OH loss of sex drive since loss?

[Feisty Fidget]

Ok, I am not sure if it is just us but I am really struggling to get DH to bed! We both decided to start trying asap and even discussed trying the sperm meets the egg plan after first I hammered home the fact we HAVE to bed on advised days if following the plan and he said fine.

He has never had a huge sex drive but I pretty much got used to that, now however despite having a respite of 2 and a half months from he doesn't seem all that interested. I advised I got a very, very faint second line on OPK yesterday and told him it could be nothing but better to just incase but after initially agreeing he didn't want to when it actually came down to it

He admitted today that he is really struggling over the loss of LO and it has hit him more over the last two days but this isn't really helping the race. I really don't know what to do Every time I try to discuss it in a adult manner he just ignores it.

It is really frustrating, I am missing our LO too but don't relate to it!

 

[sarahjane10]

Hi hun

Hope things work out okay for you, when i had my mc our sex drive was down hill a bit.

 

[icantdecide]

Oh i too dont know what to say. After my loss i wish my OH had lost his i just wasnt in the mood and he was. Can never get it right can they.

This must be really hard, i know how desperate you are to get trying again.

um what you did before to get things going could you do that again? or make it less about baby making and more about him, just for now anyway.

Good Luck

xx

 

[wannabe mam]

Hi hun,
I know that with our loss my OH was very strong for at the time as I also lost a family member the day after so I was a mess! But his grieving came later, like you said I think it is hitting your OH more now. Just give him time. My OH still finds it hard talking about it 8 months on, maybe its a man thing?
If in another month its the same, maybe approach him about it and explain how important this is to you.
Good luck hun xx

 

[Amygdala]

Maybe try making sex about the two of you again, not about making a baby. Don't tell him about opks etc, just dress up nicely or give him a really great kiss and see where things are going. And if it's only a cuddle for now, that's fine. Maybe you just need to take small steps for now to make sure you can both find back into it. I know how hard it is to think you might miss your chance this month. But he has to be ready as well. So give him time and try to reconnect with him (physically) slowly. I'm sure you'll get back to normal sooner than you now think. to you!

 

[Leanne020807]

I'm not sure if this is good advise or not but some women wait to try again because they need to be mentally ready for another baby and need to accept that another baby isn't going to replace the one you lost, I'm not saying you are not ready but even tho your oh said to try again straight away, maybe he needs the time to heal??? I don't know I'm just guessing from reading your thread. Maybe that's worth talking about?? I really hope you sort it out xx

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Thanks guys!

Leanne, I think even when I am pregnant again and even when I hold that baby in my arms I will still think of and miss our little sprout. It was our first pregnancy and we were trying for almost 7 months before we were blessed with them. I think a zillion times a day if only I could have my sprout back, they would be at this stage now or I would be having my dating scan now or only a few more weeks until I could feel movement etc (as I know we all do) I want to be a mum more then anything else in the world and the only way I can do that is by getting pregnant again. I feel emotionally ready to try again, but I don't think I will ever be over our loss, I don't think anyone ever is. I totally get what your saying though xx

We dtd last night and it was nice, going to try and keep my mouth shut about OPK and fertile dates now and perhaps try to just seduce him If I just get a cuddle, then I love cuddles!!! I just find it difficult not to share as he's my best friend and we usually tell each other everything. Will just have to come on here and share instead

Have just re-read through my initial post and it does seem somewhat cold, that wasn't my intention and it does sound as if I just want to get pregnant asap to replace our sprout but as I know you ladies who have read my other posts will know that just isn't the case!

Thank you for all your advice xx

 

[icantdecide]

Aw im happy it went well for you

I didnt read it as if you sounded cold, it sounded like you were upset and felt a bit pushed out.

everyone loves cuddles!!

x

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Thanks! I just thought it may have come across a bit whiney and that I didn't want my OH to grieve as it was effecting our ttc which is totally not the case! Xx

 

[icantdecide]

No of course not. That's the point of this site to say things you dont really fell comfortable briging up in everyday conversation. I'm sure hundreds of couple go through this and the complete opposite. xx

 

[Leanne020807]

