(not baby related) What do you consider cheating?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by junemomma09, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. junemomma09

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    just curious what everyone else considers cheating. I dont want to go into details, but I just hope its that im overreacting about some things. Its not anything REAL bad, but I just want to know im not the only one who would be mad or upset about certain things.

    So, what all do you consider cheating??:blush:
     
  2. Laura--x

    Laura--x Guest

    IMO even kissing another girl/boy is cheating.
     
  3. lesleyann

    lesleyann Mummy

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    Cheating i say is anything you would not want your partner to know you have done with the other/same sex or would not do in front of your partner
     
  4. LilMama2be

    LilMama2be Mommy to a Princess

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    anything physical for sure.
    Even holding hands, there's no reason my significant other should ever old another girl/boys hand if they're not family or something.
    Hugging is okay, but not if they're like "holding each other"

    And some flirting, depends on what goes on. Like talking about sex, or dirty to each other, big no no. calling pet names.
    like i wouldn't ever want my boyfriend going to hang out with some girl alone, to like see a movie, it just seems weird to me.

    Stuff like that, is just how i see it though.
     
  5. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    IMO intending to cheat is cheating. Having the intention and the will is just as bad as the act itself.

    However I could forgive some things if honesty was forthcoming straight away. Any hiding, or affair type stuff and I couldn't forgive.
     
  6. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    Also anytime our relationship was compromised...someone I knew, her husband went over to a female 'friends' place shared a bottle of wine and talked about his troubles with his wife. To me, that's just not cool...it is a form of cheating or would feel like a violation of our relationship...these 2 were NOT friends for long, and in the end the married couple split and...surprise, surprise, he's dating the other woman now!
     
  7. junemomma09

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    well part of me thinks OH is partially naive, and part of me wonders if he even realizes some of the things he does bothers me. like this girl in his college class asking him for number and email and during break when hes at school in between class, going over to him and sitting with him and chatting. One that really p'd me off was when im talking to him on the phone, hes gone all day one day a week with work and school the rest of the day, and he says he really needs to get off the phone cuz he has lots of school work to get done (while hes on break) and then i find out yesterday that all along he either chats with this chick cuz shes comes up to where he is and sits with him or he sees her while walking to the library and stops to chat for a while. That just really made me mad, cuz if your gonna tell me you cant talk to me cuz you have work to do, you shouldnt be giving your time to talk to another female. maybe its just me, but i dont know.
    the reason alot of things bother me that are little things is because last semester, we were going through ALOT of problems, arguing all the time and fighting, just not getting along very well, mainly due to financial burden. well, he started talking to this girl in one of his classes, they exchanged numbers, he told me at the time they had to exchange numbers with their lab partner as she was his along with another person, well she would be texting him all the time and calling him at times, she was a lifeguard and he is too at the YMCA, so he got her some hours at the YMCA where he worked, they worked the SAME shift, then i find out they had been flirting while in class ( they sat next to each other) and they would walk out after class together and all...then how i found all this out was when he told me how he was considering leaving the relationship, and he also tells me how he was attracted to her and would date her and might try to be with her.....i was devestated then. when i told him i was leaving, he broke down and realized how much he DID want to be with me and how stupid he was being, he never DID anything physical like with her, just the flirting (not that for me thats ok).....but because of that, even now the little things bother me and im skeptical.

    its real complicated. it sucks too cuz i hate feeling like im being naive and just believing him when he says hes not doing anything now, and that he loves me, but then again, i dont want to not trust him when hes really not doing anything and it hurt our relationship.
     
  8. junemomma09

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    ok so Im guessing Im being a stupid preggo since no one has answered since i posted about what happened????
     
  9. Cvining

    Cvining Well-Known Member

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    well, i dont think you are in the wrong for "not wanting to trust him"... in my opinion, once the trust has been broken, it is very difficult to get it back and it takes a lot of work and committment on both of your behalfs.

    and cheating imo, is anything intimate at all. whether its a conversation, a touch, or sexual... there is such thing as an emotional affair and that is just as wrong as a physical one...
     
  10. Cvining

    Cvining Well-Known Member

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    and your not being stupid!! i would be absolutely hysterical!! you have the right and pregnancy hormones just make everything more intense of course, so your feelings are bound to be twice as hurt... just hang in there!:hugs:
     
  11. dizzy duck

    dizzy duck Mummy to Oliver

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    Hi hun, huge :hug:, You really are going through it at the moment and I can understand why you are feeling this way with what has happened before. I don't think I would be overly happy with this either, have you tried talking to him about it all and how you feel? I know its hard hun and Im here for you, email me anytime, take care :hugs: XX
     
  12. Dani33

    Dani33 Well-Known Member

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    Agree 100%....
     
