OT - would you forgive a cheat?

[Lightworker]

Sometimes whether it happens for one yr or one day it doesn't mean the man is bad. Ya know, maybe for that whole year he was confused?

 

[Lellow]

We will agree to disagree hugger - It doesnt make me or you wrong, we just see things differently which is fine

 

[ShanandBoc]

Sometimes whether it happens for one yr or one day it doesn't mean the man is bad. Ya know, maybe for that whole year he was confused?

To lie and cheat repeatedly for a whole year, for me would be unforgivable and not comparable to a once off.

A year is a long time when you know are doing something wrong, yet continue to do it anyway.

 

[Lightworker]

Yeah totally Lellow - I don't like getting too personal on here but I have been the "other woman" for a whole year and I saw how conflicted he was (sometimes) so I know where relationships are concerened it isn't always clear cut.

 

[kelly29]

Kelly!

If i was ever going to forgive a cheat, id be more inclined to forgive a one night stand that was JUST sex, much more than a full on affair where feelings were probably involved...

thank you my laughing buddy men never can keep it in there pantsx

 

[Lightworker]

Shan- nothing in this world is unforgivable. BTW aren't you a Christian - its just that I thought forgiveness was a fundamental part of Christianity? Sorry to go OT lol its just that people seem to draw up these lists of what they can forgive and that they cannot as if is set in stone.

 

[charlotte-xo]

No i wouldnt and ash knows that one strike and hes out. My ex cheated on me with my best friend and numerous other girls and each time i stood by him and put up with it. I was basically a doormat. Id never put myself through it again.
I just dont understand how anyone could cheat on another person i just think theres no excuse for it imho.

 

[Surprise]

Well this is a tough question, and I don't know what I would do in your situation, OP. I would follow my instinct though because only YOU know him, we don't. But I wish you the best, whatever happens.

And huggermom, I had a thought about forgiveness, etc, just now. There's a difference b/w FORGIVING and STAYING WITH HIM. iykwim? I do believe we should forgive, for our own happiness as well as to follow God's example since He forgives us. But sometimes we may forgive a person who has hurt us, but we can decide not to give them that opportunity again, do yswim? Don't know if I'm explaining myself well... So the question could be two different things: do I forgive him? and... do I get back together with him?

 

[xnmd1]

kelly

OH cheated on me when I was pregnant .. i'm still working to comming to grips with things and work on our relationship.
But now the sad thing is that HE doesn't trust ME

 

[charlotte-xo]

kelly

OH cheated on me when I was pregnant .. i'm still working to comming to grips with things and work on our relationship.
But now the sad thing is that HE doesn't trust ME

 

[Lellow]

Kelly!

If i was ever going to forgive a cheat, id be more inclined to forgive a one night stand that was JUST sex, much more than a full on affair where feelings were probably involved...

thank you my laughing buddy men never can keep it in there pantsx

We should make them wear padlocked pants and never give them the key - Unless, ya know

 

[Lightworker]

@Suprise- definitely I totally agree with you. In my first post I did say I would forgive completely but I would not stay in the relationship because fidelity is too important for me to compromise. I think OP needs to decide if she wants to stay or go, but that should not be taken to automatically mean she has forgiven/not forgiven.

 

[snoopchick82]

at the end of the day u can have mixed opinions on here but its ur choice to make ive been in the situation wit my ex he cheated on me i got back wit him but we didnt last another month cos i couldnt stop bringing it up in rows. I told my other half few years back when i kept getting phonecalls from a girl saying she was pregnant wit my Ohs baby that if it is true i will cut off his worm lol. I hope u can decide what to do hun x

 

[daisy777]

thanks for all your opinions ladies.
still very confused about the situation but deep down i know that someone that makes me doubt my selfworth surely isn't worth my time and trust.
its just hard to stop loving someone, plus been alone with a baby gets very, well, lonely!
xxx

 

[RedRose]

Before having a baby I would say 100% I wouldn't forgive. But now I'm a mum and we are a family.... I can't say either way. There's far too many variables to consider, I just know. I'd like to think that if it did happen, and I felt I could cope, then I would have to just take it on the chin for the sake of my family.

Don't really want to think about though to be honest!


Eta Daisy xxxxx

 

[daisy777]

and also, this wasn't a one night thing either.
it was many times, many girls and he lied every time
to this day hes only admited about one time :/
i honestly have never met anyone as unfaithful as him
the thing that ended us is that he started speaking to this one girl behind my back, pretty much slagging me off making her think shes so much better than me, heart breaking i think i know the right thing to do, i just feel so bad on my lo i really wanted him to have a perfect little family x

 

[charlotte-xo]

thanks for all your opinions ladies.
still very confused about the situation but deep down i know that someone that makes me doubt my selfworth surely isn't worth my time and trust.
its just hard to stop loving someone, plus been alone with a baby gets very, well, lonely!
xxx

I think you need to ask yourself can you put it behind you and also can you ever trust him again. For me when my ex cheated i used to bring it up in rows all of the time, i also never trusted him again and in my honest oppinion when trust has gone in a relationship its really hard to regain it again.

 

[charlotte-xo]

and also, this wasn't a one night thing either.
it was many times, many girls and he lied every time
to this day hes only admited about one time :/
i honestly have never met anyone as unfaithful as him
the thing that ended us is that he started speaking to this one girl behind my back, pretty much slagging me off making her think shes so much better than me, heart breaking i think i know the right thing to do, i just feel so bad on my lo i really wanted him to have a perfect little family x

Thats just awful what hes done too you. In an ideal world we would all love to have a perfect happy family but in reality its just sometimes not feasible your lo would rather see 2 parents that are apart and happy than two together who are unhappy.

hugs again i really feel for you.

 

[Lightworker]

Daisy - you don't need to stop loving him. We are built to love so even if you are leaving him, just send him all your love and let go, you will feel better. When someone does something awful to me, instead of feeling upset, I act from a place of love and just wish them well and move on. Even if you don't get the "perfect" family, know that you are great, cherish all the positives in your life and enjoy every moment and choose to be happy. Hugs to you my lovely.

 

[charlotte-xo]

Daisy - you don't need to stop loving him. We are built to love so even if you are leaving him, just send him all your love and let go, you will feel better. When someone does something awful to me, instead of feeling upset, I act from a place of love and just wish them well and move on. Even if you don't get the "perfect" family, know that you are great, cherish all the positives in your life and enjoy every moment and choose to be happy. Hugs to you my lovely.

great advice huggermoomof2