You will never forget I lost in April and still think about it every day my due date would have been next week even tho I feel a bit numb and guilty about it I'm not stressing out anymore and have accepted what happened, I though maybe your oh hasn't got to that stage of accepting the loss which is important before you have another baby, I'm really glad things are Looking up and hope your feeling better today xx

 

[BBgirl]

Feisty Fidget I too have the same problem. My OH is feeling under a lot of pressure. Sex is really different for men and women. They are very visual. They seriously hate talk about cervical mucus, ovulation kits, etc. They simply feel under more pressure then. Imagine what it would be like to have to perform and your girlfriend or wife is desperate to conceive. The more desperate she becomes the more you worry about your performance. We don't have to perform, so we can't full relate to that pressure. Go out to a movie or dinner, make an effort to dress sexy, put on your makeup, act flirty and playful. Absolutely no more talk about your cycle or ovulation kits, just be irresistible. Do this at times throughout your cycle, not just when you are in your fertile period. Then he will not feel like a sperm provider, and you will see he will fancy you again more than ever. The key is to make the effort to be sexy and have sex when he knows you are not in your ovulation week. It's reverse psychology!!! Let us know how it goes.

 

[icantdecide]

Feisty Fidget I too have the same problem. My OH is feeling under a lot of pressure. Sex is really different for men and women. They are very visual. They seriously hate talk about cervical mucus, ovulation kits, etc. They simply feel under more pressure then. Imagine what it would be like to have to perform and your girlfriend or wife is desperate to conceive. The more desperate she becomes the more you worry about your performance. We don't have to perform, so we can't full relate to that pressure. Go out to a movie or dinner, make an effort to dress sexy, put on your makeup, act flirty and playful. Absolutely no more talk about your cycle or ovulation kits, just be irresistible. Do this at times throughout your cycle, not just when you are in your fertile period. Then he will not feel like a sperm provider, and you will see he will fancy you again more than ever. The key is to make the effort to be sexy and have sex when he knows you are not in your ovulation week. It's reverse psychology!!! Let us know how it goes.

that seems like a perfect plan. x

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Thanks BB girl, I will definitely try that! I know that the cycle we feel pregnant he was feeling under a lot of pressure and it effected his performance, I was about to tear my hair out because it was so heart breaking seeing him get all upset. I really thought the break would help but now we have the added pressure of the mmc it's cancelled it all out.

I will let you know how we get on, and I will desperately try to update fertility friend when he isn't around and won't talk about OPK or BBT etc, if he asks I will just say it's going fine.


x

 

[grandbleu]

Oh my gosh - I'm having the same issues I think BBgirl said it right - My OH is saying that the only reason I want to have sex anymore is to get pregnant. THAT IS NOT SEXY! So obviously it sort of takes the mystery and sexiness out of sex. I am going to try the approach of just not mentioning all the "technicalities" and just try to have fun (when it counts of course especially!). He can have his fun while I take care of the timing

 

[Amberyll23]

My DH is like this also! The more I jabber (and boy can I jabber!) on about wanting to get pregnant and fertile days, temps, cm, etc. etc., the more it turns him off!! I find that doing the things that worked when we weren't trying to get pregnant seem to do the trick, haha, and I just don't tell him I'm doing it because it is a possible fertile day!

 

[Feisty Fidget]

so glad I am not alone!

Have had an abundence of EWCM today and yesterday and my temps have dropped so although it's a long shot (natural ovulation wise) I will be trying to seduce DH in about an hour, fingers crossed it will work! TBH though I am so tired I don't know if I can summon the energy to try and be annoyed if it doesn't

I have been super good and not mentioned fertile signs or temps at all today and although he was peering over my shoulder when I was adjusting fertility friend this morning I didn't say a word!

 

[icantdecide]

whooo good luck with DH and good luck cathing the egg!!

x

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Argh! I seriously tried but he claims to be coming down with something. Everyone would be proud of me, I just smiled sweetly and said not to worry. Inside I was seething but I was extremely careful not to show it. The only good thing is that my temps dropped even further this morning so there is no way I ovulated just yet I shall just try again this evening

EWCM is still there so not too sure what is going on :shrugs:

 

[icantdecide]

Veru proud. Amazing amount of restraint!
Well thats a kind of silver lining that you didnt miss your chance.
if he is coming down with somethign stay away lol you dont want to catch it.

x