On the verge of breaking up :( long!!

[_Lexi_]

Very long rant, sorry.

I just don't know what to do. My oh is divorced. He has two boys from the marriage, and a daughter he has no contact with from a relationship before that. He's 34, I'm 25. During my last pregnancy we had a lot of problems. His ex tried to make things as awkward as possible and kept telling me things were happening between them when he went to see the boys. I then found out he was texting another girl that worked a few doors down from him, and they went out for drinks. He lied to me a lot about his ex wife, all sorts of things that I found out to be true. We broke up, but I had nowhere to go and continued living there, just staying a night or two a week at my mums. Losing Joshua was a turning point for us. It brought us back together and I fell back in love with him. It was hard, but over time I've built my trust up, and couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Until yesterday. His ex lives over an hour from us, yet I bumped into her in the shopping mall here. I didn't think much of it and just ignored her evil glares and carried on. Last night oh went to bed with a headache and my cat knocked his work bag if the side of the chair. I went to pick his stuff up, and there was a receipt for £80 for a Nintendo ds, but no ds. Turns out he'd met up with her yesterday for coffee and got it for her. This is the woman that stole £25,000 from him, stopped him seeing his children, and he signed their house over to her. A long with all the quite substantial csa payments he makes. I then find out they've verb texting/ringing on a daily basis on his walk to/from work. I have to say, I was never 'the other woman'. They were over for almost a year before we had our first date. I don't have anywhere to go. My mum doesn't have the room for me and a baby to live there. I lost my job at Christmas due to cuts. There's no point applying to the council, they were useless last time and told me it could take 3+ years to get me in somewhere. So I have no money, no job, and if I leave him, nowhere to live. This morning he just said he'll talk to her if he wants to, he won't tell me stuff if he doesn't feel like it, and if I'm going to leave, can I just do it. Followed by 'I'll fight for you and this baby'. Umm, doesn't look like it. They think all the stress during my last pregnancy contributed to Joshua's iugr. I'm so worried about it happening again. We were screaming and shouting at each other all night, I then stayed in the spare room and he's gone off to work. I love him, but there's only so much I can put up with. The fact he can lie to me without hesitation scares me. Who knows what else he's lying about. But there's no where I can go. I'm so lost and hurt. I thought he loved me, but clearly not. He claims to be skint and has bought 1 babygrow for this baby, whilst I've bought everything else with my £90 a fortnight jsa. He's in a little debt, lives in his overdraft and we can never afford to do anything, yet he can just buy her an £80 console??

I'm not even sure why I posted, there's not much people can say. Just needed to get it out I guess. I've barely slept, got really bad stomach cramps and just feel terrible. Well done if you've made it this far! Meh. So much for our happy ever after with our rainbow x

 

[MomPepperdine]

Hugs!

 

[iwantabub]

Hugs huni...

Just remember ur bubs and try to stay calm...

I hope everythin gets better for u ...
Xoxoxoxo

 

[tristansmum]

Big hugs. Try talking to him tonight and say you feel its unfair he woykd buy her a ds when jw has a baby on the way that surely would benefit from that money far more. Did he say what they talk about on a daily basis? It's understandible to have contact as she has his kids but long chats each day seems a lot. I hope you can work through it all x

 

[Dani_Ldn]

I don't think anything I will say will make you feel better, just try to remain as calm as you can (I am sure it is easier said than done though) & maybe try to have a conversation when you both are not so angry. We are always here to listen if you need to vent. x

 

[cookette]

There isnt much I can say, love, but hugs and prayers for you in such a difficult situation! You obviously need out of there, but I have no magic answer for how to do it. Thinking of you

 

[Eleanor ace]

Oh wow, what a shitty way for him to treat you! I won't offer advice because only you know what you can/want to do regarding working on it or kicking him out but I'm sending you big and hope you and LO are ok x

 

[Mummy_to_be87]

It sounds so stressful right now, and I cant begin to understand how you are feeling! I just recommend talking to your OH about how you are feeling and get his side of the story! I would also apply for a council house and tell them you have no where else to go with your new baby on the way, they work in order of who needs the houses most, in your case you would be seen quite quickly, I only applied on Friday past and was told the application process takes 4 weeks and have been seen this morning, so you never know, you could apply for a community care grant to help move into your own place and get set up or use the money for a private let house and then apply for housing benefit! I really hope you are alright and try not to stress too much!