  13. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    I can understand why it would bother you hun...especially after what he told you before. I don't really have any advice...but I don't think this is a crazy pregnancy thing...:hugs:
     
  14. junemomma09

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    Thanks girls! I'm just not sure sometimes if I'm overreacting or justified with how I'm feeling. I know I have some jealousy.
    I feel like I have to always check up on him. I hate having to do that. He has told me that what happened last semester, last fall, was really bad on his part and very stupid of him. But honestly that doesn't change the hurt I still feel from it and the constant suspicion I get when something doesn't seem right. And he just gets irritated cuz he thinks its not suspicious.
     
  15. leeanne

    leeanne Mom of 3 and Stepmom of 2

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    I agree! It doesn't have to involve the act of sex but even just anything to do with intimate physical touching.
     
  16. MelanieSweets

    MelanieSweets Well-Known Member

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    Aww hun, well to me cheating is ...physical contact i think men and women can be friends and text and phone each other but theres crossing that line, me and my OH have friends of the opposite sex but we trust each other so we dont worry about anything like that, we get too jeolous too as well but its strange i dont think I have ever felt really threatened by another women x
     
  17. Emsy26

    Emsy26 Mum of 4 & Wife-To-Be xx

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    I'd go mad if I was told he couldn't talk to me, but then spent all the time talking to another female. I'm extremely jealous and if my OH even looks at another girl, I go crazy inside! He says if I don't look then I'll bump into her. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, even temptation to do it is cheating to me.
    He goes to work and as he has to go fix machines in bookies, he tells me straight away if one of the female members of staff have spoke to him or offered him a drink, I appreciate it so much as he knows how insecure I am. I have to accept it as its work at end of day.
    I love my OH to pieces and it would finish me off if he cheated, but I trust him 100% xox
     
  18. junemomma09

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    he usually tells me if someone calls or texts him ( a female)...and tells me if a girl comes up to him and talks to him or tries flirting and stuff.....but recently he has been "forgetting" to tell me things. and i end up finding out weeks or days later, when i can tell he thought he had already tell me and he gets that sound in his voice like, "oh i never told her that...oops!"
    you know what i mean?
    and i have access to his email and myspace/facebook and stuff....but lately hes been deleting his emails and his texts on his phone. He says its just spam, but if it is why does he need to delete it? it was an agreement we made that i would randomly check his phone to see who called and text him because of everything that happened last fall.
     
  19. 2nd time mum

    2nd time mum Well-Known Member

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    Hi Junemomma09

    I have just realised that I am in the same position as you with my OH and it is f***n awful! Last year we went through a bit of a hard time and worked through it because I do love him. He promised it would never happen again and he had been a fool etc. You can all imagine soI forgave him and worked through it. Anyway I have been wondering about a few things, women intuitition or whatever. Well I decided to check his phone and found only 2 texts to him from another woman. The first one had said that her days off were Monday and Tuesday and she would check her partner (I assume, male name anyway) for his shifts and "kisses" on the end of the text, found another one today which made out something a bit more flirty although nothing in particular if you know what I mean. No hard evidence but implied something. He obviously learnt his lesson from the last time and is deleting texts to/from her but must have forgot about these 2 replies. She is obviously in a relationship and I think I know to an extent who it is but like you keep thinking am I being paranoid because of pregnancy hormones. Really that are these men playing at? At the end of the day what they are doing I think is cheating, if it wasn't why are they hiding it? At the end of the day I wouldn't treat my OH like that so why is he doing it to me.

    My teen son is playing up at the moment too and I am now at the stage where I have had enough of them all and just want to run away!

    Sorry I haven't been able to give you much advice as my head is mush at the moment as I am sure you can appreciate. I don't know what to do myself for the best as I don't want to be on my own with this baby and a teen but don't think I can continue being in a relationship with a man who obviously has very little respect for me that he would do this just now.

    PM me if you ever want a moan and all the best xx
     
  20. Emsy26

    Emsy26 Mum of 4 & Wife-To-Be xx

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    My OH ex text him alot when we first got together, only cos she knew he had moved on, at first he hid them from me, deleted them as soon as he read them, but he must of forgot one and I borrowed his fone for the day (as mine had broke), ad there was a text from her saying that she really needed him and if he was free to talk as he was the only she could talk to, there were babe words in there n tht.
    I called him straight away, he said he didn't reply to her, he didn't go there, the day after with me watching him, he text her saying that she must leave him alone as he had moved on now and we were planning on getting engaged, and didn't need her constantly texting him causing trouble. The day after he changed his number.
    I also have access to all his e-mails and whatever else.

    I think the only thing you can do hunny, is sit and talk to him and explain how hard you're finding it, I dn't think it's your pregnancy state, your feeling insecure cos of what happened last time hunny, I'd be exactly the same xox

    We are here for you sweet xox
     

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