Not sure where I fit in here

[HCas]

Sorry I kinda disappeared. Tons of problems just gathered and flew off all at once so we were dealing with those. But I am doing good going on a 32 day cycle thus far without any metformin or natural herbs to help keep it regular like I normally do. We've kinda just been enjoying ourselves. Since we're pretty sure we're out this cycle there has been no pressure and so sex has been fun lately Xd Sorry if tmi.

Ho are you doing? Feeling hopeful or no? I'm praying for you.

 

[KatO79]

Sorry I kinda disappeared. Tons of problems just gathered and flew off all at once so we were dealing with those. But I am doing good going on a 32 day cycle thus far without any metformin or natural herbs to help keep it regular like I normally do. We've kinda just been enjoying ourselves. Since we're pretty sure we're out this cycle there has been no pressure and so sex has been fun lately Xd Sorry if tmi.

Ho are you doing? Feeling hopeful or no? I'm praying for you.

Ok no problem, know how that can be! I've been dealing with my siblings ostracising me so unfollowed them some weeks ago and am now trying to not check their FB profiles so I can better move on. My narcissistic brother never contacts me (especially after I asked him to never ever get personal during a "debate" we had back in January) and my possibly narcissistic sister only contacts me to complain about how our narcissistic mother sends her a card once a year on her birthday to disown her (the only contact they have basically) and wanted me to get her to stop (as if I need more drama in my life!) and she won't do it herself. So yeah..... my blood family on my mother's side sucks but you know how that is Gonna go no contact on the whole narcissistic/enabler group when I can better deal with the drama it'll undoubtadly create

I've also been giving it a good go at finally stopping my chronic nail biting Been doing it since I was a small child due to all the anxiety I had dealing with my toxic family. They look kinda crappy (I've filed them but they're weak and some of them have ridges) but I'm sure it'll take a few years before the damage I've done for all those years fixes itself. Been painting them with nail polish to further discourage any biting.

As to TTC, it's only 3 dpiui so not really paying attention but of course not feeling hopeful with 5 IUI failures behind me and all those failed natural cycles (over 20 of them). We called the hospital so DH could schedule his SA and tell them we'd be interested (providing it's a BFN this time) in coming to the meeting before the one we're scheduled if they get a cancellation. The nurse told him it wasn't likely but recommended us to call around the 3rd-4th of August (since they're on summer vacation almost all of July) to ask if there are any cancellations or rather a lack of confirmation by any couples. So we'll be trying that even though she didn't sound very hopeful of our chances to come in before our schedulled appointment. Can't hurt, right

It's probably good for you to have this break, we'll be taking one if this IUI doesn't pan out. How are you feeling? Havethey found out anything about your pain?

 

[KatO79]

So I was at my in-laws' yesterday and the discussion fell on when we had our last insemination. So we also got into when we can start IVF and then they start saying we just need to "think positive" and it'll surely happen. When I asked them why I didn't get pregnant the first 6 months in that case, they didn't really have an answer other than we weren't relaxed. But when I mentioned other people having gotten pregnant after giving up and being very negative then they said it was because those people had relaxed and that's why. They refuse to understand the concept of "unexplained infertility" because they think that means that there's absolutely nothing wrong with us and it should happen. I tried giving it one last go but they don't get it and are incapable of getting it

I give up.....will be avoiding talking about our journey with them at all costs because I just end up frustrated and a bit angry in the end and I'm sure that's not conductive to getting pregnant either

 

[HCas]

We're doing good. Planning on moving hopefully before the end of the year and kinda just relaxing. We haven't found out anything yet on my pain but I have another appointment on the 9th.

TTc wise I'm on cd35 with no signs of af. Starting to worry that it will be another 2-3 month cycle.

Ave-Marie is doing good as well. She's already lifting her head and smiling. And, though way early, she will sometimes roll from her belly to back. She's a bit spoiled though always having to be held to go to sleep or just cosleeping with me. She also doesn't enjoy Roger as much, which we believe is caused by him orking so much and barely handling her. I'm hoping on his next day off I can go to work and he can just spend it with her.

