OH and I had a talk :( :( :( :(

[fuffyburra]

He said it could be up to 6 YEARS until we start TTC :'( He said he wasn't sure about the date on the ticker, but now he's saying it might be 2 years, it might be 6, and he doesn't wanna promise me anything in case he breaks the promise.
I feel a bit heartbroken. That sounds dramatic but whatever, everything I had planned and everything he promised, I might have to wait 6 years for.
He rarely keeps promises (as you can already tell, he promised we'd TTC by the date on my ticker and that's not happening!) so in 6 years he might change his mind. I just never expected him to not be ready, he seemed so sure before and I never stopped to doubt it. He always talks about it and gets excited so I don't know what's going on He makes rash decisions and says whatever's in his head, so it is also possible that in a few weeks or even days he could decide this was a silly idea and he can't wait that long either. I certainly can't see him waiting that long, but then what if he does? I REALLY don't wanna have kids with anyone but him, I love him. But what if I decide to hang around and wait for him? I'm worried I'll end up resenting him or something
GAAAAAH this sucks :'( I could go to college and uni or something, or work full time and save loads of money, so this could be seen as an opportunity, except that nothing I do until then it going to fill the "gap", as it were.
I dunnooooo sorry to moan so much everyone, I just didn't expect him to do this and it's gonna be a horrible few weeks from now on and I dunno what to do Thanks for listening, it means so much to have you girls. Nice to have someone who understands and doesn't judge! lol xx

 

[Sophie1205]

sorry hun
as you said try and take it as an oppurtunity. i know how hard wtt is hun and not knowing when your OH is gonna be ready. Im in the same boat xxx

 

[angie79]

hi hun

my oh was exactly the same and would not commit to any dates and said that he was not going to promise a date but since i had a oopsie and got pg and had a mc it has woken him up - he then came out with december - i was shocked - he said he has never had the need to think about it before and has decided he does want kids - it was a breakthrough. He has now promised and i know he will keep to it as i have questioned it a few times about him changing his mind and he gets really angry and upset and says he wont.

Just told you my little story to prove men do change there minds even the most stubborn like my oh. Dont give up just tell him how you feel and then leave him to let it sink in and for him to get used to it.

 

[Ley]

I think Men have huge problems with actually commiting to a date. My OH has spent the last year pushing the date further and further back and now we are waiting until June BUT he has no problems in not protecting from pregnancy until then as it diesn't tie him into commiting iykwim.

I would seriously talk to your OH. There has to be compromise in any relationship and it seems like the compromise is all on your part right now.

I hope you manage to sort something out xx

 

[Strawberries]

 

[lozzy21]

I had all this with mine a few weeks ago, he said he wouldent be ready by the date me agreed and dident know when he would be.

I decided to go to uni while im waiting

 

[lovehearts]

men can be so stubborn and really mean sometimes. I dont think they understand the need inside of us to be parents. Im sure your OH will change his mind. My oh always said he wanted to be 27/28 when we try and then we got the mortgage and i started asking questions and look at me now - he will be 23 nearly 24 when we start ttc and he wants it. my oh can be stubborn and if he doesnt want something he wont have it so if he can change his mind anyone can. Chin up huni, im sure he will come round.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Missi]

I am quite tough on my DH after waiting many years to TTC. He always told me that he wanted a family but wasn't ready, even though he still isn't completely ready he knows he will be when the time comes.

Had I known 6 years ago that we would not be TTC until now I would have ended the relationship. Things have worked out for the best and we have had some fab times travelling around America but I still would have preferred a family by now.

I know that when we start trying it will definitely be the right thing which is always peace of mind but it was a difficult time to get to that point.

Sorry for being so truthful It does sound like your OH is giving you the 'worst case scenario' not to upset you so he obviously cares!

 

[calm]

I can imagine it can be very upsetting, especially having a date and then it not being respected. Has he told why he wants to wait, can he explain what makes him not ready now and what will make him ready in the future? If he could explain this properly it might help you both. Good luck X

 

[tommyg]

How old are you both at the moment?
If you are in your late teens / early twentys then you have loads of time to do other things like college and uni before you have a family but if you are in your late twenties then you have to ask does he actually want a family, 6 years at that point is a very long time when your clock is ticking.

 

[FairyDust2009]

I just wanted to give you and say I know exactly how you are feeling. My DH and I agreed to originally that we would start trying when I was 30, but now I am 30 he's pushed the date back by 4 years because he is studying for a degree and wants to be a qualified teacher before we try for our first child.

Its a painful feeling and I can't really offer any advice as I am still raw myself but wanted to assure you that you are not alone

FairyDust

 

[pumpkim]

My DH always said he never wanted children at all, it didn't really bother me in the early years of our relationship because until recently I never really had a huge desire to have children myself, I always just said I'd never say never, but I started to get concerned when he didn't budge on that opinion after about 8 years together!! In the last few years the majority of our friends have started to have children and he came round to saying 'one day but not yet' which I was ok with - it was progress! In this last year he's finally said he does want children and we've made plans for me to come off the pill and start trying from the summer (it's taken 12 years to get here!!).

I just wanted to share with you to show things change and he will come round, probably sooner than 6 years too as ou're already one step ahead of where I was, at least he's agreeing that he wants children one day! Try to be patient even though it's hard and everything will fall into place xx

 

[Bmary83]

Hey missy, I've totally bn where u are. Only last wk I posted on here looking for relationship advice as I'd finally had enough of living in limbo re: committment to marriage n babies. It all came to a head a few wks ago then on sat he actually said to me "how about a summer baby, so we can stary trying on Oct".

Now I've already said I'm not going to count my chickens until October comes round but still, it was better than I ever could have hope for, so, there's always hope.

I would try to broach the subject with him again in a few months n see wat the score is.

xx

 

[fuffyburra]

He watched a film last night while I went to sleep, and when he came up to bed he woke me up to say it's only 6 years max, and he wants to try on our honeymoon which will most likely be in 2 or 3 years, and he was only trying to prepare me for the worst. Although he didn't do a terribly good job of explaining that for the most part! So I'm feeling better about the whole thing, even if it's a little uncertain I don't think he'll wait 6 years, he's just not the type.
Thankyou so much for everything you've all said, it's made me feel a whole lot better about the situation and to be honest I feel a bit silly for making such a fuss because I didn't realise he didn't mean it that way :/ Sorry everyone! I feel like a doof lol xx

 

[Damita]

I know it must be really upsetting, I would be too 6 years is a long time *hugs*