One does and one doesn't

[Sarah369]

How do you deal with the situation when one of you really wants another baby and the other one is happy as you are?

I'd love another baby and think you never regret the children you have but may regret the ones you don't have.

It's a deep yurning for one last baby

I don't know how to explain it best to husband

 

[CanadianMoose]

I understand your yearning for "one more" but it will sadly always be there. There will always be "just one more" after the last one, it's our genetics trying to ensure the human race continues and grows. However, i can understand your husband's hesitancy because although you want that bundle of joy and love, he's thinking about how it's going to change and add on to responsibility in your life and the expenses in the long run. He doesn't get to experience the growth of the child in you the full responsibilities of being a mother, he's left with caring and nurturing through other methods, which i kinda feel bad men don't get to experience it but maybe it's a good thing. We can kinda hang that over them and let's be honest, if they could and not go through periods...totally not fair eh?

So why i understand your frustration and desire for that one more baby, try and understand your husband's view in that he wants to really think through it and wait for a better time or maybe doesn't want to (for now). Just keep talking to him stating what's going on with your feelings and wishes and he'll keep you updated with his. So long as your not trying to push it on him "ugh I still want another one, baaaabe why can't we have another one." Please ladies let's not haurang our husband for things (I notice I do it as well and I'm definitely trying to stop it and work on that before it gets annoying to him.)

 

[lau86]

How many do you have Sarah? We have three already and I really want a fourth (I just think 4 is a better Number). I always said I wanted 3 OR 4 but no one took me seriously on the 4 so just assumed I would stop at 3. Throughout my third pregnancy I considered it my last but i just feel very broody. We had them youngish so lots of friends are having their first now. Idk. Hubby has never said anything other than no and I certainly won't be begging him to have another or forcing something on him that he doesn't want, but that doesn't make it any easier.

 

[Sarah369]

How many do you have Sarah? We have three already and I really want a fourth (I just think 4 is a better Number). I always said I wanted 3 OR 4 but no one took me seriously on the 4 so just assumed I would stop at 3. Throughout my third pregnancy I considered it my last but i just feel very broody. We had them youngish so lots of friends are having their first now. Idk. Hubby has never said anything other than no and I certainly won't be begging him to have another or forcing something on him that he doesn't want, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Oh my god you've literally just described us.

We have 3 and like you always said I wanted 4.
I tried to go through #3 like it was my last but I don't think I truly
Believed it was. Although Dh hasn't ruled another out but just not st the moment. I would just rather have them all close rather than a big age gap.

We did have an oops moment at the weekend so who knows what will happen.

It's so hard when one is dead against. Especially when you have that yurn for another.

I have friends who well and truly know they're done having kids so I do believe that you get that. I know I don't want more than 4.

Always wanted an even number haha

 

[lau86]

I do wonder whether I'm ever going to get that feeling of being 'done'. Though I think it would be more likely after four as its like two pairs? I must sound mad! I would love my Daughter to have a sister but there's no guarantees of that. I don't mind waiting a few years in fact I think that might be a good thing. We have a three bed house and hubby works from home a lot so space is already tight! But they're all things you can work around

 

[Sarah369]

You don't sound mad at all.
I have 2 girls and a boy so id like him to have a brother.

We're the same in regards to house but like you say you find a way round it. We have planning permission to extend just need to finish saving to be able to do it.

X

 

[tkeith8109]

My husband and I are the same. We have 2, one of each, they are 4 and almost 6. They have been sleeping through the night since they were 3 months, potty trained since the age of 3 and are both in school during the day. My husband doesn't really want another, but it's because financially it wouldn't really be ideal. He has said to me that if we had our own house, we live in an apt now, and we had more debt paid off (so our savings account was bigger) he would be more on board with a 3rd. I have gone back and fourth about having a 3rd. Just recently I have started wanting another again. I think we will always want another, but some people say when you are done you will know as well. We can't force our OH to get us pregnant and it's really a hard decision. I know that having another would put a strain on us financially, mainly because of child care, but it would also bring us a lot of joy. I would just sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. See exactly what his hesitations are. If it's money then see if you can set a plan i.e. if we save this amount we will start trying; if we pay this off we will start ttc. If it's because he is honestly done then unfortunately you might have to just be okay with 3. Good luck. I am right there with you!