 

[KatO79]

We're doing good. Planning on moving hopefully before the end of the year and kinda just relaxing. We haven't found out anything yet on my pain but I have another appointment on the 9th.

TTc wise I'm on cd35 with no signs of af. Starting to worry that it will be another 2-3 month cycle.

Ave-Marie is doing good as well. She's already lifting her head and smiling. And, though way early, she will sometimes roll from her belly to back. She's a bit spoiled though always having to be held to go to sleep or just cosleeping with me. She also doesn't enjoy Roger as much, which we believe is caused by him orking so much and barely handling her. I'm hoping on his next day off I can go to work and he can just spend it with her.

Wow where will you be moving? Hope it goes well, I know how stressful it can be to move. I hope that they find something out very, very soon. It must be uncomfortable not knowing what's causing the pain

I hope your cycle doesn't end up being all that long, hopefully AF is right around the corner.

Awww that must be so amazing to see her development Yeah, it could be that he doesn't spend enough time with her so she's seeing him as an almost stranger. I hope you guys can soon change that. Although she may end up being a "Daddy's girl" in the end

AFM I'm 7 dpiui and nothing much so thinking this IUI may have been a bust but it's still a bit early and we'll know for sure in about 1 week's time. As they say, you aren't out until AF shows up!

Keeping my spirits up with the fact I've been giving it a good go at finally stopping my nail biting Been buying some nail polish so I have the extra economic incentive to not bite them and see how pretty nail polish is and how nice it looks. Been 2 weeks so here's hoping!

 

[HCas]

We'll just be moving across state to be near my dad. He's been trying to get me to move close to him since I was 12 and now that my mom is finally showing her true colors and my sister burned her last bride with us (she let a stranger in our house without telling or asking us first) I see no reason not to go. It's a much nicer town with less crime and better schools. My dad is also going to help Roger get a good county job and even said he'd pay for our first and last months rent on a home so it's be kinda stupid not to take him up on the offer.

I'm now thinking I'm starting af. I was cramping slightly and went to the bathroom to find light brown spotting (sorry tmi). I'm kinda happy and kinda not since I've been horridly sick the past 4 days and haven't been able to keep anything down so having pain on top of it isn't fun but hey new cycle. I will be starting metformin back up as well as a few herbs to help with everything.

How's it going on your end? Any good signs? Also congrats on the nail biting thing. I stated to do that a few months ago and recently found myself doing it again so I'll be once again trying to kick the habit. It's so rewarding though to see them grow!

 

[KatO79]

We'll just be moving across state to be near my dad. He's been trying to get me to move close to him since I was 12 and now that my mom is finally showing her true colors and my sister burned her last bride with us (she let a stranger in our house without telling or asking us first) I see no reason not to go. It's a much nicer town with less crime and better schools. My dad is also going to help Roger get a good county job and even said he'd pay for our first and last months rent on a home so it's be kinda stupid not to take him up on the offer.

I'm now thinking I'm starting af. I was cramping slightly and went to the bathroom to find light brown spotting (sorry tmi). I'm kinda happy and kinda not since I've been horridly sick the past 4 days and haven't been able to keep anything down so having pain on top of it isn't fun but hey new cycle. I will be starting metformin back up as well as a few herbs to help with everything.

How's it going on your end? Any good signs? Also congrats on the nail biting thing. I stated to do that a few months ago and recently found myself doing it again so I'll be once again trying to kick the habit. It's so rewarding though to see them grow!

That sound like a very good idea! Seems like a good place to move to plus to get away from your mother and sister will be bonuses. I hope Roger finds a job quickly

Good to hear AF started so at least you won't be having a longer cycle but sorry that it didn't end up as a BFP instead. I hope metformin and the herbs do the trick for you this cycle!

