Opinions of who to call dad

[phit2btied]

I'm not trying to offend or harass anyone if I do I apologize. If this thread is not in the right place please move it. I apologize for such a long thread.

Hi, I'm a heterosexual male. Baby’s mother and I had an affair for approximately 5 months. After affair was over wife and I found out OW was pregnant. We were not involved in pregnancy or child's birth. We were trying to give my wife time to heal and get a grasp of everything I had done to her. Three months after baby was born we did paternity test and I am the biological father. We went to court and did all the usual things and I'm paying child support. We have joint managing conservator of child, with the mother having primary custody. Wife and I saw baby one time in October 2014 after paternity was established.
OW started another relationship with another man shortly after affair was over, he was there for her during pregnancy, birth and until the baby was about nine months old. OW and boyfriend were engaged and going to get married, with the boyfriend going to adopt my daughter and other child she has from previous relationship. The relationship fell through in April 2015. My wife and I were staying in contact with OW to make sure baby was doing well and she was. We had discussed with OW about boyfriend adopting baby and thought it would be good to try and let them have a good family atmosphere. In May we found out OW had ended relationship with boyfriend and was engaged in same sex relationship same month. They were married in July as soon as same sex marriage was legalized. When we found out OW had left boyfriend and was in another relationship, engaged and going to get married all in a matter of 3 months, wife and I decided it was time for us to get involved in baby’s life. We didn't think it was very stable when OW was changing relationships so often and worried about my daughter safety and welfare. We have been involve in baby’s life just as long as OW spouse has been. We are doing our every other weekend visitations as the court will let us. OW has a son from previous relationship 4 years old and they are encouraging him to call OW spouse, dad. Now they are referring OW spouse to my daughter as dad. They say they are doing it so my daughter won't be confused later on, when she hears her brother call her dad. I told them that is not right, I'm her biological father, daddy, and dad. I'm in her life as much as visitations allow. I asked OW if wife and I had custody of my daughter, and we had her calling my wife mother, if she would like it. She said no, but they still continue referring her spouse as dad. I've tried to tell them if I wasn't in my daughter's life, they could have her call OW spouse whatever they want. I've tried to tell them same-sex couples do not have the thousands of years of precedent to follow, as straight couples do. The little boy is already having trouble in pre-school with other children because of calling her dad. They live in a small city and it is pretty conservative, and not with the times. As of now I’m being referred to as Poppy. They said when the baby is old enough to understand they will let her make her own mind up, and call us whatever she wants.
As I said earlier I'm her biological father, daddy, and dad. I'm in her life as much as visitations allow, and they should refer to me as her dad. A child’s brain is like a sponge it absorbs anything and everything it hears and sees.
I was wanting to see what some of LGBT opinions are on this.

 

[AP]

Sending massive I dont think the OW is being fair tbh. There are many alternatives she can use and personally Dad would never be one I would choose for several reasons.
I'm not sure what you could do in your situation but I do agree with you.

 

[Berri]

Definitely on your side. I'm not lgbt but I don't think it's okay at all. It's got nothing to do with sexuality imo, it's about respect for the other parent (you). If my kids ever called someone else Mama I'd be devastated. I don't know what you can do but continue to call yourself dad around her... If you do that and she sees other kids at school doing that is think it's got a good chance of sticking?! Good luck!

 

[Rainbow82]

Initially when I read this I agreed with you that you should be the person to be called dad but after thinking about it some more I don't think it is as clear cut as that. Just because you have paid child support doesn't make you a dad, sure it makes you a biological father but being a dad is about being there day in day out when the going gets tough. You have been involved in this child's life for less time than OW new partner and before that you were ready to give her up for adoption and allow OW ex boyfriend to adopt her. The fact that she had one relationship that ended and started a new one doesn't mean that it is an in stable environment and changing relationships often. It is fast tonnage moved someone new in definitely but maybe they'd known each other a long time. Have you really earnt the title of dad? This doesn't mean I agree that OW new spouse should be called dad either, after all she hasn't been around long either. Thing is at the end of the day your daughter will call you both whatever she wants when she is old enough to decide and understand. Until then keep referring to yourself as dad, if you see her regularly and stay in her life you will become a dad naturally but really it is just a label and of course it is possible for a child to call more than one person dad or mum and for more than one person to fulfil that role. The fact that she may also call someone else daddy doesn't make you less of a dad. My son has two mummies doesn't make any one of us less his mummy.