Opinions please

[Bundle of joy]

Well long story short, me and Oh have been together 5 years. There's a issue every day, and it really annoys me. There's constantly something going on. He tends to wake up not in a brilliant mood and I ask what's up? He says nothing I'm tiered. I am now worried that once the new baby comes along how's he going to handle the tiredness then? I honestly seem to think I'll probably end up doing this on my own "night feeds" it wouldn't surprise me. Just need to rant I'm sick of waking up in a brilliant mood then he just looks miserable like the world ows him! I might sound harsh but 5 days out of 7 there is a problem. Like today, woke up happy and looked At him clearly to see he was in a mood once again, I'm getting sick of being concerned trying to make sure he's ok. He's much older than me to, and yet I always feel the older more mature one? Sorry just needed a rant and it's made me feel better! X

 

[Mrsmac02]

Sorry he's being a grump, there's nothing worse when you're feeling upbeat!

One thing I would say is that blokes take to pregnancy news differently to women. We bond with the baby the instant we see those two lines and by and large we'll think positively despite any concerns about things like work, money, space etc.

I think men often worry about those things more - how are we going to afford it, will we need a bigger car, how will I cope with a newborn (particularly if they're not used to being around babies).

I know that my hubby was delighted about DS but was clearly quite anxious about the practicalities of a new baby.

Perhaps ask him if he's nervous or anxious about anything and does he want to talk about it. My DH is not one to start the conversation but he spilled the beans once I asked him. Turns out he was worried about holding DS because he'd never ever held a baby before! That and nursery fees when I went back to work xx

 

[Bundle of joy]

Hes been like this a while, even before pregnancy. He's just one of those people who's grumpy, and it really gets to me. I sit and look at him and think what have you got to be grumpy about! But when I do ask about what's going on I'm shut of straight away and told nothing stop constantly asking! So I think I just have to grin and bear it. Xx

 

[ThiaC]

Hi bundle of Joy, sounds like me

There are evening people, and then there our morning people. At the moment, it's 12 pm and I'm happily googling, eating, working, cleaning. DH fell asleep with his clothes on.

In the morning, he wakes up and happily cooks breakfast, while I can only snap, grunt and answer emails before 11. I love him all the same, but I've told him to give me some space in the mornings, and not ask anything harder than "do you want milk in your porridge". If he asks "How are you today", I'd probably just manage a murderous look .I'll eventually come around and be a happy perky me.

It seems "opposite time people" are naturally attracted to each other, because it has been useful historically - always one is more awake and watchful for sabre tooth tigers, or even baby feeding .You can do the early mornings, he'll do the late nights!

OR alternatively, he has some health issues if he's always tired. Make sure he has enough iron, B12, C vitamin, zinc, magnesium etc, then he'll be awake at least half of the day

 

[psychochick]

Only you could be the judge of your OH's character. It's possible he's not a morning person, or just has a grumpier disposition, or both. I am not a morning person but I still wake up happy but groggy most days. DH is definitely not a night person but when I need him to do something, he's more than happy to do it even in his groggy state. In fact, I think our opposite schedule would help a lot with a baby.

If your OH didn't used to be so grumpy in the mornings, then sounds like he might be actually unhappy or possibly depressed. In that case I would advice actually asking him and talking to him about it to figure out if something may be fundamentally bringing him down.

 

[ThiaC]

Hi Psychochick, good advice!

I guess "groggy+grumpy" is a league of it's own. I call my morning state "morning depression", and feel really down. Nutrition, a nice job, sleeping well/exercise all help, but I still mostly can't manage happy before 11

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I agree with psychochick that it sounds a bit like depression. I became that way when I was depressed while ttc because it was taking so long. I was moody, irritable and tired all day long. I had zero energy. Unfortunately men are less apt to talk about their feelings because that's just how they're taught... to be tough and hide their emotions. If something is bothering him, chances are he won't tell you, but it is obvious that something is. Maybe it is the fact that he is going to become a father. Some men are happy about that but others feel inadequate and don't know how to handle the responsibility, or maybe he's even worried about the changes you're going through. My DH went through that with our first child.

 

[lailak]

Hey,

Just two cents here. If you have been together with him for 5 years with the same issues and still moved on to build a family together [assuming it's planned] than I would say the issues aren't serious ones and you might just be more sensitive to it now that you are pregnant.

I would think try to have an open conversation with him to discuss his feelings and your feelings, especially any stressors over his shoulder, would be the best way to go about it. He might be just hiding his stress in order not to affect you when you are pregnant.

Also, I agree with Mrsmac02 that men react to the upcoming baby differently from women [not trying to generalize but...]. I expect my husband to do this and that and to be feeling this and that way but sometimes it just seems like he doesn't get it. When I ask him, he says that he is super excited about the baby but things don't really hit him until that moment arrives or is about to arrive. So it's possibly that your OH is stressed out about the upcoming baby and the joy probably just hasn't hit him yet


Best of luck to you, I know it could be stressful to you during this period but stay positive!