Oh some good news here: DH got a job! He starts August 1st. So we'll be moving as well but think we'll wait at least until the 3 month trial period is over so we're more sure he really will be keeping this job (since they can fire you for no good reason those first 3 months; been there, done that!). As for the signs, it doesn't look too promising at the moment (am 11 dpiui today) but we'll see. You're not totally out until AF rears her ugly head as they say. But mentally preparing myself for AF to show up sometime this weekend and moving forward with IVF around October (since our 1st meeting is September 29th). Guess we'll be taking a kind of break in the meantime and go NTNP which will be good for us I think.

Have you tried using those bitter polishes you can buy for it (e.g. Mavala Stop)? They never worked for me though (tried those when I was like 9 or 10) but maybe they'll help you. I've found out using nail polish on them seems to help since I don't want to eat nail polish (yuck). My nails though are kinda weak so will be trying the Mavala Nail Shield to get them to grow stronger and see if that helps anything. I've also really commited by buying lots of nail polish and some cuticle oil so think that's helping as well. Just looking at all the pretty nail polishes I have in the bathroom helps as well. What also has helped is I think I know why I do it: because of all the anxiety I've had because of my narcissistic mother and brother. I've read some have also found it helpful when family/friends let them know they're bting so they'rwe aware. Then there's also having a hair elastic around your wrist and pulling it each time you bite. There's this one lady I read about that created a scene every time she bit, she'd scream at herself to stop and that helped (wouldn't do that myself since I'm not much for making scenes, especially over something like that) Now they're long enough that I find biting them kinda gross so not gonna happen

What also has helped is I think I know why I do it: because of all the anxiety I've had because of my narcissistic mother and brother who've all my life been trying to tell me what a horrible human being I am and have been pretty much blaming me for the family dysfunction (scapegoating). Now that I'm emotionally disengaging from them, what they're doing (Mom insulting me/being nasty/being childish and my brother's condescending crap plus obvious smear campaign against me to my sister and cousin) isn't affecting me anymore and I have much less anxiety now. I think it's really hit me that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them and their insecurities/issues.

UPDATE: Starting bleeding red and cramping so it's "game over" for our last IUI Luckily our hopes were very low for this 6th IUI so no shocker. We'll be going NTNP until we can start IVF in October and try calling the hospital to see if they've had any cancellations for the August meeting but not counting on it. So here's hoping IVF is the way for us!

 

[KatO79]

So sent the hospital written confirmation yesterday that we'll be coming to that IVF start meeting in September which is the 28th BTW, seems I remembered it the 29th for some reason

In the meantime, will just be having fun with BDing until we can start so I'm mentally more "pumped" for IVF and can feel positive above our chances.

Think I'll leave it to DH to tell his parents that the 6th IUI failed They were so sure it'd work because of that couple they knew that got their BFP on IUI #6. Don't think I'm yet ready to tell them we won't be talking about TTCing with them anymore so I'll let DH update them, can just as well

How are things going with you and your family Hope everything is well!

 

[KatO79]

Hi HCas, just checking in. Hope everything is ok at your end

AFM DH and I are trying to enjoy this break and just BD how we want and when we want. It's kinda refreashing actually but too bad I couldn't start IVF sooner

 

[HCas]

Sorry this month has been chaotic. Both my mom and step dad moved very suddenly, my sister started suffering from separation anxiety, I started going to a specialist for my back and physical therapy. And then to top it off my computer broke when my cat tried to run from my niece and knocked it over. Just got it fixed.

Cycle wise I'm very confused. I', pretty sure my last one was anovulatory since instead of a normal period I had clotting for 5 days (sorry tmi). This month I started having ewcm from cd7 on and off til now. And I keep getting weird cramps in my cervix and period like cramps. And I'e had the best yet worse sleep in a long time. I can actually get to sleep now thanks to a new bed however because of my back and these weird cramps I toss and turn all night.

