overpowering mother in law - aaaaaaaargh!!!

[mrs_rj]

i am starting to get really peeved with my overpowering mother-in-law! i know she is excited, but sheesh - is it my baby or hers?!!! she has decided on all the things she wants to buy the baby (with no input from OH or me) - obviously we really appreciate the help but this is our first baby and i was kind of exciting by the fact we would get to go baby shopping but she seems to be one step ahead of us. we have just got back from a week away in cornwall with them and she apparantly saw my mum this morning saying that she is sorting out a holiday to somerset for the 5 of us next year - uh since when did we get to find out about this? when it's booked?!!! we only take one holiday a year, and i don't want to get in the habit of going away with the in laws every year as then we will feel like we have to forever and never get any time to ourelves, just me, hubby and bubs. plus the bubs will have another set of grandparents, but even my mum said she is getting the feeling that it will only have one set!

sorry for the rant - i just feel so claustrophobic with it all and feel like shes the one having the baby and not me!

please tell me i'm not the only one in this situation and if there is anything i can (tactfully) say or do

 

[QTPie]

Somehow I think that I will be comiserating with you in less than 24 hours time....

Husband plans to tell his parents tomorrow morning...

His mother is already freaking out about us going to visit them (in California) and then going on a cruise in about 3 weeks: she is INCREDIBLY concerned about Swine Flu. We have already fought off her attempts to send us face masks. This is all before she knows that I am pregnant (pregnant women are more susceptable to Swin Flu)...

This is also the woman that (some years ago) phoned up the hotel that our wedding reception was being held at and tried to change the arrangements for the evening reception at our wedding. She was not paying for the wedding (my parents were) and this attempt to change the arrangements was without consultation with us or my parents!

My mother-in-law is the most controlling woman in the world... so this should be fun. Fortunately she doesn't live in this country (although now I expect at least daily phonecalls) and husband has learned to stand up to her... BUT it could be a stressful time!

So, you are not alone...

QT

 

[Belle30]

Hello

No, you are most certainly not the only one in a similar situation. I was so angry the other day with my mother-in-law I could have exploded. There were several reasons, but a specific baby-related one was to do with her ridiculous obsession with excessive shopping-without-asking. Every Christmas and birthday she buys me stacks of toiletries that I couldn't possibly get through before the next Christmas or birthday, and most of them aren't to my taste anyway (she's never bothered to ask or find out what I use/like). Eg. she buys me 3 bottles of the same thing because it's on offer. Although she only buys inexpensive stuff, it must cost her loads as she buys so much of it! When there are things that DH and I actually need. Waaaay over the top, and I haven't got room to store it all. Anyway I said to DH a couple of weeks ago "You or I need to say something to her otherwise she'll go and do the same for the baby, and I don't want loads of products that I can't get through or don't want to use, when we need to be sensible with money - it's a waste!" Then the other day I phoned her to thank her for a card she sent us and she announced that she'd stocked up on some things for the baby. I know that this means she's bought about 20 bottles of stuff, and we haven't even given her any indication of what we'd like! Plus I'm only 13 weeks pregnant!! I said, as nicely as possible "That's very kind of you, but don't get too much will you because we haven't thought about what we'd like to use yet". She got a bit stroppy and said she had just bought "ordinary stuff in the supermarket" (probably Johnsons), and she thought that's what everyone uses, and she didn't know anything else existed. Then she said "so what else is there?" in a nasty tone. She wants to label me as some kind of snob who won't use "ordinary" stuff. Of course I will, I'm sure Johnson's etc is fine - but that's not the point. I want to choose what I put on my baby's skin and hair. And I don't want hundreds of bottles of the same thing. DH said "oh she's just trying to help" but in my mind, helping is finding out what is needed/wanted first!

Sorry - rant over.

But no you're not alone .... strength and calm!! xx

 

[Belle30]

This is also the woman that (some years ago) phoned up the hotel that our wedding reception was being held at and tried to change the arrangements for the evening reception at our wedding. She was not paying for the wedding (my parents were) and this attempt to change the arrangements was without consultation with us or my parents!



QT

Aaarrrgghhhh! Don't even remind me about what happened at our wedding!!!

 

[Vickie]

Definitely not alone. Honestly I think it's best to get it out in the open early on rather than have resentment building up......

 

[QTPie]

Aaarrrgghhhh! Don't even remind me about what happened at our wedding!!!

Sounds intriguing....!

Fortunately my mother-in-law is too lazy to buy gifts and gives us money instead... she has that saving grace about her.

(well it always peeves me when she gets me to buy presents for my Mum, BUT when it comes to me then I would MUCH rather have the money )

QT

 

[anothersquish]

Im actually envious of you lot! At least your inlaws CARE!!! Sadly my in laws HATE me. I hadnt seen/spoken to them in 3 years until just over a week ago when OHs mother refused to even aknowledge my exsistance and stood withher back to me the entire time she was there then left without a word. This is the woman who when I was pregnant with my first son told my OH i was a sex worker and he should get the baby DNAd (load of trollop but shes evil!) she also told me she hoped the baby died, hoped I suffered, I'd ruined her life (not her SONS life..HER life). When I was pg with 1st she eventually was civil enough to take me to the hospital with OH when I was in labour. She dropped us off, came back the next day to meet baby and then said she didnt want to see him/me again, she didnt help AT ALL with anything despite living 200yards away. She saw our son once at christmas when he was 6 months old and she sees him now a few times a year because she doesnt really want too.....
they know about this baby now but they are NOT happy . I would rather have them buying crap I wont use and trying to plan everything out than this constant hatred coming the way of my children and myself!!