 

[_Lexi_]

Unfortunately there's a lack of council housing round here. I was in a similar situation during my last pregnancy, all they could offer was £60 a week housing benefit. There's nowhere you can rent a room/bedsit/flat for £60 a week. I can't kick him out, as I have no way of paying the rent/bills. I asked him why, he just said she asked for one?! As far as I was aware, they hadn't spoken since November, when she found out I was pregnant and stopped him seeing the boys. He just says he's sorry. There's only so many times I can hear sorry and actually believe he means it. If he did, why would he keep on lying all the time it's one thing doing it, and learning from it, but to just think he can keep doing it, and that he can say sorry and everything will be fine? It's not a get out card there's just nowhere I can go, and he knows that. I'm dreading him getting home from work and actually having to sit in the same room together. I don't want to be anywhere near him and don't need the stress xx

 

[mrsc81]

Is there anyone who could lend you some money so you could rent a private place, you would need a months bond and a months rent up front, you can then get housing benefit to pay the rent, you can look up your local housing allowance rate in your area, you would be entitled to a 2 bed property when baby is born. There isnt much difference between 1 and 2 bed rates. https://www.voa.gov.uk/corporate/RentOfficers/LHADirect.html

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Maybe best to avoid him tonight, chose a show on tv to watch & zone out. Tell him you would like to talk about it, but not tonight. Maybe leave it for the weekend. Don't stress yourself out hon. He is not going to leave you high & dry with no-where to go.

His ex sounds like a right bitch.

Maybe write down everything that is worrying you & give him that to read, that way you can get your point across without any interruptions & you getting stressed & upset. Hopefully once he realises exactly what your worries are, he might be a bit more sensitive towards the situation? I have always found that writing everything down & getting it off my chest makes me feel a lot better.

 

[mrscitysmith]

Oh hun I am so sorry you are in this awful situation....

I agree with Dani above, that the best thing to do is wait until you are both a bit calmer and try to discuss things. If you do decide to both go your own seperate ways hopefully you can come up with a plan...including him offering you some financial support.

Even if you really do have to get out of there speak to the CAB about some emergency accomodation. If you tell them you are homeless they will find you somewhere, even if it is temporary.

Very best of luck to you my dear. We are always here to listen should you need us xxx

 

[Evies mummy x]

You can claim income support when you are past 29 weeks I think so I'd start looking into that as its a bit more money than jsa, plus when bubs is here and if things haven't improved get onto ur council and tell them he Is kicking you out and you have a baby. You may have to live in a hostel for a while but this will put you further up the housing register and you should get somewhere quicker. Just remember you only have one life to live and in that life you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy and looks after you 100%. Don't let love blind you. Make sure he knows your serious about leaving and he might change his ways. Sometimes it takes a shock for someone to realise what they have/what they are about to loose. I wish you all the best xx

 

[_Lexi_]

I wouldn't be able to stay in temporary accommodation because I have a cat there's no one that could look after him. My parents helped us out with the deposit for where we are now, and aren't in a financial situation to be able to help anymore than that. Whilst I'm living with him, I can't claim income support because of what he earns. The £60 a week was the housing benefit they offered me for this area and that I'd only be able to claim for a 1 bed until baby is 3 years. We're in one of the cheapest properties in our area at the moment, but we have a private landlord and the house isn't in great condition, yet it's cheaper than most 1 bed flats. It's all just a mess. We've only got the 1 tv, so we'll both be sat in the same room. He said he was being sensitive to the situation by lying to me - what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. We've had so many problems with his lies in the past, I honestly thought it was all over and he'd changed. I guess a leopard never changes his spots, just hides them for a bit longer. I wrote a lot down last night and left it got him this morning, I came down and it was ripped up on the side. He just said he didn't want to read it. Guess that says everything. He can't even admit what he done was wrong. x

 

[TTC LADY]

Sorry, but he sounds like a wet fish and she appears to be a bit of a bitch. Hope you mange to get it sorted for your babies sake.

 

[Little Ducky]

Can your parents take your cat, short term whilst you get yourself into some temp accommodation? Whilst you have a roof over your head (be that with him/your mum, etc) you wont get priority help. If you can get yourself into temporary accommodation for the short term, they ought to act an awful lot quicker, and you will hopefully find yourself housed before the baby comes along.
Then you can get your moggy back, and focus on settling yourself down with your LO, and concentrating on yourself. x

 

[MamaFlick]

God, I'm sorry Lexi. He sounds like a douchebag. It's not about the ex... Yes she's a bitch but it shouldn't matter, since your OH should always be on your side. I hope that you can find a way out of your living situation.

 

[mnonie]

Hugs!!! I hope you can find a way to feel better , u don't deserve to be treated like this u shud be treated like a princess. Xxxx

(Edited due to lack of a word)

 

[Agiboma]

sorry you are going through this

 

[Kiwi4545]

Hugs, Mama! This has got to be tough. Do what feels right to you, although I know that can be hard. We are here for you. This board rocks.