How is everything going over there? Enjoying your break I'm assuming? I know we are really enjoying ours as well. It's really nice not stressing over when is right.

 

[KatO79]

Sorry this month has been chaotic. Both my mom and step dad moved very suddenly, my sister started suffering from separation anxiety, I started going to a specialist for my back and physical therapy. And then to top it off my computer broke when my cat tried to run from my niece and knocked it over. Just got it fixed.

Cycle wise I'm very confused. I', pretty sure my last one was anovulatory since instead of a normal period I had clotting for 5 days (sorry tmi). This month I started having ewcm from cd7 on and off til now. And I keep getting weird cramps in my cervix and period like cramps. And I'e had the best yet worse sleep in a long time. I can actually get to sleep now thanks to a new bed however because of my back and these weird cramps I toss and turn all night.

How is everything going over there? Enjoying your break I'm assuming? I know we are really enjoying ours as well. It's really nice not stressing over when is right.

Oh wow, any reason they decided to move that suddenly? Has the specialist been any help on what's wrong? Too bad about the computer, seems unavoidable to get at least a few things broken when you have a cat Ours once jumped up on a shelf she's not allowed on and knocked over a framed version of the "Rainbow Bridge" poem I had close to my previous cat's ashes. It fell on the floor and the glass broke. So yeah, cats will once in a while knock stuff over

So odd, I Wonder what's causing that. Can't you take pain killers for the cramps? You can take paracetamol/acetaminophen when you're TTCing. I hope they soon go away. Have you asked your GP about them?

Things are going well I think. We're just taking things as they come. Planning on going on a 1 week vacation to Toscana, leaving late Saturday night. We can't be away any longer since DH starts his new job at the start of August and can't get away before since we'd already said yes to a wedding invitation and the wedding is this Friday (a mutual friend is marrying for the 2nd time, another Mexican girl so here's hoping this one lasts since he wants to start TTCing soon, he's my DH's age so 38).

BTW I got DH to have a talk with his parents this morning so I won't be hearing their "just relax" and "think positive" crap anymore The only bad thing is I practically had to twist his arm to do it since he hates confrontations, especially with them

 

[KatO79]

Just got back from a 1 week trip to Italy. We were in Venice and then went to Toscana/Florence. It was a really nice trip We did the gondola thing one night even though it was pretty expensive (100 euros for ½ hour). The only complaint was it was crazy hot, around 30-35 degrees Celsius

I think I may be 1-2 days late but we'll see. My hopes are of course pretty darn low after having TTCed for so long. Planning on testing Tuesday morning if AF doesn't show up by then. I've been 1-2 days late before and don't want to waste a test if it's just one of those odd cycles Who knows, I may even wait until Wednesday/Thursday morning DH will try calling the hospital Tuesday morning to see if we can start IVF sooner but still not holding my breathe

Hope you're still enjoying your break and doing better!

BTW have you been trying to stop the nail biting yet? I'm still going strong 1½ months later so at least I can do something right since I seem to be rubbish with conceiving Have bought a couple more nail polishes and a nail strengthener since my nails are pretty fragile so will be trying it in about 1 week since I've recently painted my nails (getting a bit better at it each time). I actually broke one yesterday, my right thumb nail (the horror), so had to clip it off and start a bit over since the break went pretty far down I don't think I'll let them grow much longer at this point (don't think I'd fare well with very long ones) so now it's about getting them stronger and seeing if my nail beds increase so they stop curving upwards (most of them do this) and don't have so much white at the ends.

 

[KatO79]

So I used one of my specially imported FRERs to get a BFN Not even the slightest hint of a line. So I doubt at this point I'm pregnant, AF is just being evil again. She's still not in sight but I was 5 days late once last year. Now that I think about it, it was about the same time, end July-start August So sure she'll make her appearance soon.

Anyway forgot to remind hubby to call the hospital to ask if anyone's cancelled so just sent him an SMS. I seriously doubt it but we can just try asking and not have to wonder "what if?"