 

[QTPie]

I am so sorry, anothersquish... that is unbelievably awful

It sounds as though your MIL has a mental illness - I cannot understand her behaviour at all... .

QT

 

[anothersquish]

Its called insane jealousy and evilness QT! She is literally just not a nice person....on top of it all this woman works with small children....she runs a nursery! Scary isnt it??
Still, shes not tried to run me down with her car yet so I should be thankful for that!
Maybe I should just count my blessings that Im not being swamped in 100 bottles of johnsons baby bath

 

[QTPie]

Its called insane jealousy and evilness QT! She is literally just not a nice person....on top of it all this woman works with small children....she runs a nursery! Scary isnt it??
Still, shes not tried to run me down with her car yet so I should be thankful for that!
Maybe I should just count my blessings that Im not being swamped in 100 bottles of johnsons baby bath

Completely mad... amazing what some people are like, isn't it?



QT

 

[Pato]

Then she said "so what else is there?" in a nasty tone. She wants to label me as some kind of snob who won't use "ordinary" stuff. Of course I will, I'm sure Johnson's etc is fine - but that's not the point.

Although some think that the 'ordinary stuff' is what everyone uses, this is defo not the case. Children's needs are different especially if you have a baby with a skin condition like eczema. My GF just had a 6mths ago and she CANNOT use 'ordinary stuff' on his skin at all...he has some kind of allergy that makes his skin look like eczema but the rash just breaks out and itches him terribly. He hardly keeps his clothes on as when he gets hot the rash gets worse and irritated....she breast feeds but now he's starting to have solids, she has to be extremely careful with what she feeds him....and the Dr. recommended a baby formula that costs about $60.00 a can.....

 

[Mrs Doddy]

MIL is picking names and telling us to do this and that - I just ignore her

I would have a word and say as sweet as her offer it is you can't decide what you are doing yet and its your descion re other things too.

 

[mrskx0x0]

MIL is picking names and telling us to do this and that - I just ignore her

I would have a word and say as sweet as her offer it is you can't decide what you are doing yet and its your descion re other things too.

haha I got given a list of family names (all boy names).

 

[QTPie]

haha I got given a list of family names (all boy names).

If I was either of you, I think that I might start mentioning horrific sounding names that I "liked".... just for fun.... "No, actually I have always fancied Igor" or something similar (my sincerest apologies for anyone out there with a child called Igor.... or who is seriously considering the name... it was an "off the top of my head" example... )

QT

 

[anothersquish]

Orrrr you could say you are going to name all your children after the Simpsons...start with "Homer" then "Krusty" then "SantasLittleHelper" and so on and so forth Sound completely serious and get OH to back you up...if nothing else the looks on the faces will be priceless!
As you may have noticed as per my screen name I call my son "squish" a lot, I did this when I was pregnant too and someone actually thought I was going to name him 'Squish' now THAT was a funny moment.
The other thing you can do is write a list of ALL the baby things you could ever possibly need, walk up to MIL and hand over the list with a "If you are going to take over everything you may as well get stuff I want" comment....harsh yes but if it gets ridiculous it would get the point across.
I still havent been run down by my MIL...I think shes trying to pretend I dont exsist again....

 

[cillybean83]

my mother in law never calls to check on how I am, or how the baby is...she knows via facebook when all the appointments are, what they're for, etc...she just doesn't care enough to inquire about how they went. she has her daughter (my SIL) call and ask so she won't have to. She said she was buying the travel system for the baby but she also said she was paying for the sweet table at our wedding (didn't) and she said she was paying for half of our sons birthday party (didn't) so if I find one on sale, I'll be buying it myself

 

[MrsQ]

I love my MIL to pieces but she has been overpowering in her own way!
She announced on facebook the DAY after we told her when i hadnt told any of my friends! Told people OH wanted to tell and is insisting this baby is a girl and always asks how her grandchild is when I am the one being sick every day and been in hospital for dehydration!!!!

 

[emalou90]

you are really not alone.

ive had things bought for my baby already and she bought them at 10 weeks!!! i mean jeez. i wanted to buy the first things myself as it would have been special but no.

joys of the in laws.

x

 

[mrs_rj]

i am so pleased that i am not alone here!!!!! she is harmless and lovely but jesus - back off lol!!!! she's had her baby - it;s my turn now to get excited and get all the baby stuff! In one way we really appreciate the help with money etc but we'd rather have the cash and go shopping oursleves! there will only ever me one 'first baby' and i want it to be as special as possible. will see how things go - mentioned my concerns to DH yesterday but he wasn't really bothered cos he's a bit of a mummys boy anyway! xxx

 

[MissRhead]

Oh no, that must be awfull, my OH's parents arnt even botherd they havnt even contacted me since they where told, and his dad still doesnt know as were holding that one of 4 as long as poss, he will flip without adoubt, and im not expecting to care when baby is here either, its their loss tho, and personally i dont care lol, id much prefer my (to be) in laws not care than be over the top, i have my mother for that lol. hope they ease upon things soon hun x