OT - would you forgive a cheat?

[happigail]

personally no, i think once a cheat always a cheat. If they got caught they would be much more careful next time ! As the old saying goes a leapord never changes its spots

See, This. I strongly disagree with.

How you can say seriously that a person can never change?

People change all the time. Just because someone does a bad thing once, are you saying they can never change?

Makes no sense to me.

Oh Shan you are such a lushious person.

I agree people can and do change xxx

 

[happigail]

Daisy - you don't need to stop loving him. We are built to love so even if you are leaving him, just send him all your love and let go, you will feel better. When someone does something awful to me, instead of feeling upset, I act from a place of love and just wish them well and move on. Even if you don't get the "perfect" family, know that you are great, cherish all the positives in your life and enjoy every moment and choose to be happy. Hugs to you my lovely.

What a lovely way to be. Good on you x

 

[tu123]

Just my opinion of course but if he did so many awful things to you then NO, i wouldnt trust him. He may just be manipulating you.

I dont know how i feel about cheating. All i know is that my man would never do that in my mind. If he did i would be so shocked. My gut instinct would be that i couldnt trust the person again. But i also feel that if someone is cheating then the current relationship is obviously not working and needs sorting if both parties want to.

Sorry he was so bad to you before. Put yourself first before considering going back to him.

 

[louandivy]

I do not agree with the saying 'once a cheat always a cheat' at all but if Dom cheated on me repeatedly and I found out through someone else then I think that I would be able to forgive him, but wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with him. I would just be so paranoid and insecure constantly which are not emotions that are fun to deal with on a daily basis, especially with a child involved! However if it was one mistake and he told me straight away then I would be able to move on, because I do love him and he's not a bad person.

 

[kelly29]

hun imo YOU DESERVE SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER!!! its been over and over again!!! cheeky git!!! i would give him a right gobfull if we were real friends!!! you deserve someone to love every single bit of you 24/7 through the good and bad. i'm not sure if i could trust him? like i said in my previous post iv'e been cheated on but once so i don't think i could forgive again xx lots of hugs xxx

 

[rjayne46]

I was always of the opinion that if I was cheated on I would never forgive... but I was (on more than one occasion) and I took him back and 9 months ago we had a baby so in this instance forgiving him was the best thing I could have ever done and I trust him 100 percent now.

It's not as easy as all that though, forgive is a big word and a huge ask. For a year or so I hated myself for giving in and also for not kicking his ass when I knew he was doing it. I guess I was more angry at myself for "letting" it happen. It's hard not to store that resentment.

If you do take em back, make him crawl through hoops and then some - don't give in easily, really make sure he knows what he did wrong, why it can never happen again and that you wont stand for it.

Easy to say tell him feck off but if you love someone it's not always easy even if it seems the sensible thing to do.

 

[special_kala]

Every situation is different. I forgave my husband for cheating but it was different from the OP. IMO there is a difference between someone who cheated and a cheater. Someone who does it more then once with lots of different women are less likely to change.

I also dont agree with once a cheat always a cheat.

Before November my answer to this would have been no i would never forgive but when it happens to you its different, i dont think anyone can say they would definitely leave especially when you have kids. Lifes not as black and white as that

 

[pixydust]

Yes, I would, in some circumstances... never more than once though!

 

[ShanandBoc]

Shan- nothing in this world is unforgivable. BTW aren't you a Christian - its just that I thought forgiveness was a fundamental part of Christianity? Sorry to go OT lol its just that people seem to draw up these lists of what they can forgive and that they cannot as if is set in stone.

Yes i am, and i agree but the bible makes it clear that adultery is a clear ground for divorce. You may eventually forgive the person but not forget and forgive the act, therefore could render the marriage unsaveable. Hence why for me, that in a marriage would be unforgivable......as in grounds for a divorce. Im talking of long term, repeatedly cheating here.

Does that make sense? x

 

[ShanandBoc]

When someone does something awful to me, instead of feeling upset, I act from a place of love and just wish them well and move on.

Great advice,This is what i try to do and have done when people have done wrong by me. My sister for example did some horrible things to me not long ago, we didnt speak for some time. We ended up both working at the same place and she acted as if nothing had happened. She never apologised, never said anything. But for me it was important to be a bigger person and move on....feeling bitter and dragging up the past gets u nowhere. This was sooo hard but i feel so much better that as a christian i set a good example

But its the moving on part that applied here to a partner / husband cheating. Sometimes u have to move on. The act cant be forgiven.

 

[Seity]

No, I don't think I could.
"If it happens once, shame on him. If it happens twice, shame on me." is the appropriate quote, I believe.

