OH is a @#!@$%... so angry!!!

[kobrinfamily]

Your way better then I am I would of kicked his ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jaylynne]

I would have done something worthy of domestic violence if my DH ever said that.

Don't threaten. Just leave.

Don't come back unless he's had formal counseling and has apologized his fucking ass off. Just think what would happen if he said that when your baby was old enough to understand?! I MIGHT forgive, but I'd NEVER forget. He's a selfish piece of shit. Your boys and you deserve better! Get out now.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I know I should. Most of me wants to, even. So why am I still sitting here with the boys on the couch instead of packing us all a bag I don't understand. He doesn't care about our son and I'm still here.

I'm so stupid

 

[creatingpeace]

You are not stupid, I think he has likely affected your self esteem! Create a plan for yourself in case you decide to leave. I am not sure he will change given you left recently and he continues to be nasty. But if you can deal with that, cool. I think creating a plan in the meantime might boast your confidence.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I'm still stewing on it which is a start, usually I have forgiven his stupid ass by now. Right now I just do not want to be near him. At all. He works 14-16 hour days 5 days a week so that part is easy... it's getting sucked in again when he gets home and is by chance in a good mood that's the problem. Although after this morning's scene I doubt he will be in any sort of good mood thank God.

 

[kirst76]

What a horrible situation. He has said some ugly things that can never be taken back. Hugs babe....be strong in whatever you decide to do xx

 

[Leids]

I really think you should leave as well. My father was very verbally abusive, and it's affected me throughout my entire life. It took me years to even feel somewhat adequate, I had a lot of issues with depression and insecurity. My brother and I have a lot of lasting emotional damage due to what he did, and the things he said. It wasn't just the things he said to us, but to our mother as well, it was very hurtful.

It is so hard growing up with a father like that. I remember telling my mom to leave my dad when I was 6, I knew it was wrong and it hurt me and my brother so much. Having a father around is nice, but when they're emotionally abusive and say things like that it really gets down to your soul. You're better off without him, and so are your little one's. Even looking at my little man, I would be devastated if my husband said that to him. I never want my baby to feel inadequate or unloved, that just sets him up to have a hard and depressing life that I'd never wish on anyone.

I know that it's extremely hard, hell my mom only just left my dad in December and doing so much better emotionally, after 31 years! It's so heartbreaking that anyone could say that about their child, he sounds like such an awful person to be around.

 

[pinklightbulb]

It's so awful sometimes. I was scared to tell him I was pregnant again even though we planned Liam Now that OH has said these things I feel terrible for my little boy, I thought he was wanted by both of us Clearly not.

 

[sandilion]

Do you think your OH is suffering PND? We all need to remember, some women that have PND say those exact things. We are all more understanding of it though when its women who say it, but the fact is... women saying they wish they aborted their child, that they don't love their child and that they feel like hurting their child is just as horrible as what your OH has said. It's not just women who suffer it.

If this were me, being in a situation where i can't just pack and leave because i have a shit family and i also don't wanna intrude on any friends, and also on mat leave and DH makes most of the money, i would move the baby and myself into a spare room, or make your OH move to a different room. If you really want to leave, start putting money aside to save up so you can get your own place. Or if you have somewhere to go, and you really want to leave then DO it. Even if it's just for a couple days until you and him are able to talk to each other in a more cool manner.

Either way, this hissy fit must NOT be ignored. He is either just a complete prick, of he is suffering emotionally. Both issues need to be addressed.... if he wants this to work with you he needs to get help ASAP. PND in men must not go ignored. If he is just a prick, and you knew all along then you need to stay strong and accept that you knew this would be this way, so be a mumma bear and move on from him.

But if you think there is a chance he is emotionally unwell, he needs to be given the ultimatum to get help.

Sounds like he works some killer hours too.... that surely will be wearing him down and adding to any emotional issues he is suffering.

It is so so upsetting what he has said, but you need to stay strong and start listening to your head for the sake of your children. Don't let him beat you down! You need to get angry, not upset. Upset wont help you with your children, but getting pissed off will give you the strength to fight for them believe it or not.

 

[JASMAK]

When I was young, my mom yelled at my dad that she never wanted us kids anyways. She had a tantrum about us. I was LITTLE...maybe 5...I don't know. I can tell you that at 37 years old, it still continues to be THE most hurtful and damaging thing ANYONE has ever said to me. I would leave.

 

[Natsku]

BLT

If you've wanted and threatened to leave many times before then maybe it really is time to leave. I know its really hard to do, it took me 4 years to leave my ex after first threatening to, but I really hope you can get the courage to do it. Or at least leave temporarily but I doubt he will change if he didn't change when you left before.

 

[Mee_Mummy]

Oh my! Well to be honest id have kicked him out after him saying it!! What a dick!! Sorry your with auch an arsehole!! xx

 

[lilyanne]

Do you think your OH is suffering PND? We all need to remember, some women that have PND say those exact things. We are all more understanding of it though when its women who say it, but the fact is... women saying they wish they aborted their child, that they don't love their child and that they feel like hurting their child is just as horrible as what your OH has said. It's not just women who suffer it.

