OT rant about mother...arg

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by pigboo22, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. pigboo22

    pigboo22 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry but I need to get these pregnancy hormones off my chest.
    Back story...me and my mom have never really been best of friends. Never really saw eye to eye. She was the only one visibly upset about my pregnancy (it was unplanned) so I haven't really talked to her much since being preggo.
    About 2 months ago she had made comments about my fiancee (he's recently unemployed for health reasons...and she tries to butt in but its non of her business really...) and it really upset us.
    When I confronted her about it...she first denied it then blamed it on other people (nothing is EVER her fault and she will never take responsibility for anything arrrrhhhh)
    So I haven't seen her or talked to her since xmas...not that she's made an effort either.

    Anyways...my brothers gf who is like a sister to me asked me to throw a shower for me.
    She asked my mom for adresses of my grandma and aunt....her response? "Well as of now I doubt they will come since they are all not happyy with her"
    Wth? Becuz I'm not best buddies with u and don't call u every night so you can chew my ear off with ur drunken rants? Piss off!
    What's worse is that I did NOTHING. To my family but she thinks they won't come cuz SHE'S mad at me?!
    Fine don't then. I don't need that in my or my babys life. She's such a negitive person. It makes me so angry.
    Sorry this probably makes no sense but I'm just so upset by it.

    Thanks for reading...anyone else not super close with their mom? My OH hates her for how she acts..it used to bug me and now I could care less if she's in my life or the babys. Does that make me an awful person? Arg.
     
  2. pandabub

    pandabub Well-Known Member

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    Oh honey, that sucks. My own mum is a bit mental to be honest. She has been telling me lies as a means of turning me against my father (who himself is no angel, believe me) and I have just about had it up to *here* with her emotional manipulation. You would think I'd be used to it by now. We are not openly antagonistic towards one another, but I guess in our case it is simmering beneath the surface (on my side, anyway).

    I think in these situations it is best to try and keep us much distance between you as possible as you do not need the stress, or the negativity, that she seems perfectly willing to inflict upon you even whilst pregnant. xxx
     
  3. Eliza_V

    Eliza_V Wife and Mummy!

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    Oh honey that sounds awful :( But I'm sure your other family won't turn against you just because your Mother is being unfair and horrible - and if they do, then I wouldn't worry about them either and just focus on making yourself, fiancee and bump happy. If they want to play a part later on then the ball is in their court.

    I'm not close with my Mum either, I don't think I've seen her for months! She didn't even come to my wedding in August (bunch of rubbish excuses to do with family stirring up sh*t) and I saw her by accident when I returned from my honeymoon.. But heyho, we just focus on keeping ourselves happy now. I've learned to deal with the fact that yes, she IS my biological Mother, but that title doesn't magically mean she can do whatever she wants and still expect me to hang on her every word, or expect her to play an important part in my life if she doesn't do her part with me (if that makes sense).

    Keep your chin up :) xxx

    (And pandabub - totally know what you mean by the emotional manipulation and lies going from one side of the family to the other through yourself.. It SUCKS growing up with that, and it's even worse that it's still going on! It makes you wonder if some people ever let things go eh? x)
     
  4. pigboo22

    pigboo22 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks panda. My mom is the same way with my dad ever since he left her last year. Actually I think the only part of her being happy with my being preggo was that I told her first. Lol. Yeah I def don't need the extra stress. Time for me time u know.

    Vixie..I def agree that just becuz she is my mother doesn't make her the queen of all. U really put that in prespetive.

    Thanks ladies...I already feel a little better knowing I'm not alone. :)
     
  5. pigboo22

    pigboo22 Well-Known Member

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    To make things worse my brother just told me how upset she was yada yada...then had the nerve to say how me and oh don't have enuf for a vaca we have planned and asked how we got the money anf if he could find out.

    What's it to u!?! Uh!! My blood pressure is sky rocketing I can feel it.

    Arg!
     
  6. pandabub

    pandabub Well-Known Member

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    Oh yuck, I'm so sorry you are going through this honey :-( I have the 'luxury' of living on the other side of the world from my mum and dad (moved from New Zealand to the UK three years ago) and yet still they manage to put me right in the middle of their neurotic games.

    I am finding that the best reaction is no reaction! I am actually keeping in touch with my mum, but when she brings up any subject that is even slightly sensitive, or which could lead to upset, I change it to something else. I know its easier said than done but have you tried killing her with kindness? (and then going away and having a big rant to your OH or someone that will listen quietly and give you a big hug afterward)...

    Vixiepoo - it is awful, and it makes you wonder if people (supposedly who are adults) will ever grow up! xxx
     
  7. pigboo22

    pigboo22 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I was super nice at christmas.... then she blames me that we don't talk...sorry I have more going on then just you. Everything is about her. Always has been. I've just been pushed over the edge you know
     
  8. pandabub

    pandabub Well-Known Member

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    Yep, I understand that. Some people are just inherently selfish. Perhaps write her a letter to explain how you are feeling and let her know that you are no longer going to be putting up with certain behaviour, and if she doesn't like that - well, fine. She knows where the door is.

