See my relationship with my mom is... strange. I can deal with her and she has no idea that I have issues with her. But the issues are that I recently learned that she lied to me my entire childhood about my father (stupid lies at that like why they divorced) and other things she swore she told me the truth about. I also have issues with how she always says that she tried to keep her family together (her two sisters and parents) but never once actually tried and instead always started fights with them and made herself into being the victim then she comes to me and complains about how much her family hates her and how they hate me too for being her daughter. I can't stand my aunts because they deny their families are screwed and always point out how we're poor or how I can't have kids and stuff. But they on more than one occasion recently proved that despite how they act the do care, unlike her who only speaks to me if she wants me to bring my niece and nephew to visit or if she can't get ahold of my sister. And when we do talk I try talking to her about things that are bothering me and she either acts like she isn't listening and talks about herself or she does the "Baby I already warned you that having kids might be impossible for you. So I don't know why it's upsetting you that you got your period." thing. Like literally she told me that when I got to her house on Monday.
I'm so sorry, your mother actually sounds a lot like mine. I think I mentioned Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to you last time? I think your mother might have it. Mine lies as well, to me she blatantly lies while to others she puts a bit more thought into it. Victim mentality, yep that'd be a typical NPD trait as well. My mother is also forever making herself out to be the victim in everything, even in cases where she's clearly been the aggressive part. She's never wrong, never at fault. Problems with her kids? It's all us, we're ungrateful. Talking about herself 90-95% of the time? Check, mine does that as well. That comment sounds pretty narcissistic as well, cruelties couched in a loving way. Mine was for the first 9-10 months of TTCing constantly trying to talk me out of having kids, saying it'll be the biggest mistake of my life and if she could do her life over, she'd never of had any kids. She also will tell me how she never had any problems conceiving her 6 kids, even conceiving me at age 41. When I try and explain that she was more fertile at that age than most because she started having kids when she was 18, it goes right over her head. She's telling me how much more fertile she was than I am, how much more of a woman she is than I'll be.
If your mother does have NPD, it might be best to not talk to her about anything that's emotionally important to you. She'll just use it as ammunition or be totally cruel about it to see you get upset and enjoy your pain. My mom does that, say nasty things to my face to see my hurt expression while a smile plays over her lips and her eyes shine. It's truely sick! It's called being an emotional vampire, they feed off of your pain. She once frightened me some years ago and I said "Wow Mom, you gave me a heart attack!" Her reply: "That's impossible sweetheart, you don't have a heart", huge smile on her face. Then there's that time out of the blue she told me I'm selfish, I was flabbergasted and was all "Umm...wow, no Mom, I don't feel I am...." but she just said, smiling again, "I can say whatever I want to you and there's nothing you can do about it."
I know now that it was a case of projection but was totally caught off guard. I have
tons of stories, won't bore you with them all
Unless you want me too
So yeah, I feel your pain
If you can, try going low contact with her. You don't need that this time in your life. See her as little as possible. Know that it has
nothing to do with you, she has issues and probably had a mother that treated her the way she's treating you. Narcissistic mothers create 2 types of kids: those that are narcissistic themselves (to varying degrees) and the sensitive ones that get emotionally run down by the narcissistic family members. We're of course in the latter category. The ones lucky enough not to be narcissistic ourselves but unfortunately have to deal with the verbal and emotional abuse the narcissists in the family dish out to make themselves feel better and somehow make ourselves whole enough in the end that we can rise above it. They're nothing but insecure bullies, forever stuck at the emotional stage of a 6 year old with no ability to grow or introspect.
I'm sorry your siblings are brats to you. I don't understand how people who went through the same thing can treat others like crap and people who have never gone through it think that they can relate. My little cousin tried relating to me recently because of a loss. I felt really bad for her but she literally never talks to me and started the convo with me with the words "I finally understand how you feel." I didn't know how to respond so I asked her what she meant. And she said that she mc twice and so she understood my feelings now. I tried to gently tell her she really had no idea because I have recently gone through a third and am considered infertile while she is 18 very fertile (since she's already pregnant again) and the only reason she lost hers was because she did things she wasn't suppose to do. She got pissed at me for "thinking my pain was worse" and cussed me out. And when In tried explaining again that that wasn't it but that she still couldn't truly understand where I was coming from she decided to tell the whole family that i lied to her about miscarrying. The only people who knew about my loses were my mom, sister, and her (inside the family) so her whole side now thinks that I was trying to get attention by lying about a loss to someone who "actually" went through one and they don't believe me or my mom or Roger when we try and tell them the truth.
In this case I suspect my brother may have NPD to a degree, he's not as malignant as my mother though, that's for sure. But he's always been on the arrogant side and always has this need to see me as a horrible person. My sister I can't entirely explain as she was mostly raised by her stepmother but perhaps she has some issues still from those early years. She's more sympathetic though to what our mother has done to me while my brother won't really talk about it.
Your cousin unfortunately sounds toxic as well. I'd talk to her as little as possible and avoid talking about anything emotionally important, like with your mom. Maybe try avoiding getting into discussions and let her be right, if she wants to feel like her pain is worse, it's probably not worth discussing anyway. Sounds like she's also into the victim mentality and being the injured party
Wow we really did get a interesting selection of family didn't we? Makes me so greatful for Roger's family. They are much more normal. And nicer... And they feel like family.
Totally in the same situation, DH's family have been wonderful to me and his parents (other than the LTTTC thing which they don't get
at all) have always been so good to me and treated me really well. His grandmother has also been so great and I get along fine with his brothers.
But I have learned something: I'll
never put my child through the abuse my mother put me through! I'll be a loving mother to my child, the mother mine is totally incapable of being. The chain of abuse ends with me!
AF even came 2 days early and at first was hoping it was IB but nope, she came full flow yesterday. Had otherwise my hopes high since I had a follie in each ovary and DH's count was 40 million
I do remember that too large of a variation in cycle length isn't good either but I think yours is fine
I'll never understand why other countries don't set a limit for how long they want you to try before offering free tries. Although here it's only free if you're TTCing #1, #2 or more and you pay it for yourself. Anyway, hope you soon save enough money, how much do you need to save?
So we're set for IVF if the next 3 IUIs don't work out either.
Also really like the bridesmaids' dresses
That's so not ok
