OT - would you forgive a cheat?

[Lellow]

Hell to the no - If i wasnt enough for him once, then there'll be a time in the future where i wont be again!

Why should i live my life wondering where he's gone everytime he steps out the door without me, or ask myself, why is he late home from work again...it'd drive me nuts and run our excuse for a relationship even further into the ground

 

[ShanandBoc]

Wow not many people on here believe in second chances do they?

 

[xnmd1]

I would, and I have.

 

[CharlieKeys]

I don't agree with the 'Once a Cheat always a cheat' phrase! Just because someone cheated once doesn't mean they WILL cheat again!

 

[lolababes]

Well I think I need burning at the stake, judging by some of these responses

 

[ShanandBoc]

haha yeh he without sin cast the first stone....

 

[CharlieKeys]

Well I think I need burning at the stake, judging by some of these responses

haha I wouldn't think like that! Everyone makes mistakes! But like you said it was a one off and you shouldn't have to justify what you;ve done to anyone else other than your husband(?) And he's forgiven you and have you cheated again? No! It would have been different if you'd had a full blown affair! I will admit I cheated on my ex - but he wouldn't let me leave the relationship and literally when I said I wanted to leave he would block the door and grab my arm dragging me back into the house. So I hoped if I cheated on him he'd let me go! In the end I finally got a chance to leave and I did!


BTW - I'm not condoning cheating but I do think there are some circumstances where it is forgiveable! Not straight away but with time!

 

[Lightworker]

I don't believe once a cheat. Just because someone cheats doesn't mean they cannot change. Cheating isn't always done maliciously. The person could be conflicted etc. WE ALL MAKE HURTFUL CHOICES. It doesn't mean we will always do it, it just means at that point in time we were selfish, weak etc. The thing to ask is can you live with them and forgive completely without ever bringing it up, in your head or out loud, ever again?

 

[Lellow]

I am under no circumstances condemning those who have cheated or would forgive a cheat, but i seriously just cant see myself forgiving him and not worrying that it'd happen again!!!

No matter how much we try, women for some reason always try and see if there was something in them that made there fella cheat....am i too fat, am i not pretty, am i not smart enough etc etc....but its not the way it should be!

I cant live the rest of my life with someone wondering if they will betray me again....its not how i see a relationship succeeding!

Monogamy in a relationship shouldnt be a bonus, but a must!!!

 

[lolababes]

Well I think I need burning at the stake, judging by some of these responses

haha I wouldn't think like that! Everyone makes mistakes! But like you said it was a one off and you shouldn't have to justify what you;ve done to anyone else other than your husband(?) And he's forgiven you and have you cheated again? No! It would have been different if you'd had a full blown affair! I will admit I cheated on my ex - but he wouldn't let me leave the relationship and literally when I said I wanted to leave he would block the door and grab my arm dragging me back into the house. So I hoped if I cheated on him he'd let me go! In the end I finally got a chance to leave and I did!


BTW - I'm not condoning cheating but I do think there are some circumstances where it is forgiveable! Not straight away but with time!

Thanks hun I dont condone it either and I think unless you are in that situation you can't say what you will do, it isnt always black and white, what happens behind closed doors and all that... Yes it took a long time for me and DH to sort things but I am so glad we have and I wont let things get back how they were so IMO it wont ever happen again

 

[ShanandBoc]

I agree Lellow, but i dont agree with once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat. x

 

[Lellow]

I agree Lellow, but i dont agree with once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat. x

You know what, its hard and i shouldnt generalise, i havent been in everyones shoes [that'd be stinky ] and i dont know reasons behind why someone would cheat and ive never been cheated on [touch wood] so in a way, i agree with you too...So let me put it like this:

Once a cheat...the majority will probably cheat again...but not all

 

[ShanandBoc]

haha thats better, now i approve

 

[CharlieKeys]

me too! I know for a fact I will be 100% faithful to my OH - he's not only my boyfriend but he's my best friend too! I would do anything for him and I know he feels the same for me! It's about feeling secure in a relationship and I can say I am completely secure with him

 

[ShanandBoc]

^ same, its a great feeling isnt it.... x

 

[CharlieKeys]

yep! I think it's amazing sometimes how much you can love someone and get one with someone! And then to add a baby to the mix - which can be difficult at times - just makes you complete! .... oooh it's getting soppy!

 

[kelly29]

honestly? i did we had 3 kids together and weve been together for 10 yrs he told me about it straight away i was in fact heart broken and wasn't sure i could ever forgive him for it? we went through a few rocky months but now we have sorted things i felt awful about myself but it was nothing to do with me he was off his head, on god know's what not that i'm excusing it at all but i know that's not the man i married he really does love me and the kids, though some of you might not see that? but also you don't know us either? sad as it is, sometimes these things happen but it def made us stronger ifykwim? we now have another lo to our family and tbh i couldn't just throw it all away over 1 time so eventually i got over it and am over it i don't know the in's and out's of it and don't want to i guess it depends on how much of a cheat? one night shag? excuse the sickness to that or more of an on going thing? or wether they are honest about it? for me it was the hardest as i thought we were best friends you know? could trust with my life?
sorry hun cant be more of help but i understand what your going through

 

[ShanandBoc]

hugs Kelly 29.

I think it depends on the situation too, a one off is one thing, but a full blown one year affair, or several is another. (yes ive known a married man who was having an affair for one year before his wife found out. Disgusting. She was so stressed and upset, broke it off, was diagnosed with cancer 6 months+ later and passed away 9 months after that - poor woman RIP)

 

[kelly29]

hugs Kelly 29.

I think it depends on the situation too, a one off is one thing, but a full blown one year affair, or several is another. (yes ive known a married man who was having an affair for one year before his wife found out. Disgusting. She was so stressed and upset, broke it off, was diagnosed with cancer 6 months+ later and passed away 9 months after that - poor woman RIP)

awww thank you i'm ok though i'd actually forgotten all about it until, i saw this post i didn't want to know about it really the more you know the more it hurts all i know is that it was on the beach that they must of spoke about us then walked to the beach errrrrrrr makes me sick thinking of it dirty fu*ker but honestly, how awful for that woman i also know someone who actually has 2 kids by a married man seems you never really know whats going on behind closed doors huh? x

 

[Lellow]

Kelly!

If i was ever going to forgive a cheat, id be more inclined to forgive a one night stand that was JUST sex, much more than a full on affair where feelings were probably involved...