 

[lau86]

Aww I like your wtt ticker! For me the simple fact is babies/ children just give so much more joy than they ever cost- my life with 3 is basically just the kids, I don't really go out or do much else other than work and the odd trip to the gym. I enjoy spending my time with them. They are hard work though. We have debt but our finances aren't too bad. I wouldn't push my husband into another one but I do resent that he's just said no without talking about it and that's that now

 

[Sarah369]

Aww I like your wtt ticker! For me the simple fact is babies/ children just give so much more joy than they ever cost- my life with 3 is basically just the kids, I don't really go out or do much else other than work and the odd trip to the gym. I enjoy spending my time with them. They are hard work though. We have debt but our finances aren't too bad. I wouldn't push my husband into another one but I do resent that he's just said no without talking about it and that's that now

If feel the same as you if my husband wouldn't even discuss it.

 

[lovycrop]

Make him understand

 

[lau86]

Yeah, my oldest has just gone off to school so I want to see how it all goes with that, school holidays and all the extra curricular things he might want to do. Just need to get some ammunition under my belt! I do most of the child care but I get it impacts on him too.

 

[Sarah369]

So we had a talk about it and he's said we can definitely have one more. Just not right now. So we've made progress. I'm just trying to narrow him
Down to when so I can have a timeframe to look forward to. He's hinted at next year which isn't so bad. I'm just such an impatient person at times lol

 

[lau86]

That's great news!! We're not in a place to even discuss it right now, even I can see that. I'm also not as keen on the idea as I was when I first wrote on here. As they get older I can see myself concentrating on other things, which would be really nice too.

 

[Sarah369]

That's great news!! We're not in a place to even discuss it right now, even I can see that. I'm also not as keen on the idea as I was when I first wrote on here. As they get older I can see myself concentrating on other things, which would be really nice too.

I think sometimes the longer you wait and the older your children get the easier in a way they get so its harder to contemplate returning to sleepless nights and nappies eh. Id like one more then I would be happy to look forward to get my life back a bit. If that makes sense

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'm in a similar position. I have 3 (also have 2 girls and a boy ) and just can't imagine not being pregnant and meeting another little baby again. My youngest just turned 1 and although she still very much feels like a baby she is getting more independent, walking and growing and my arms already feel sad not to have a little baby to carry all day . My DH wanted to stop at 2 children though so I was lucky to get a 3rd and I wouldn't want to push him into a 4th. He finds 3 quite full on and is looking forward to moving on from the baby/young toddler stage. I also have some health issues but I do think we could get them under control to the point where it would be safe to have another LO. Otherwise there isn't anything stopping us; it would work with my job, we have a 5 bed so we could fit one more in and we don't have a car so we don't have to worry about changing cars, financially we would be OK. I'm hoping that I will feel better about stopping at 3 as my youngest gets older and I get more "me" time and life gets calmer, although I worry that will make the broodiness worse!
It's great that your OH has said yes to a 4th Sarah! .
Lau I feel like you're my broodiness twin

 

[Sarah369]

I'm in a similar position. I have 3 (also have 2 girls and a boy ) and just can't imagine not being pregnant and meeting another little baby again. My youngest just turned 1 and although she still very much feels like a baby she is getting more independent, walking and growing and my arms already feel sad not to have a little baby to carry all day . My DH wanted to stop at 2 children though so I was lucky to get a 3rd and I wouldn't want to push him into a 4th. He finds 3 quite full on and is looking forward to moving on from the baby/young toddler stage. I also have some health issues but I do think we could get them under control to the point where it would be safe to have another LO. Otherwise there isn't anything stopping us; it would work with my job, we have a 5 bed so we could fit one more in and we don't have a car so we don't have to worry about changing cars, financially we would be OK. I'm hoping that I will feel better about stopping at 3 as my youngest gets older and I get more "me" time and life gets calmer, although I worry that will make the broodiness worse!
It's great that your OH has said yes to a 4th Sarah! .
Lau I feel like you're my broodiness twin

My youngest just turned 1 on Sunday
I could have written you first few sentences. Completely understand how you feel.

My husband has been fully aware since he's known me that I wanted a big family. He said he would have been happy with 2 (if my son had been a girl he would have wanted to carry on though) so he did see as a compromise. However he's begun to realise how much another means to me so is willing to have a 4th. I am prepared that this would have to be our last. Even if the broodiness continued I know that would be it and although all the lasts. Like last 1st birthday etc would be emotional I feel I could begin to look forward more.

I hope that makes sense