OT - would you forgive a cheat?

[dani_tinks]

I couldn't . Relationships need trust and if the trust isn't there it won't work.

 

[Marzipan_girl]

I do believe in forgiveness, and I believe people can change...
But if OH cheated on me, i'd leave and not forgive. I couldn't because personally, i'm insecure enough as it is...and if he could do that to me i'd be absolutely crushed. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. It would kill me. And the fact that i'd always think he'd do it again would also destroy the relationship. Thing with me is, i'm so insecure and even though i've never been cheated on...for some reason I always fear that all guys have the ability to cheat? I reckon if it was served on a plate to them they'd take it....not every man...but 90%.
I'm probally wrong, this is probally my insecurity. But it's my biggest fear and I can't hack it.

 

[xJG30]

I couldn't tbh... It would always lie in the back of my mind.

 

[welshprincess]

haha thats better, now i approve

here is the quote of you approve once a cheat majority will cheat again

 

[ShanandBoc]

personally no, i think once a cheat always a cheat. If they got caught they would be much more careful next time ! As the old saying goes a leapord never changes its spots

See, This. I strongly disagree with.

How you can say seriously that a person can never change?

People change all the time. Just because someone does a bad thing once, are you saying they can never change?

Makes no sense to me.

i understand you have a different opinion to me even though you STRONGLY disagree you have gone on to agree that once a cheat the majority will cheat again I believe people can change definately but not cheaters. My opinion is if they cheat and you forgive they will know they can get away with it again and again so i personally would never forgive at the start of a relationship i made my hubby fully aware there are two relationship breakers. 1. violence and 2. cheating

In my reply to you i was refering to a once off, You did say ONCE a cheat......repeated cheating is a whole different ball game, but still doesnt mean that person cant change. I said i couldnt forgive the act of repeatedly cheating but never said that a person cant change, or the majority will go on to cheat again.... show me where i said that? I agreed with Lellow changing her stance on once a cheat always a cheat....and had a bit of a joke with her!

haha thats better, now i approve

here is the quote of you approve once a cheat majority will cheat again

And above is where i responded to you already about this I approved of her changing her stance to agree with me as a bit of a joke

Anywho moving on now......

 

[smelly07]

No way, if my OH cheated on me there is no way i would be able to stay with him, the relationship would never be the same again, its always there in the background, simmering away.

My ex who i was with for 4 years was a cheat, the first time i found out i forgave but the relationship never recovered and he carried on cheating although i never knew until i found a list of all his conquests, He admitted he had cheated and was seeing someone at that time, we split up. he begged me not to leave, to marry him etc etc. (he actually said you forgave me once so i thought if i got caught you would forgive me again the twat)......but no way was i going to, i regret not leaving the first time would have saved me more pain.

i would never go through that again x

 

[riokayak]

I dont agree that 'once a cheater always a cheater'

I cheated on my ex husband, im not proud of the fact but at the time it was the only way I could get out the the relationship, I cheated on him with Oh so it was deffo the right thing to do. I have been with Oh with 3 years and we have Rhys, I have never been happier.

See if I had stayed with my ex husband I would have always cheated, I was so unhappy but I would never ever cheat on Oh he is my soul mate

This is the side of cheating I really don't get. Why was cheating your only way out? Why do you have to drag someone else through the pain of an affair? Could you not have communicated that you were unhappy and ready to move on? Thank you for being honest with your story, I'm really curious how it goes from not being happy to an affair.

 

[Missy86]

I dont agree that 'once a cheater always a cheater'

I cheated on my ex husband, im not proud of the fact but at the time it was the only way I could get out the the relationship, I cheated on him with Oh so it was deffo the right thing to do. I have been with Oh with 3 years and we have Rhys, I have never been happier.

See if I had stayed with my ex husband I would have always cheated, I was so unhappy but I would never ever cheat on Oh he is my soul mate

This is the side of cheating I really don't get. Why was cheating your only way out? Why do you have to drag someone else through the pain of an affair? Could you not have communicated that you were unhappy and ready to move on? Thank you for being honest with your story, I'm really curious how it goes from not being happy to an affair.

Well to be honest we were never happy, I was forced into marriage (all though my parents deny it now)

He wouldnt let me go and distroyed my self confiedence by making me feel no one else would ever find me sexy or want me ( he told me all the time I was stupid and fat). A friend of mine said I should try meeting another bloke which I didnt do straight away but once I knew someone else could love me it gave me the strenght to leave

 

[ttc_lolly]

This is only an answer to the OP - no way, certainly not in your case anyway what your ex has done is completely unforgiveable (cheating on you multiple times, with multiple different women, breaking down your selfworth and confidence, etc). I haven't been in your position so it is hard for me to judge, but I think I can 100% safely say if I was you, even though my love for him was still there that I'd be strong enough to not get back in to a relationship with him. I wouldn't want to risk going through it all again AND putting a child through it all either.

