On the road again graduates

[Left wonderin]

Topanga I know exactly how you feel !! Don't get me wrong I would be overjoyed to be pregnant again but not devastated if it didn't happen . Does that make sense ?? I hope so . Xxxx

 

[Starry Night]

That makes sense to me. I mean, right now I really don't want to get pregnant ever again but I know if it were to happen by accident I would fall in love right away and want that baby more than anything. Humans are complex beings.

Ugh. Why do I ever visit Mommy blogs and Facebook pages? Why do I keep doing that to myself?? I have a hard time believing that women in real life are really so sanctimonious or hyperbolic. I truly hate that the word "abuse" gets bantered about so lightly. Every form of discipline is "abuse" to somebody. It's silly and insulting to those who are truly, truly being abused. Also wastes social services' time chasing these frivolous accusations when there are children with real needs. But no, mommies who use any form of CIO, give their kids juice, use playpens, or potty train before the kid "wants" to is an "abuser". Really, anyone who doesn't do what THEY do is an abuser.

I would deactivate my Facebook page so I could simply resist the urge of punishing myself but it's the only way I can keep in contact with some of my closest friends. I wish I could turn off the search function.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry im with you they drive me potty !!

 

[skyesmom]

i agree!!! i'm allergic to this insane exaggerated politically correct BS.... because to me it really is just... bulls... (and i think since i live in Switzerland it got a bit worse!!!)

i especially get triggered by the potty training thing... come on. keep changing shitty diapers until your LO can actually say: oh yeah, i really want to use your big loo for the adults mom because now i feel ready??? come on. our generations were out of diapers at least a year earlier than the kids nowadays, 'cause we were all cloth-bummed and the sooner the ordeal was over, the better it was for everybody.

i now find that diaper companies are you know, pushing for the "wear the nappy as long as you can" thing so they can sell more. in the '80 when they appeared available for the larger masses around the world, there was no such a thing as a nappy for a 3-4 year old.

(sorry if i offended any one of you, but when i read it's child abuse or that you'll leave your child with a "defecation trauma" if you try to potty train them before they're "ready" or BS like "your child is unable to control the anal sphincter until age of 3" i really get triggered. especially to these latter ones, i'd shove them their own childhood pics of when they were three so they can see for themselves that they were nappy-free and trained for a long while, and OMG, don't go through a panic attack every time they dare to take a crap!).

 

[Left wonderin]

I joined a fb group called gentle dicipline , I don't agree with slapping or physical chastisement ( thought this is what the group was about ! ) boy was I wrong !!!! Extremists !!! They don't believe in dicipline at all !!!' No consequences for mos behaviour !! Its all about understanding your child's behaviour related to their emotions which they can't handle and that is what results in misbehaviour . So they do not believe in any form of correction . I got into soo much trouble with some of my comments before I understood what the group was about lol.......

 

[Starry Night]

skye - I agree with you about diaper companies. My brother FINALLY got his DD to use the potty after a year's struggle and she's 4. My mom told us stories of how we practically trained ourselves because we hated being in wet diapers. So we've figured that these days diapers work TOO well and lets kids be lazy.

We've waited until DS was 3 to start training, but mainly because we tried twice the previous year and he just screamed down the house and I was just too big and pregnant to want to chase him and clean up accidents all day. And yeah, it's slow-going! I'm so sick of cleaning up kid-sized turds and he still has no interest in using the potty but I don't care. He's using it! He'll sit on it no problem, but holds it in until he's back in diapers. We want to just switch to underwear as he hates when his clothes get wet (and we encourage that!). But our house is all carpet. I've cleaned up our kitty's accidents once our twice when she was locked in our room all day by mistake and urine is tough, tough to get out.

Left - that is quite extreme. Children are smart and know how to use their emotions for manipulation. I remember forcing myself to cry to get out of bed at night. Never worked with my parents. Did with the babysitters though. The "I had a nightmare" or "I can't sleep" are such old chestnuts.

And I'm just picturing you innocently sharing an opinion with those ladies. LOL "What I'd do? Was it something I said?" ha ha

 

[Left wonderin]

Yup if they could have lynched me they would !!!! I'd say they were horrified !!!!!