If this were me, being in a situation where i can't just pack and leave because i have a shit family and i also don't wanna intrude on any friends, and also on mat leave and DH makes most of the money, i would move the baby and myself into a spare room, or make your OH move to a different room. If you really want to leave, start putting money aside to save up so you can get your own place. Or if you have somewhere to go, and you really want to leave then DO it. Even if it's just for a couple days until you and him are able to talk to each other in a more cool manner.

Either way, this hissy fit must NOT be ignored. He is either just a complete prick, of he is suffering emotionally. Both issues need to be addressed.... if he wants this to work with you he needs to get help ASAP. PND in men must not go ignored. If he is just a prick, and you knew all along then you need to stay strong and accept that you knew this would be this way, so be a mumma bear and move on from him.

But if you think there is a chance he is emotionally unwell, he needs to be given the ultimatum to get help.

Sounds like he works some killer hours too.... that surely will be wearing him down and adding to any emotional issues he is suffering.

It is so so upsetting what he has said, but you need to stay strong and start listening to your head for the sake of your children. Don't let him beat you down! You need to get angry, not upset. Upset wont help you with your children, but getting pissed off will give you the strength to fight for them believe it or not.

I agree.

 

[special_kala]

Agree with above, if it were a woman who said those things we would offer supportsnd if that womans husband left her because of it can you imagine the uproar?

I know he said some shitty things but they are that shitty that ito me he needs help and support rather then you threatening to leave.

Pnd does effect men too.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Now that I've had the chance to cool off a bit I'm thinking that it could be PND. He mouths off a lot, kids or not, and isn't the most sensitive guy around. He does work long hours and he struggled with Eamon too. Interestingly he didn't with his first boy, FF from birth, who he says he bonded with that way and when I BF it takes that option away He said I was selfish for BF and still resents me for it from Eamon. He knows it isn't rational as BF is obviously best (and easier for me tbh) but still feels he was 'taken away from' and held it against me.

We differ a lot in parenting style. He has NO patience... at all. It was the reason I left last time while still pg with Liam. He promised to change and for a while he did but now he's back to his old self. But as I said it's only us that he ramps up on, he's a different person to everyone else (well except my family).

Does it sound like PND? I just honestly can't decide if he's an ass or it could be.

 

[BrandysBabies]

I would agree with the above statements as well if it weren't for the fact that this is not just something that he said in the heat of the moment. HE IS VERBALLY ABUSIVE! not just this one episode and not just since the baby was born. You do not want your children to grow up thinking his behavior is normal.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I've just spoken to him and he seems in a better mood. He wants to see me tonight so I've agreed not to go to my parents' after all. We'll see what he says when he gets in.

 

[tina3747]

I've not read all the thread so apologies if it's been said or if you've updated anywhere but my husband was THE best daddy to our eldest who is 13. Honestly, I can't tell you enough of how much time he puts into him and all the quality time they have together. It's one of the reasons I think he never wanted another, I wouldn't say he was obsessed with him but I couldn't imagine him loving another child like he does him.
We then accidentally got pregnant and I breasted for the first 6 weeks, with a ton of difficulty blah blah hence he was quite an unsettled baby. At 5 weeks he said "can't you just shut him up" and "he's such a miserable fucker, not like his brother".
Well I was gutted obviously BUT as time went on and he got a bit more personality , the more interesting things came out of him and I'd say from 5/6 months he's yet again turned into a fab daddy once again! Even to the point, LO has no interest in me hen DH is around , he won't sleep for me or eat properly. Quite upsetting but looking back after the horrid words he said its reassuring he loves him as I did doubt it at the beginning!
Anyway, he may or may not change I don't know but at this age they're quite boring so there's room for him to grow to like him. I'm pretty sure he loves him especially if he's a good daddy to your first.
Good luck xxx

 

[Piggywinkle]

He's threatened to take E off me before because he thinks I'm useless and I wouldn't put it past him to try it on. He said this morning when I threatened to take the boys and walk that he didn't care if I took Liam but I better think again if I was thinking about taking Eamon.

Yeah, I'd like to see how that went down with the judge. 'Yes, I only want to take on custody of one child because I can't stand the other one.' Not coming across well whatever excuse he may use really is it?

Whatever you decide to do, don't ever worry that you'll lose custody of your boys - it won't happen.

 

[My_First]

If this was the sort of attitude per baby too them you need to have a think on what's best for you and the boys. If its something since he could well be struggling to adapt and needs support and not to be pushed away.

I let you into a little known secret that I have told no one out of Bnb. When Leo was born I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life, I said some vile things to my oh including, I don't want him, I'm going to leave you with him. I wished he had never been born, got rid of him, get him adopted etc. I was at a place struggling to adapt and had pnd.

I would not have been able to get through it if my oh hadn't supported me or called me a bad mother for saying those things.