Only child or more than one?

[hypnorm]

Wondered what peoples opinions are on being an only child?
I was an only child and never found it too much of a problem was lonely at times and always swore i would have more than one kid.
Well as some of you know we have been TTC no2 for over 2 yrs now, Ewan starts school next september and i'm starting to think i could go back to work then.
Life is good at the moment and we feel good as a family, but i feel like a bit of a failure at not being able to provide a bro or sis. I know its all beyond my control and although i don't want to give up totally on having another i'm not overly sure if i do want another... if that makes sense!

 

[genkigemini]

You know, I had a sister and I was really happy for it but I don't think there is any problem with an only child. As long as the family is loving then it won't matter at all. ^_^ Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[bluebell]

I was an only child and really happy as one. Both DH and I think that we'll probably just have one child, although we do say 'never say never' and we'll see how we feel in a few years!!

xx

 

[Pyrrhic]

I don't think it's selfish at all, but I don't think I could only have one purely because I've from a huge family.

I think this pregnancy might be my only one, but I am very keen on being a foster carer and adopting. I'll probably adopt two children and have one of my own.

 

[supernurse]

My mom was an only child and always used to say to me when I had said we weren't having more that "An only child is a lonely child" but I disagree with her. We weren't supposed to be having another so our DD would have been an only child, but she is such an outgoing sociable girl with lots of friends and family around her age and although she had always said she would like a brother or sister before I know that she would have been happy with just herself.

I think it is up to what the families individual preferences and circumstances as to whether they have one, two or however many kids they want, and not by what society says you should have. xx

 

[Wobbles]

Hmmm not sure either answers applied to me.

I'd say having one if thats your choice is fine - whats selfish about it? I'm personally happy with 1 or 2 but undecided as me & OH keep changing minds when I say 1 isok he says 2 ... when I say 2 he says 1

Not only that have to realistic that it doesn't always happen for everyone as they plan so I'd go with the flow if thats what you want (more than 1) ...if we go for #2 I think we'll try for x long and then decide if #2 hasn't happened by then that we're happy with our Caitlin (more than happy)! So happy with 1 or 2 just 2 would be nice but 1 is just as nice x

 

[Serene123]

Each to their own!

 

[nikky0907]

I don't find selfish to have just one.

I'm pretty sure this will be my first and last.Don't want any more...

Each to their own...

 

[hypnorm]

Thanks girls don't think my poll answers where the best lol! would be interested to know who thinks having an only is being selfish.. noted they havent said why.

Some one said to me that i was selfish if i only had one child which i found highly offensive as she never bothered to find out why!

Think we will be stopping TTC at the end of this cycle, will post in ttc.

 

[Serene123]

I don't get why it would be selfish? Some of the nicest and most loved people I know are only children.

 

[Wobbles]

What about a woman who has fertility problems may have had fertility problems & assisted fertility for child 1? Or those with secondary infertility.

The word selfish for a Mum only having one child is pretty wrong imo if it be for one of the reasons aboveor personal choice

 

[seosage]

wellllllllllll. My daughter is nearly 6. It really looked like she was going to be an only child - and I think we were pretty happy with that. As you say - she'd got to the age where she was one of them team - we could take her skiing, cycling, swimming and get on with life. And then at the point where we had completely given up trying - bought new motorbikes and booked expensive holidays - we "got lucky".

Sooo - I think your child would be perfectly happy as an only child and be well adjusted and all of that. My daughter also is gregarious and outgoing and makes friends easily (much more easily than I did and I have 2 brothers).

Being selfish just has nothing to do with it of course - in some situations it's hardly a matter of choice is it! And as for a mere 2 years TTC - pah that's nothing!

That was a bit rambling but hope it makes sense

 

[Tezzy]

i will admit that i voted for it being selfish and i will explain why...

i dont think it is selfish for people who do not think they could cope with having another baby not to have one. everybodys situation and experiences are different after all.

but i do think it is selfish for somebody who has a child already and is in a good situation to wait 3+ years to have another. i think if you have children you should try and have a shorter age gap between them so they can play together etc. obviously if your TTC and luck just isnt on your side then of course thats a different story and nobody should feel guilty for not getting pregnant. i just think people who say 'we're gonna wait 5 years' well.. it just seems silly.

but then... Colin and his brother are 18months apart and our two will be 17months apart so i guess its just my life experience that makes me feel this way. its just my opinion and im not saying that anybody else is wrong etc.

 

[hypnorm]

i will admit that i voted for it being selfish and i will explain why...
i dont think it is selfish for people who do not think they could cope with having another baby not to have one. everybodys situation and experiences are different after all.

but i do think it is selfish for somebody who has a child already and is in a good situation to wait 3+ years to have another. i think if you have children you should try and have a shorter age gap between them so they can play together etc. obviously if your TTC and luck just isnt on your side then of course thats a different story and nobody should feel guilty for not getting pregnant. i just think people who say 'we're gonna wait 5 years' well.. it just seems silly.

We planned to have kids very close together a gap of 18 months but it hasn't worked, and at least we now have a reason why the secondary infertility is due to the tumour. We are stopping TTC and we may well try again in afew years we may not it just depends how things pan out.

I just find it annoying when people come up to me now and say 'isnt it about time you had number two, seems to sad to have just Ewan on his own!' Really makes me feel soo good about my self.. although it is quite amusing when i can now mention that i am actually infertile due to a tumour!!! for which i am being treated.... amazing how people start to stutter!!

 

[lorrilou]

i dont think having one child is selfish, its up to you how many kids you have.

im from a big family so couldnt imagine not having more than one child, but i'll be sticking with my two now, no more for me!!!