One shouldn't judge.....but sometimes it's hard not to!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Club' started by aimee-lou, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    As the title suggests I feel a bit bad for feeling like this, but I just have to say something.

    Hubby and I are pregnant with our first child and we are adamant that for the first couple of weeks we're going to keep it really low key when bubs come home. Just a few visitors (grandparents etc) and that's it while we get to know little one and get a routine as a family.

    Now I know I shouldn't judge but a friend of ours just had a little girl. He has so far (in the week she's been home) put an open invite on facebook for all his friends to come and see, and then had a party at the weekend. His wife just seems shattered on all the photos I've seen and personally if hubby had done this to me I really would consider divorce as an option!

    What do we think girls? Am I just being judgemental?
     
  2. bubbness

    bubbness Pregnant - 2nd trimester

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    I don't think you are being judgemental at all! If my OH did that I would put him out! lol
     
  3. Mynx

    Mynx Mum of 2 Gorgeous Girls!!

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    I agree, it's too much for the first couple of weeks. While I understand that Daddy is very obviously stoked and proud that he's just become a father and wants to introduce his baby to the world, the poor mother would be exhausted and still finding her feet!
    We also intend on keeping it fairly low key, and being a few weeks before Xmas, (I'm due on 2nd December) we'll be able to do the celebration/Introduction to the world thing around Xmas/New Year time.
     
  4. babystar

    babystar Guest

    awww.... wee shame on her if shes tired...maybe she wanted them all over tho :)

    I don't think you are being judgmental :) everyone has their own way of doing things :)

    :hugs:
     
  5. cinnamongirl

    cinnamongirl Guest

    a party?!?! is he mad? I would run away from home if OH decided to do that! I'm not sure I'd be quite in the 'party mood' after giving birth for hours and hours!
     
  6. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    id be fuming! oh made me go upto scotland 2 weeks after zane was born and i was miserable i still couldnt walk let alone make an effort for people.

    the poor cow she shud tell him where to go!
     
  7. Lulu

    Lulu 1 dude & 1 dudette

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    Maybe it is judgemental but if the new mum looks shattered she surely can't be enjoying herself.

    Fair enough, as a new dad he will be over the moon and want to show his new baby off to the world but what about his partner! Her needs have to be taken into account.

    I'd slap DH (very hard) if he did that in the week I'd after giving birth. I've already warned him that for the first few weeks - possibly up to 6 weeks if need be, that even visits from family might need to be cut short or put off. That time will be our time to get to know our new baby and be a family :)
     
  8. KikisMom

    KikisMom Well-Known Member

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    As someone who has been in this position you are NOT being judgmental. It was not my DH but his family (which is HUGE) all invited themselves over randomly when DD was first home. Finally after the first week I snapped. Even worse was immediately after DD was born we sent the grandparents home to make calls but said we didn't want visitors until the next day (I had a 4 day labor and was EXHAUSTED) well a couple minutes later while I was still in the labor room family started parading in. It is such a tiring time and I truly wish more people understood that you aren't trying to be rude and you understand they are excited too but you need some time to settle in. If my DH was the one inviting random people over for a party I too say divorce would be a lovely option lol.
     
  9. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    suppose everyones different....but i wuda want every tropping in when ive jsut got home with baby :?
     
  10. amie-leigh

    amie-leigh Mummy To Princess Morgan

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    :O i would be really p'd off if my OH did this we have already decided very low key when LO arrives, this has also been xplained to both families and friends, all apart from his mother are happy to follow our lead but his mother wanted a big family party (but when i say family she means OH's family not mine GRRRR)
    but OH has already said if LO is doing well he may take her out in her pram too show her off to a few friends that stay close by (fine by me i'll go if i can be bothered if not i'll catch up on my sleep :))

    i do not think u are being judgemental as its not fair on the mother or LO having parties and constant visitors, just hope he realises he needs to spend some time just them and bond with the LO
     
  11. mrso

    mrso Lovin my Family

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    I would be pretty upset as well. I always feel like my house needs to be perfect when people come over. After having a baby, there is no way I am able to clean. Esp with a c-section. Luckly my husband and I are really private so I wouldnt have to worry.

    The first few weeks are a huge adjustment so I would be very upset.
     
  12. angelstardust

    angelstardust mother of 3

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    I can't help but think that he will be finding fatherhood great. His partner will be doing all the nightfeeds, nappy changes, vomit cleaning, housework, making tea and he will be wondering why everyone says it's so hard.....

    Met folk like this before.

    Family were warned when both my boys were born that I would slam the door in their faces if they visited before being invited. (and I really would hence they did stay away)

    I remember MIL and FIL visiting me after I had DS2, it was more than a week after and I was still in hospital for a very good reason. I fell asleep and they started to moan to DH (baby was in SCBU). DH told them that the reason why I didn't want any visitors was because when I wasn't with baby or expressing milk or taking milk down to baby I was sleeping and I would not be changing that to entertain someone who decided to visit me just so the could go and gawp at a baby.

    Actually it was only recently that I found out that MIL and FIL had been in to see DS2 in NICU when I was still fighting for my life in ICU. To say I was pissed about it.... I hadn't even seen him at that point and I juts think it was very inconsiderate. And they also took photos of him all wired up which just doesn't sit right with me.

    (that was a rant)
     
  13. Kimboowee

    Kimboowee Complete

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    I think i would rather people came round for an hour, get it out the way then lock myself away for a couple of weeks. Not a party though!
     
  14. Pippin

    Pippin Sam and Adélie-Rose's Mum

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    I'd leave and book myself in to the local hotel with the baby of course!
     
  15. Dukechick

    Dukechick Wife & proud Mom of 2

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    My husband would know not to do that! LOL........

    I don't think you're being judgemental, I'd probably be thinking the same thing!! Maybe they both wanted the party though? She might look like poo, but maybe it was her idea too? Who knows I guess. All I know is that I'm not having a party! hahahah
     
  16. MummyToAmberx

    MummyToAmberx Mum to 3 Girls 1 Boy

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    Thats like something ian would try and do, i'd probably kick him in the balls lol.
     
  17. Tilly

    Tilly Guest

    Maybe she was up for the party too?
     
  18. Blondie

    Blondie Well-Known Member

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    My idea of hell :) I've already told DH that there will be no visits from any family (mine or his) until after christmas (baby due 23rd Nov) as I want to just have some time with the 3 of us and any visits would involve people staying over and there is no way anyone is staying over at my house while I'm struggling to cope with baby and breastfeeding.

    All our family live miles away so I'm hoping they will just make do with photos for oh-about-the-first-ten-years :rofl: :rofl:
     
  19. bjl1981

    bjl1981 Well-Known Member

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    I don't think its judgemental, just your opinion.

    I don't want visitors for at least a week, apart from my parents and brother.
    DH's parents live away, so probably won't visit immediately, but I'm not happy about them staying with us because I'll be tired, and like someone else said I'm not planning on entertaining people when I'm tired and trying to cope with a new baby!
     
  20. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    Thanks guys,

    I know that there is the possibility that she wanted to do all of these things too but I just couldn't help but feel strongly about this for some reason.

    Each to their own, it's just not how I would shoose to spend my first week at home with new baby!
     

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