Not sure how I can make this work

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by Georgia7, Oct 4, 2013.

  1. Georgia7

    Georgia7 Well-Known Member

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    I was warned that my relationship would completely change once the baby arrived and that it would be really tough but I'm now struggling to make this work. Everyone who's also had babies keep telling me 'youl argue like mad the first year, just get through it best you can' but I'm really finding it difficult. It's like we don't even like each other anymore. We always make up. But it's after a long and horrible argument and these arguments are becoming more and more frequent. To the point where I'm so unbelievably fed up and sick.
    Does anyone have any advice on how we can make this work?
    We don't do anything together. When were in the house we sit in silence watching the tv. Everything's always an issue between us now. It's basically just crap. Xxx
     
  2. hopeful4bfp

    hopeful4bfp Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Didnt want to read and run, I have no advice as me and FOB split when lo was 5 months. We had other issues that just did us in. we still live together and raise lo together but have separate lives.

    Hope hope y'all can work it out. When it gets bad just walk away, sit by yourself and repeat to your self 'its going to be ok"

    again :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  3. cat_reversing

    cat_reversing Mummy to beautiful V

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    how old is baby, how long have you been in relationship and how stable was it before baby came along?
     
  4. Becky61

    Becky61 Mummy & TTC #2

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    Oh honey.

    I didn't want to read and run, but unfortunately I cant offer any words of wisdom as FOB and I split when I was 6 weeks pregnant and unfortunately im going it alone!

    You will get through this. Both your lives have changed dramatically, but you will settle in to your new roles. Make sure you talk to each other about your problems, and try not to let it evolve into an argument. Make time for each other. If getting childcare and going out isn't an option, when LO goes to bed, turn the TV off and cook dinner together/rent a movie/seduce him, whatever you have to do to remind him your not just a mum, your a wife/girlfriend and that you want your husband/boyfriend back, even if its just for one hour.

    It will get better.

    Relationships have survived the arrival of a baby for many years.

    :flower:

    EDIT: Cat_reversing post above is very relevant.
     
  5. susan_1981

    susan_1981 Mummy to 2 boys :)

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    How old is your LO and is it your first? Me and my husband went through a short phase of this but it was just us adapting to our new life as the three of us, rather than just the two of us. When you have your first baby, it changes your life completely. It's getting used to sharing each other I guess. I think for most the phase probably passes, especially if you were a strong couple before.

    I knew we'd get through it, it was just getting the hang of being parents. I hope that it's the same for you. Those first few months are very challenging! x
     
  6. MrsCrad

    MrsCrad TTC #2

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    I know how your feeling and all I can say is hang on in there! Our son is 8 months now and me and my husband are just starting to get on again.

    We have been at each others throats and hit rock bottom a few weeks ago. I told him to leave and pack his bags and I really meant it. He didnt, at first he told me to move out and then we just didnt speak to each other!
    I have sat at my friends house a few times in tears and alot of the last 8 months I have been going to bed hours before he has.
    We really hit rock bottom before we actually started to speak again.

    Were off on our first family holiday this weekend and last month I was really dreading it but now Ive got to say Im really excited as Im sure we have turned a corner. I wouldnt say everything is perfect but it is alot better.

    My friends with children said the same as yours and they were right.

    Good luck and I hope you can both work it x
     
  7. mrs c f

    mrs c f Well-Known Member

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    My little girls 6 month and to be honest me and my husband have only just started getting on again. We nearly split up but we worked through it knowing it was a phase because of the pressures of parenthood. We have now started 'date night' where we take turns once a month to plan a date whether it be cinema or a meal. Just us two. Aoife stays out at grandparents. It's helped. X
     
  8. Zephram

    Zephram Well-Known Member

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    My relationship was really crap for about the first 8-9 months. We get along a lot better now but we still have issues. OH has gone weird on sex since having LO... I feel like this is just us as everyone talks about how women don't want to have sex after a baby but for us it's the other way around... I really don't know what to do.

    Anyway, that's a bit of a tangent. OP, things do get better again.
     
  9. NerdyMama

    NerdyMama Mum to two!

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    Oh and I were falling apart during the first few months. Even culminating in threats to leave. But one night we sat down and really hashed it out. Ever since we have been stronger for it. It is so hard at first but it will work out with Patience persistence and understanding from both of you. Good luck honey :hugs:
     
  10. optimistic1

    optimistic1 Mommy, Daddy, and Nadia!!

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    Me and OH hardly ever fight were both super laid back but we fought the most when I was pregnant and when lo was a newborn I believe it was a mixture of hormones, stress, and miss communication. We never leave a fight unresolved we always talk and sometimes yell things out until we get to the heart of the argument and then we both apologize no matter what.
     
  11. Indi84

    Indi84 Well-Known Member

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    I think it depends on the relationship to start with hun, me and my hubby never argue, having a baby hasn't changed that, just made us even closer. Perhaps deep down you are unhappy with him for many reasons, when communication breaks down it gets so hard. I contemplated having children with my ex, and I'm certain we wouldn't have lasted more then a few months.
    I hope you can work it out, or at least be happy with what happens *hugs*
     
  12. ladybrock

    ladybrock first time mummy

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    My oh and i never argue!
    Lo comes along and bam! Snappy at each other and then the other day we had a massive row! Its all just tiredness/emotions/adjusting though and i think we both know than.