 

[skyesmom]

oh i hear you on the carpet and the urine Starry!! and yes - these new diapers absorb way too much so kids can't really get uncomfortable for sitting in wet diapers. they can't learn as they have nothing that disturbs them, they train because it's something you nag about and not because their own discomfort.

this is the main reason why i'd go cloth, a part from the waste. as much as i can, and as much as it is travel compatible. both OH and i are - rather neck deep in the shit for shorter time, than knee deep for ages

of course, this implies no second pregnancy until potty trained, i can imagine how hard it is to bend over to clean stuff up, when you can't even tie your own shoes!!

 

[Topanga053]

I truly hate that the word "abuse" gets bantered about so lightly. Every form of discipline is "abuse" to somebody. It's silly and insulting to those who are truly, truly being abused. Also wastes social services' time chasing these frivolous accusations when there are children with real needs. But no, mommies who use any form of CIO, give their kids juice, use playpens, or potty train before the kid "wants" to is an "abuser". Really, anyone who doesn't do what THEY do is an abuser.

I can't STAND this!!! I think DH and I are good parents and yet I constantly find myself thinking, "I bet if anyone could see/hear this right now, they would probably think we're awful parents!" There is so much judgment directed at parents, it's ridiculous.

And the overuse of the word "abuse" drives me crazy. Last fall, one of my good friends from high school was pregnant with her second child. Her first--who is almost 3--is autistic. One of his teachers who comes to their house told her that she was abusive because she locked him in his room for 10 minutes as a "time out" when he hit her or threw the remote control at her!!!! I was so angry! Here is my poor friend who's a heavily pregnant SAHM with a violent special needs child and this woman is telling her she's abusive because she puts the kid in a time out!?? (And by the way, seriously, would an abusive parent pay money to HAVE the teacher at the house in the first place?? I don't think so!!)

Gah. I get so angry every time I think about it.

I joined a fb group called gentle dicipline , I don't agree with slapping or physical chastisement ( thought this is what the group was about ! ) boy was I wrong !!!! Extremists !!! They don't believe in dicipline at all !!!' No consequences for mos behaviour !! Its all about understanding your child's behaviour related to their emotions which they can't handle and that is what results in misbehaviour . So they do not believe in any form of correction . I got into soo much trouble with some of my comments before I understood what the group was about lol.......

I can see where understanding your child's behavior can be useful, but understanding the behavior doesn't mean it doesn't have consequences. As an example, I'm a prosecutor, so I have cases where it's clear WHY the defendant broke the law, but understanding WHY they did what they did does not mean that I don't charge them. I understand I'm talking about adults, but I think the principle is largely the same.

And I don't think we give kids nowadays nearly enough credit. I understand there are real developmental milestones (so LO won't understand abstract theoreticals at 1 year old, no matter how hard I try), but IMO, we also baby kids for way too long. Just look at the helicopter parents who do EVERYTHING for their kids, even when their "kids" are in their 20s and 30s!

I just think several decades ago kids were more disciplined, so they're obviously capable of more than we expect now. Just my opinion, obviously!

 

[Topanga053]

Does anyone else still have an odd reaction to pregnancy announcements, showers, etc?

LO is 7 months, but I STILL find myself getting a twinge of jealousy/sadness at other people's announcements. I don't know if it's because of my loss or because I miss that excitement or because I miss being pregnant.

I also sometimes still feel a little bitter at how easy it seems for everyone else (I know "seems" is the correct word, since we never really know what's happening behind the scenes!). With the loss and how long it took to have LO and now my cycles being screwed up again, we are NEVER that couple to just have an accident and get pregnant right away and go on to have a healthy baby. And I know that comparatively we are still incredibly fortunate. My own mother had it so much worse and I know how heartbreaking of a process this can be. But when I see other people make announcements, it makes it seem like it was easy for them, you know? And so many of my friends had successful pregnancies after a month or two of trying. I know we're lucky and don't have it that bad, but announcements and showers sometimes bring up some of these old feelings and resentments and sadness.

