Non religious persons using a church (or similar) for a wedding/christening.

[lesleyann]

I dont go to church however I would want my wedding at church infact our wedding was planned at a certain church not even my local one on special grounds, My whole family have been christened there,married there and burried there, infact it was going to be the same vicor who christened me, he was happy for me to marry there aslong as i went to church once a month for 6months, I stopped going to church when my grandad died i just never went back again. I wouldnt say i dont believe but then i would also not doubt the science in the world so im torn.. But i dont want to get married a registory office, there so small and "wierd" to me.

 

[CarlyP]

I'm a christian who doesn't attend church but I do say my prayers and believe in god.

I'm also in tune with the other side and attend spiritual groups to develop this, my groups are all for belief and religion, so I do practice it there.

I'm not bothered whether I get married in a church or not, as long as its with my OH it suits me wherever, but I would like my children christened as me and OH are.

 

[tina_h75]

I haven't read all of the replies but I think its hypocritical. I was brought up in an extremely religious environment ( Roman Catholic so church every Sunday, prayers every day at school, priest making unannounced visits at your house ... ) but as soon as I was old enough to make my own decisions I knew that religion wasn't for me and I stepped away from it all. There is no way I would want to enter that lifestyle again for the sake of pretty wedding photos or good schools for the kids etc but if I had continued with religion then I think I would be pretty annoyed with people who think they could pick it up and drop just to suit whatever event was happening in their life at the time.

 

[Breezy]

Oo good question! I am catholic but I am not confirmed as my mother went through a period of lost faith when my grandfather died and as a result we stopped going to church and Sunday school. I didn't have the option of going on my own until I was old enough to drive- didn't get my license until I was 19.

I was also married at 19 years old- in a church. Not a Catholic church but a church that was recommended to us by a friend of mine from work (she was also an ordained minister). DH and I went to the church a few times prior to being married there and went through marriage counselling there. I was somewhat iffy about the church as it wasn't what I was used to but I tried it for quite a few Sundays. The best way to describe it is one of those churches where they sing for almost the entire service and they really push donations. Very loud and in your face. I am used to the more traditional services of the Catholic church and that is what I like.

After being married in the church, we went a few more times but I just still didn't like it. So we started going to the cathedral when it was done being under construction. I felt really bad and as if I disrespected them by being married there and not staying but I wasn't going to lie to myself. I really did give it an honest try and it wasn't for me.

So, I can see both sides! And I will be confirmed and LO will be christened in a Catholic church

Edited to ask Roman Catholics: If I get confirmed, can I renew my vows in a Catholic church? If so, does it matter of DH is not Catholic?

 

[Logan's Mum]

I dont see the point in getting married in a church/religious building if you are not of that faith. Sure, churches are beautiful buildings and its the "traditional" thing to do, but you would be a hypocrite to get married in a church if you were atheist.
...But each to their own, and as long as the marriage is a long and happy one I dont think it should matter

 

[vaniilla]

I personally don't agree with it, we got married in Clandon Park and would have never considered a church wedding, we're atheistic pagans so aren't religious and think people do so many things for the sake of tradition like christenings

 

[indy and lara]

I'm another who does not agree with getting married in a church if you do not have a faith. We married in a Registry Office because we do not believe in God and getting married in a church would have been hypocritical.

 

[Button#]

I don't see the point in getting married in church if you are an atheist. If you're a non church attending (ie you pray at home and live a Christian lifestyle) or a cultural Christian (ie you've been brought up to believe in God and haven't found it neccessary to seek other options) then I don't see it as a problem. But if you have considered where you stand on the subject and have completely dismissed the idea of religion and God then why would you go to such an effort to include it in one of the most personal days of your life?

I and my OH are atheists and we didn't get married in a church, we married in a beautiful little hotel in the middle of the countryside. We will also not be christening our baby.

 

[mrsraggle]

I'm atheist and got married in a register office for this exact reason. To marry in church would have been utterly hypocritical of me. Ellie isn't christened for this reason, but if she chooses a faith later in life then I will support her in that 100%.

I think for non practising christians, who do believe, but have no time to attend church, then marrying in church is acceptable. For people who absolutely don't believe, but just want a pretty venue, then that is disrespectful and I don't understand it either!!

 

[Zoex89x]

So to those that said it's hypocritical to get married in a church if your not religious then I guess you also think non religious people that celebrate christmas and Easter must be hypocrites to?as both of these events are completely based on religion yet probably majority of atheists are prepared to go along with that and its not seen as disrespectful either

 

[trgirl308]

Those holidays are so commercialised at this point you can completely ignore the religious sentiment in it. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny is how I celebrate, not the death and resurrection.

 

[Zoex89x]

So a non religious person may look at a church and ignore the religious things that it's meant for and just see it a beautiful buildings, and they have been commercialised to non religious people as a tradition that's what their there for kind of thing for marriages and christenings the same as they see holidays a tradition for family time and presents neither holidays or churches are looked at for their religious reasons so therefore I think it's exactly the same

 

[Natsku]

Christmas and Easter come from pagan celebrations anyway so there's not really anything hypocritical in celebrating them. Well unless you're anti-pagan I suppose.

 

[KittyVentura]

So to those that said it's hypocritical to get married in a church if your not religious then I guess you also think non religious people that celebrate christmas and Easter must be hypocrites to?as both of these events are completely based on religion yet probably majority of atheists are prepared to go along with that and its not seen as disrespectful either

No, not at all.

