On the road again graduates

[skyesmom]

Cary!!! so so nice to hear from you!!

here DH & i both entered a full blown "let's throw ourselves into our careers" mode as no rainbow has shown up yet... but it is good, at least i feel i'm working on something and may make an extra dollar or two for that rainbow when it decides to show up!

how have u been? i've missed you around here (and rayray and ilovemyhubby as well, they're also MIA)

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary hi its so funny as I was just thinking about you ! Someone on another thread is called Cary 8 and it made me think of you then you poped up
All is well with me here Sean is getting really big and never stops smiling ! I'm heading back to work in 3 weeks time so that will be yet another change sending you lots of love x

 

[Carybear]

Thanks so much... Things Are good here we are not really trying
Anymore. But still hoping each month. Last month I had a period that
Was a full seven days and not one cramp, back ache or bloating.
I think it was the first full period I had since the miscarriage.
2 year anniversary is quickly approaching

Skye. So glad to hear things Are going good in your career
I've missed you all too but I had to take some time. Everyone
Around me seems to be pregnant.

Left glad to hear that Sean is doing great and so happy
Praying that your transition to work is smooth

 

[Starry Night]

Cary - thinking of you as the anniversary approaches.

afm - things are going OK. DD is doing really well. She's fussier and more demanding than DS was. I still shouldn't complain as she isn't really high needs. But compared to the happy-go-lucky "isn't the world awesome?" personality of my son, it takes some adjusting to! And she's going through bit of a funk where she doesn't like to be put down or ignored ever. Impossible with a 3YO running around! So I have to put up with the crying.

I'm just thankful that my PPD and Anxiety isn't centred around the day-to-day realities of being a mom. I love being a mom and I love the baby stage. I didn't have as much of a sense of humour as I normally do today though. I was just sick of being puked on, having a baby that cried every time I put her down and a son who just doesn't want to potty train. But I didn't feel overwhelmed either. Just not laughing it off like usual.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry sounds like your house is a busy one lol do you use a sling ? It was my life saver when Sean went through that stage and still helps when is is off form . Good to hear your feeling better

 

[Topanga053]

Hi ladies!

I had written a looonnng response to everyone on my phone a couple of days ago, but I lost it and I was so mad I just couldn't write it all again that day! lol so now I have a couple of minutes and wanted to touch base!

i think it's normal though, all of it, jealousy, resentment, longing, all of it, because we don't take having children for granted, as we were robbed of that innocence and you never really get to have it again...

THIS! Skye, this really, really sums it up perfectly for me. You are TOTALLY right about being robbed of our innocence and I think that's EXACTLY what it is that I am mourning. Even now, I am sad to see pregnancy announcements because everyone seems so happy and confident, whereas I was terrified during so much of my pregnancy, to the point that I didn't even announce on Facebook when I was being induced because I was terrified of jinxing it. I'm so sad that everyone else seems to have that happy, confident first pregnancy experience.

But THANK YOU for nailing what I was feeling. I really didn't realize it was the loss of innocence that I was mourning until you said it! Then it just clicked! And knowing what it is that's making me sad makes it so much easier to work through.

Hi everyone! How are you all? How are all your precious rainbows?

Was reading your recent passages... Sigh... I've had like four pregnancy announcements in the last two or three months....

Just going on with my life finding joy in the simple things.

Thanks so much... Things Are good here we are not really trying
Anymore. But still hoping each month. Last month I had a period that
Was a full seven days and not one cramp, back ache or bloating.
I think it was the first full period I had since the miscarriage.
2 year anniversary is quickly approaching

Skye. So glad to hear things Are going good in your career
I've missed you all too but I had to take some time. Everyone
Around me seems to be pregnant.

Cary, I've missed you so much. I think about you often. I'm so sorry to hear about all of the pregnancies in your life right now. Those are so incredibly painful--at least they were for me. I'm glad to hear that things are going well otherwise. I hope that shifting to NTNP has brought even more peace to your life and I hope that it leads to your BFP soon. I hope you check back in here from time to time. I really do miss you!