Anyone else feel that way?

 

[Left wonderin]

Yup ! The green eyes monster comes around when I see others or hear they are pregnant ! I think I have bump envy lol...... I feel a bit robbed of my child bearing years as I was in a relationship for 7 years that ended suddenly , it took me until I was 39 to meet someone I trusted again , so we were and are under significant pressure . Its probably a good thing as I would have ended up with a football team if I could !

Like you said we are externally grateful for the blessing out LO is but I definetly have those feelings of jealousy ! I think maybe its all to do with Mother Nature and procreation . Its a irrational feeling especially since we have LO that are only tiny . I think its a biological built in thing to help procreation !

 

[skyesmom]

me, sometimes!

it is really random though and i think it has to do with how i feel inside more than the news itself. sometimes i am truly genuinely happy and really wish for them in my heart that it all runs smoothly and that they never get to know (especially those who are first time pregnant and have THAT innocence on them that we all got robbed off... there i really think God i hope you get to keep this for good and never get to lose it).

...but there are other times where it really really hits me bad. i don't feel exactly jealous but i feel as if someone has ripped me off my baby again, i throw myself a proper pity-party and feel like i'll forever be only a spectator watching the party from the corner of the room, but will never be able to experience it really myself; and that i'll always get stuck in just being an "auntie" and never a "mommy" (probably the most painful thought).

i think it's normal though, all of it, jealousy, resentment, longing, all of it, because we don't take having children for granted, as we were robbed of that innocence and you never really get to have it again, not even if you get to have 10 successful flawless pregnancies in a row, conceived on the first try with the most amazing, intimate, soul-merging kinda intercourse each time.

oh ladies. it is so so good to have you girls here!

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi Skye you have been MIA how are things with you

 

[skyesmom]

haha i know!! the real life action has absorbed me completely so less time for the online one, but all good here.

my body was acting so weirdly lately that i ended up peeing on a stick TWICE this week despite having a period and not feeling pregnant, because of being insanely exhausted, waking up at 6 am STARVING (happened only in my 2nd pregnancy) and produced enough of EWCM to open an all-organic-lubricant factory myself (TMI i know but it was insane). OH insisted to test as he was all suspicious especially when finding me ravaging bananas at 5.30 am in the kitchen (oops!)...

...nevertheless, got some glamorous BFNs (not surprised though). we'll see what the autumn brings.
i already feel like getting somewhere when i get to pee on a stick in the first place, it looks like a progress compared to not having any symptoms or nothing unusual at all.

OH was mocking me that by the time we get pregnant we'll be so much in denial that we'll end up on those shows like "i didn't know i was pregnant" lol

 

[Left wonderin]

Lol !!!!!!!! Its great to hear your doing ok its good real life takes priority at times lol......

 

[Starry Night]

I do feel a little bit of resentment at times towards people who get pregnant quickly and then have no apparent troubles. I remember being almost angry with my SiL who is an extreme hypochondriac. She was threatening to not let my family be around her baby unless they all got their whooping cough vaccines. Just annoyed me because she's never had any issues at all with pregnancy and she made us bow to her paranoias and I was like "I'll show you a reason to be paranoid".

I haven't heard many pregnancy announcements since DD was born so not sure how I'd feel. The TTC mindset is hard to put behind me though. It's become such a habit!

 

[Left wonderin]

Was just thinking that today !! Its gonna be har to stop being on bnb as I've met sooo many wonderful people who I talk to almost daily !! I'd really miss everyone !

 

[Left wonderin]

We would have to set up a fb group !

 

[skyesmom]

aghhhh i'm not on facebook! but is it against the rules to use bnb to keep in touch and update each other on our rainbows (and rainbows on the way)? or is it more that staying on bnb keeps you in the old "we HAVE to get pregnant right now" mindset?

 

[Carybear]

Hi everyone! How are you all? How are all your precious rainbows?

Was reading your recent passages... Sigh... I've had like four pregnancy announcements in the last two or three months....

Just going on with my life finding joy in the simple things.