I celebrate Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. The holiday might mean more to those that are religious but for ME and MY family it's a time of celebration & joy. In the UK Christmas is a commercialised holiday now and it seems to most people that I know it has lost it's religious meaning. As I do not believe in god we have NO religious part in our celerations. It's time for appreciation and spending time with your family. A chance to touch base and remember how wondeful life is. A time to give back (we ALWAYS do something for charity near Christmas).

If I was sat in church for Midnight Mass... or hosting a nativity then YES I would be hypocritical. However I'm using a time of celebration for most of the whole of the UK as a time to celebrate my OWN beliefs at home, aside from any religious celebrations.

I like to say that I celebrate Santa, glitter, tack, loving, family, friends, giving, recieving & a whole lot of food... not the birth of Christ.

xx

 

[KittyVentura]

So a non religious person may look at a church and ignore the religious things that it's meant for and just see it a beautiful buildings, and they have been commercialised to non religious people as a tradition that's what their there for kind of thing for marriages and christenings the same as they see holidays a tradition for family time and presents neither holidays or churches are looked at for their religious reasons so therefore I think it's exactly the same

That's NOT the same.

By marrying in a church, you're going INTO a place of sanctuary and meaning to those that are eligious and are abusing it. This is disrespectful. It would be like Me, going into a birthday party at a hotel, grabbing the mic and saying "Hey... I like this venue and how you decorated it, I'm going to make this MY party for the next hour" xx

 

[Zoex89x]

Yes you may have interperated(sp) as a time of celebration for you and your family but at the end of the day christmas is there through religion because people believe that's the time jesus was born.

And I don't find it disrespectful using a church for your wedding even if your not religious it's not like your getting it for free and it's actually a compliment in my eyes that your basically showing to the church people that you love the building and respect it enough to spend and pay to have one of the biggest days of your life there.

And who knows going there for a few weeks before your wedding may even turn you to religion anyway, after all you get preachers who want you to go to their church so they can get you to believe and that's not 100% guarenteed you will start believing but your still using thier church to 'try it out', and there may be some people who have gone to church just to get consent to get
married there and then become part of a religion and carried on going to that church in which case
for the church is a good thing ( and possibly what they hope to get from allowing non believers to
use the church)

And with the example of going into someone's birthday and basically gate crashing it u defiantley don't think that's the same, it's not like on your going to barge in the church whilst thier saying people are in there doing prayers and sayin " excuse me your all have to get out now as I want to get married" it's booked well in advance.


If it really was that disrespectful I'm sure by now there would of been some sort of
protest or law against using a church for a while to get married there.

 

[Eternal]

I am religious, i was married in my church which i attend every sunday with my husband and son!

We have no paid ministy, so i do find it disrespetful when people use our bishop and church, just for a free service. Esp when these people have to take time off work to do it, like the register etc, plus we have people who will play the piano etc for free.

Anyway, i dont know if anyone can walk in and ask to be married, but i know of peoples extended families and people who used to come who now declare they dont beleive using it. It does seem cheecky as they clearly just see it as the cheep option. (or free as the case may be).

Anyway, Ive been to "church" weddings where religion wasnt mentioned, and funerals for that matter.

I cant say im offended if someone uses a church for their wedding of if they arnt religious, it doenst really bother me, (expect for the case of doing it for a free service lol) but christians i find bizzare.

Why do people chrsitian babies when they dont beleive? it seems really odd to me. We dont christian infants in my religion, children are innocent in my eyes so whats the point?

Anyway, I dont get why someone who clearly states they have no beleif would want their child christianed, it feels like part of them really doubts that there isnt a god, so does it "just incase". Plenty of people have naming parties, or baby welcoming parties, surley thats more appropriate?

As for non-religious people celebrating christmas, easter etc ... they are special to me and i apprcaite the relgious side of them and try and highlight the religious aspects of the holiday in my life. however christmas and easter as so far from religious now, a huge proportion of children have no clue he jesus is and why we have these holidays.

For most christmas is about santa and family, and i see no issue with anyone who isnt a "beleiver" to celebrate them, just because people dont beleive doesnt mean they dont do good will etc, some of the most charitable and giving people are not religious.

So im not really bothered about weddings, or relgious holidays, but i dont understand why someone would chrsitian their baby when they dont beleive.

 

[Zoex89x]

That's wrong if they are using it just for a free service, unless of course the register knows they are not religious and definatley only using it for somewhere to get married then I guess that's upto them if they agree or not so long as they know the facts.

The only reason I could see for a non believer christeneing thier child would be to perhaps please a religious family member i.e thier nan and wanting to keep them happy but even so.

Oh I totally agree there's nothing wrong or disprectful in celebrating christmas i was just saying it could be classed as hypocritical seen as the whole background of Christmas is relion.

 

[Feltzy]

From the Church of England website:

"Thinking of a church wedding?

Congratulations! You're welcome to marry in church whatever your beliefs, whether or not you are christened and whether or not you regularly go to church. And, marrying in church has never been easier - there are more churches to choose from then ever before. "

The Church of England are trying to encourage people to get married there. I don't think a non church goer getting married in a church is 'abusing' it, how exactly? If the church are happy for people to do it and are actually encouraging it then I don't think its anyone elses place to say its disrepectful, they obviously don't see it that way.

 

[Zoex89x]

Feltzy couldn't of said it better myself!!

How on earth can anyone say it's disrespectful now when they are advertising it for EVERYONE believers and non believers!