Afm, still in my 2nd cycle since the beginning of June. Last cycle was 58 days. Today is CD53. I tested about two weeks ago and BFN. I haven't seen much of a point to testing since, since last cycle was 58 days.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm even ovulating. Part of me is tempted to start charting, mostly just because I'm so curious since this is new for my body. But charting has never led to anything good for me, so I'm trying to remind myself that it really doesn't matter one way or the other. I wouldn't take fertility meds or anything to jump start my period right now, so what will be will be.

DH wanted to re-assess NTNP if nothing happens by December, but I said that's not entirely fair if I'm having two month cycles and we don't even know if I'm ovulating. Anyway, we're both pretty laid back about it, so I think we'll just keep NTNP for awhile and see what happens and what my body does. I think we'd both be really happy either way, so we're just letting life take us where it wants to!

Miss all of you!!

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi Topanga its great to hear from you those cycles are long !! I total understand you not announcing ! I wouldn't put up a ticker in case I jinxed it ! I lived in fear for the whole 9 months !!! me and OH spoke again too and we are actively TTC for the next while. If it happens fantastic , if it doesn't Im kinda ok with that too ( as in I won't fall apart or consider testing or anything ) one was just ment to be if it doesn't happen naturally .

 

[Carybear]

My life is crazy busy (as it always is), but I've really missed talking to everyone. Just finished yet another period, so I'm hoping that this is our month... PMA... I would really like to be pregnant before my second year anniversary of our loss on November 12th...

We have officially passed the fourth year of ttc and now two months into our fifth year. When I think back on how people told us we should wait two years and I laughed saying that we weren't getting any younger and wanted kids right away... Well... God knows what He is doing

 

[Topanga053]

Cary, I'm sorry, I can't remember what you said earlier in terms of using fertility testing/treatment? Are you? Are you considering it? I really hope you get your rainbow BFP before Nov. Everything crossed for you!!! So, so sorry about the newest period.

Afm, no sign of AF and BFN. Today is CD60. Literally, not even spotting. I might call the doctor or give it one more month to see if my cycles go back to normal. 60+ days is ridiculous. Thoughts on if I should call now or wait another month? What would the doctor really do, anyway? I would be apprehensive about taking more hormones since I think that's what CAUSED this problem and I don't think they would do much testing, since we know I ovulate. And I wouldn't want testing anyway.

I suppose I should just sit back and enjoy fewer periods, but it's a little frustrating!

 

[Left wonderin]

They would probably give you something to kick start your period . Its very frustrating for you !

 

[Topanga053]

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to vent a minute. Backstory- one of my close friends Catherine was pregnant during my miscarriage.

Anyway, I just ran into a former co-worker at a conference. And she was like, "why don't you guys have any kids yet?? Catherine has has two!!" (Catherine was pregnant again while I was PAL... I talked about that briefly before her).

I just told her that we had a kid, but it bothered me. It just brought back some of those feelings, you know? I wish I'd told her about the loss, just so maybe she's think a little more carefully about stuff like this next time. I really didn't think about it at the time because I was too busy starting to correct her that we had a kid before she made the second comment and then it would have been weird to go back to that comment, you know?? But I'm really still sad to be reminded that Catherine and I were both pregnant twice at the EXACT SAME TIME, but I only have one living child. Anyway, just a little bummed and wanted to get it off my chest

 

[Left wonderin]

Topanga I know exactly how you feel . People never take a second to stop and think !! Maybe its only after you have experienced a loss / fertility issues that you are so concious of it . I would die rather than put someone in a position of having to explain their fertility to me , I'm very sensitive to the subject now.

