On the road again graduates

[Starry Night]

Thanks, ladies. I exclusively FF'd my son so I have no qualms about FF'ing. But BFing didn't work at all with him so I was hoping to at least do it part time with DD...at least for the first few months. And I hate the guilt trips from everyone! I know I shouldn't care what others say. It would be easier if I could say "I'm FFing" and everyone would just drop the subject but I keep getting cornered and have to justify it in great detail and fight back "oh try this to make BFing work" comments like I'm a dummy who doesn't know how to research for myself. The worst is "but formula is so expensive". As if I didn't know that! I wish I could say "I really tried BFing but it didn't work" and everyone would drop the subject. I don't want to discuss my boobs or my mental stability with everyone.

I'm seeing my doctor every week and the public health nurse is visiting regularily to check up on me. Still trying to decide on whether or not to take meds but the side effects sound unpleasant. Hoping to yet be able to avoid those.

 

[skyesmom]

Topanga - those are sweet sweet news! love how your OH smiled at you mischievously awww sounds like he's really warming up to the idea!

Starry - PPD is a serious, serious issue, any form of depression really is. i second both topanga and left on what they said: the most important thing for Hannah is to have a healthy mom, not a boob! If formula feeding does the trick for you, then just go with it. and to all the people that start offering benevolent advices, i really think you should simply tell them... something along: i tried everything to make BF work for me. but i've been diagnosed with PPD and no matter what i do, BF makes it really worse so i am obliged to FF. i think NO ONE would ever dare make your boobs their own business after that. people don't know what kind of embarrassing questions are they making or how much they're invading unless they feel embarrassed themselves.

i had that often over the last year: "what are you waiting for, you're already over 30, your OH and you should really hurry up, you ain't getting younger." and more i'd be quiet and avoiding the more they would insist, but from the moment i've said: hey i've already lost two babies in my late '20, so the fact i'm childless now wasn't really my first choice anyway; they REALLY shut up for good. Some apologized profusely and were really really embarrassed. it happened only once this year, and all in all twice over the last year... more than enough, but it stopped.

i know it's kinda normal to ask people who are married/living together about kids, and people don't mean bad things, but what the losses have thought me is that sometimes the reality is a bit more complex than what it seems, and that not all the couples are waiting because of career/money/perfect moment.. some wait because they are obliged to. same with breastfeeding, we all have our ideas on it but until you're in it and feeling the invasion yourself, you can't really understand.

 

[Starry Night]

Skye - you're so right. There is a couple I used to babysit for when I was a teen. Their kids were about 7 to 10 years younger than me but the couple got married before my parents. My mom said people used to say the most awful things about them and why they didn't want kids. People called them selfish to their faces! Eventually it came out that the wife had been on fertility meds the whole time. One time someone was bugging me about kids even though I'd only been married for about 1 1/2 years. We had been trying for a little while already so I just said, "Yeah, we'd like kids but you can't just go to the store and pick one up". That ended the conversation pretty quick. The person wasn't trying to be mean but I didn't know her super well and it's so hard to gracefully exit a conversation you don't want to have.

Right now I'm basically FFing with BF as a supplement. I can nurse for almost an hour and DD will still take nearly an entire bottle feed on top. BFing had been seeming to go well (minus the depression) so I did try to do it exclusively but then she cried and screamed all day. And I do mean ALL day. She does have some colic, but adding the bottle again has greatly, greatly reduced the fussiness. I want to talk to the doctor before phasing it out entirely simply because I don't want to hurt my breasts by quitting cold turkey. I hadn't nursed all day today (we were out) and by this evening I was leaking all over the place and was so engorged. I nursed for an hour and still had stuff leftover. But I really had to focus on the TV from getting too sad or worked up.

 

[Topanga053]

DH and I were lucky that no one bugged us about kids before LO, probably because I was in law school. A lot of people in DH's family had kids as teenagers and never finished high school or college, so they were just so impressed that a couple in the family were making school a priority (DH and I both had our college degrees and I was going for my JD) before starting a family. They would tell DH a lot that we were the first ones to do it right. (My family is the complete opposite... my parents met at college and didn't TTC for YEARS and then had fertility problems, so they were in their late 30s when they had me.) Also, I was very open about our loss (EVERYONE knows), so that put an end to most of the nagging later, because everyone knew I was hurting.

But #2 is a different story. ;-) Now the in-laws are nagging us every chance they get. ;-)

Starry, colic is so rough. And PPD and colic is a terrible combination (hell, colic is enough to CAUSE ppd!). LO had colic and there were days I just wanted to give her away. I know that sounds awful, but 3+ hours of non-stop screaming really mess with your mind. The end of colic was when I finally REALLY started to enjoy her. So I'm here if you need to talk!

