Ok, blunt question - privacy rules?

[Butterfly89]

I'm gonna be completely outspoken here. This is hypothetical since we aren't facing this issue yet, but I've been talking with my friend and she was saying how she misses privacy but she will wear undies and a bra around her DS who is 4. Not lacy sheer ones obviously, lol, but undies. I'm not sure how I feel about that. OH and I like to wear underwear to bed, sometimes less in the hot, hot summer. We aren't weird nudists or anything, LOL. It's just comfy. Obviously with LOs that are too young to be wandering out of their rooms randomly anyway, this isn't really an issue. But what about when they get to an age past baby gates and monitors?

But basically as I see it, there's a few options:

1) Keep the door closed and have a discussion with your LO once they are 3/4 years old that this is mommy and daddy's room and you need to knock before you come in... But I could easily see this failing! What if someone kicked off their blankets? :S I remember walking in on my dad once in the shower and I was TRAUMATISED. Maybe this is because nudity was such a big taboo in my family and we were taught it was kind of shameful and weird? I think it'd be weird to all walk around naked like monkeys, but I mean... if a kid walked in, do you think it'd traumatise them if you taught them healthy things like your body is your body, its no big deal, its just not appropriate in public, safety, etc etc... but not overly weird about nudity?

or 2) Get a lock for our bedroom door at night? Is this even safe? I would worry that LO could have a nightmare and want to come in and be comforted, but the door would be locked and we might not hear through it. Do you think it'd be weird to have a lock on our door at night and maybe like an inside doorbell LO could use if he needed help? Is this crazy? LOL

I do know I want our room to be our room. LOs will sleep in their own beds, not ours and learn that if we invite them in, like to watch movies or hang out in the room during the day then that's ok, but to respect it is mommy and daddy's space, etc. That way we can keep it a private, adult place which I think is beneficial to a relationship in many ways! And it's nice to have a room without toys all over lol.

or 3) Just wear pajamas to bed like a normal person, ffs. This is the simplest option, haha.

The other thing I was thinking is maybe putting bells on the door so if the door does open, we get a warning and can throw something on. This is more of an issue for OH than me I think since I don't mind wearing -something- to bed at least, but he gets overheated a lot.

And yes, I really do overthink things, LOL. But what do you guys think? What are healthy boundaries to teach kids about things like appropriate nakedness/being in undies... The last thing I would wanna do is scar my child for life. I'm naturally a very, very shy person (I guess partly because of how I was raised) so I'm never sure if I'm -too- worried about this kind of thing.

I want my child to be safe and understand boundaries and privacy, but at the same time, don't want him to be ashamed of himself or weirded out by anatomy. Like I think art books (like old renaissance paintings, not weird nude art photos or something lol) are just fine. But I don't know what the cultural norm is for bedroom privacy. I want to keep that healthy intimate relationship with my OH too, whenever time permits LOL. But I don't ever want to damage my child by being too obvious/open about it.. I think that's weird when people are too free about it.

 

[Erised]

I was always against being naked in front of the little one, but once I had her things changed. When they wake several times a night, you don't get dressed each time to go and see them.

I sleep in the nude, and do go in to her room at night nude to settle her back down. In the morning she joins us for some cuddles (she stays on top of the blanket), and I get dressed before we go downstairs.

DH hates being nude in front of her, so he'll hide under the blanket until he can get some underpants. He doesn't mind being in front of her when he's wearing those though.

I'm not sure when it will change and I'll feel like I need to cover up. Doubt it will be any time soon, probably when she feels it's time herself. If children grow up seeing their parents semi-naked daily they won't see it as weird or get traumatised by it. I know my dad used to always walk around in his underpants until he got a shower in the morning, and it never bothered me until I hit my teen years. I simply knew when to look away then though, made the choice myself not to see it any more.

 

[JASMAK]

I have an 8 year old son and he still will walk in on me peeing, or changing. I don't make it a big deal, and he doesn't even notice. Honestly, your house, your rules. I don't think I want my kids walking around naked (and they don't) and there is rules about the kids getting dressed in their rooms etc....but when it comes to mom...I mean, *I* like the privacy, but my son, honestly, doesn't bat an eye. I sleep in a t-shirt and panties...and i have no problem snuggling my kids in bed if they crawl in..I won't put more on. For me, that's fine. But, do what feels right to you.

 

[JASMAK]

Also, as far as my girls, I don't think it will ever be an issue. I used to be in swim club and a lifeguard where we all showered together, naked. It's no big deal to me for the same sex.

 

[chichestermum]

i sleep in panties and tshirt and i dont get dressed to see DD or when she comes into us in the morning, its never occured (sp?) to me to do so.
I think children should grow up thinking that they dont need to be fully covered up around family. I mean im coomfortable walking around in panties and tshirt so why should i stop my DD from doing so?
i dress her downstairs and if she chooses to get dressed herself then she brings her clothes down too, i think when she starts deciding to get dressed in her bedroom then i shall ask her if she would feel more comfortable if i dressed before coming down or putting on a dressing gown etc, tho by the time she chooses to dress in her room i probably wont need to go in and check on her in the night or rush down of a morning to make her breakfast etc she will be able to wait a while so it probably wont end up being that much of a problem.
my OH always wears pants and he doesnt mind her seeing him in them xx

 

[RachA]

I wear something to bed, mainly because i'm paranoid of there being a fire or something and not having time to put clothes on before leaving the house lol.
I will however go to the toilet and have a bath and allow my 4year old to see me. I am starting to get to the point that i want to put restrictions on what he sees though.