I don't think we ever forget the pain of a loss , I'm already begining to relive the stages of my first pregnancy . I found out I was pregnant on the 8th of November , started spotting on the 21st of December , was checked on the 22nd and told all good and saw baby with hb ..... 23rd started to bleed and told baby had died . Dnc 24th .......... This time of year brings it all back to me as if it was yesterday.. It still hurts xxxxx

 

[Left wonderin]

Its near your anniversary too isn't it ?

 

[skyesmom]

oh Topanga! people can be insensitive, especially if they haven't had losses or fertility issues themselves, like Left said...
...especially that "yet" at the end of the phrase can hurt an extra ton, as if children were just you know, landed in our laps by pink singing storks and all we did was wait and postpone until the right perfect moment comes.

i had those comments from people as well, especially some more distant friends and family members who would come out with: "oh you guys are both over 30 now, you better give some gas to the baby making!"

i swallowed a couple of bitter pool balls before i finally cut one of OH's aunts off with: you know, we actually lost a baby. and before him, i lost another one. and we really wanted to have our first before we turned 30, but it didn't work out.

she shut up, was mortified and apologized later. another friend of mine who didn't know about my losses was the same, almost identical comment about this hurrying up with having children as OMG i ain't in my twenties anymore, and i told her just the same. and she as well was shocked and said she never thought about that possibility at all, and that it never crossed her mind that something like that could happen.
she has 4 healthy kids of her own, so i can't blame her. some people are so blessed without ever knowing it. i sometimes think how they just breeze through their life without ever losing that innocence that we were stripped of, and without ever being aware of it.

i myself also never asked the question "no kids yet?" or "are you planning for a baby?" unless those were REALLY close friends that i knew would share that kind of news with me anyway or that have already mentioned something on the matter.

and also, i am way more careful ever since i had my losses on making any comments on the topic in general (even the very normal and common "do the twins run in your family?" as well, you know, IVF is also a quite probable reason behind twins, so... it kind of obliges people to say stuff about their struggle to conceive and it sucks).

i just wanna send you a big big hug, to both of you girls... the approaching of the angelversay is always a tough time, no matter how many years go by... and reliving it is both beautifully intimate and devastating process.

 

[Left wonderin]

Ah thanks Skye , you describe it so beautifully " beautifully intimate and devastating . I would never ever regret the experience or the short time my LO was in my life . They brought me the greatest joy , a joy I'd never known before , a hope I'd never known before . They taught me about love, compassion and loss . I learned alot about myself and my relationship . My LO was a gift of the best kind and will continue to enrich my life. I love remembering each and every second they were in my life .

 

[skyesmom]

...and Left hits the nail on the head as this is exactly how i feel about my LO's. they are the joy that can't be described by words, no matter how bitter and hard the loss was before. they just came and expanded my heart beyond any human means, to where i never could dream it would go. and this love stays for good

 

[skyesmom]

Ladies! it's been so quiet here lately, so i reckon i'll ring you up and ask how you've been doing!

here no big news, you would have already known if there were any

today is october 15th so i also want to wish all of us angel mommies a very special angel mommy day

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi Skye it sure has been quiet !!! All quiet here Sean now has 4 teeth !! I'm back at work uck !! Lol..... We must check in at least weekly would the for this thread to die

 

[skyesmom]

i agree!! and OMG Sean has four teeth already??? wow. they REALLY do grow up too fast don't they??
and i don't want our thread to die either!

 

[Topanga053]

Hi all! Skye, it's so funny-- it was on my mind to check in here the same way you just did! I keep hoping we'll hear good news from you soon!!!

Left- 4 teeth, wow! Lauren has 2 that are just barrreeeelly poking through.

Afm, I had a doctor's appointment last week, so I mentioned the crazy long cycles. He agreed it was really odd. He tested my thyroid, which was normal, so he consulted w/my OB, so I have an appointment there next week. In the meantime, I've been having a really broody week, while DH is having an anti-Baby #2 week. lol so really, nothing new there!

We also took LO apple picking this weekend and got some great pics!

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/1381988_846695877864_5150032227370482459_n_zps6720856d.jpg