 

[Topanga053]

PS- so sad about that couple, Starry. My heart just breaks for that wife.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry I found that too with Sean once I started ff he was just so much happier and settled . Before that he would cry and be fussy between feeds , now he is contented and will sit in his bouncer and play for a good 30 mins . Before that never happened !! Ff also helped emensley in developing a routine . Really I wish someone would tell you how demanding and emotional BF is before you start so you are prepared . I think next time ( please god there is one ) I won't be so slow to Introduce ff if I think its needed . Hv have alot to answer for !!!!!

 

[Starry Night]

OK, so I ended up mostly FFing today and I felt like a completely different person and I had a completely different baby. Not only was she awake more but she was awake AND happy!! I had a whole evening with a wide-eyed, non-crying baby. And she went to bed without a fuss. I hope that continues to tomorrow. I see the doctor on Tuesday so hopefully she can give me tips on drying up my milk. Right now I have a scarf tied super tight across my chest and I took a pain killer but not sure what else to do. I also started to get pain in my nipples today after having no pain at all. It's like this stinging pain but I can't see any cracks or bleeding or anything. All I know is it smarted like the dickens when she tried to latch. It hurts without baby latching on too.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry delighted your feeling better and great baby Hannah is doing well When do you become a home alone mum ?

 

[Starry Night]

Today is my first day on my own. It's going fairly well. Not doing much, to be honest. I wanted to start small so we're sticking to the upstairs and I'm mostly cycling the dishwasher and preparing bottles. My mom has left some leftovers so serving those now. I was going to do laundry but now our washing machine is leaking and flooding the laundry room so I want to wait until DH is home to do more loads and we can figure out some sort of solution.

I also haven't been bleeding much the past day or two which makes me a tad nervous as that happened late last week and then suddenly had dark blood running down my legs in the shower. I bled for nearly 6 weeks after DS so I highly doubt it's over yet. But my stitches seem to be healing. Almost feel human down there.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry that funny my washing machine start leaking yesterday . I think it has been for a while and only found it when I went looking as the was a gross damp smell I couldn't get rid of in the utility room . Big leak under machine . Now to get it fixed, finding it is one thing !!

Make sure and take it handy !! You and dd and Ds come first , once your fed and happy the rest can wait !!! My bleeding did that too stopped and started its a pain in the butt as your not quite sure if its gone or when its gonna start again !

 

[Starry Night]

Yeah, it was that way with DS too. Though with him I had a whole ton more and huge clots which is weird as he was a section. But then, I did have clots in the womb during that pregnancy. I clotted every time I went for a short walk those first 6 weeks. I just wonder when I can be sure the bleeding is over. It's now been 3 days and the most I've gotten is brownish red spotting and that's just when wiping...nothing on the pads...and even that is only once or twice in the past few days. I am so anxious to get out of granny panties!

I have lost 30 of the 50 pounds I've gained in the pregnancy but I know that last 20 pounds will be a huge pain to lose. And then there is the 10 pounds I gained from my miscarriages. I'm trying to be realistic. It took me a year to lose the weight I gained from DS's pregnancy.

 

[Left wonderin]

At least its in your head !!!! I'm still in pre contemplation mode !!!

 

[skyesmom]

oh girls. with these post-partum stories i would have never known of if it weren't for you, well... it kinda makes the waiting for the BFP a tad easier!!!

do you really need to wear granny panties? i mean, how much do you bleed after birth? for how long. be real. don't spare me. i wanna know.

and Starry, now that you have breastfed plus have two little ones to run after, i think those 20 pounds will melt down quicker!

 

[Left wonderin]

Well for me the granny knickers stuck around a good 8 weeks as I couldn't bear ANYTHING to touch my c section scar ! Granny knickers right up to my waist was all I could do . No wonder I'm not pg !! The bleeding wasn't too bad I was expecting worse tbh but think mine was lighter due to c section .

 

[Left wonderin]

And there is NO tampons or slim sanitary towels . You have to wear the BIG doorstep maternity ones . I questioned this and was told its so you can monitor the bleeding apparently the slim ones are too absorbent and you might miss the start of a hemorage !