 

[Nic1107]

I did. It's not been easy, but we're taking it day by day. I don't know what to advise, but please do whatever is best for yourself and don't settle if you're not happy!

 

[Janidog]

Nope I wouldn't forgive. If hubby cheated on me then divorce it will be, im sorry if i sound harsh but there is no excuse to cheat on your partner

 

[lolababes]

and also, this wasn't a one night thing either.
it was many times, many girls and he lied every time
to this day hes only admited about one time :/
i honestly have never met anyone as unfaithful as him
the thing that ended us is that he started speaking to this one girl behind my back, pretty much slagging me off making her think shes so much better than me, heart breaking i think i know the right thing to do, i just feel so bad on my lo i really wanted him to have a perfect little family x

Call me a hypocrite but I could forgive once but over and over no way. I think you would be living in a dream (sorry if that sounds harsh) if you think you can have a perfect happy family after all he has done, you dont deserve to be made to feel shit and hear what he has said to others about you.

One day (if you do decide to move on) there will be that happy ending for you with someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated

 

[welshprincess]

personally no, i think once a cheat always a cheat. If they got caught they would be much more careful next time ! As the old saying goes a leapord never changes its spots

See, This. I strongly disagree with.

How you can say seriously that a person can never change?

People change all the time. Just because someone does a bad thing once, are you saying they can never change?

Makes no sense to me.

i understand you have a different opinion to me even though you STRONGLY disagree you have gone on to agree that once a cheat the majority will cheat again I believe people can change definately but not cheaters. My opinion is if they cheat and you forgive they will know they can get away with it again and again so i personally would never forgive at the start of a relationship i made my hubby fully aware there are two relationship breakers. 1. violence and 2. cheating

 

[cissyhope]

See i think people can change. I know someone who has forgiven their Oh after he cheated on her and they have got over it and it only happened once (which was years ago) and they are v happy now. Whether i could forgive if it happened to me i don't know, i dont think im strong enough but until the situation happens to you i don't think you truly know .

to the Op,im wishing you lots of luck with what ever decision you make part of me says go for it,take a chance but thats easy for me to say. sorry im not much use but good luck xxx

 

[Janidog]

personally no, i think once a cheat always a cheat. If they got caught they would be much more careful next time ! As the old saying goes a leapord never changes its spots

See, This. I strongly disagree with.

How you can say seriously that a person can never change?

People change all the time. Just because someone does a bad thing once, are you saying they can never change?

Makes no sense to me.

i understand you have a different opinion to me even though you STRONGLY disagree you have gone on to agree that once a cheat the majority will cheat again I believe people can change definately but not cheaters. My opinion is if they cheat and you forgive they will know they can get away with it again and again so i personally would never forgive at the start of a relationship i made my hubby fully aware there are two relationship breakers. 1. violence and 2. cheating

An ex many years ago cheated on me, then apologise saying it was a mistake and could i forgive him, I was the only girl for him etc........ and stupidly I forgave him only for him to go on and do it again so i walked away from that relationship, and will never forgive a cheater

 

[ShanandBoc]

personally no, i think once a cheat always a cheat. If they got caught they would be much more careful next time ! As the old saying goes a leapord never changes its spots

See, This. I strongly disagree with.

How you can say seriously that a person can never change?

People change all the time. Just because someone does a bad thing once, are you saying they can never change?

Makes no sense to me.

i understand you have a different opinion to me even though you STRONGLY disagree you have gone on to agree that once a cheat the majority will cheat again I believe people can change definately but not cheaters. My opinion is if they cheat and you forgive they will know they can get away with it again and again so i personally would never forgive at the start of a relationship i made my hubby fully aware there are two relationship breakers. 1. violence and 2. cheating

In my reply to you i was refering to a once off, You did say ONCE a cheat......repeated cheating is a whole different ball game, but still doesnt mean that person cant change. I said i couldnt forgive the act of repeatedly cheating but never said that a person cant change, or the majority will go on to cheat again.... show me where i said that? I agreed with Lellow changing her stance on once a cheat always a cheat....and had a bit of a joke with her!

 

[bump_wanted]

Tbh in your situation its not the cheating i wouldnt forgive its the mental abuse personally i think those kinda people dont change with cheating if im honest yes id forgive him tho he doesnt know that!!

 

[Missy86]

I dont agree that 'once a cheater always a cheater'

I cheated on my ex husband, im not proud of the fact but at the time it was the only way I could get out the the relationship, I cheated on him with Oh so it was deffo the right thing to do. I have been with Oh with 3 years and we have Rhys, I have never been happier.

See if I had stayed with my ex husband I would have always cheated, I was so unhappy but I would never ever cheat on Oh he is my soul mate