I don't agree with the term 'once a cheat, always a cheat' - things aren't that black & white! But in my experience (not me personally) people that have been forgiven have gone on to cheat again, I'm not sure why tbh but my only explanation for them doing so is that their partner forgiving them kind of gives them a green card to do it again

Thinking of u hun xx

 

[moomin_troll]

no i couldnt forgive a cheat.

my ex cheated on me in our bed with my friend...he lied for a year saying he slept with her while we had split up hence why i stayed. but for that year i couldnt forgive or forget and it wouldnt go away, i hated him. hed come near me n it would be like u did that with her...drove me insane.

soon as he admitted he did cheat because we were together at the time i left his ass! aswel as cheating he was a totsl scumbag to me so i shudnt of looked at him let alone been with him for 3 yrs.

to forgive id have to forget and i dont forget things.

if your unhappy in a relationship talk about it first or just leave. there is never a good enough reason to cheat

 

[XfairyhopesX]

NO WAY JOSE'. Trust should be the main heart of a relationship, i lit would never get over it even if i was besotted i still couldn't as my jealousy after that would not be managable!!!! If he / you are cheating it dead n buried xxx

 

[tallybee]

I couldn't forgive it personally, particularly if they'd been shitty in other ways too. My daughter's bio 'dad' was a liar and a cheat and he was going to keep it secret but ended up confessing to one of the cheating incidents while I was pregnant... I did try to get over it and make things work, he tried for about a week and then went back to being a dick again. So I kicked him out. I couldn't carry on disrespecting myself by allowing him to treat me so badly. Best decision I ever made He's not part of H's life - because he chose to stop attending the visitations not because I stopped him, I was the one who set it up

After that, I am biased towards cheaters. I do understand that circumstances are always different for people and there may be instances where forgiveness would be possible. But, my OH knows that cheating would be the final straw for me. I don't believe he would, and he is a shit liar so would end up dropping himself in it if he tried to hide anything like that. But for me the lying and general dishonesty would seal the deal even more - I deserve to be treated with respect and decency, and shagging someone else and then spouting packs of lies to save their ass doesn't fit that.

Trust is everything in a relationship, and one fuckup can completely destroy that, which has been built up over a long time. It'd take even longer to build it up again after betrayal.

I think some folks just don't see it as the bad thing I do though, I know people who seem to turn a blind eye to it

 

[Missy86]

no i couldnt forgive a cheat.

my ex cheated on me in our bed with my friend...he lied for a year saying he slept with her while we had split up hence why i stayed. but for that year i couldnt forgive or forget and it wouldnt go away, i hated him. hed come near me n it would be like u did that with her...drove me insane.

soon as he admitted he did cheat because we were together at the time i left his ass! aswel as cheating he was a totsl scumbag to me so i shudnt of looked at him let alone been with him for 3 yrs.

to forgive id have to forget and i dont forget things.

if your unhappy in a relationship talk about it first or just leave. there is never a good enough reason to cheat

Im not having a go Moonin but I couldnt talk to him, I did what I had to do at the time.

I guess I should feel more sorry about it but leaving him and having a relationship with Oh is the best thing I ever did

 

[moomin_troll]

no i couldnt forgive a cheat.

my ex cheated on me in our bed with my friend...he lied for a year saying he slept with her while we had split up hence why i stayed. but for that year i couldnt forgive or forget and it wouldnt go away, i hated him. hed come near me n it would be like u did that with her...drove me insane.

soon as he admitted he did cheat because we were together at the time i left his ass! aswel as cheating he was a totsl scumbag to me so i shudnt of looked at him let alone been with him for 3 yrs.

to forgive id have to forget and i dont forget things.

if your unhappy in a relationship talk about it first or just leave. there is never a good enough reason to cheat

Im not having a go Moonin but I couldnt talk to him, I did what I had to do at the time.

I guess I should feel more sorry about it but leaving him and having a relationship with Oh is the best thing I ever did

i havent read the whole thread so no idea about ur particular story sorry lol so ur post doesnt make much sence to me atm x

 

[lesleyann]

if my oh where to cheat once only and use protection i guess i may be able to forgive? for the sake of our child, however if it was a full on affiar and epesh if he got someone else pregnant NEVER! i would just leave and alert his whole family to his sneaky discusting habbits.

However i also dont believe once a cheat always a cheat i was a serial cheater on my Ex, at the same time he was also a serial online/text cheater.. We where just both unhappy about something but to comfy with each other to leave. iykwim?

But i would never cheat on my oh now its just not worth it and im happy with him.

 

[moomin_troll]

Missy86

ive just read ur post and i still dont agree with cheating. i was unhappy with my ex so i left him, yeah i could of stayed as i had nowhere else to go as he controled all my life and just cheated but i knew i had to leave so i did.
now that was the best thing i ever did because i met my hubby 2 weeks later.

not having ago about u cheating, its ur life but to me its just easier to leave and move on

 

[Luke's_mummy]

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER!


How can you trust some one who cheats and how can you have a relationship without trust?

 

[AP]

I have, but it took a lot of work on his part.If he hadn't put the work in, i wouldn't have carried on.

i can say life is a lot different and our relationship seems far more genuine.

 

[KaceysMummy]

I think thats one of them situations you don't know what you'd do unless it happened to you...
I personally though would say no, I couldn't get over it but honestly if it did happen I don't think I could just walk away - especially being married and having a child.

 

[Laura2919]

I think when it comes down to it its more about whether you can forget than forgive, if you cant forget you cant forgive, I mean in the sense that you wont throw it in their face given every opportunity.
I'd like to say no but who knows.. I havent actually been there to say that I would or wouldnt, it would be easy for me to say no id kick him out blah blah blah but who knows unless your there in that situation, your not feeling the hurt and pain that you no doubt will be feeling so its not really the right choice.