    We made up pretty much right away and had a cuddle

    I think its normal
     
  13. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    After zane was born the first 5 months were fine, still very much a happy couple and then it turned.
    We moved to a different place and I hated it there for many reasons.
    I was finding being a full time mum very difficult, I was doing everything.
    We argued a lot, I even left him at one point. It was my mum who made us both see there was something to fight for.
    You need to make time to get out and be a couple again, even if it's the cinema once a month. Do what u can.
    After our rough patch we had an amazing year together until he died.
    So please if u can't imagine ur life without him and u know u still love him, do all u can to make it work because you never know what's going to happen.
    I regret every single stupid fight, even tho at the time I did want to rip his face off lol

    Sit down and look at him, tell him you love him and organise a date night. Do something stupid and fun so you can laugh together.

    It will take time but u can get through this x
     
  14. embeth

    embeth Mum to 4 perfect children

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    Me and dh are arguing loads at the moment too, he just annoys me all annoys me all the time!i know a lot of it is my hormones but some of it is him being selfish! I know it ll get better when the bub is bigger.. It's our third child and it always happens. If u love each other u just have to find ways sometimes of riding the rough times xx
     
  15. kimberleyrobx

    kimberleyrobx Well-Known Member

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    This is OH and me all over. I hear you! OH thinks he can call me all the names under the sun, make me upset and hurt, (sometimes) apologise for what he said and then everything is fan dabby dosy again in his eyes. He doesnt hold grudges, but i do. You obviously dont call someone names if you dont mean it. Sometimes i call him an arsehole and useless and other things related... but thats how i feel about him and thats how he acts! i mean everything i say, when or if i even say it so how can it be different for him? He knows it upsets me, so why is he always trying to hurt me? Like last night, we were at his parents house and he steered clear of me and gave me dirty looks and kept telling me to shut up because i told him to come off his dads PS3 because we were supposed to be visiting and being social able and watching our children... and he wonders why i never come to his parents house with him! anyway, this continued until we left their house and we were walf way up the road. He was walking on ahead where as emily (was tired) was walking slowly. I asked him to wait and he told me to hurry the f*** up, to which i replied 'im not going to hurry up, i cant, im walking at emilys pace with emily' to which he orders me to 'take the pram' so i walk on up the hill to nathans buggy and while he passes me to take hold of emily (it was cold) i tell him its not my fault he didnt bring a jacket and then he procedes to say 'your an arse'... all because i didnt drag emily along! when we got home i put emily to bed and went for an hours long bath. I didnt feel like talking or looking at him so i stayed upstairs and within an hour i was asleep and that was me till this morning. He's poured me a glass of juice (his way of trying to make everything alright) and tried giving it to me (if i take the glass, then everything is ok in his eyes) so i tell him to put it in the kitchen and tell him i dont need him pouring juice for me, i can do it myself... and thats the last we've spoken. that was hours ago. emily is now having her afternoon nap and nathan just woke up, he is downstairs on the computer and i am sitting on the bed typing this with nathan beside me. Yes, i will forgive him soon enough no doubt and then everything will be fan dabby dosy until next time. But it really pisses me off that i have to practically let it lie and get on with things. I hate forgiving him, knowing that its just going to happen all over again. But what can i do? It'll never change. We will never change. He doesnt respect me and in return, i no longer have any respect or sympathy for him. I find myself wishing i never got back together with him but if i didnt then i wouldnt of had my babies. I just get on with it, and hope that he'll eventually stop being so harassing. He told me we were going to the cinema a week back, and i declined because i find myself not wanting anything to do with him. We used to go every weekend before we had our babies, we were the perfect couple. But now its like we despise each other. Some days are better than others, but for the most part we are always arguing and bickering and throwing comments at each other. Sorry for the rant, it was only meant to be a couple of sentances but i got carried away :haha:
    All i can advise you to do is try to respect each other and tolerance is bliss. Some couples get through it and others dont. It is true that the first year is definitely the most challenging xx
     
  16. Balloo

    Balloo Well-Known Member

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    As you can see Hun, it is completely normal to argue. Even argue a lot-to the point where u wanna literally kill him!! For example, we used to argue constantly, over everything. It got to a point where we argued pretty much everyday...he threatened to leave, I packed his bags, I threatened to leave and packed mine and LO stuff up. We have said some horrendous things to each other and, at the time really meant them. But in the cold light of day, we are getting stronger every day. Your hormones are still mental, plus tiredness, the stress of something being totally dependant on you both, trying to juggle you time, couple time and parent time is stressful and horrid. But it does get better, it's taken us a long time but we argue less now. I will say, pick your battles...and you have to let what's said in anger, because of tiredness etc go. Once an apology has been said, that needs to be the end of it otherwise you just end up going round in circles. We have a no telly night, we pick one nit of huge week, and once oh is home and LO is in bed, we turn of the telly for a coupe of hours and just sit n chat about shit. It's really helped us. (Though saying that last night we had an arguement because oh is secretly a bloody girl, this time? I didn't use boiling water whe cooking the vegetables, so they weren't ready with the rest o the meal! He flipped and stormed off!! I ignored him, ate my dinner, told him I expected an apology because he overreacted in a massiv way and went to work. Today? I got a big bunch of flowers and an apology. He was tired and stressed out, so argumentative.) just keep reminding yourself, that you love each other. I promise it gets easier, xx
     

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