 

[Starry Night]

I'm actually bleeding less than i did with my son and he was a section but maybe my double blood transfusion has helped with that this time. I always wear granny panties on my heavy days of my period (the first few days I tend to need a tampon plus a pad) so yeah, definitely need granny panties for post partum bleeding. For the most part, this time has been more like a light to moderate period. The past few days to week I have hardly anything but when I do get a gush it can almost fill a pad. I had another mini-gush today but it was mostly brown and some pale red and haven't had anything else since. I'm wearing your average pad at the moment. I bled six weeks for my son and am expecting something similar this time.

Having had both, I will say a vaginal recovery IS easier than a section. But vaginal stitching comes with it's own annoyances. With sections people warn you that sneezing and coughing can hurt the stitches but they very much hurt vaginal stitches too. Yikes. It's also trickier keeping the area clean than stomach stitches simply because you don't go to the bathroom out of your belly button. However, the overall aches and pains are much less and I'm feeling much better a whole lot sooner.

And weight loss isn't always easy. I have a friend who lost all her pregnancy weight in the first week whereas I took a year of active dieting and exercise. I was in maternity until about 7 months afterwards (granted I didn't start TRYING to lose weight until 4 months after).

 

[RedWylder]

lol Skye- The first two days the bleeding is really heavy. My bathroom at the hospital looked like a murder scene. I felt really bad for my cleaning lady. j But after that it was just like a heavy period for a few weeks and then tapered off to a normal period for a few more and then a really really light period after that. I bled straight for 6 weeks and then it moved on to spotting for a few more and now at 11 weeks I've been in the clear for a couple weeks. Everyone is different though. My midwife was definitely a little surprised to know I was still bleeding at 6 weeks. But honestly it's just a nuisance, I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Starry Night]

Yeah, it's not horrible. It's just that icky feeling you get while on your period. It's more annoying. With my son I was passing big (nearly palm-sized) clots for several weeks whenever I did any sort of physical activity but I did have the issue of clots in the womb and a torn placenta. I think that might have had something to do with that. This time I've only had a few clots and they were tiny and dead-looking. I've had miscarriage recoveries that were worse than this. And you will have a tiny little person to distract you from all the unloveliness of the physical recovery.

For me the hardest part has been my natural hypochondria and ensuing post partum anxiety and depression. Switching to bottles though has been a huge load off of my mind. It sheds new light on my son's situation. I thought I was getting depressed because BFing wasn't going well but it seems I just can't handle the hormones that come with nursing. If I were to have a 3rd (ha, not likely) I would still try BFing in hopes the hormonal soup would be different next time.

 

[skyesmom]

wow. bleeding for six weeks. this is what no one ever told me! neither that first two days look like a murder scene (although my cousin and his wife who are both doctors did mention something like "ah you need these medical pads as ANYTHING can come out of there afterwards"... but i think i underestimated it thinking: ok they're doctors they're exaggerating).

i now wonder how some friends of mine restarted having sex after 4 weeks post partum (! seems like a mission impossible after reading your replies!).

oh well. i guess having a baby really wipes your mind away so in the end you don't notice both the bleeding and the time passing by! thanks for your honest replies ladies!!

and Starry, regarding the weight loss, i think it largely depends on hormones. i know some women who have lost more than what they gained in the first 7-8 months and stayed skin&bone after having a baby, other women who couldn't lose a gram for months no matter what they did (and serious dieting or exercising was out of question for first 4 months at least), women who lost some weight quickly and then got rid of the rest or parts of the rest over a year later, women who on scale show the same or higher number as pre-pregnancy but their clothes are hanging off them as well as the opposite. no rule there and every pregnancy is different i think, you really depend on the hormone soup a lot there.

oh well. now back to accepting the bleeding may last for 6 weeks straight.

 

[Starry Night]

Not everyone bleeds that long I'm sure. Yeah, otherwise you wouldn't be hearing about the girls who get pregnant within a month or two of having a baby. It's like after a m/c....I don't think you can ovulate while still bleeding and the same rule about infections applies. Though I can't imagine anyone WANTING to have sex that soon. I'm so sore and tender the first time after a m/c, I can only imagine what it's going to be like this time. ha ha

I was warned about the 6 weeks from my Grade 9 health class/sex ed teacher and that really stuck in my head because my periods are so awful that 6 weeks of it sounded awful. This time around really is not bad though. I bleed/spot about twice a day, if that. I slept bottomless last night because I just couldn't handle the panties and pads anymore. I put a rag underneath me and nothing even came out.

Nights are still inconsistent with DD and she is now fussing in her sleep so I'm getting even less. Nothing more than 2 hours at a time. Feeling a bit rough especially with the colic during the day. The doctor recommended I switch to one of the "gentle" formulas so I hope that helps.