On the road again graduates

[Left wonderin]

Lol ! She is so cute and sitting up sooo well I'm sooooooooooo Broody ! Moving onto cycle #4 ttc ...... 4 was always a lucky cycle for me so here is hoping keep us posted re your ob appointment , hope it goes ok . My oh is agreeing to have another but isn't as enthusiastic as first time . Think he would be as happy if we only have one . I on the hand really want another , my main reason is so LO is not all alone .

 

[skyesmom]

oh topanga Lauren is so so SOOOO cute!! and she grew sooo much!! what cutie cheeks

and funny how we both though of the same thing, telepathy is definitely working here

 

[Topanga053]

Left, LO not being alone is DH's biggest reason for even considering a second one, so I hear you there! I promised DH when I was pregnant with Lauren that I wouldn't push him about a second, so I'm trying to uphold that promise, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job this week!!

Cycle #4, wow! I've been off birth control for 5.5 months already, but we're just starting cycle #3 because of how long my cycles have been!!!!

 

[skyesmom]

I really hope you get your second babies ladies... broody dust to your OHs (and to my OH as well!)

topanga those crazy long cycles you have are crazy... did your OB manage to find a reason to that?

 

[Left wonderin]

And I really hope you get your BFP really sooooon x

 

[Carybear]

Hi Ladies! How is everyone?

Topanga, Lauren is just adorable... So sorry to hear about the long cycles... fx'd for you and left

Left... I can't believe that Sean has 4 teeth already... You have to put a pic on soon

Skye... How's it going... Still praying for a BFP for you!

No news here for me,but just wanted to check in. It will be 2 years since the mc on November 12th. Hard to believe. The couple who announced their BFP the same time as our miscarriage has a 15 month already. Hard to believe that I would have one that age. I'm not too broody right now, just accepting what is.

I miss you all and hope to hear from you all soon!

How is everyone else?

 

[Topanga053]

Thanks Cary. I'm glad to hear you're not too broody and things are going well! It can be difficult to see kids grow up who were born/conceived around the same time as our losses. But I'm glad to see you seem to be doing ok with it. I think about you a lot! How's work going??

Skye- as always, thanks! My OB appointment is this coming Thursday, so we'll see. My thyroid results are normal, so it's not that. I've had some spotting the last couple of days and I'm only like CD12. I NEVER have mid-cycle spotting, so this is all just totally bizarre.

Anyway, DH has put a halt to NTNP. He's been stressed at work and has decided that NTNP is basically TTC, which he's not ready to do. It caused a big fight because we didn't discuss it first, so it was kind of a nasty surprise when we were DTD and he *ahem* stopped. I'm still not happy about how he went about it, but I'm trying to use it as an exercise in patience and learning to relax and appreciate what I DO have. I'm one of those people who's always on the go and always wanting more, so I'm trying to just really savor the time with LO as she grows up. I also figure that we're still young (I'm 27), so we should have plenty of time to have another one later, if that's what we decide to do.

I'm also trying to figure out why NTNP is so important to me. Part of it is definitely being broody for #2, but I think part of it is also still very tied in to our loss and the feelings I got when we were finally pregnant. Also, it really hurt me when DH wasn't ready to TTC a couple of years ago, so I think I started to consider it a sign of his love for me when he was ready to TTC. So, I think I equate NTNP/TTC with "my husband loves and trusts me". Telling me he doesn't want to NTNP/TTC and *ahem* pulling out still makes me feel like he doesn't love/trust/want me. I know it's irrational, but the pregnancy (especially after the loss) made me feel SO happy and SO close to him, that it's hard to pull those two things apart now. Anyway, I'm just realizing how many weird feelings/thoughts I have from the loss. They're not rational per se, but they're still pretty strong, so since I don't have a choice, I'm going to try to use this time to untangle all of them.

I hope that makes sense.

And I say all of this now, but by next week I'll probably be on here ranting about how much I want #2 and how upset I am with DH for refusing to NTNP.

How's everyone else??

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary its so lovely to hear from you !!! I love when you check in is life still as busy for you ?? You were crazy busy at one point !!! 2 years has gone sooooooo quickly are you going to do anything to mark the day ? My date is 22nd December . But this time of year is filled with memory's , day he was conceived , found out on the 8th November , started to spot on the 20th went for scan saw baby and hb all fine , started red spotting 22nd . Another scan baby gone . Dnc 24th December . Its very present this time of year , ill never ever forget and I like to remember as it brings them closer x

Topanga I'd be so cross with oh if he made such a big decision all on his own !!! Men!! Sometimes you just want to strangle them !!!!! Your sooooooo lucky you have time on your side , I wish I could turn the clock back a bit broodiness is no laughing matter !!

 

[skyesmom]

Girls! so lovely to have this thread running lively again

Carey - so so great to hear from you! how is your book going? i remember you mentioning you've published one in that crazy busy times earlier this spring?

Left and Carey - i hear you on the anniversaries.. my EDD is in November as well, i consider it my angel's birthday although he wasn't born so... i am rewinding the old films from two years ago again, too. it is insane how much details one can remember, kind of re-living the whole experience again... and i agree, it brings them closer.

