Not married and not waiting for marriage...

[MsMommy]

Is this a bad thing? I have a 7 yo from a previous relationship where I was not married and my current relationship is into its 4th year. We talk about children more than the idea of marriage. Im just not sure if its right to think of children (which would be his 1st) since it would be the right thing worth waiting for....right? We're both turning 26 in the Spring. Have lived together for 4 years also.

Any insight?

 

[mandaa1220]

It's a personal decision for every couple. Not everyone has to get married before TTC.

 

[tverb84]

I don't see the big deal in having children with someone you're not married to.

 

[Yo_Yo]

I'm similar.

My first is from a previous relationship, then I met my husband and we had our little girl then got married!

Now we are going to TTC our third, the first to be born in marriage for us.

Makes no difference, and it is a personal choice for everyone. If you want marriage before, talk to him about how you could fit it in your plans with TTC

50% of babies are born to unmarried parents these days.

The main thing is you both want them and are committed to each other-and you don't need a ring to have that.

 

[iBeach]

I am not married but in relationship. We are starting TTC this month and there was no word about marriage yet.
I think love and meaningful relationship is all that matter at this point.

 

[katherinegrey]

We weren't married when we had our first, I knew it was on the cards and then we were engaged before I got pregnant so I didn't think a shotgun wedding was necessary, when LO came along though I hated us having different surnames, so we got married as soon as so I could change mine.

 

[lozzy21]

Do you know what, I get married in 6 weeks and still don't think marriage is this amazing thing. If your going to work, your going to work regardless of if your married or not.

 

[curlykate]

I've been with OH for over 6 years now, and we discussed marriage but decided it wasn't something either of us was overly interested in. However when we discussed having an LO, we were both 100% sure that's what we wanted. IMO, as long as you're in a committed relationship then I say go for it.

 

[lucy_smith]

I would consider not getting married, ( even though I would love to be married and have the commitment) but the main thing that makes me want to be married is the fact that I would want our surnames to be the same.

 

[Girly922]

I've been with OH just over 5 years now and we've just had our first. Having a family has always meant more to us than rushing a wedding. We've discussed getting married, and we will one day. Hopefully soon. But it was never a necessity for us to be married before having children.

 

[MamaByrd]

Personally, we'd prefer to be married, just to appease his religious family, but it's totally not necessary in our opinion.

A commited relationship is a commited relationship. A piece of paper doesn't define your bond. If you & your OH feel completely commited to one another & you want to bring a child into this world, it shouldn't matter if you signed a paper & had a party. IMO

 

[nosurprise]

I agree that only you can know what's right for you. For me, I got married a couple of months ago and wouldn't have began TTC until we were married but that's just my own personal beliefs and nothing more or less. I do wonder why you think its important though; you must if your asking? Do you have some pressure from others around you to get married first? Don't let anyone influence you only yourself and your OH.

 

[ArtsyTTC2014]

He thought it was important. I didn't.
We compromised with: We are engaged and have a date…. we will have a big wedding (which is what he wants) and we get to start TTC early 2014 (before we are married.)

Honestly, we've been together 7 years. Im with the lady who said that if you're going to work, you're going to work.

My OH believes in marriage, then kids because of his religion. We are an interfaith couple so we compromise on things like that.

Every couple has different dynamics and such That's just my experience so far!