    It may sound harsh but everyone has a breaking point and she needs to realize that her behaviour is completely unacceptable xxx
     
  9. pigboo22

    pigboo22 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I probably will do that. Or send a text. Lol. Or email. I don't know. Just very frustrating. And my brother wants me to wait so he doesn't have to hear about it (he leaves for overseas in a week) ahhh! Ill probably won't even want to deal with it then.
    Thanx for all the support
     
  10. Ember

    Ember Pregnant - 3rd Trimester

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    I have reached the point where I am about ready to cut my mother out of my life completely because she is always so negative and constantly trying to guilt trip me over everything. Don't ever feel bad for not wanting to deal with her crap. You are starting a family of your own and it's time that you have to put your new family and yourself first before all others. It's what's best for baby. And that's what every mother wants right? Screw anyone that doesn't care enough to think about your baby before putting this unneeded stress on you! Your baby is way more important than they are, and if they're going to be that way then you don't want them around your LO anyway.

    Hang in there, it gets easier to deal with as time goes on. :hugs:
     
  11. marnie79

    marnie79 Well-Known Member

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    totally get where ur coming from hun, i dont have anything to do with my mum anymore, its niot worth the stress and upset :-( she didnt know about my last preg and i only told her about it just before my baby boys funeral cause he died and i thought that if we ever did in the future make a relationship that could be quite arkward ! however she even made all that about her and her feelings and i havent spoken to her since (almost a year) so i havent told her about this baby either and im not planning too, she doesnt deseve to know !!

    i hope u can ignore ur mum and just enjoy ur own family u ur oh and baby !! xx
     
  12. MizzDeeDee

    MizzDeeDee I know it all.. ask me!

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    Wow. Could this possibly be a relative of my MIL? I'm not kidding either. We literally asked her for the names and addresses of people she thinks we should invite and she told OH that we should invite these people, but they might not come.... why would you say that?

    She just sent him a charming text today asking how I was doing since we never tell her anything....boo hoo, poor her! Keep in mind that OH has seen her several times since xmas and she NEVER asked after me or baby. She drives me simple. She also has a problem with me not working even though OH told her more than once he wants me to stay home with baby. She keeps acting like we have a problem and that it's not her crappola attitude that's making things difficult.

    Anyway, I feel the same way you do. I could care less if she participates or not and OH is the same way. Sad thing is, I am sure people like them will never understand it's their attitudes that are causing certain behaviors and actions to take place. Sadly, I think some people are created difficult.

    I don't know how to deal with it either. I get very angry about it... so if you can find a way to deal with her, please let me know so I can apply it to my MIL. I'll do the same for you should I find a solution.

    Best of luck.
     
  13. miss cakes

    miss cakes Well-Known Member

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    dont get me wrong i love my mum to bits but my god shes a selfish cow a bit like your mum lol just let it go over your head its not worth stressing over send your relatives an invite they either come or they dont thats up to them but dont worry about your mum she will either stop sulking and acting like a child or she wont ive found if i ignore my mum long enough she will come round on her own why should you keep running after her and explaining yourself your a grown woman you dont have to answer to her anymore x
     
  14. LuvBeingAMum

    LuvBeingAMum MuMto3Pink&Expecting

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    sorry to hear hun hugs xxx
     
  15. Mya209

    Mya209 Well-Known Member

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    I havent spoken to my mum or dad since Christmas either, we had a big row (and was hit and treatened by my dad) and I just can't deal with the stress! She is very manipulative and all her family and friends just see me as the naughty child even though that's so far from the truth. I just can't be botherd to care anymore, no one ever seems to see my parents for who they are. They've been bad parents in so many ways over the years and won't accept any of it as their fault, I just don't want any fighting or screwed up behaviour around my child because I had such an awful childhood and would die to protect my baby going through the same thing!
     
  16. CandyApple19

    CandyApple19 Pregnant with #3, PAL.

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    me and my mum haven't gotten on since me and my partner got together, i don't think she liked the fact i found my independence when i fell pregnant with my Son Oliver, i moved out (i was 17) and built my own home, albeit it not being great but i chose that over staying there and being told what to do and have her busy body around trying to raise my child for me. Now EVERY couple, no matter how well matched will have rough times, and you're meant to be able to go to your mum to have a chin wag and let off some steam right? Well she's basically been tallying everytime we've argued, and said that She has lost a lot of respect for Ben blahblahblah, CHILDISH. I have not been perfect either but Bens mother has never once started deducting brownie points and bitching about me behind my back to Ben?! And she knows just as much as my mum does, Pathetic. I will not be torn between my partner and my family, nor will i be criticized with whichever choices i make, She was very blasé about this Pregnancy in real life, but through txt etc she was all hyped up, fake or what? Now my big sister found out she is pregnant too it seems so much more special now, Great.
     
  17. pigboo22

    pigboo22 Well-Known Member

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    Thanx ladies! I was so stressed last night I felt sick. I'm just gonna avoid I for a few days then confront her. It just sucks when u think uve tried to be nice and civil and realize that was all for nothing cuz she's never going to change making it allllll about her. I've promised myself I would be a better mother than she was to me (emotionally). Why are mom so crazy?

    I hate debbie downers....

    Its nice to know we aren't alone though. Maybe all our moms should get together and just have a b!tch fit. Hahahaha
     

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