Oh what have I done..?

[Miss Phoenix]

Hello all..

I’m moving over here after a BFP on Monday but my heart is breaking a little bit and I kind of need to let it all out without fear of judgement

A little background..

OH is the most amazing man. We met when my son was only a few months old (one night stand, bio 'dad' not interested) and became fast friends and then I admitted I was falling for him. We have been together nearly 10 years and couldn't be happier.
In his previous relationships there was ALOT of baby pressure and several miscarriages, leaving OH to think he couldn't father a child that would stick. I accidentally fell pregnant a few years ago and lost the baby. We weren't overly heartbroken because we weren't trying and were content with our son (OH officially adopted him a few years ago).

Anyway, we were joking about something in the bedroom earlier this year and it involved having a baby. I took this as a sign that deep down he really wanted to try for a baby. I wanted to take that pressure off of him and make sure that sex didn't become 'give me a baby' as I know he has suffered so much with unkind and selfish women before me, degrading him for not being able to do so. My thinking was if it felt natural and not for a purpose we would have a greater chance of conceiving. So I came off the pill in July without telling him. In my head I was doing such a noble thing for him, giving him a wonderful gift. I was wrong.

Turns out he really didn't want to try for a baby, and is now quite angry at me for taking what was essentially a joke and running with it behind his back. He is in complete shock and has asked me to be patient while he tries to get his head around this massive change and what it means for our future.

I am in now way looking for someone to tell me he's wrong and I am right, I can totally understand why he feels the way he does, I completely got it wrong. We are such a strong couple that this has really rattled me, I love him so much and hate that he feels betrayed by me.

I don't know what the future holds, or even if baby will stick, I just hope that we can find a way to get past this soon as I can't stand much more of feeling like this, and I know it's not good for baby!

I just wanted to share because honestly I feel so alone.

 

[LadyLovenox]

So so sorry you're feeling this way. I can totally see where you were coming from, and I feel like men CAN feel "used" when trying to make a baby, esp w his past, so I think it was noble of you to try to spare him from reliving that painful past. Having it end up being a misunderstanding is def a hurdle to work through, but ultimately he will be SO happy w the baby, and will probably feel guilty for ever having been upset about it. It's all new, so give it some time and I'm sure he will come around

 

[JAJuly2013]

This is a tough situation! Communication in a relationship sometimes leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You two seem to have a good strong relationship so im sure he will come around with time. Fx'd this baby will stick this time. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months.

 

[Miss Phoenix]

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.
Being so early on we don’t want to tell anyone yet so I have no one else to really talk to about it all..

He is being kind and caring in the sense of worrying when I’m lifting things, getting cross when he found out I went up in the loft when he wasn’t home and telling me to make sure I look after myself but it’s hard to have him looking at me differently, it’s only been a few days so I hope the further down the line we (hopefully) get the more he will adjust to the reality of it all and feel more positive about it.

It’s weird to want something so badly and take steps to try and make it happen but then it does and you can’t really figure out what next lol

Thanks again for the support

 

[mummy2lola]

Bless u,I can see ur side on this and feel I would’ve done the exact same,I feel maybe it’s not so much that he feels betrayed (he might feel like that now but he won’t forever) it’s likely more fear from his past and the anticipation of “what if it all goes wrong again” and thinking that u two may not survive it like his previous relationships.u sound very much in love and once he gets his head around the fact that this won’t change how u feel about him one way or the other I’m sure he will come around,hopefully as things progress the excitement might creep past the fear,good luck with everything xx

 

[Sander]

It sounds to me like he does want a baby but is scared because of your previous losses His reaction could definitely be a self-defence mechanism. Hopefully that’s the case anyhow - I just don’t think he would be overly concerned about you and the baby’s health if he truly didn’t want it.

He will come around!

 

[Bevziibubble]

He will come around! I imagine it is a shock for him at the moment