Bedroom wise we allow ours in with us in a morning but we do tell DS that if the bedroom door is shut he is not allowed in.

I don't think we should be too paranoid about wearing what we want around our own house but i couldn't go to the extreme that my sil is like. She will wander around my inlaws house wearing her panties and bra - whilst they are not exactly crotchless or the like they are fairly revealing and i'm not comfortable with it.

 

[freckleonear]

Hubby and I both sleep naked and the children often see us use the bathroom, bathe or get dressed. The children regularly wander around the house naked. We have no plans to change that until they start to show signs that they need some more privacy. I think for children not to see nudity at all and to view your body as something to be ashamed of could be quite damaging in the long run for them.

 

[17thy]

Hubby and I both sleep naked and the children often see us use the bathroom, bathe or get dressed. The children regularly wander around the house naked. We have no plans to change that until they start to show signs that they need some more privacy. I think for children not to see nudity at all and to view your body as something to be ashamed of could be quite damaging in the long run for them.

^I completely agree

 

[TattiesMum]

Hubby and I both sleep naked and the children often see us use the bathroom, bathe or get dressed. The children regularly wander around the house naked. We have no plans to change that until they start to show signs that they need some more privacy. I think for children not to see nudity at all and to view your body as something to be ashamed of could be quite damaging in the long run for them.

I'm the same - I always sleep naked and the children grew up seeing me wander around upstairs with no clothes on. My DH does always wear boxers in bed and puts on a dressing gown when he leaves the bedroom - but he is their step dad so it's more appropriate that he does.

It was always a pain when the kids had friends sleep over and I had to remember to put something on before I left the bedroom

To be honest I still do it now and my son is 18 and still living at home ... he has never said anything (and he's not backwards in coming forwards if something is on his mind) so I guess he just regards it as normal. He wanders around upstairs himself in just underpants, much as my eldest daughter does when she is home.

Tattie is a bit more modest for herself, but even she (like all of my kids) gets really peeved if I lock the bathroom door - they all think nothing of coming in and chatting to me if I'm on the loo or in the bath and get ratty if they don't have instant access to me LOL

I think it's healthy that they can regard bodies as being natural and just ... well, bodies, rather than as being sexual if that makes sense

 

[lesleyann]

Not really thought about this but Oh will still get in the bath with kyle as I do sometimes, When I go and open his stairgate for him in the morning im normally in a pair or lace frenchies, he has come into the bathroom with my while I was still having PP bleeding that was fun to err explain that mummy has special stickers in her pants now when ever we are in the bathroom together while im on the toilet he trys to looks for my sticker we are working on fixing that one lol that its rude to look for things like that etc

Oh does not feel comfy dealing with the kids naked apart from bathtime/showetime he does not liek to hold Lexi if he is only in a towel where as after a joint shower me and Lexi will have nakie cuddles under a towel together to keep her warm as she loves skin to skin.

I guess ill stop when kyle goes "OMG mum put your bloody boobs away!!"

 

[Nibblenic]

Me and Oh sleep naked. We allow lo to wander in and out when we;re using the bathroom, shower or getting changed. Even though its rare now Oh will still get in the bath with her if he is asked to.

I think it is important for your children to see you naked and being comfortable being naked. It is pretty likely that their naked body will look similar to yours. If they see you being comfortable in your own skin it can only encourage them to feel the same about their body.

I saw my mum and nan (we lived together) naked, in baths/showers/changing. We all have very similar bodies. I think it is because of seeing them comfortable in their skin, that I feel the same way.

Could you imagine if the first exposure you children had to nudity was a airbrushed falsely enhanced model. Then they would think that normal. I dont think that would be healthy at all.

 

[Lightworker]

Wow..never really thought of it TBH

I bathe with my girls, walk around naked if I am in the process of getting dressed/finding clothes. They talk to me while I am on the toilet (really, we don't know the meaning of "privacy" in our house)...

I don't make an issue of what can or can't be seen... this is our human bodies...

 

[smelly07]

Wow..never really thought of it TBH

I bathe with my girls, walk around naked if I am in the process of getting dressed/finding clothes. They talk to me while I am on the toilet (really, we don't know the meaning of "privacy" in our house)...

I don't make an issue of what can or can't be seen... this is our human bodies...

exactly This ^^^^^^^...............privacy and children dont usually go hand in hand LOL.

