Our last child & feeling pressured to have a girl

[Torz]

I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. I have two wonderful boys already who are the light of my life. I've always kept my pregnancies until birth & I'm currently with this pregnancy.

With my first I wanted so much for a boy first & I got him. With my second I tried for another boy but my pregnancy was different, I had some morning sickness, I measured small & everyone convinced me that I was carrying a girl. I dreamt of my son playing with a little girl & I had built this image in my head. When I gave birth at home & my midwifes did not turn up in time it was my oldest sister who delivered my second son. As she shoved him between my legs she said to me "get your daughter" that is how convinced everyone was that he was a girl. It was a good 10/20 minutes after that we actually checked that he was a girl & found that he was a boy. I never felt disappointment, I never felt that my family were disappointed even though everyone wants a girl so much (my oldest sister has 5 boys & a grandson, my other older sister has two girls but desperately wants a niece, my brother has a step son & my mum & dad have 13 grandkids, only two are girls).

I never ever felt sad or disappointed at having another boy. My boys are super close even if I do feel a little like a referee between them but with a two year age gap it's inevitable. My youngest is such a mummy's boy, he's always kissing, cuddling & telling me how much he loves me. I couldn't wish for better kids.

I always knew I wanted another, me & the OH talked about it. He would be quite content with the two but agreed for another on the understanding that there would be no more.

Come January I fell pregnant first time trying. I really wanted a September/October baby. My boys are July & August & are they youngest in the school year. I don't want that again tho I know I can't guarantee it won't happen. I did not want a November or December baby so it was kind of get pregnant January or wait. Luckily I caught. I was not trying for any particular gender, I just wanted a baby.

I'm getting the same pressure for this baby to be a girl like I did with my last pregnancy only this time it's worse. Everyone is predicting girl, literally everyone I know. They look at my scan pictures, it's a girl. Strangers make comments about girls because they can see I have two boys already. Even my oldest boy wants a sister.

My sister who is desperate for a niece is so excited to know what the baby is. She is very well off & has saved every item of my nieces clothes, all high end designer, Stuff just waiting for this girl. She has paid for me to have a 4D scan if I would let her find out the gender. I agreed & we went for the scan on Sunday. I had them put it in a sealed envelope. The sonographer took potty shots & has put it in a sealed envelope & marked it so that it would show if it had been opened. My mum came to the scan & afterwards she remarked that a couple of times he referred to the baby as 'he', I never noticed, I was just too in awe of the images on the screen.

I have not yet given the envelope to my sister as I will not see her till Saturday. My plan was to give her the envelope & she would take it home before opening. I will also be giving her a list of item I want for each gender with some money & she I'll order the items off the list. I trust her implicitly to not reveal the gender, that is not the worry.

I had a meltdown Sunday night to myself so worried about this baby's gender. I would like a girl, I would love to experience the opposite gender but I did not get pregnant with the sole intention of having a girl, I just wanted a baby. I just feel there is so much pressure on me to have a girl from everyone else & that if its not then this baby won't be as loved.

This pregnancy has been a little more complicated than my other two. This baby just doesn't move as much as my other two did. I can go very long periods without feeling anything & then when I do it's very subtle movements much like when you first start feeling flutters around 20 weeks. Baby is measuring small, I'm on weekly scans & daily monitoring. I'm feeling very stressed out with all this, it's the start of the 6 week holidays for my kids & they are being dragged to the hospital every day. It's very restrictive & we can't venture far or go on days out. I feel so guilty for them.

But I feel that all these complications are my fault. The pressure I'm putting on myself to have a girl, the pressure put on me to have a girl by others. I'm not day dreaming about this baby like I did with my others because I don't want to build the wrong image in my head. I feel stuck, I want the pregnancy to hurry up because I'm sick of the hospital trips & I want to finally know boy or girl but I don't want it to end. I love being pregnant immensely & this is the last time I'm going to do this, I want to savour every day.

I just feel very down about everything right now, I can't stop crying & I don't know what to do.

Thank you for getting this far, I didn't mean for it to be such an essay.

 

[lau86]

It sounds like your family are putting the pressure on rather than yourself? I think they need to back off! You didn't choose the gender after all. Sorry you're having a hard pregnancy, we all want to enjoy pregnancy especially if it's the last time but sometimes it's easier said than done!
Would it help you to find out or are you definitely team yellow?

 

[Torz]

I definitely want to stay team yellow, I love the suspense of not knowing & then being able to tell everyone once baby is born. I've never been tempted to find out. Even with the weekly scans I go in there & the first thing I tell them is that I don't know the gender & to please not refer to gender.

The only time I've been tempted was last night when I started crying about all of this but I know I will feel very upset & disappointed in myself if I did. The envelope still remains unopened.

I know it's mostly everyone else putting the pressure on & not me. It would be nice to have a girl, I've always thought I'd have at least one girl. I've always had girls names picked out & I struggle so much with boys names. But I've never been one of those people who wants a girl more than anything. I always wanted a boy & I've been blessed with 2. Although I am super close to my mum & two sisters I've never been a girly girl & I have always struggled to connect with girls. I don't have that many friends, two very close friends who are very similar to myself. I've worried that if I have a girl I would struggle to connect with her & be close in the same way I am with my boys. But then I want a girl, I want to do the girl thing & buy the cute outfits & use the name I love & have held onto for the passed 6 years & see the daughter I've been seeing in my head & dreams.

I know with it being my last child that if its a boy I will feel a little disappointed that I'm not going to experience having a daughter & I that everyone else feeling disappointed to is going to make it so much worse. I can't keep on having kids like my oldest sister with the 5 boys always trying to catch the dream gender. I can't afford it & I find it a bit unethical.

I just wish I could connect to this child. I feel very guilty that I'm bringing all the pregnancy problems on myself because I'm not as connected in the same way.

 

[donnarobinson]

Sorry your getting loads of pressure Hun ino how u feel I have three boys and with the last baby everyone was always saying oh it's a girl etc even said it was a shame when I found out he was a boy I do really want a girl tho so it was horrible always hearing it and even now it's oh u have to have another for a girl sure I do I already have three boys what's the chance I'd get a girl
Try and ignore them Hun after all baby is what it is X

 

[campn]

Screw what others want. Really! Does it matter if it's another boy? I really still think he'll still be loved and adored just the same way. Also don't think you have to deliver a certain gender to please people! I'm not a people pleaser personally but I get the pressure. As long as you're okay with another boy then whatever happens this baby will be so loved. If not, heck that's more hugs and kisses and cuddles for just me! I never felt the need to have others come and swoon all over my baby. I just wanted to be the only one to hold my son.

I think you're tormenting yourself for no reason. This is your last baby and you've 10 weekish left so make it all count!

 

[Torz]

Thank you all for your kind words. I've calmed down a lot from my original post. I know that it's just everyone else making me feel pressured.

This baby will be loved regardless & I will in no way feel disappointed if it's a boy, I know I will just be mourning the imagine I have of the little girl I won't be getting.

I am going to tell everyone to back off with the pressure & that this baby's gender has already been decided, nothing I can do about it. Unfortunately I know that in some way it will still come from strangers & that I'm just going to have to nod & smile.

Baby has started to move a bit more so I'm trying to spend time trying to connect more & enjoy the rest of this pregnancy.

 

[lau86]

Don't even worry about strangers! They look at me like I'm from another planet when I go out with my three. A lot of it will just be because they see so many kids!glad baby is moving more!