Topanga - as far as the DH backing up on NTNP and deciding it like that.. had that happen several times over the last year and woooow... it can really challenge your patience and feelings and all. but you're really dealing with it well - it took me a while to be able to enjoy other things in life when my OH decided he didn't want kids anymore, or has decided to wait for indefinite time.
and you are SO right, the losses really leave you with lots of weird-wired feelings in your brain and in your heart...

i think we're not really aware of most of them until later... it's like the pain is so devastating at the beginning that you just try to do whatever just to get out of that phase and ease that unbearable feeling, literally like fighting for your own life and your own mental sanity, that all the other minor issues are just invisible.

but once you're gone through it and learned how to live with it better, and have moved ahead, then all those formerly invisible thoughts surface and wow...

i had times where OH had cold feet for looong time, and i found myself being angry at him for stupid things i usually couldn't care less about, and the anger was not about those things in particular, it was due to deciding not to NTNP/TTC. it was always the same anger, as if he was denying us our baby - a feeling you can't really mistake for anything else, at least in my case. ie. he forgot once to pick my jacket up from the dry cleaners on the way back from work, i didn't even need it, it was there for post-winter clean up so that i could put it away during spring/summer.. and i took it as "he doesn't care about me at all". insane and silly and if i haven't had losses and depression that followed, i wouldn't have even noticed (and maybe left my jacket there forever haha!).

and wow - surprised that you're only 27! you are so SO mature! plus your career sounds so demanding as well, congrats on getting that far that quickly!

no BFP news from me yet... but it's ok - the broodiness here varies a lot, and on the days off i really enjoy it's not there, it can really take a lot of joy and attention out of your life, whoever gets to master it is a ZEN buddhist!

 

[Carybear]

Hi...

Life is still crazy busy and most nights we just fall into bed exhausted.

I have my second formal observation tomorrow so this week has been horrendous.

I'm not planning to do anything to mark the day. Just wanting to look forward and wait for that day when I get my BFP that will lead to my forever rainbow

 

[skyesmom]

i'm having one of my EDDs this week... it's been quite some emotional time over the past few days but OH's been great and it just drew us closer.

it is insane how these feelings hide away and you manage to function with and without them, and even stop feeling all that grief and devastation all the time... and then this time of the year comes and teleports you automatically into a weird nostalgic state from where that pain from years ago just comes back and enters effortlessly though the front door..

...that really surprises me, how intense it gets despite the time passing, both around the EDDs and MC anniversaries.

...also, like Carey said, the though of having a 2 year old and a 4 year old now really feels odd. i really feel like i've been stripped out of my life somehow, and now there is this other life i've built in the meantime that is so so far from it (especially with my 1st loss, as it was with my ex). and then it all seems like a dream.

and i know this sounds weird, but all this waiting (even when it doesn't feel so much like an actual waiting) makes me think i don't want to have a baby anymore. like when you want something so much but it doesn't come and you end up being sick of it all.

did any of you have this feeling? of being sick of it all, so much to stop wishing it almost?

 

[Topanga053]

Cary- thinking of you and your angel around this time.

Skye- I can TOTALLY see what you mean about feeling like you're leading a parallel life. And you're so wonderful at articulating things so clearly!!!

For me, no, I never stopped wanting it. But maybe if more time had passed, I would have started feeling that way. It makes perfect sense.

you girls so much. I admire your strength more than you know.

 

[Carybear]

Thanks Topanga.... Skye I'm right here with ya...

So, my last AF was really light. I mean, I pretty much could wear the same pad all day for about 4 days. Now I'm at cycle day 11 and have a ton of yellowish cm... It seems to early to be ovulating...

Any ideas???

Doesn't matter how tired I am from today's observation (which went pretty good - as good as it gets when you have 22 ten/eleven year olds in a room and you are trying to teach them to determine a character's perspective) DH and I will be making time for a little BD over the next week and a half...

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary I ov on cd 11 sometimes so not too early !!! Go get b'ding .....xx

 

[skyesmom]

oh Carey that sounds exciting! keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

 

[skyesmom]

oh btw girls... i'm officially one-two days late ha! but i have no symptoms at all except for some little increase in CM (a very usual thing for me at any point of the cycle)... we also had some spotting during sex for the last two days so i think it will be here anytime.. oh well. the good thing is i actually forgot i was late. i forgot when the next AF was to come. this didn't happen in a while now and it feels great.

 

[Left wonderin]

Skye its great to hear your so relaxed about it all at the moment hope its a SUPRISE BFP for you x keep us posted

 

[skyesmom]

the witch got me... no surprise BFPs here (and now hoping for a christmas miracle as my working schedule in december is mental and i honestly don't know how i'd pull it off with the first tri sleepiness)

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi everyone just checking in . Its turned super cold here can see my heating bill going up by the day !!! Lol... I can't wait for Christmas I LOVE it lights , trees etc . I'm really just a big kid !!!

How is everyone , work for me work is super busy balancing it all is quite a struggle !especially when it comes to dinners !

 

[Carybear]

Hi All...

November 12th passed with me much stronger than the year before. There will always be a part of me that wishes I had been able to meet my little one, but a bigger part knows that I will someday meet him. There were no tears, just a happy reassurance that he is in a better place. It's so hard to believe that it has been 2 years...

DH and I leave for a cruise on Monday! We have not had one vacation since our two-day honeymoon more than four years ago. I'm so excited!

So... I've tried not to symptom spot... but... I think I ovulated really early. Around CD11. Since CD14 my BB's have been pretty sore. It seems to me like that would be too early. AF is due in about 3-4 days, but I've had this pain for over a week now. My nipples are EXTREMELY sensitive. Any cold makes them hurt. Took a test but it was negative. Not sure if it was just too early or if something else is going on...

Happy Thanksgiving! Never a bad idea to give thanks, we are all so blessed.