 

[Sam Pearson]

We aren't unnecessarily nude but none of us have any problem being naked in front of each other. Currently living in the house are OH, myself, 21yo, 11yo, 7yo and 5yo. My MIL and FIL is also unfussed and when she visits we carry on as usual and if we find a deserted beach we might skinny dip. We all sleep nude and OH an dI sleep nude with our younger kids. We often share showers and baths or we might just tell the person in the shower not to bother turning the water off and one jumps out as another jumps in (it takes ages to get the temp just right with our dodgey shower). We are quite comfortable walking naked through the house to fetch clothes. We often just wear underwear if it's a heat wave (bra and boy leg undies for the girls and boxers for the boys). Teenage son's girlfriend visits and she is a bit more modest so we adjust our behaviour out of respect for her. I live in a bikini at home throughout summer and so do my kids. It's just a non issue. We don't find our naked bodies rude and our kids have no problem seeing us naked but they prefer not to see other people naked aside from their friends of the same sex. I think it's healthy for our kids to see naked as natural and to see what normal older bodies look like from the grandparents down to the babies. We don't require our kids wear any clothes until they are around 4yo except out of the house (we EC and it's bloody hot here in Summer). I love that my girls are completely comfortable if their Dad and brother see them naked or if they see them naked. They are comfortable in their skins. Having said that our youngest did instruct Dad to put some pants on one day...she herself was starkers but as I explained to OH it was a height issue in that his crotch was right in her face. I do try to have privacy in the loo but with under 4yo it doesn't happen. It's how my babies first learned about menstruation. They are cool with that, too, and have no problem talking about it openly.

 

[Vickie]

There really aren't any rules in our house (though my mom is absolutely appalled by this )

We don't necessarily walk around without clothes on but we do get dressed/undressed (both my husband and I) in front of my daughter, walk to and from the bathroom undressed, and she is in the bathroom with me at least 90% of the time and sometimes will go upstairs to her daddy when he's on the toilet to read to him (she's in a real mommy phase right now which is why I tend to get followed every single time and he does not). DH also showers with her occasionally (I don't but that's because I'm afraid of slipping in the tub and she moves around A LOT!)

 

[smelly07]

We aren't unnecessarily nude but none of us have any problem being naked in front of each other. Currently living in the house are OH, myself, 21yo, 11yo, 7yo and 5yo. My MIL and FIL is also unfussed and when she visits we carry on as usual and if we find a deserted beach we might skinny dip. We all sleep nude and OH an dI sleep nude with our younger kids. We often share showers and baths or we might just tell the person in the shower not to bother turning the water off and one jumps out as another jumps in (it takes ages to get the temp just right with our dodgey shower). We are quite comfortable walking naked through the house to fetch clothes. We often just wear underwear if it's a heat wave (bra and boy leg undies for the girls and boxers for the boys). Teenage son's girlfriend visits and she is a bit more modest so we adjust our behaviour out of respect for her. I live in a bikini at home throughout summer and so do my kids. It's just a non issue. We don't find our naked bodies rude and our kids have no problem seeing us naked but they prefer not to see other people naked aside from their friends of the same sex. I think it's healthy for our kids to see naked as natural and to see what normal older bodies look like from the grandparents down to the babies. We don't require our kids wear any clothes until they are around 4yo except out of the house (we EC and it's bloody hot here in Summer). I love that my girls are completely comfortable if their Dad and brother see them naked or if they see them naked. They are comfortable in their skins. Having said that our youngest did instruct Dad to put some pants on one day...she herself was starkers but as I explained to OH it was a height issue in that his crotch was right in her face. I do try to have privacy in the loo but with under 4yo it doesn't happen. It's how my babies first learned about menstruation. They are cool with that, too, and have no problem talking about it openly.

yeah my eldest daughter who is 6 now learnt about this whilst barging in on me in the bathroom.......she doesnt batter an eyelid about it and knows exactly why and how and when it will happen to her and my 2 year old said to me the other day whilst i was getting dressed 'mummy when i'm big i will have boobies like you but not yet mummy when im big' i said 'yep thats right! ........ our bodies and their functions are not made a taboo in our household but we still respect privacy if its asked for x

 

[Lightworker]

oooh..I have a question now...how did you explain menstruation?

 

[smelly07]

well when my daughter walked in on me in the bathroom, she said 'mummy are you alright?' i said 'yeah sure i am just on my period' she then said 'urgh will i get one of those and does it hurt'...........i said 'its something every girl will have usually when they are older and it means that our bodies are ready and can make babies if we want to, it doesnt hurt sometimes your tummy may ache a little though........if i didnt have a period then i wouldnt have you so its a good thing isnt it and she looked at me and smiled and said yes it is. x

pretty good for an on the spot moment i thought! lol x

 

[leahsbabybump]

my kids have seen me fully naked bar pants i dont think its right i walk about with vajayjay out infront of almost 6 year old son oh is same will go fully naked bar boxers

 

[leahsbabybump]

just thought on afetr back reading thread i shared a shower with my son a few times totally forgot he did ask me why i dont have a sparrow (this iswhat he cally his willy lol) i just said girls dont need a sparrow because they sit down to wee didnt now what else to say think he was only 4 at the time he has never questioned it either tbh in the next few years i imagine we will tell him the truth about why we all have differant bits etc i just think hes a bit young for that now