sister is Catholic and her OH is Muslim, they have to have a non denominational service and it cant be in a church.

 

[Zoex89x]

Im just wondering, what about funerals? Of course with marriage if your not religious you have the option to get married in a registry office for example but with a funeral as far as I'm aware these only happen in churches( correct me if I'm wrong) so do you think if you are not a religious person it's disrespectful to have your funeral held in a church or be burried in the grounds of a church? I'm not religious and I got married in a registry office bit if I had the money I definatly would of got married in a church they are beautiful and have a romantic feel and scenery.

 

[Tiff]

I agree with the person who talked about how just because someone doesn't go to church doesn't mean that they aren't religious. We all have our own beliefs and what we take out of our beliefs.

I was raised Baptist Christian. I don't go to church anymore, I had my own experiences with it that personally soured church for me. Keyword is church though, not faith! I don't talk about religion very much to anyone... mainly because its such a hot topic for people. Not just forums and whatnot, but that saying where you don't talk about either religion or politics holds true for me from personal experiences. DF is athiest.

Baptists don't do "Christenings" per se. We do "Dedications", and had Claire dedicated. It was important to me to at least show her and open her up to other views out in the world. I'm not a forceful person, so I would never force her to go. But if she expressed a desire to find out more about church I'd take her. DF will probably talk to her about his beliefs, which is his own thought as well.

As for other people who are total atheist but use religious venues for their things... I don't see the harm? I know my parents church struggle financially at times and rely heavily on donations from the congregation not to mention fees for weddings and money from hall rentals. It helps keep costs down and allows them to upgrade or replace stuff that's starting to become worn.

There's limits that they'd allow too I imagine... like some notorious biker game that has a bad reputation wanted to do a dinner there I doubt they'd accommodate. I don't know, I just think there's always more to the story than what we all know being on the outside looking in.

If people didn't know how I felt, or that I was raised religious and only judged me on how I am now I could see them saying the same thing about me being hypocritical.

 

[Nibblenic]

Im just wondering, what about funerals? Of course with marriage if your not religious you have the option to get married in a registry office for example but with a funeral as far as I'm aware these only happen in churches( correct me if I'm wrong) .

Youre wrong.

There are plenty of non religious places to be buried/cremated. Different ceremonies from humanist/spiritualist to completely non religious.
Then there is always the option to donate your body to medical science then you dont have to worry about disposing of it.

 

[Zoex89x]

Lol damn should of researched hehe!!

But to those of u who do think it's disrespectful to get married in a church when your not religious do u think its also disrespectful to have a funeral or be burried at a church? Lol sorry I sound really morbid!!!

 

[KittyVentura]

I'd think it would be distrespectful to avoid the deceased's wishes and disregard their beliefs on death. Whether that be a person of faith being laid to rest in a not religious ceremony/setting or vice versa. If I had powers to haunt someone... I'd haunt the loved ones that chose to give me a funeral in a church lol xx

 

[LoraLoo]

I guess i fall under the 'none practicing' category. I went to a C of E school, as do my children. Both me and my children have all been Christened, in the same church. Christening my children was important to me, not just for a 'pretty dress and piss up' as somebody put it. Just because I dont go to Church every week, doesn't mean I don't have my beliefs- how ever much they've been challenged in the last few years, I need something to cling on to, to believe in.

The vicar knows us well, having Christened my children, blessed Eve for us and sadly done all too many friend/family funerals. He will be marrying us in March....both OH and I have been Christened but neither of us confirmed. We will have to attend Church for the 3 Sundays leading up to the wedding.

I dont really 'get' why people would want to marry in Church if they dont believe what so ever but at the same time it doesnt offend me.

 

[Sherileigh]

I haven't read the whole thread, so not sure if this was covered or not. I think it's very important how we define non-believers. Some people are under the assumption that if you don't go to church you're not religious. That's not at all true. If the people we're talking about believe but don't go to church and choose to have a wedding/baptism in a church...great. I have no problem with that. If these people are true non-believers, than I think it's a bit weird....not sure why they'd want to do it?